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314pe
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23 Oct 2014, 2:41 am

As promised this is a follow up post for my last topic. You can find it here http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp6278331 ... t=#6278331

Now that the university classes have started the first girl stopped inviting me for drinks. I invited her to a few small gigs, but she refused to go. On two occasions she said that she had plans to meet her friends (girls) and she feels guilty about refusing. On one other occasion she said she would rather stay at home than go. This is so confusing. A few weeks ago she was talking how she would love to go, but none of her friends want to go with her. It doesn't hurt to ask I guess, so I'll try again, but it doesn't look promising at all. To me it seems like she's lonely and she'd go to those concerts, but not with me. But maybe it's just my insecurity talking?

The situation with the other girl isn't much better. I see her in a group setting biweekly. We exchange messages every week or so and the messages are getting longer and longer. Nobody has sent me a 6 paragraph forum message before so that's nice. Now it became clear why she's messaging me. She's in a difficult position right now and it looks like she doesn't have anyone to provide emotional support. She's considering seeing a therapist. She did mention that her boyfriend left her, but I don't think it means anything. I haven't asked her out as a friend. Should I?

There's another girl I've met on a local SA forum. She said she'd like to meet me so we've exchanged phone numbers. This time it's clear that she only sees me as a friend. She has a boyfriend, she's not only a little older but she also called me a kid once. But still, eating with a friend is more fun than eating alone, right? :)

Nobody rejected me, but not much progress either. Oh well, it was worth a try. Thank you for your good advice. Too bad I'm too unlikable to do anything useful with them.



hurtloam
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23 Oct 2014, 3:35 am

Well, if it's any consolation your doing better than me because no one of the opposite sex wants to send me messages. At least they like you on some level even if it's not quite as much as you'd like.



314pe
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23 Oct 2014, 5:29 am

I often forget that even great people have problems with relationships. I should be grateful that these girls write to me.



Jono
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24 Oct 2014, 7:26 am

314pe wrote:
As promised this is a follow up post for my last topic. You can find it here http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp6278331 ... t=#6278331

Now that the university classes have started the first girl stopped inviting me for drinks. I invited her to a few small gigs, but she refused to go. On two occasions she said that she had plans to meet her friends (girls) and she feels guilty about refusing. On one other occasion she said she would rather stay at home than go. This is so confusing. A few weeks ago she was talking how she would love to go, but none of her friends want to go with her. It doesn't hurt to ask I guess, so I'll try again, but it doesn't look promising at all. To me it seems like she's lonely and she'd go to those concerts, but not with me. But maybe it's just my insecurity talking?

The situation with the other girl isn't much better. I see her in a group setting biweekly. We exchange messages every week or so and the messages are getting longer and longer. Nobody has sent me a 6 paragraph forum message before so that's nice. Now it became clear why she's messaging me. She's in a difficult position right now and it looks like she doesn't have anyone to provide emotional support. She's considering seeing a therapist. She did mention that her boyfriend left her, but I don't think it means anything. I haven't asked her out as a friend. Should I?

There's another girl I've met on a local SA forum. She said she'd like to meet me so we've exchanged phone numbers. This time it's clear that she only sees me as a friend. She has a boyfriend, she's not only a little older but she also called me a kid once. But still, eating with a friend is more fun than eating alone, right? :)

Nobody rejected me, but not much progress either. Oh well, it was worth a try. Thank you for your good advice. Too bad I'm too unlikable to do anything useful with them.


You're from South Africa? Anyway, the girls who no longer want to see you probably aren't interested. Probably ask that girl who says she broke up with her out for some coffee or something. It doesn't necessarily have to be an official date, it could just be as friends but then you can assess whether she's interested in dating you.



314pe
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24 Oct 2014, 8:07 am

No. Sorry I should've explained it better. It's a local forum for social anxiety. I'm from Europe. People on that forum are similar to aspies. They tend to avoid meeting people so usually they don't have great social skills. Also poor social skills due to aspergers could cause social anxiety. Yes, meeting that girl for a coffee sounds great. She lives an hour away in a near by town, so it would be a good mini adventure. I've been there only a few times, so I could ask her to show me around.



314pe
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27 Oct 2014, 1:31 am

Jono wrote:
Probably ask that girl who says she broke up with her out for some coffee or something. It doesn't necessarily have to be an official date, it could just be as friends but then you can assess whether she's interested in dating you.

I was about to, but she invited me first. I think it's unlikely that she'd like to date me because she asked me if I can be friends with someone I like as a girl. Maybe she noticed that I like her or maybe she had bad experience with guy friends. I don't know. Overall I had a really good time. At the end we went to see a movie and she fell asleep on my shoulder. :D



Jono
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27 Oct 2014, 8:25 am

314pe wrote:
Jono wrote:
Probably ask that girl who says she broke up with her out for some coffee or something. It doesn't necessarily have to be an official date, it could just be as friends but then you can assess whether she's interested in dating you.

I was about to, but she invited me first. I think it's unlikely that she'd like to date me because she asked me if I can be friends with someone I like as a girl. Maybe she noticed that I like her or maybe she had bad experience with guy friends. I don't know. Overall I had a really good time. At the end we went to see a movie and she fell asleep on my shoulder. :D


That sounds like she wants to just be friends with you rather than officially dating. You can ask her but if she says that she just wants to be friends but doesn't want a relationship, then there's no harm in that.



314pe
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05 Nov 2014, 7:19 am

Jono wrote:
That sounds like she wants to just be friends with you rather than officially dating. You can ask her but if she says that she just wants to be friends but doesn't want a relationship, then there's no harm in that.

Yes, you were right. She likes me as a friend. She has a boyfriend and even though she isn't very happy with her relationship, I doubt she sees me as a dating material. It's ok. She's a great friend.

I noticed more interest coming from the other girl. She skypes me more often than anyone else. When chatting on skype last night, she called me nice and she said that she likes me. Also she invited me to hang out. By my standards that's a lot of interest. More than I've ever got. We have similar tastes, hobbies and we both are INFJs (supposedly rarest MBTI type) .



The_Face_of_Boo
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05 Nov 2014, 7:48 am

314pe wrote:
Jono wrote:
That sounds like she wants to just be friends with you rather than officially dating. You can ask her but if she says that she just wants to be friends but doesn't want a relationship, then there's no harm in that.

Yes, you were right. She likes me as a friend. She has a boyfriend and even though she isn't very happy with her relationship, I doubt she sees me as a dating material. It's ok. She's a great friend.

I noticed more interest coming from the other girl. She skypes me more often than anyone else. When chatting on skype last night, she called me nice and she said that she likes me. Also she invited me to hang out. By my standards that's a lot of interest. More than I've ever got. We have similar tastes, hobbies and we both are INFJs (supposedly rarest MBTI type) .


Yes, this latter is very interested.