Is this part of getting older or is my thinking too negative

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italstallianion
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18 Oct 2014, 7:12 am

em_tsuj wrote:
I grew up in an ultra conservative family and was also very isolated socially for a variety of reasons. My idea of what a relationship was supposed to be was basically a fairy tale or Disney animated movie. I played the role of prince charming and my partner would play the role of the beautiful princess who I must rescue. After I rescued her, we would grow old together as king and queen and live happily ever after.

Now that I am older and have experience interacting with women, I realize that my princess doesn't exist. Women are just people. I don't see myself meeting a woman who I will find worthy of my adoration or devotion (perhaps a better word would be worship). The best I can hope for is a real live woman who I can have a real live relationship with as peers. This doesn't sound nearly as appealing as the fairy tale I grew up with.

I guess the realization that I have had is that women are not to be worshipped or adored. They are not dolls or figurines. They are real people who you have real relationships with. I miss the idealism of my youth. I miss my dream.

What do you think? Is the realization I had just a normal part of growing up or am I just being cynical?



Holy crap this sounds like something that I'd write, word for word minus the first line about family.

I feel like women don't care about a nice guy with feelings and don't want to be worshiped unless you're attractive. Women are often just as stupid and crazy over hormones as guys are, and they make plenty of stupid relationship/hook up decisions over it as well. My point being that women aren't perfect. I've spent me entire adult life trying to be perfect for women and most women are ambivalent to my entire existence as anything more than a friend. Seriously my tombstone should read "Just a friend"

I feel like the feminism movement makes it seem like women should be worshiped as well, but equality is that women are equal to us, not better. In order for some of us to see women as equals, we have to see them as LOWER than we see them now. For other men it's the other way around.

I wish that love was more like in dreams though. That way I can get a girl too. :)

I'm also older and negative, but keep in mind that society plays a role in BOTH our expectations (through media) and our realities (through the women that reject me) It's not just you.


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hurtloam
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18 Oct 2014, 1:15 pm

No I don't think you are being cynical. I think you've woken up to real life. You will have a better chance of developing a relationship with someone if you have real expecations.



The_Face_of_Boo
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18 Oct 2014, 5:43 pm

Tiger_Lily wrote:
I grew up relating more to Pocahontas, Mulan and Belle. I liked the other Disney princess movies, but for some reason, those three were my favorites as a child. I was around 5 and 8 when the movies came out and I was so enamored with them. I could have cared less about the other princesses in comparison. Now that I think about it, I didn't care for any of the princes either, besides that they were the love interests.

Over time and my teens, I was reading manga like crazy and I took a lot of my perception of love from movies and books. -_-' This has NOT served me well. I've only ever been in 2 relationships and they were both with man-children. So, between my exes and observing real-life couples, I came to realize a lot more that love isn't like the movies.

I'm feeling pretty cynical about love and relationships now. I think a real working relationship, especially with an aspie, takes a huge amount of love, work, compromise and patience, among other things. But people are raised with this stupidly flimsy idea of love being instant and long-lasting with not much effort at all, which is totally opposite of reality and probably a huge set up for failure. A lot of relationships I've observed are hugely based on attraction, sex, the honeymoon phase and a lot of self interest without much of a foundation. :/

And yes, Beast WAS verbally abusive.


Mulan and Pocahontas weren't that stupid as characters because they're based on real/historical figures.