It's supposed to have a deep meaning, with every little step representing something significant in solidifying and formalizing the bond between two people.
In reality, it's often a mindless song-and-dance all for show and to transform common, everyday people into princes and princesses for a day without much thought given to WHY we do things.
I pick up a little extra money working weddings, and this is what I see all too often: Every member female member of the wedding party has her own personal entrance music. Seating of the mothers to "Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring." Entrance of the bridesmaids to the famous "Kanon." The most recent wedding I played, they even wanted the flower girl to have her own little song. And FINALLY, the Bride appears to the glorious strains of "Lohengrin."
Ok, allow me to rant for just a sec? Have any of you actually seen a production of Wagner's Lohengrin? Or at least read about it? It's the old Swan Knight story. At the end, the husband is forced to reveal his true identity, which means he has to return to the castle of the Holy Grail. Elsa, the bride, falls down dead of a broken heart. EVERYBODY FREAKIN DIES!! !!11!1one1. And you want this played at your wedding???? What is wrong with you people????
Ok, rant over?moving on?
Getting back to the point, a lot of wedding elements are outdated and irrelevant, ring bearers and flower girls being my biggest gripe of all. I don't care how well-behaved your 2-year old is. Every single flower girl I've ever seen younger than 5 (which is pretty much all of them) without exception turns into "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo." The last wedding I did with a flower girl, she practically runs down the aisle, sprinkles a few rose petals, and gets scooped up by momma in the third pew. I discussed this with the mother of the bride and she SWORE up and down this girl absolutely would not do that. Oh, she'd been in weddings before, she was an old pro? Um, no, she's not. Exactly what purpose did she serve?
No, the focus should superficially/cosmetically be on the bride. It's HER day. Beyond that, it's all about the union of two people in what we expect to be a permanent arrangement, and that's the REAL point of weddings. Not the music. Not the flower girl. It's all about the vows that are said in front of a crowd of witnesses and the solemn promise to stay together forever, no matter what happens (and you and I know that for almost the majority of first marriages this is a joke). The most beautiful and meaningful weddings I've ever worked were short and sweet.
For me, even the most elaborate weddings aren't THAT bad. Funerals are a LOT worse than weddings. OK, I get that it's a memorial service. I get that we're here to celebrate life and offer comfort to survivors. Do we HAVE to detail every year of that person's life?
I take care of my 2yo son. We can't afford daycare and it's pointless to hire a babysitter. So he stays with me through EVERYTHING. So when someone dies, I usually get called on to play the funeral service. He sits on the piano bench with me. Unlike certain flower girls, he stays quiet and keeps his hands to himself unless I actually ask him to play piano with me--which he'll do sometimes, but for some reason he gets shy playing piano with me in front of a crowd. Whatever? Anyway, he'll sit still while I do prelude music and any opening hymns or songs. Once the eulogy starts, I'll let him sit in my lap, at which point he'll probably fall asleep. If I'm slick enough about it, I can put him down on the floor where he remains asleep unseen by the congregation. It usually works out pretty good. This last funeral I played, the middle child droned on and on and on about his mother, detailing each and every milestone, the difficulties she had to overcome growing up in a poor farming family, how hard her life was when she got married, how they worked hard, sacrificed, and went to all sorts of great lengths to unselfishly help anyone/everyone in any kind of need? OK, I get it. It doesn't take 45 minutes to do that.
People get nervous because I have my little boy sitting through these marathon speeches, and nobody like a screaming baby in the middle of a special, solemn occasion (see above on weddings). Lucky for me, I've done two of these things now where he slept through most of it. He can handle it. So it's not an issue of hurry up because I'm about to have a temper tantrum on my hands. It's an issue of IS THIS REALLY NECESSARY? You love your momma, she worked hard, she helped people. Thank you, and good night?please remember to tip your waitress.
Now, I'm just venting here? The reality is we do things like that because we care about people enough to let them say whatever they want to say for however long they want to say it. It gives them some sort of sense of peace and comfort in the midst of tragedy--this was an elderly woman who was slowly robbed of everything through dementia--she was basically gone a long time before her heart stopped. So I get it and I sympathize with the family.
So the point is people are going to do silly, pointless, painful acts between celebrating important milestones or coping with loss. It might be unpleasant for us. All we can do is just be there for them through whatever idiotic or unnecessarily arduous choices they make. It's their day. Endure it for their sake! lol It's just part of being a friend or family member.
25 Oct 2014, 7:20 am
