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Nicolas21
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19 Oct 2014, 12:22 pm

I am new here and I actually came to ask another question but I stumbled across this section. What I really don't personally like is how being gay seems to be treated nowadays. And I can find this with people of any type of opinion. I mean whether one is against it for it don't care whatever it always seems to matter to others. I don't get why it does and I've never seen myself any different from anyone else. Like I've never really wanted to be considered a person who is apart of the lgbt community. I feel like that community separates me from everyone else. And that gets on my nerve because I never saw being gay as anything different from being straight. Like essentially it's the same thing. Most people don't have the same preference in what type of person they like. I just don't really like being known as a gay guy. I don't feel it should be a label when it has nothing to do with my life day to day. To me identifying as that just makes others see me as different when before no one would have even noticed. I don't get why it should be acknowledged as if that makes one different? Doesn't that defeat the purpose of saying being gay is normal? That's just how I feel. But maybe it's because right now I don't want a close relationship so I don't see the point. I've never really wanted a close relationship with anyone I think it may have to do with how I'm wired but im comfortable with that.



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19 Oct 2014, 1:32 pm

No.



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19 Oct 2014, 3:16 pm

I know what you mean. Unfortunately there are still many people that think gay people are "not normal". Even many of those that claim to be "gay-friendly" seem to think in that way. I think it's similar to saying that a disabled person is "brave", "special" etc. Basically they are saying "You are different and I want to remind you of that." I myself think being gay is just a normal thing. As far as I'm concerned it's like whether you have O+ blood type or B+ or whatever. But as I said many people are still prejudiced.



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19 Oct 2014, 3:26 pm

It matters and it doesn't matter. I don't want to say it doesn't matter because personally for me discovering I am bi has been a huge thing for me, allowed me to be more fully who I really am, and that matters, it matters a lot. On the other hand I don't want it to matter for other people. I came out to a friend the other day by casually mentioning I had been on a date with a girl, and my friend was completely normal about it, didn't react at all, no different than if I had said I went out with a guy, and that was really nice to have it treated so normally, especially as I am planning on coming out to my really conservative dad in a few months, and expecting a bad reaction. It is also really, really frustrating when people fall back on stereotypes of what various kinds of queer folk are 'supposed' to be like.



Nicolas21
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20 Oct 2014, 1:57 pm

jk1 wrote:
I know what you mean. Unfortunately there are still many people that think gay people are "not normal". Even many of those that claim to be "gay-friendly" seem to think in that way. I think it's similar to saying that a disabled person is "brave", "special" etc. Basically they are saying "You are different and I want to remind you of that." I myself think being gay is just a normal thing. As far as I'm concerned it's like whether you have O+ blood type or B+ or whatever. But as I said many people are still prejudiced.


I notice people who are gay even sometimes act like it's more than what it is. I feel like. I know it starts from the fact that long ago there was so much anti homosexual beliefs but I just don't like that defining my outlook all of who I am.



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20 Oct 2014, 5:52 pm

It does make you different though. The majority of people have a heterosexual identity.

I don't have any qualms about being identified as abnormal. And I don't have any qualms about being identified by my sexual orientation.


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Nicolas21
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20 Oct 2014, 7:16 pm

Xanzotire wrote:
It does make you different though. The majority of people have a heterosexual identity.

I don't have any qualms about being identified as abnormal. And I don't have any qualms about being identified by my sexual orientation.



But the difference is the same as heterosexuals have in difference in preference only thing is in history its been made more of a deal. That's why I consider myself like anyone else who has a sexual preference as we all have them and they all vary whether gay or straight. To me this is why it doesn't matter any more than any other preference. I'm not just gay I have other preferences too they don't have any more effect on my life than being gay does to me. That's just how I feel why I don't like when people bring this up as if it means anything differently about me. I just think on a big spectrum of things it doesn't matter and that if it did matter to me then I'm acknowledging that I am different. That's just how I feel. And honestly I never thought being attracted to men was anything out of the norm



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21 Oct 2014, 12:26 am

I have mixed feelings about this. Granted, being gay should be viewed as something as trivial as your blood-type. But let's face it--we don't yet live in a society where that is the case. There is still a lot of prejudice, gay teens are still far more likely to commit suicide than their straight peers, in most of the world gay people still don't have equal rights etc. For that matter, there are even just small problems, like finding other guys (or girls, as the case may be) to date. All of this does result in a different experience of life. Not to say that I necessarily like all of the things associated with the LGBT community, but to deny that being LGBT gives you a unique set of experiences is simply incorrect.

