Can't stop liking former crushes again

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Chernobyl
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16 Oct 2014, 11:20 pm

Yesterday I listened to a song just cause I hadn't listened to it in a while. Now I can't stop thinking of a girl I had a crush on back when I used to listen to it all the time. This was only back in March and now I can't get her off my mind again, but it isn't as severe as it was back then. This has happened 2 other times where I checked on 2 girls that I had a crush on and hadn't seen in a few years and after seeing what they look like now I fell in love with them again. I don't want to like them again mainly because of the certainty that I will never see them in person again. I have obsessed over each of them for at least a month and I never hope that happens again.



PrettyStarFury
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17 Oct 2014, 6:00 am

Are you sure its the girl you're crushing on, not the memories from that time?


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rdos
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17 Oct 2014, 9:10 am

It will probably happen again, so you better get used to it. :P

There are two types of solutions:
1. You are monogamous. In that case you need to learn to get over your crushes, or at least make them non-exclusive.

2. You are polyamory. There is no problem. Just enjoy it.



fract
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17 Oct 2014, 2:42 pm

There isn't that much you can do about your feelings. I have fond memories of my former partners and I would like all of them to be my close friends. This has nothing to do with monogamy/polyamory.



rdos
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17 Oct 2014, 6:56 pm

fract wrote:
There isn't that much you can do about your feelings. I have fond memories of my former partners and I would like all of them to be my close friends. This has nothing to do with monogamy/polyamory.



It has. If you are not polyamory it would be hard to have feelings for former partners and at the same time have feelings for new / current partners. That's in the very definition of polyamory.



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18 Oct 2014, 12:20 am

I sometimes feel guilty about my ex-girlfriend and I think to myself What could I have done differently? But I realize that we weren't meant for each other that way.


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Anna_K
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18 Oct 2014, 1:28 pm

This kind of thing happens to me all the time, I don't really know exactly what causes it, but it doesn't really happen when I listen to any songs. There isn't really anything you can do about it, you can't control your feelings or who you crush on.

This happened with 2 guys, one my age who I've known since Grade 7, nice, funny, very mature for his age, we have always been on good terms. We talked a bit in middle school, but he never talks to me anymore. The other guy was 2 years older than me, really nice, funny guy. We would talk a lot, then I didn't see him for a while. Then a few months later I was looking through his Facebook, and I found out he had a girlfriend my age. Worst day of my life.

The feelings for both keep coming back.


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Pabalebo
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18 Oct 2014, 3:56 pm

Yeah I've done this before too. It's doesn't always necessarily have to do with girls either... sometimes I'll just hear a song I haven't heard in a while but used to listen to a lot and it'll take me back to whatever time of my life I listened to it and whatever I was doing then... and if some girl I had a thing for was a big part of that time, obviously that comes back as well. Same thing happens with looking at old pictures or looking somebody up on Facebook that I haven't seen in a while.


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nick007
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19 Oct 2014, 1:47 pm

fract wrote:
There isn't that much you can do about your feelings. I have fond memories of my former partners and I would like all of them to be my close friends. This has nothing to do with monogamy/polyamory.
Same here. I still care about em & always will as well as a former crush obsession I fell in love with but I realize & accept that we're better off without each other & focus on my current girlfriend instead of dwelling on my past loves.


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