I've been remanded in jail twice, over my support workers!

Page 4 of 18 [ 283 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 ... 18  Next

AardvarkGoodSwimmer
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Apr 2009
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,660
Location: Houston, Texas

28 Oct 2014, 2:08 pm

As far as the agencies, I think this is another reason to have a variety of agencies. If a person runs into trouble with one or simply doesn't like one, it sure helps to have at least several to choose from. This should be the usual situation. And maybe five years down the road ( ? ? ? ) I would dearly like to see our own Spectrum groups both doing activities and providing services as well as providing self-advocacy and oversight on the professional-run groups, something like this, and I do realize this is a tall order.

Musically, with very rare exceptions I don't like a bunch of repetition either. In fact, a fair number of otherwise very good songs weaken themselves by just phasing out with a stupid, over-repetitive ending. I don't get it.

Hope things went okay with your solicitor.



PeterHoping44
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 May 2013
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 584

28 Oct 2014, 3:45 pm

I went to see him this morning. It was pouring down with rain and when I got there, he said he was busy, did not look at me as he was speaking but he said he had sent the letter. He keeps saying that, but he could be lying. It is too obvious.

I hate it when people tell lies, even if they do it because they want to conceal your sorrow. If he did not want me going back, then fine. But it is my home - I miss my belongings. If I got annoyed and finished with him, another solicitor I appoint myself would have to contact the P.F. like he was meant to and that would delay my return even further, because then I would be finding myself back at square one. Maybe they all want that. At least the support staff got a nice break from me, so I say to hell with the traitors. They are probably all secretly glad that I was ordered to live somewhere else all this time, if it meant my crazy self was not around their parts.

I just feel I cannot work alongside of AI any more, knowing the two ladies are not coming back and all this personal pain happened to me (and others) since I took it badly they were gone, after I believed I was lied to by Andrew. If you were in my shoes, you would not care about their offers either. They are not my friends anyway. They are in a job. A role they play distinct from their off duty personas, like you said. Hell, when they all go home, who knows what they are like away from work? Some people surprise me.

Sure, not everyone hurt me, but then the sweet act they all put on gets old now. Of course they will be all nice and chatty with me, because being nice is key. They all start off nice until something occurs, but you wonder what goes on behind closed doors with the gossip.

When I first met Sara, she was like, 'I was just going to say that...' (after I asked her to be my key worker). Sara knew nothing about me before we worked together, but her smile was amazing and warm. Nothing at all could have forewarned me trouble was on the horizon. Now I feel so silly, because I had a chance to start fresh and be a wonderful client for Sara, but I had a lot on my plate. Add to that the fact I felt lonely.

I am autistic, but I am a grown man who gets urges and the law gets in the way when it comes to dating caregivers or forming a friendship with them. I understand it is not appropriate to develop an unprofessional bond with a care worker, but she was swell and I could promise to get in check had she agreed to support me again. I even told her she had a heart of gold once when she was with me when I got a blood test, as it was a bit scary and I knew I had someone I could count on, or so I believed. I loved my Latino pal. Then she abandoned me. That Spanish angel abandoned me. Now I am not so sure I love her any more. She was never a real pal anyway.

I can sum it up to me being an idiotic love sick puppy. But I opened my big mouth. Then I opened my big mouth again. Oh, and then I opened my big mouth yet again, and so on. It is good that I at least recognize my big mouth was what landed me in trouble in the first place, by saying things that were best not spoken about, including topics of a sexual nature as well. If I had never revealed I had feelings for Sara, she would have been nice and decent for as long as we were to be associated. If I could have done one thing differently looking back on the pathetic situation now, I should have just been more careful and not told a soul about the fact I liked her. It would have been smarter to be friendly and openly honest, but still be careful.

In a way, I crave that sweet side of her. Robert compounded the situation however by being a grass. That mean turn she underwent sucked. It is just not in her blood to be horrible, so I was stunned after she changed. When she finally come clean and acted mean, that was the beginning of the end. Her bad attitude in between was probably her way of keeping me at bay, but it was still unpleasant.

When she was dressed in a sexy way at the band night, I forgot what it felt like to be a normal person, as I have never had a social life like this at all. I was so used to "Support Worker Sara" that seeing "Personal Life Sara" in the flesh that night felt to me kind of bizarre, yet also somewhat delightful. It could also be because I am jealous too that I have these odd feelings.