All of that said, my personal experience has been that people really don't treat me any differently after finding out that I'm gay. Occasionally it will come up in conversation, but a big deal is never made out of it. Most of the time it's just if the conversation has turned to dating and other than the pronouns that I use it doesn't really change anything about the conversation.



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21 Oct 2014, 5:01 am

IMO, it matters until it doesn't matter anymore.

I live in a, generally, extremely gay friendly area of the world. We have the largest gay population in the country. Yet I'm still in the process of dealing with a legal issue that stems from a homophobic person.

It matters less and less.. but it still, unfortunately, matters quite a bit.. Until it no longer matters to anyone and we're all on the same level playing field.


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Nicolas21
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28 Oct 2014, 11:22 pm

AstroGeek wrote:
I have mixed feelings about this. Granted, being gay should be viewed as something as trivial as your blood-type. But let's face it--we don't yet live in a society where that is the case. There is still a lot of prejudice, gay teens are still far more likely to commit suicide than their straight peers, in most of the world gay people still don't have equal rights etc. For that matter, there are even just small problems, like finding other guys (or girls, as the case may be) to date. All of this does result in a different experience of life. Not to say that I necessarily like all of the things associated with the LGBT community, but to deny that being LGBT gives you a unique set of experiences is simply incorrect.

All of that said, my personal experience has been that people really don't treat me any differently after finding out that I'm gay. Occasionally it will come up in conversation, but a big deal is never made out of it. Most of the time it's just if the conversation has turned to dating and other than the pronouns that I use it doesn't really change anything about the conversation.


I kind of feel like it's how much you make it to be I try to stay unaffected by what anyone may think of me for who I may find attractive. To me it's like if it matters to them then it's their problem.



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29 Oct 2014, 4:58 am

Imagine a world with 90% gay people. Straight people would be called "weird". It's a matter of perspective.
There are many sexualities, more than we know via the media. Have you ever heard of asexual, or aromantic? I found out about it only a week ago. Some people don't even believe it exists. Just because they form the smallest population. And the more you have fear to talk about it, the more it will be considered "not normal".
Unlike many naive thinkers your sexuality is not a choice. It's a feature you're born with. Like sex, weight, size, skin colour...
These people compare themselves with others to feel superior.
It's getting better nowadays. And gay people are getting more and more accepted. But they will never be 100% accepted in this society. That doesn't mean you should care. If people ask you, then tell them. There's no reason to lie about it. Ignore the haters, they don't know any better.



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02 Nov 2014, 3:53 pm

I think being gay does matter.

Now, I totally agree with you that you should have the option of not being treated differently than anyone else if you don't want to.

But I think being gay does matter. It affects your life, and your life matters. A lot of stuff matters. Love, one might say, matters more than most things. I don't think one kind of romantic love matters more than another, but they both matter.

I'm guessing that's not the point of the question. I guess I'm trying to encourage you to see the positives rather than feeling like an outsider.


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andrethemoogle
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02 Nov 2014, 4:21 pm

Sorenzo wrote:
I think being gay does matter.

Now, I totally agree with you that you should have the option of not being treated differently than anyone else if you don't want to.

But I think being gay does matter. It affects your life, and your life matters. A lot of stuff matters. Love, one might say, matters more than most things. I don't think one kind of romantic love matters more than another, but they both matter.

I'm guessing that's not the point of the question. I guess I'm trying to encourage you to see the positives rather than feeling like an outsider.


"Should have the option"? That is horses**t. There is no option in this regard, you should not be treated differently period for being a different sexuality, PERIOD.



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04 Nov 2014, 12:58 pm

I only think that being gay is a big deal when someone has overcome the pain of coming out to bigoted family members, coworkers and even bigoted "friends." It kind of disappoints me that we don't hear about those stories very often because most people who "come out of the closet" work in professions where being gay is considered "cool."


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23 Dec 2014, 10:26 am

Of course it matters.

Being gay, being straight, being bi, being asexual--all of these things will serve to influence how we form our families as adults.

When a man and a woman get married, it is presumed that a sexual relationship lies at the core of that relationship. By presenting themselves as a married (or as partners), a man and a woman present their heterosexuality for all to see. Similarly, two women who marry present a different public picture of their relationship.

To suggest that sexuality doesn't matter is, I suggest, to trivialize a fundamentally important part of human existence.


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