krex
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 21, 2006
Age: 49
Posts: 5106
Location: Village of the Damned
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 Posted: Wed May 09, 2007 10:09 pm Post subject: |
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Methinks you're right ,to an extent.I do keep my life as uncluttered by "trivia" as possible.I have chosen low paying jobs to avoid more stress and dont care about material possessions(other then all my books,rocks,crafts and two dollar thriftstore scores.  )but I am so consciously aware of the process.....it is an actual adult talking to this little kid who doesnt want to clean the bathroom....I was never "bribed" as a kid....so my "super-ego" isn't my parents.It just seems weird that I need such external rewards,when all I needed growing up is my parents saying..."do it" and "now"....It might not feel so embarrassing if I wasnt so conscious of the whole progress.
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methinks
Deinonychus
Joined: Apr 07, 2007
Age: 45
Posts: 348
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| Posted: Wed May 09, 2007 10:21 pm Post subject: |
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| Ah,I see.So the self-torment hovers? I guess that's what self-torment does.Do you think it(self torment)is maybe just and only the inversion of these "OCD"-ish perseverations,just another waste-byproduct of the whole enterprise?I sometimes fetishize my own discomfort when,in hindsight,that gives said discomfort way more gavity than it's really worth. |
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krex
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 21, 2006
Age: 49
Posts: 5106
Location: Village of the Damned
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| Posted: Wed May 09, 2007 11:38 pm Post subject: |
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| methinks wrote: | | Ah,I see.So the self-torment hovers? I guess that's what self-torment does.Do you think it(self torment)is maybe just and only the inversion of these "OCD"-ish perseverations,just another waste-byproduct of the whole enterprise?I sometimes fetishize my own discomfort when,in hindsight,that gives said discomfort way more gavity than it's really worth. |
OK.... that was WAY over my head.Dumb it down for me.
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methinks
Deinonychus
Joined: Apr 07, 2007
Age: 45
Posts: 348
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| Posted: Wed May 09, 2007 11:54 pm Post subject: |
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Sorry  I write to clarify my thoughts,and sometimes muddy my thoughts instead.
What I meant is,sometimes the things that worry me are just a weird byproduct of my perseverations,and they are not as important as they feel. |
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Graelwyn
Myrrdyn
Joined: Dec 21, 2006
Age: 38
Posts: 9107
Location: Hants, Uk
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| Posted: Thu May 10, 2007 12:03 am Post subject: |
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I have always been an all or nothing sort of person. I have had so many obsessions, I have forgotten half of them, but once one hits me, I totally lose myself in it and it becomes all consuming. What, I think, frustrates me the most is that many of my obsessions are not intellectual ones... they will be connected to a series of books, like Harry Potter, or a movie, like Bladerunner, or a show...though, admittedly, some have been about slightly more intellectual areas such as the Romanovs and Anastasia, various psychiatric illnesses, the history of mental asylums, Native American culture...
For the longest time now, though, my obsession seems to have been with internet interraction...forums, chat, roleplay...and it annoys the heck out of me as I want to be obsessed with something I would view as more intellectually based and more useful.. I have many things I am curious about and keep meaning to learn, but I simply do not make a start because, I suppose, they have not become obsessions...or maybe, I am just depressed and that has lost me my focus. Music is the only obsession that has endured my whole life. I would never want to tear myself away from that one. I cannot go a day without it.
I am currently resurrecting my interest in serial killers...be afraid...be very afraid, lol. The psychology and background behind these often high IQ minds fascinates and repels me at the same time. I am trying to force myself to do more useful things with my time.
One thing that bothers me infinitely is that I don't seem to be the aspie type who goes around Wiki learning all the facts she can then regurgitating them in a teacherly manner. I just don't seem inclined to read endless material on academia and then start talking on about it. But I do talk on about music sometimes, or about a book I have read etc... just not intellectual areas. |
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postpaleo
Huh?
Joined: Feb 22, 2007
Age: 62
Posts: 3323
Location: North Mirage, Pennsyltucky
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| Posted: Thu May 10, 2007 12:38 am Post subject: |
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Obsessions have served me well. I never really know where they're going to take me, once in a very great while I get to steer them. A little more now with meds. Games, I was into them heavy, still am to a degree, I got so good at one the company wanted me to do things for them. I declined, never knew when that obsession would just go a way. With Archaeology, that was a marriage, umm 20+ years, no degree, but again got so good with it, I turned pro and ended up a boss type and teaching the degreed ones what the real word was like outside of the Ivy walls. I'm not going to give up this little triat, I enjoy it and I have even found, given time, that I can make a living with some.