The support workers once said to me that I can do daily reports with my team during my shifts, but they would still blab and so I lost interest. They must think I am really going to believe that because they write down what goes on they still would not blab. But I guess I must crack on with my life now. We cannot change the past any more than we can plan ahead for the future. Not all of our dreams will be realized either. That is tough to accept, but we all have been there. That slump is bad.



PeterHoping44
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 May 2013
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 584

29 Oct 2014, 10:49 am

HUGE UPDATE!

I cannot go back to my flat. I found out today. My solicitor called me and I feel, I don't know. Shocked!

Permission to scream has not been granted.

Sigh. :cry:



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Apr 2009
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,660
Location: Houston, Texas

30 Oct 2014, 1:47 pm

Peter, I'm sorry to hear that. That is a complication and a big one.

Okay, one thing I use is exercise. And I might write a single sentence and I might not. I mean, I used to overdo the think session part of it, and now I make a conscious decision to underdo it. As a fifty-one year-old guy, I sometimes use a soft surface to run on. I'm also a huge walker. I pick neighborhoods which I feel are safe and take a path through it. You can even do the thing where you take a bus and walk back, or vice versa.

You actually seem to understand the situation pretty well. You understand the good parts, including the good aspects of people, and you understand and acknowledge the bad parts.

Now, please allow me to pitch you on one possibility. The tasks you need to do now, dealing with a lawyer who's not always so great on connecting with client and following through, possibly getting another lawyer, the same with the service agency and possibly getting another agency --- these are exactly the things I'm not so great out. They wring me out of all energy. I can do one such thing, then basically my energy is wiped out. So, this is exactly what I'd want an autism advocate for. Not just to preach to me. But to help with some of the leg work. And then the idea, someone accompanies me while I go do a difficult task. I don't know if this appeals to you, and in a sense it is one more task. But if this feels like an open field, having an autism rights advocate go with you as you do some of this, that might be more possible in the UK than here in Houston, although still no where near as readily available as it would be in a little bit better world I'll tell you that!

Handling all this is almost like a full-time job. I still very much encourage you, to take breaks and pursue other positives just like you would for a full-time job. I know you're into music. Do you like reading? I kind of like reading contemporary history like within the last 50 years. Any of that stuff interests you?



PeterHoping44
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 May 2013
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 584

30 Oct 2014, 5:00 pm

I am not one for reading books. I prefer watching movies.

I want to get a tabby cat next year - possibly in January. That is at least something to look forward to. I like the mackerel type, with the black stripes and their unique 'M' pattern on the forehead.

I pay for my electricity use from Scottish Power and I was relieved when I become in credit with them. Basically what they do is (and this is perhaps a bit steep), they take £86 a month in my case as I pay by setting up a direct debit and then they stopped overcharging me just recently. Sounds good, right? The bad news is that the council will have to be notified I am with family as I have got to pay digs and maybe bedroom tax, so I would not be saving a great deal any more anyway.

Basically, all this crap I was not prepared for enters my life and messes things up. My mother said my sister had to pay £59 a month a while ago when she was at the house, but it may be higher now. If I was in my own flat however, I would be fine for a few more months before Scottish Power would chase up payments, but unfortunately, that is out of my control.

I did not want to come back to my parents' place anyhow. My mother shopped me, thinking she was doing the smart thing. Well, OK. We can reverse roles then. I will be the one visiting her who gets to walk out the front door, while she is remanded in custody. More on that a few pages back. My old man can be an arse as well. He just moans all the time. He does not want me using the only laptop remaining in our house as he uses it himself and is aware of the other two being held by the police, or whom I like to call the pigs to be more formal.

I had made a list of everything I wanted to get before the end of the year, mostly clothing items on eBay. Now I might be screwed for paying for everything within 8-9 weeks before 2014 is no more. I have a thing about years ending. It is nuts, I know, but I like to "sort everything out" before the next year swings around. Then all this mucks everything up.

Like I said, I feel F-N shafted and powerless, at least in regards to these women and this rather lame situation. I know there is F-all I can do except be a good boy and behave.

The court could do one of two things. They could fine me in December, or just drop the case. I doubt I will go back to jail. I am hoping it will be the latter of the other options, but who knows? I did get five charges in the space of 2 months though, so who knows what mood the judge will be in on 19 December?

