I have asper and i unfortunately went to prison for quite some time. I got accused and found quilty of physical assualt against a female. I never physical assualted her i swear, i would never do such thing. A false eyewitness statement, a lying victim and my inability to talk turned all against me. At that time i dindt know about my autism. I think if i wouldve know that time that i had autism and told the police that i cant talk, that things would be different.
The girl that did this to me stole my possessions, and sold them. I never knew untill months later that she was the one who did that. I was quite shocked because i only knew her trough a friend. I phoned her and confronted her with the rumours i was hearing, and she admitted straight away and said im so sorry i needed the money and bla bla. I think she never expected me to find out. We eventually somehow agreed to discuss this at her house. Not that there was much to discuss about it, all i want was my things or money back, but she said i try work something out. So there i was at her house, but thins turned out bad for myself. Their were 2 other guys their with her. I wasnt afraid of that, but the communication that followed was verry weird. I somehow couldn't talk anymore or begun sounded clumsy or shy. And she knew it for sure that that was the opportunity for her to... i dnt how to say it but guess become dominant. At one point i just wanted to leave the house, but she blocked the entrance through door by standing in the hall so i could not pass. I asked her several times to move. But she wouldnt move, and kept asking me 'what are u going to do now about ur things'. I had enough of it and just wanted to leave, i said 'u will see' i really had no idea what to say else. I then pushed her out of the way with quite some force, but it was only force, she fell backwards. she dndt fall hard for sure. So finally the exit was free, and i left.
Later that night the police phoned me and said they had a arrest warrant. I turned myself, the next morning i was beeing questioned by the police. They showed me foto's of her face beeing injured, scratches and red spots. They said there was a eyewitness and that she said, that i grabbed the back of her head and smashed it into the wall. I was shoked and full unbelieve all this from a backwards fall? No way could she have gotten those injury from me. And i would never do such brutal thing smashing someone faces into the wall. It went to court and i got sentenced a work punishment. I ended up messing up the work punishment, and the work punishment turned into prison. It was a verry hard time that, i lost some things in live, work etc.
Eventually i was free again, and started getting everything on track. I did some job interviews. And with one they ask me to do a test, because i was slow with work and they found it dificult to communicate with me because i was quiet. I agreed and i was diagnosed with asperger and that i had from when i was born. It wasnt tht big of a suprise to me, i made a bit of sense to me. I rejected a naked girl once, a very hot girl actually, i always wonderd how that couldve happend. Now i knew it autism.
Eventually i got a sort of mentor who would help me with things. W had appointments from time to time, but more often then not i ended up beeing late. One day i was late again, like a hour or so. I ended up not going. Untill today i never received a other invation, phone call, or something like that. Thats been 3years now, i do still get my money from them every month. Its verry weird, like they have completely forgotten me, ofcourse beeing late often is not good but they are supose to help it. I never botherd contacting them, after the bad prison time, i was kinda happy to not have any appointments anymore. But this turned out to be a bad dissicion for me.
One day i run into two girls i know, it was in town. At first i dindt notice them untill one said 'omg look who it is'. And then i heard them talk about me, they were saying like, 'i cnt believe he hit a girl he was such a nice guy'. I felt so humiliated by that comment, i prented like i dindt see them and walked quickly by. I still remember that day it was so hard hearing that i was the bad guy. Offcourse i shouldnt care about comments, but i did. I ended up avoiding that area of town. When i needed to be in that area or pass trough it, i would prefer to walk miles around it, then to take the shortcut trough there. As time past this became real extreme. I eventually ended up beeing afraid to go outside, or rather go outside when its dark or raining. Over time i run into more people i knew and more comments. I ended up only going outside for food, sometimes i would just order a whole week nothing but restaurants and stuff, just to not be outside. I lost my best friend as well in this period, he would always came by and ask me to go out, have a drink, town, movies, fitness etc. But i always had a excuse ready to not go outside, and eventually we had a argument and the friendship ended. I never told him about autism, but im sure if i did he would understand now. But he moved and i have no idea to were and his phone is dead. I I lost a whole lot during this period, not only friends and appointments, also health. Sometimes i would eat really terrible, i lost ridiculous lot weight.
I like playing videogames, and at one pount i was just playing videogames all day, i think it was kinda like a escape from the comments and going outside etc. 3years these bad habbits continued. I became really isolated, hardly talk or see someone. Since a few months no1 actually, really hard. Yh i made some online friends, but its not that nice actually.
Now since a week im trying to change. Go outside more, but its hard, yesterday a cat that came out of the bushes and was making noises while doing so, almost gave me a heart attack. I try to eat 5 times a day, and train a little, and when i wake have a run in the park. I used to be verty sportive. But its verry though to go outside, the run in park i only do it like when its still dark in the morning. And shop for food i try to do it early also in morning when its less crowed. But its a start
29 Oct 2014, 11:04 am
