CockneyRebel
Mick Avory, Sensitive brown-eyed Sweet Pea
Joined: Jul 18, 2004
Age: 38
Posts: 87175
Location: In a quiet and peaceful garden, where gentle Mick Avory-like Sweet Peas grow.
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 Posted: Fri May 04, 2007 10:03 am Post subject: |
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| I find that the older I get, the less I like people who are under the age of 18. |
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Fuzzy
Atheist/Apostate Aspie
Joined: Mar 31, 2006
Posts: 5530
Location: Alberta Canada
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| Posted: Fri May 04, 2007 10:14 am Post subject: |
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| CockneyRebel wrote: | | I find that the older I get, the less I like people who are under the age of 18. |
Haha. Thats pretty common to people of all walks of life it seems. Its not fair, but they dont really trust people over 30 either! |
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Prof_Pretorius
troubled Soul
Joined: Aug 21, 2006
Age: 55
Posts: 6905
Location: Hiding in the attic of the Arkham Library
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| Posted: Fri May 04, 2007 12:51 pm Post subject: |
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It's harder taking care of my health. My cholesterol keeps climbing, and I just don't feel the need to take the corrective steps. I love crisps, and deep fried foods, and all the bad stuff. Same for exercising regularly. I get out for a walk, but I should be doing it every bloody day.
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I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow. I feel my fate in what I cannot fear. I learn by going where I have to go. ~Theodore Roethke |
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blessedmom
Cynically Optimistic Daydreamer
Joined: Apr 10, 2007
Posts: 4394
Location: Western Canada
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| Posted: Fri May 04, 2007 1:03 pm Post subject: |
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| I find that I am far more comfortable being just me. I don't care as much about what other people think of me or if I am making them happy or not. I have also stopped buying into the idea that you have to have a large social circle to stay mentally healthy. (That is one of the recommendations, maintain social ties.) I stopped talking to all of the people in my life that were causing stress and I find that I am SO much happier. |
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CockneyRebel
Mick Avory, Sensitive brown-eyed Sweet Pea
Joined: Jul 18, 2004
Age: 38
Posts: 87175
Location: In a quiet and peaceful garden, where gentle Mick Avory-like Sweet Peas grow.
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| Posted: Fri May 04, 2007 1:38 pm Post subject: |
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| blessedmom wrote: | | I find that I am far more comfortable being just me. I don't care as much about what other people think of me or if I am making them happy or not. I have also stopped buying into the idea that you have to have a large social circle to stay mentally healthy. (That is one of the recommendations, maintain social ties.) I stopped talking to all of the people in my life that were causing stress and I find that I am SO much happier. |
That's what I find. I've decided that I was going to be myself and live my own life, in mid February. I'm now the happiest that I've ever been. There's only one person on this planet that I need to make happy, and that's me.  |
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lemon
°·.°.·°·.·°·.°.·°
Joined: Aug 28, 2006
Age: 45
Posts: 4401
Location: belgium
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| Posted: Fri May 04, 2007 2:21 pm Post subject: |
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| ZanneMarie wrote: | | Things don't get to me as much as far as NTs misunderstanding me. I think I've been out in the world so long through work and school that I see we're just all trying to muddle our way through. I also do not think they have a better life. I see them having their own problems and struggles that never occur to me. Their life isn't automatically rosy because they are NT. I didn't know it was NT back then, but I used to wonder why they have it so easy. Now I realize they really don't, they just put on a facade. We don't do that. |
i agree, and it's only in getting older that i get that.
other i think getting older is difficult, something is changing or will be and i'm not sure what, i'm going to look differently, to be treated differently and it scares me.
not often yet, cause i'm mainly with 30 year old friends having young kids and i don't look as if i was all that much older, but i know it's coming, and really don't know what to do with it.
maybe being older is less frightening than getting older, it's the whole proces that scares me. |
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MsTriste
On the Spectrum
Joined: Dec 08, 2005
Age: 49
Posts: 3552
Location: Not here
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| Posted: Fri May 04, 2007 2:27 pm Post subject: |
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| blessedmom wrote: | | I find that I am far more comfortable being just me. I don't care as much about what other people think of me or if I am making them happy or not. I have also stopped buying into the idea that you have to have a large social circle to stay mentally healthy. (That is one of the recommendations, maintain social ties.) I stopped talking to all of the people in my life that were causing stress and I find that I am SO much happier. |
That reminds me. When I took a psych class, I found out that researchers had discovered that having friends was a significant factor in living longer. As positive an impact on lifespan as smoking is a negative impact, if you can believe the researchers. This was 10 years ago before I'd heard of AS. But I was crushed because I didn't have friends then and knew I never would and felt like I was destined to die an early, lonely death.