My only concern now is what the future holds for me, as now I find myself very much alone and betrayed by the very company I loved once. Sure, they can continue supporting me, but I generally do not care any more, about their offerings. I never wanted this to go this far. Believe me - I wanted to be at my own home right now, with no convictions and all my support workers there, helping me enjoy my life. Sara and Joanna included. All of them are dearly missed by me. But that ain't never going to happen. Why? Because Cathy will NEVER allow it to be like it was 2-3 years ago.

I really should leave Autism Initiatives with some dignity remaining. Remember the good times we shared and chalk it up to a learning experience, as opposed to a bad experience overall. Because saying that might be unfair.



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Apr 2009
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,660
Location: Houston, Texas

31 Oct 2014, 2:16 pm

If you can do that where you chalk it up to a learning experience rather than a bad experience, I think that's a step forward, but I'll tell you, I'm not always successful doing that.

I'm thinking the judge might want to do something active and positive from his perspective and he might want to hold onto your laptop. I'm sorry, but things might actually play out that way. The judge's idea of 'doing something' even though it's a negative something.

For both your lawyer and the judge, one thing I might recommend is being confident and comfortable with your second best reason for following your rules. Your best reason might be too personal. at least it sometimes works that way for me, but my second best reason might be something I'm at ease stating in very public setting.

And maybe an email to your lawyer on the importance of getting back fully in the loop and getting back your laptop. And then a couple of days later following with a phone call.

As far as a right now positive, any chance your parents would be open to you adopting a cat right now with the understanding that it's your cat and will be going with you when you leave?



PeterHoping44
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 May 2013
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 584

31 Oct 2014, 4:39 pm

The most bizarre thing happened to me today. You will not believe the carry on I endured.

This afternoon, a support worker had a shift with me. Well, as you know, I may not enter my flat until I am told otherwise, so if I need anything from it, I must get somebody to go there to fetch it on my behalf. Yes?

So today, I wanted to get the new WWE game called WWE 2K15, which I did when we went into town before the shift ended. I bought the Xbox 360 version and the Season Pass which gives you an exclusive playable Diva named Paige. I don't know if you follow wrestling so you may not know who she is or whatever, but you only get her with this certain condition and you get all the future downloadable packs at a discounted price as well.

Anyway, the dude who supported me went and got my sister's Xbox 360 from my flat, after I called the office, which is flat 1. I had him bring the snooker trophy to me as well and my mail.

Confusingly enough, my Xbox 360 was white and it was chucked out ages ago after it stopped working, so my sister gave me hers to borrow, which is black and her drive is black too. It just clips into the edge of the console, so I talked him through step by step on the phone before he saw me regarding where everything is located in my flat, but I wanted my drive which is gray and he spent a bit of time searching for it in my boxes.

Anyway, he brought the console down to my parents' house, with my drive and everything, including my two corded control pads in case my sister wanted to play with me if she was in. After he left, I realized I was missing the leads that connect to the TV for to get the picture and sound, so he was nice enough to go back and get them for me. He had one of his own controllers too just to show me, I think (a cordless one that works with batteries), and I think as he took it away, he forgot to remove my ones from the carrier bag he had brought with him. So I was setting up everything in the sitting room ready to get stuck in and I was looking forward to playing my new wrestling game, when I noticed that the controllers were nowhere to be seen. Then I was like, uh-oh, I think he made a blunder. I later went to my sister's to look for a cordless one, but she could not find it and recalled giving it to me, but maybe that is in my flat. I never really use wireless pads at all.

But I tell you: I was flipping off about it. So, OK. He never did it deliberately, but now I cannot play my game until I have a controller to plug in. What a bummer.



PeterHoping44
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 May 2013
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 584

31 Oct 2014, 5:13 pm

Hello. I had to leave out the quote in this response as it was not showing up properly for some reason. I can see my previous reply was largely off topic and not really connected to what we were talking about beforehand.

Hmmm, now about cats; I think you still have to pay money to adopt a cat unless you are giving one out of good faith (like, maybe if the breeder thought you were a reliable pet owner) and my parents have a dog already. Not sure. I have never owned a cat before, myself. I seem to be allergic to the Burmese variety, which have very short hair. My older sister had two and gave one away to my first key worker. But I do not think I had any issues with other kinds of cats making me have itchy, burning eyes or sneezing fits. If I buy a cat, I would probably aim to have a kitten or a young cat, so then it kind of grows up with me.

