I'm so scared about going into working life

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Cruiseo
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24 Oct 2014, 4:22 pm

Hey everyone, I used to lurk on this forum but I've decided to make an account because of something that's been horrifying me recently. First things first, I was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome around the age of 7 (this is back when it was an actual disorder) but I improved dramatically over my middle school years and I by 8th grade I was told that I was on the 'edge of the umbrella' with regards to special education. First year of high school my IEP was dismissed, which meant that I had improved so much that any disorder I had was either non-existent or it no longer impaired my social functioning, which was a great achievement for me at the time. By senior year of high school I had gone above and beyond what was expected of me, I was a popular guy at school with some awesome friends and a job as a dishwasher at a local theater, went to prom with a date, slated for a great college experience and a high-paying career working for the government that I hope to get into through my father. The dishwashing job was great, my boss never gave me any trouble and she was genuinely sad at the end of the summer when I left for school. In some ways I was seen as an consistent part of the business after working there for a year, which was something that I was incredibly proud of. Everything seemed to be going in the right direction, I thought I would be an autistic success story and finally be a normal and great person.

This all changed when I decided to get another job for the summer. I wanted another back of house position like a dishwasher, because I knew that social functioning wasn't my strong point and it'd be a bad idea to rely on it professionally. It was early June, and it started to look like somebody wouldn't hire me for just 2 months worth of work and that I needed to find a job immediately. I didn't have to, since I already had the dishwashing job but it was a good use of spare time and a way to make money. I settled for a craigslist ad for a local Vietnamese restaurant as a waiter, and things just went downhill from there.

Well, actually, it wasn't too bad at first. The owner was impressed by my GPA and experience and they hired me on the spot. The job was something to get used to, and I realized very soon that I hated waiting and it probably wasn't for me. I should have quit after that first week (other people have done the same at the restaurant) but I decided to stick it out because it was only 2 more months. I ended up going for a month and a half when the boss called me over at the end of a day, with 2 weeks left. They told me that there had been issues with me and customers getting what they wanted, one incident in particular with a mixed up order that caused them to lose customers, and they decided simply let me go, knowing that I only had 2 weeks left going on. I was fired because of my social deficits more than anything, but they seemed to be sorry to have to do that. I understood completely, it's their business after all and we left on good terms.

I kept telling myself that I already had a great job and a good background and that waiting just didn't work out for me. It had always been my 'policy' not to use Asperger's as a crutch but I decided that selling food and performing socially on the professional level just wasn't for me, which is all right because I plan to work in analytics. I know these things are all true but I keep having horrible and recurring thoughts that this is what my professional life will look like forever, going into a job all right and degenerating to the point of being fired because of social issues or miscommunications. This has completely f****d up how I view myself and my self-esteem, and I am very worried and uncertain about the future. I'm a freshman in college now and everything has thus been going along fine, I'm in a great relationship and I have a lot of support from my professors but some days I can't get that waiter job off of my mind. I keep beating myself up over it when I should have just gotten up, brushed myself off and moved on.

I really don't have anyone who understands me other than people who do have Asperger's, which I why I turned to here. If anyone can help me, please do.



progaspie
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24 Oct 2014, 4:48 pm

You're extrapolating your bad experience waiting on tables, to an unfounded fear of what will happen to you when you join the permanent workforce.
You made a mistake accepting a job you weren't suited to and then made a bad decision persisting at it right to the end, when your boss correctly pulled the plug on your short career waiting on tables. Although this experience came as a shock to you, I would be viewing it as a good learning experience for you.
The consequences of what happened to you waitering are immaterial to your future career prospects, which will depend on how hard you study at college and how good you are at your chosen career.



BirdInFlight
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24 Oct 2014, 5:58 pm

Sometimes with the autism spectrum, for some of us, it can be hard to let go of a bad experience -- I feel for you, because I have a tendency to do the same thing. Something stays with me and I fear things will always be as bad as that thing was. I understand that kind of "getting stuck".

But try to think the way the person who posted above me says -- your future experience is not going to be the same as this one was, because everything's going to be inherently different. That bad experience was inevitable based on the unsuitability of the nature of the job, for you. Your future career is going to be in something that (hopefully) is suitable and therefore things are going to go very differently.

What you can do now is chalk the restaurant waiting job up as something you know is not your skill set, and now focus on your studies that are going to put you on the road to thing you really want to do, and is a career in which the situation you will be working in is going to be far more your cup of tea, thus you're going to have a much better experience.

I know it's really hard not to feel stuck in a rut of fear of things turning out the same, but as long as you go a different path next time, they almost certainly will not. Good luck in your endeavors; no more wait-table jobs! You will go on to be on a much more suitable track for your needs and skills.



MissDorkness
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27 Oct 2014, 9:43 am

I agree with the others, they've stated it well.

I didn't do great with cashiering or hostessing. I did better with things like dishwashing, prep cook, layaway, etc. I might have tried waiting tables for the better money and had a similar experience to you, but, a physical disability meant I couldn't consistently carry heavy food trays any distance.

While I might have an occasional coworker who doesn't 'get me', I've been consistently employed and appreciated in office jobs since my 20th birthday (i'm 34 now), more successful than any of the NT's in my family (since my grandparents have retired, they were probably better than me lol).

Know your strengths and weaknesses and don't go after a job just because you feel you should. I've turned down jobs and side gigs because I knew it wouldn't be right for me.



kraftiekortie
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27 Oct 2014, 10:04 am

The reality is: in order to enjoy life, you must have a source of income.

Just like: in order to enjoy (and even experience) the flowers, you have to endure the rain.

Very similar, I feel.