Addiction. Different animal to me. If they affect my living (basic needs) then it's a problem, if they stop or hinder my obsessions then there is a problem. Went the AA road, not good, they were staring at only one of the many headed beast and the other heads were/are biting them in the ass and yet they wondered why AA is a life long thing. Bull sh** have better things to do, then a one topic pity party. Little rant there  |
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MsTriste
On the Spectrum
Joined: Dec 08, 2005
Age: 49
Posts: 3552
Location: Not here
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| Posted: Thu May 10, 2007 1:02 am Post subject: |
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| Graelwyn wrote: | | I am currently resurrecting my interest in serial killers... |
LOL I was just yesterday reading about Ted Kacsinski aka Unabomber. He's a fascinating character.
| Quote: | | One thing that bothers me infinitely is that I don't seem to be the aspie type who goes around Wiki learning all the facts she can then regurgitating them in a teacherly manner. I just don't seem inclined to read endless material on academia and then start talking on about it. But I do talk on about music sometimes, or about a book I have read etc... just not intellectual areas. |
I didn't think I was that 'type' either, until the other day when I bored someone silly going on and on about chicken husbandry. I don't remember factoids well, for instance, even though I just read about Unabomber yesterday, I can't remember how to spell his name or how long his killing spree was, but I could tell a bunch of other things that were much more interesting to me, such as the similarities and differences between he and his brother. I think that spewing-factoids-like-a-teacher thing might be a little bit of an NT description of how we incorporate our interests in a way that's interesting to each of us, and what's interesting to me may not be interesting to you, so we study a subject for our own very individual reasons and could thus discuss something at length. |
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Rjaye
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 05, 2006
Posts: 903
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| Posted: Thu May 10, 2007 2:45 am Post subject: |
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Krex, this thread is so timely.
I am going through a similar thing. I perseverate on my games or my books or WP, and I have the worst time transitioning. Stress makes it worse. I use it to try to deal with the stress, but I don't have enough time to obsess to destress. I now have home work and studies to be responsible for, and I love it, but it's also stressing me out. I am learning to deal, but it's so hard. I find I can make it through the week, and then I crash for a couple of days. It reminds me of when I was working full time. It took everything I had to get through work, and I did a lousy job, and then I'd spend eight to ten hours on the internet.
The difference between then and now is that I recognize that a little perseveration and regular sleep is better than a lot of perseveration and too little sleep. I know why I do it, and with constant practice since I understood what I was doing, am able to break the obsession. I may not sleep any better, but I get a bit more sleep, and I'm getting showered, and everyday stuff is pretty much taken care of. I feel disjointed because I feel I have to do my "thing" until I'm done, whatever my "done" is. But it's what I now do, and it helps some.
Does that all sound familiar?
Metta, Rjaye. |
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krex
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 21, 2006
Age: 49
Posts: 5106
Location: Village of the Damned
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| Posted: Thu May 10, 2007 3:04 am Post subject: |
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OK I typed a response but the site keeps crashing
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sinsboldly
Free Range Aspie
Joined: Nov 22, 2006
Age: 62
Posts: 15238
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| Posted: Thu May 10, 2007 6:21 am Post subject: |
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| krex wrote: | | Anyone else "bribe" yourself to do something you dislike that needs to get done?I actually have to buy myself something,eat something unhealthy(chocolate goodness)just to get something done.It does work sometimes but feels like I am bribing the "spoiled brat" that dwells within. |
Exactly! I will not deprive myself of anything if I feel deprived by the 'world'. Its like I am the one spoiling myself. Since I have learned about AS, and probably just as quickly diagnosed myself, I have, as much as is within my power, deprived myself of nothing I feel I want or think I 'should have' because I suppose it is crushing, simply crushing to know that all the striving and sacrifice I have done in my life to 'fit in' and 'be normal' was just a pathetic attempt. And I mean pathetic as in pathos - that arouses pity and sorrow within myself. I feel pathos for the valiant little brat that dwells within me, always trying 'one more time' to make the big kids like her, to not sit to the side when everyone else does something together. GACK! When I think of the time and effort I spent in my life trying to be 'as good as' them, when it was a lost cause from the beginning. Sometimes I wonder what I could have done with my life if I had known, how my education could have been crafted, how being a professional could have been molded, way back when it might have made a difference.
Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for knowing now about AS, and I damn sure had one fabulous life either because or in spite of AS, but now and then I wonder what might have been if Dr Asperger lived in my country and people didn't have to translate his work, and he hadn't been from a country that was suspect because we were at war with them. Then I suppose, I would be wondering what could have been if I were allowed to just develop as I could, living life the best as I could. . .
Too early in the morning to get up (3:20 AM) This is probably a dream anyway. I am going back to bed.
Merle |
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Postperson
The Daughter of Indifference
Joined: Jul 10, 2004
Age: 56
Posts: 4314
Location: Uz
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| Posted: Sat May 12, 2007 5:51 pm Post subject: |
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| i'm better with obsessive interests since i've been older. i think it's because i've mostly seen/done/tasted/investigated so many of them, i'm somewhat satisfied. |
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Grimbling
Raven
Joined: Apr 03, 2007
Posts: 117
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| Posted: Sun May 13, 2007 11:21 pm Post subject: |
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| Graelwyn wrote: | | What, I think, frustrates me the most is that many of my obsessions are not intellectual ones... they will be connected to a series of books, like Harry Potter, or a movie, like Bladerunner, or a show... |
 This is so like me. I'm quite envious of the types whose obsessions have led to them making some great scientific breakthrough, or revolutionising a branch of programming, or something else useful. Meanwhile, I made a Funky Squad fan site just to get the wretched show out of my system, and ask me anything about The Goodies...
Self-bribery doesn't work with me. If I promise myself a new DVD/chocolate or some other treat as a reward for completing some set task, and then don't follow through, I'll probably buy the treat anyway. It's a self control issue - learning that line between pampering youself a bit, and self-indulgence. |
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tomart
Snowy Owl
Joined: Apr 11, 2007
Posts: 127
Location: southern New Jersey
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| Posted: Mon May 14, 2007 12:24 am Post subject: |
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| Graelwyn wrote: | | I have always been an all or nothing sort of person. I have had so many obsessions, I have forgotten half of them, but once one hits me, I totally lose myself in it and it becomes all consuming. |
Yes!! That passion is precious and valuable, that's how we Aspies learn and get good at things. I wish i could turn even one of them into a job, like postpaleo...
| Graelwyn wrote: | | ...now, though, my obsession seems to have been with internet interraction...forums, chat, roleplay...and it annoys the heck out of me as I want to be obsessed with something I would view as more intellectually based and more useful.. |
I know the feeling, but once in a great while i find a real gem, someone so smart and/or wise that it seems to make the whole process worthwhile. And the Harry Potter books are a wonderful world to spend time in.
| Graelwyn wrote: | | The psychology and background behind these often high IQ minds fascinates and repels me at the same time. |
Thomas Harris' (Hannibal Lecter) novels are imho incredibly insightful; a master psychologist, plumbing the real depths of human nature. Very frightening. [And more cases where the novels are better than the movies; you just can't get as much into a film.]
| methinks wrote: | | sometimes the things that worry me are just a weird byproduct of my perseverations,and they are not as important as they feel. |
I think the worries that come with perseveration (or having too much fun) are remnants of ancient pains, when in my foolish youth i didn't know when to stop overdoing (not that i do now.) So they're not as important as they feel, if i can divert myself back to important things like work and chores when needed...
| aylissa wrote: | | I can't remember how to spell his name or how long his killing spree was, but I could tell a bunch of other things that were much more interesting to me, such as the similarities and differences between he and his brother. |
Einstein said facts are stored in books so you don't have to remember them; you're doing higher-level analysis. Much more valuable.
| Rjaye wrote: | | I recognize that a little perseveration and regular sleep is better than a lot of perseveration and too little sleep. |
A lesson i keep having to learn over and over.
| sinsboldly wrote: | I feel pathos for the valiant little brat that dwells within me, always trying 'one more time'...
Sometimes I wonder what I could have done with my life if I had known, how my education could have been crafted, how being a professional could have been molded... |
I've always wanted education to be crafted, our interests pursued, our real potentials recognized and encouraged, like computers and the web could allow now...
A moment of poignant pathos for what we could have been.
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