As for the court - my laptop would be what they call red tape, so if it contained any incriminating evidence, they would only return it when the trial has concluded. Of course, since I plead guilty and the sending of harassing messages was not easy to deny, I see no reason why I cannot have it back now. The same goes for my mother's laptop as well, as I reckon she anxiously wants it to be returned sooner rather than later. But that is the law for you and their decision sticks.

I really do not think that the outcome of the hearing will be necessarily very bad, but my solicitor did warn me not to send any more emails to Cathy, as I copied him into one that was largely negative and he warned me never to send emails like this again. If I were to be remanded a third time, that could very well spell trouble on the big day.

I really do not think sending complaining emails to the head of AI to vent my frustration or get my argument across is necessarily supposed to be labelled as harassing anyone, unless it contained a lot of swearing. However, I am sure A.G.S. that you will agree, the sending of such emails has never gotten me anywhere anyway. It is more so an opinionated approach I want to get across and that is the whole idea. But yeah, I can see why airheads may think it would constitute further harassment (recycling arguments rather than stopping all the protesting). But then, it is hurtful when you look back on what caused what to unravel in that way and not get fired up which then makes things more intensified. To not fight, would be like waving the surrendering flag.

I have a feeling those two women will be leaving AI at some stage in the near future anyway. I know 'everybody leaves' and all, but I just sense it will be soon. A hunch, perhaps. Sometimes, it is pot luck as to who leaves next. Some folk even do not really announce it right away, just in case people ask too many questions and make them feel kind of awkward or guilty because they are quitting.

In the case of the two ladies, I reckon if I was around more often, they may 'quietly leave' so no fuss can be made with them knowing about it affecting certain people, especially me. It might seem improper and in bad taste not to get to say goodbye formally, however.



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Apr 2009
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,660
Location: Houston, Texas

01 Nov 2014, 1:47 pm

Peter, I think I have a medium cat allergy. I will still pet a cat if I'm visiting someone who has a cat, and I like cats. I just lightly wash my hands afterwards.

Okay, the emails are tricky. You want to be low-key almost as if you're trying to broker peace say in the West Bank. I think politely making a request is okay, or a sentence or two of why you want to do something.

Now, since you do want to be able to work with your lawyer, maybe send him a copy first. which is laborious and makes everything take longer. But for the time being, for the sake of a good constructive working relationship, maybe the way to go for a while.

The situation where you're trying to play the game*, where they're seven different steps, yeah, that bothers me, too, and that kind of stuff is hard to motivate myself. Maybe try and cut the individual support worker some slack. Perhaps he didn't make maximum effort, but he did make more than average effort.

* I used to study judo as a boy. I like some of the splash and color of wresling. Plus, there was a video fighting game I used to play. And the old-school game 'Berzerk' although it's two-dimensional, I think it's excellent.

I guess just keep moving forward, difficulties and all. :bball:



PeterHoping44
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 May 2013
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 584

01 Nov 2014, 3:46 pm

Well, this topic is getting to be more like a diary or a blog every day. :-)

I will probably let it die down after this. Otherwise, we may have ourselves tons of pages of what are really just small updates. I will probably come back to it in a few more months to let y'all know what the morons in the courtroom said to me, if I am still able to get online. Until then, I must offer my commentary in other threads. Be a star!

But, yeah. I wrote to the boss of AI and asked her to end my support. It is sad and my heart is in pieces about it, but it was for the best. Think about it, really. How could I go on with that company after all this bull crap happened with Sara, Joanna and Robert, and they did nothing to prevent it? Now I always feel like rubbish and ignore my friend when he calls. I would rather just be in my own flat, watching my cherished DVDs. And ideally, with a woman I love who loves me back. No, not bimbos.

I totally miss Sara. She was nice. A lovingly, lovely Latino lady helper. But they always start off nice. Something happens though and then people end up turning on me. I saw it many times with Mary, Laura, Patrick, plus who the heck ever else I met. Maybe I just carry negativity and they all smelled that.

Bad news awaited my sister recently, too. The boy's grandparents who are a-holes want to get the order carried out sooner, which of course means it could signal an unfortunate outcome. Due to my sister not having legal aid yet, the judge rightfully put the case forward. It is rotten, but what can we do?