That, plus society's pressure to have lots of friends and have an active lifestyle etc., have combined to make me feel as if I should live that way.
Like you, over the last few months I've come to accept who I am, that I will never have a social circle, to appreciate my one best friend, and now that I've given up the desire to be different than who I really am, I am a lot more peaceful. And I've also set clear boundaries with necessary family members. |
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Prof_Pretorius
troubled Soul
Joined: Aug 21, 2006
Age: 55
Posts: 6905
Location: Hiding in the attic of the Arkham Library
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| Posted: Fri May 04, 2007 2:28 pm Post subject: |
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| lemon wrote: | i know it's coming, and really don't know what to do with it.
maybe being older is less frightening than getting older, it's the whole proces that scares me. |
I turned gray rather early, and when the bag boy at the grocery would say "hay mister", I'd turn 'round to see who was standing behind me(?)
I don't feel old, most of the time. But I do look old. ~sigh~
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I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow. I feel my fate in what I cannot fear. I learn by going where I have to go. ~Theodore Roethke |
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MsTriste
On the Spectrum
Joined: Dec 08, 2005
Age: 49
Posts: 3552
Location: Not here
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| Posted: Fri May 04, 2007 2:29 pm Post subject: |
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| CockneyRebel wrote: | | That's what I find. I've decided that I was going to be myself and live my own life, in mid February. I'm now the happiest that I've ever been. There's only one person on this planet that I need to make happy, and that's me. |
I want to give you feedback: I've been reading your posts since I joined two years ago, and I've noticed a striking difference in your recent posts compared to your older ones. You definitely seem not only more mature, but more importantly, much more at peace and even joyful.
Peace |
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lemon
°·.°.·°·.·°·.°.·°
Joined: Aug 28, 2006
Age: 45
Posts: 4401
Location: belgium
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| Posted: Fri May 04, 2007 2:35 pm Post subject: |
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[quote="Prof_Pretorius"][quote="lemon"] i know it's coming, and really don't know what to do with it.
maybe being older is less frightening than getting older, it's the whole proces that scares me.[/quote]
I turned gray rather early, and when the bag boy at the grocery would say "hay mister", I'd turn 'round to see who was standing behind me(?)
[/quote]
that's exactly what's happening: people start to call me madam when they always said miss, not that i want to be called miss, but it means something changed, i now look like a 'madam' i guess, and i don't know what a madam is like.
like you say when you grow older there is nothing from the inside that changes, so i don't know how to deal with it
(i'm even more sportive now than i was at seventeen and healthier cause i don't smoke no more, so it's not that) |
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postpaleo
Huh?
Joined: Feb 22, 2007
Age: 62
Posts: 3323
Location: North Mirage, Pennsyltucky
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| Posted: Fri May 04, 2007 5:45 pm Post subject: |
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| aylissa wrote: | | blessedmom wrote: | | I find that I am far more comfortable being just me. I don't care as much about what other people think of me or if I am making them happy or not. I have also stopped buying into the idea that you have to have a large social circle to stay mentally healthy. (That is one of the recommendations, maintain social ties.) I stopped talking to all of the people in my life that were causing stress and I find that I am SO much happier. |
That reminds me. When I took a psych class, I found out that researchers had discovered that having friends was a significant factor in living longer. As positive an impact on lifespan as smoking is a negative impact, if you can believe the researchers. This was 10 years ago before I'd heard of AS. But I was crushed because I didn't have friends then and knew I never would and felt like I was destined to die an early, lonely death.
That, plus society's pressure to have lots of friends and have an active lifestyle etc., have combined to make me feel as if I should live that way.
Like you, over the last few months I've come to accept who I am, that I will never have a social circle, to appreciate my one best friend, and now that I've given up the desire to be different than who I really am, I am a lot more peaceful. And I've also set clear boundaries with necessary family members. |
I probably use the word friend very loosely. I doubt if I've had that many really close friends. People I get to know through work or something along those lines, that don't freak me out too much anymore, get called freinds. Maybe they are, I guess they are, but close friends, not all that many. Even then they seem to be flighty, it's not a grand plan to do it that way. It's like we pass in the night, hang out, obsess with each other and move on. And it's good, becasue without having said it, I know they understand, it's still good and they do too.
