new here - why do i feel like a fraud?

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sophdales
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29 Oct 2014, 3:55 pm

I have very recently come to the conclusion that I am an aspie and so is one of my daughters , another I think maybe and also my son. It was while researching my sons behaviour that I came across aspergers syndrome and after reading various web pages I realised that I am not weird after all and I myself have aspergers.
I have recently started a new job and after discovering the above I thought I better mention it to my manager as I was there doing agency work for 3 months and he was about to take me on as a permanent employee and difficulties were starting to crop up which I felt needed an explaination.
I must say my depot manager and his second in command have been absolutely fantastic. They have literally ran with it ( even though neither had any idea what aspergers is ) and are dealing with everything as and when it crops up. My boss' door is always open. I have a weekly session with both of them for stuff that can wait but if I have a problem I can just go to either of them there and then. the boss also checks in with me daily as I can't actually go and talk to him if I have an issue although I can talk rubbish to him all day long!so if he speaks to me first then I can talk to him so he makes a point of asking every day if i'm ok which then opens up the channels of communication for me.
The trouble I have is the managers downstairs, my boss and his side kick. they have been told how to deal with me and what is needed for me to do my job. they simply don't do it to the point that I have been wondering if I should get a proper diagnosis so that they have to do whats needed! I have no idea if that would actually make a difference!
I am quite happy with a self diagnosis as I have learnt a lot about myself over the last few weeks and self diagnosis seems to be perfectly acceptable! I just feel like a fraud as I don't have an official diagnosis and from what I've read it's not worth bothering to get one either. It may also be that I am wavering between do I have it or don't I ,denial etc . I did the aspie test online and scored 171 /200 for being an aspie. I know I am ..ahhh maybe it's because I've faked being normal for 47 years .....



RoadRatt
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29 Oct 2014, 4:41 pm

Hey sophdales welcome. :sunny:

I was just officially diagnosed as an aspie last month, so I beat you at faking normal by two years! :lol:

Seriously though. It is all up to you whether you want to or feel the need to get diagnosed. Some feel the need to have the ASD stamp and some don't. :)


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ReticentJaeger
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29 Oct 2014, 4:45 pm

Although it would be good to get an official diagnosis, self-diagnosing certainly doesn't make you a fraud. There is a bit of stigma attached to the latter, though. I don't like to say I'm self-diagnosed because I'm not 10,000% confident in my ability to do so, and I'm afraid of opposition. On this site, however, people tend to be very accepting of self-diagnoses.

Welcome, by the way.



sophdales
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29 Oct 2014, 4:56 pm

thanks for the welcome roadratt, it appears I don't even know how old I am, i'm 46 not 47 lol.
I personally don't feel the need after all these years but my direct bosses just don't 'get me'. one said to me the other day, if you need help you will have to come and ask...thanks but i'd rather stick pins in my eyes! they have been told I will not ask for help! it's frustrating because I don't need that much help in the mornings but i'm just left to get on with it which I can do but it takes me over an hour where as if somebody helped me it takes 20 minutes!
It all came to a head a couple of days ago , I went to the depot boss and said forget I told you I have aspergers,i'm just gonna go back to faking being normal and they said NO YOUR NOT!! !! it has been quite liberating being me for the first time in my life . I guess I should just be grateful that at least those two 'get me'! just as well really as they are the only one's I talk to!



sophdales
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29 Oct 2014, 5:02 pm

thanks, reticentjaeger, I've read that in the UK it's very hard to get a diagnosis and at the end of the day having a label isn't going to change anything! I might just run it by my doctor next time I visit and see what he thinks



kraftiekortie
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29 Oct 2014, 5:41 pm

In the US, if you pay $500 for a diagnosis, you've done well.

I would place myself among the self-diagnosed, even though:

I was diagnosed with autism when I was around 3, for good reason (no speech, destructive behavior, oblivion to the world around me)

I was diagnosed with "brain injury" right before Kindergarten; I went to a "brain-injured" nursery school as a result.

All this was during the 1960s.

Then: there is the notion that ASD's are "overly-diagnosed"--hence, clinicians might withhold the diagnosis purposely.