Peter.



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Apr 2009
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,660
Location: Houston, Texas

02 Nov 2014, 9:48 pm

Yes, I guess our conversation was getting a bit long. Please feel free to post updates down the road, and I wish you all the best. And I will try and occasionally be a star!



PeterHoping44
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 May 2013
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 584

03 Nov 2014, 8:45 am

I just wish I had kept my big autistic mouth shut last year and said nothing. No offense.

I should not have whispered a word to *ANYONE* about Sara (or Joanna) and none of this **** would ever have happened. Now it is too late. IT IS TOO LATE. And it P-M-R-O too, because I absolutely loved working with the ladies. My life is all but ruined. Cheers for that, you mother ^%::&++! morons.

I emailed Cathy to get her to end my support. She's done it. Well, OK. Thanks and all. But...I hate how she has nothing to say - nothing to do to help turn back the hands of time. She is not at all sorry this all happened. Not at all sorry this has ****ed up my damned young life. Not at all sorry they are out of my life and...FOREVER!

Nothing of the sort. Nothing!

It really would P-A-R-O too (had they been in my position as well). So it ain't just me. Maybe people handle their tragic losses differently than I do, but it makes it no less annoying when it has happened.

*EXHALES SLOWLY!*



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Apr 2009
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,660
Location: Houston, Texas

06 Nov 2014, 1:55 pm

Peter, they did treat you unfairly. They made mistakes, blunders, unfairness numbers 1-3. But then you made mistake, blunders, unfairness 4-6.

In addition, instead of responding smoothly and proactively to what may have legitimately been stalking behavior on your part, they responded clumsily, belatedly, and all that, making the situation worse and more awkward.

Okay, so at this point. Well, people talk about drawing a distinction between person and action, and that the person isn't always this way. Personally, sometimes this moves me and sometimes it doesn't. Maybe a muse of any type, a philosopher, a songwriter, a political leader, a fanciful character from a movie which strikes a chord, who is saying something similar.

The first guy could have said, hey, you can't like her that way, she's your personal assistant. And you perhaps could have responded, hey, you like who you like, I spend time with her, and what about a person liking their physical therapist. And the guy might have responded, that ain't so cool either. . . . That is, he could have challenged you in a direct person-to-person way, which is more respectful than the kind of ambush thing he did. And yes, stereotypes about autism which he believes or partial believes probably played a role. They probably did.

At this point, just be very strategic and continue moving forward, that's all you can do, but hopefully and this is the optimistic part, that will be enough. You can directly look for another agency yourself, or you might first look for a UK advocate who will help with this. I think both are valid choices. You might even run two tracks at times if that feels like a promising approach.

And again, I really like the idea, especially during difficult times, of being open to free positives, new projects, new endeavors, new adventures.



PeterHoping44
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 May 2013
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 584

07 Nov 2014, 5:50 am

Well, I am sort of not worried about court, but I guess I am a bit worried as really, nobody knows if the outcome will be good or bad and I do not know what it will be like for myself even after this is all over.

I think as long as I do not cause any further havoc until December, I should (hopefully) just get a fine or the matter might just be dropped. However, just thinking about the issue makes me feel flared up, because of how I feel and maybe it would be more dignified to accept, yes they are a lying so and so, but just move ahead in life. The non-harassment orders are likely to remain, but I expect that in any case as they will never, ever be supporting me again anyway. So at this juncture, I think banishing them from my mind completely would be the smartest idea (but that is not really possible). I am aware I find it hard to let things go, but I did get my mother to go fetch my PS3 yesterday so that is good as at least I can play a few games (which I seldom do any more).

I do not mean to ignore my mate, but there are days I would rather he did not ring me up about playing pool. I think he is a bit jealous of our friend who won the last few mini tournaments we did and he wants to omit him from the next one so he gets a chance at winning a trophy, which to me seems a bit lame and cheap. I tried telling him we need at least eight people to run one. Yes, certainly there is some jealousy there and a lack of patience.

Since 2005 was a great year, maybe 2015 will be too. I have no idea why my mind works like that by mentally comparing years. It just...does!



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

07 Nov 2014, 8:15 am

Can't you get other guys other than your friend for your pool tournament?



PeterHoping44
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 May 2013
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 584

07 Nov 2014, 8:31 am

Yes. Through Number 6 and Get2gether.