Smoking, yeah guilty (which is actaully a lie, I don't like to, but I do so I enjoy it),but your post reminded me of something. Please bare with me for a short story. So I'm in the shrinks and I'm going througn a very serious suicide phase (med induced), we figure out a plan, and then somehow get onto my Hep C and the list goes on with lot's of "his serious" stuff issues, what he thinks is bad for me, remember, he won't listen to anything other then BP. I think they call that a closed mind. He ends the whole thing saying, "you know, you really should stop smoking". I looked at him and just burst out laughing and told him thanks, I really needed that laugh. He was puzzled. I said, look at what we just discussed and I'm to worry about smoking? I might stop smoking and I might not, with the price of the things, I think the free market will be the decider. |
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blessedmom
Cynically Optimistic Daydreamer
Joined: Apr 10, 2007
Posts: 4394
Location: Western Canada
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| Posted: Fri May 04, 2007 6:18 pm Post subject: |
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| Graelwyn wrote: | | Beenthere wrote: | | Quote: | | I have found I have become more and more reclusive, the older I have become, and as a result, more cynical. |
...relationships...I don't understand head games and I don't know how to play them...love was always conditional...either act the way I want you to act or be the way I want you to be...
...friendships...I have very few good friends...with so many people it seems to be a case of "what can you do for me?"...you don't want to be around me because you think I'm just a little "strange"...but you want me around anyways because I can be "useful".
Every time someone is nice to me I start searching for a hidden agenda before I let my guard down anymore. I wish it wasn't that way. |
This sounds familiar. I am told that as a child, I was always very controlling when with other children, and in a way, I am the same now. I very much like to control my environment and have had to really work hard to learn to compromise with people and accept and understand that they dont have to like the things I like etc... one of my issues is, I tend to actually feel hurt and insulted if someone says they don't like a song I like, or a movie I like... I have no idea why. Intellectually, I can understand we all have our own tastes etc, but my instant reaction is that.
I wish I did hunt for hidden agendas right away, but sadly, I can be quite naive. I still have too much faith in humanity, evidently, since I tend to start considering too late that someone might just be faking their like for me. |
Please don't completely lose that faith in humanity. It shows that you have a good heart. It is so rare in this world. My husband calls it the "Planet of Goodness and Light" and says that is where I live. Every now and then a bad guy (the reality of the rest of the world) comes down and kicks me in the ass and it is quite painful. I shed a few tears and swear that I will never let it happen again. But I know that my faith in humanity and kind heart are my best qualities and they have gotten me through some crappy times. It gets easier as you get older and don't care as much what people think about you.
I also have issues with being controlling and taking it personally when someone doesn't like what I like. I think it has a lot to do with wanting to be validated. If they like what I like, they must like me. My NT son is like this, also. It must come with the whole naive, kind heart package. |
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postpaleo
Huh?
Joined: Feb 22, 2007
Age: 62
Posts: 3323
Location: North Mirage, Pennsyltucky
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| Posted: Fri May 04, 2007 6:57 pm Post subject: |
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blessedmom
"I think it has a lot to do with wanting to be validated."
Great sentance, I think I'm trying to do that here, as well. That is worthy of some soul searching. |
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hartzofspace
Red Dragon
Joined: Apr 15, 2005
Posts: 7577
Location: On the Road Less Traveled
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| Posted: Fri May 04, 2007 6:57 pm Post subject: |
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| lemon wrote: | | Prof_Pretorius wrote: | | lemon wrote: | i know it's coming, and really don't know what to do with it.
maybe being older is less frightening than getting older, it's the whole proces that scares me. |
I turned gray rather early, and when the bag boy at the grocery would say "hay mister", I'd turn 'round to see who was standing behind me(?)
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that's exactly what's happening: people start to call me madam when they always said miss, not that i want to be called miss, but it means something changed, i now look like a 'madam' i guess, and i don't know what a madam is like.
like you say when you grow older there is nothing from the inside that changes, so i don't know how to deal with it
(i'm even more sportive now than i was at seventeen and healthier cause i don't smoke no more, so it's not that) |
I felt a fear of getting older, too. When I was forty, I went through this frantic phase of trying to stay young. Then I realized that I was blessed with a young face, and that aging, when it happened would be slow, as far as appearance, anyway. My health is poor, unfortunately, so in the physical aspect of aging, I've been getting a taste of what I fear already. You are blessed to have good health. And a young attitude goes a long way, too. I think that we all age in our own way.
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Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.
-- Dr. Dale Turner |
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MsTriste
On the Spectrum
Joined: Dec 08, 2005
Age: 49
Posts: 3552
Location: Not here
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| Posted: Tue May 08, 2007 2:38 am Post subject: |
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The hardest thing has been losing hope of having the life I dreamed of when I was younger.
It has been a true loss that I have had to spend some time grieving over. When I was a teenager, with a bright future ahead of me (this was 25 years ago), I expected to have a successful life: marriage, grad school education, kids, great career, plenty of money, grand vacations, great house, etc.
HAH! as Mozart would say.
It's too depressing to say how far from that I am. |
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