Please tell me it gets better. Please tell me there's love
If there's one thing I've learned from dating, it's this. I can almost predict exactly what each new person I meet is going to say nowadays, because I've heard the same story before quite a few times!
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,886
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
If there's one thing I've learned from dating, it's this. I can almost predict exactly what each new person I meet is going to say nowadays, because I've heard the same story before quite a few times!
"Each woman (or man) is different" is true and false, there are certain things that the majority of one gender want in the other; after all we humans share the same 99.9% DNA, isn't it?
Recall the Okc graph:
http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your- ... ne-dating/
So their tastes in looks aren't that....diversified; and it's probably the same when it comes to other traits (ie. confident).
Brother, you need sex!
Getting a date is good, but for some reason when I go on a date and just being completely horny for the girl I'm talking too just ruins the ambiance of the date and NT girls can see that you are being nice to get them into bed.
What a conundrum how the hell can you have sex when the girl won't even talk to you or go out with you?
Hookers Escort and massages and strippers! Get the hornball self out of your system and train your mind that the physical activity can be done at a moments notice and you don't need a girl to like you.
Then...you can concentrate on her personality and relationship building activities.
more sex and practice makes you confident...yeah you'll pay..yes you are using woman but the transaction is mutual.
Madness you say...this is manhood.
Now go out there get it out have a fling live your 30s and then find the lady that will stick with you even after your awkwardness.
..and use protection if you go the hooker route...
You could try to learn something from each rejection, and make some improvement in your presentation. Like refining a skill by trial and error.
There is of course no crystal ball that can tell you what will happen. Its up to you to make it happen. And you can if you want it badly enough. I didn't say 'will', but 'can'. Enough of us have gone before you and found good relationships.
You just have to keep trying. And I'm sure you will. You can at least make women agree to go out on a date with you. Some men even fail to do that. You just haven't met the one compatible with you yet.
Also consider improving your physical appearance. I remember your post about refusing a female friend's offer to go clothes shopping for you because you believe you should be liked for who you are and not for how you look. You should seriously consider taking up on that offer. First impression goes a long way.
Edit: You're a runner so you're already fit. All you need are nerdy-chic clothes that fit your body, a stylish pair of glasses and a haircut. Think Dr. Spencer Reid from Criminal Minds. I think you can put it off.
Last edited by Yuzu on 20 Oct 2014, 2:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Also consider improving your physical appearance. I remember your post about refusing a female friend's offer to go clothes shopping for you because you believe you should be liked for who you are and not for how you look. You should seriously consider taking up on that offer. First impression goes a long way.
Edit: You're a runner so you're already fit. All you need are nerdy-chic clothes that fit your body, a stylish pair of glasses and a haircut. Think Dr. Spencer Reid from Criminal Minds. I think you can put it off.
I just worry that people will see right through my efforts and regard me as fraudulent or lame. Like "Jeez look at this loser trying to act like he fits in." Because I don't have that much money to spend on clothes, and I wouldn't know what ti get anyways. I don't think I could afford really nice clothes that women like. I'm afraid after it all, I'll still be the same person, just in an expensive suit.
http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your- ... ne-dating/
So their tastes in looks aren't that....diversified; and it's probably the same when it comes to other traits (ie. confident).
Most of them don't bother dressing to stand out, that's why.
_________________
I've left WP.
I'm the same age, and I always get rejected too. One thing I have learned is that there are different types of women. Are you choosing the right type of woman--one who will be compatible with you? Do you know yourself well enough to find a good match? I think if you keep trying, you will figure it out. I know it hurts right now, but the pain will subside.
Online dating is an artificial scenario whereby you meet a lot of people, take a chance and get rejected a lot. It's the way it works. It's a numbers game. Not every person will like you and you will not like every person.
When it clicks, it's awesome. But it doesn't always click. In fact it usually doesn't. View every date as a practice run and one day you'll be pleasantly surprised when it does click.
Interesting, I often think the same thing.
I've bought many books and read them all. Seen therapists for personnel development for some years. Done the dating sites, joined clubs, been to every location that people have said to go to. Done every activity and social event that people have said would be a good location to meet people. Even have two female friends. But at 48 years of age, I've never had a girl to call my own. Never. It makes me very sad indeed.
Heart's in the right place, but this is the WRONG thing to say. If you're gonna experience love, it should be when you're in your prime. Many people are living shorter lives and are lucky to even make it to 50, let alone 60.
Much as I hate to say it, some people are not put on this earth to love or to be loved. They're meant for other things. Sadly, the people who don't find love are often the ones who want it the most, and vice versa. The first step to accepting this is just realizing that the world isn't fair and to keep yourself occupied with hobbies. Trusting in people will get you burned over and over.
Finding a date is much harder than finding a job. When I interview for a job the people across the table can see I'm intelligent and skilled and I only need to go on a few interviews to eventually find a place that will take me on. When I talk to women I don't know what they see in me. They don't seem to give a s**t that I'm intelligent and skilled, that's for sure.
Talking about work with women seems to be a big no no even though it's what we spend 50% of our lives doing. They would rather ignore it and pretend it doesn't happen at all & the money just appears in their bank account after a period of time that they blank out of their own memory. Like the victim of some kind of horrible trauma. Presumably they have s**t jobs and they lack ambition, and they want to look down on me for actually liking my job. Screw them. Forgive me for having skills and a good job and enjoying what I do. That doesn't make me a boring person if anything it makes me a much better person than them because I'm not ashamed of what I do during the working hours.
There's no question that I'm invaluable at work, to find someone to do my job would take months of hard searching that would cause unacceptable delays to the projects I deliver for my company. I guess they have jobs where they can be swapped out for another generic person in like a week and a half if that.
Last edited by jerry00 on 26 Oct 2014, 6:06 am, edited 1 time in total.
Me too.
Besides, the solution for both Brian and many other Aspies that consistently fail at dating is that they need to be able to make better pre-selections of females before going on a date (or getting a crush, or whatever). That's the only solution for reducing the rejection rate. I'm sure I'd have a 99% rejection rate too if I'd tried to date socially popular NTs.
androbot01
Veteran
Joined: 17 Sep 2014
Age: 53
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,746
Location: Kingston, Ontario, Canada
I don't think there is. I'm pretty sure this is just a cultural myth.
You won't be saying that when you hit your 50s.
The thing is no one knows when or where that "special someone" will appear. I think you are spending too much time focusing on this. "Life is what happens while you are making other plans." I'm not sure who said that, but it's true. Just focus on the day at hand and try to get as much out of it as you can.
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