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yealc
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 04, 2005
Posts: 519
Location: Bennett CO
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 Posted: Sat Aug 06, 2005 12:26 am Post subject: Humiliated myself at work today and put my job in danger |
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Well today I fell apart. I let someone in a meeting give my report and act like she did my job. I have been told "deal" with the situation or I will not achieve my yearly goals. So Monday I have to go in and confront this lady and tell her to quit doing my job and to let me do it alone. I really hate these situations. 
Any way I can fail at this project by not talking to the lady or I can have a chance of suceeding by telling her to back off.
Thanks for listening.
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Yvette (yealc)
"I never could get the hang of Thursdays" |
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Ghosthunter
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 20, 2005
Posts: 2473
Location: Minneapolis, Minnesota
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| Posted: Sat Aug 06, 2005 1:48 am Post subject: ! |
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Bye!
Last edited by Ghosthunter on Tue Aug 16, 2005 3:29 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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yealc
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 04, 2005
Posts: 519
Location: Bennett CO
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| Posted: Sat Aug 06, 2005 7:42 am Post subject: |
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Currently I am working as an administrative assistant. However, on this one project I was made project coordinator because they are planning to promote me to project coordinator. This means I have to succeed on coordinating this project.
I am doing great at the actual coordination the problem is just that this other lady seems to think she is the coordinator and she got mad that I was doing the work and in the meeting when the boss asked for an update on the project the other lady started to give the update and got mad when I knew things she did not know.
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Yvette (yealc)
"I never could get the hang of Thursdays" |
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vetivert
gagged, but never silent
Joined: Sep 18, 2004
Posts: 5768
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| Posted: Sat Aug 06, 2005 1:45 pm Post subject: |
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she's the one with the problem, sounds like, yealc.
do you have anyone sympathetic you can talk to? at work, i mean.
the very best of luck, and let us know how you get on. |
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jb814
Deinonychus
Joined: Aug 04, 2005
Posts: 309
Location: Glasgow Scotland
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| Posted: Sat Aug 06, 2005 4:47 pm Post subject: Don't stress. |
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As a consummate coward who had a similar experience I can say do not work yourself up, charge in and make things worse. Relax, be diplomatic and bear in mind that you were the one given authority. If tempers fray, make sure it's not your temper that is lost.
Most important is don't be bullied/harassed, make a list of your reasons/reasoning and stick to that. Best Wishes. |
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yealc
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 04, 2005
Posts: 519
Location: Bennett CO
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| Posted: Sat Aug 06, 2005 5:18 pm Post subject: |
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Wow how wonderful to have found a place where people understand what my issue is and don't think the issue is that I just did not do what I should have done.
I have gotten some great advice from members of this forum as well at the sympathetic NTs I work with. Yes, I do have some of those in my life. One of my coworkers son has AS so he really understands and he did help me out yesterday in the meeting.
Vetivert - everyone agrees the other lady has the problem but part of my job is to take care of her attitude 
jb814 - You are so on target with what I do. I either lose my temper or I get bullied and start to give in and doubt that I am right.
I am going to practice some scripts (as another Aspie suggested) and I trust that I will then be prepared. The hardest thing will be for me to start the conversation on Monday.
Thanks once again for the suggestions (I have never felt so understood in my life!). I will let everyone know what happens Monday.
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Yvette (yealc)
"I never could get the hang of Thursdays" |
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yealc
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 04, 2005
Posts: 519
Location: Bennett CO
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| Posted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 12:45 am Post subject: |
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Well I made it through the day. I had a talk with the lady I had a problem with and it seemed to go well. I want to thank everyone here for their advise both on the thread and off. I took the advise and prepared ahead of time. When I approched her she listened and accepted the roles and responsibilities outlined by my boss and myself. I also took the advise to outline these agreements in a written document that went to the project manager and the project sponsor/boss.
My only issue with the outcome of this is that the lady saved face by acting like she was helping me. However, as long as I can do my job, fufill my annual goals, and get my promotion I can be patronized. 
Once again thank you so very much. 
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Yvette (yealc)
"I never could get the hang of Thursdays" |
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vetivert
gagged, but never silent
Joined: Sep 18, 2004
Posts: 5768
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| Posted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 2:00 am Post subject: |
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yealc, that's great news - bloody well done to you.
and, as you say, if she needs to save face/"gain points" by doing that, then let her have them, if you can do that - she seems to need it more than you. sounds like she feels either useless, insecure or unimportant. |
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jb814
Deinonychus
Joined: Aug 04, 2005
Posts: 309
Location: Glasgow Scotland
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| Posted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 8:01 am Post subject: we aren't the only ones with issues. |
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| Lets face it, you proved your point, so now her role IS to help you. It's difficult, but it sounds like if you were on a better footing with this lady you'd make a formidable team. Make sure she grasps that. Mutual aid beats bickering. |
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yealc
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 04, 2005
Posts: 519
Location: Bennett CO
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| Posted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 11:24 am Post subject: |
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| vetivert wrote: | | sounds like she feels either useless, insecure or unimportant. |
She feels like all of these and so steps on everyone else.
Thanks for the all the kind works.
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Yvette (yealc)
"I never could get the hang of Thursdays" |
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yealc
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 04, 2005
Posts: 519
Location: Bennett CO
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| Posted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 11:25 am Post subject: Re: we aren't the only ones with issues. |
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| jb814 wrote: | | Lets face it, you proved your point, so now her role IS to help you. It's difficult, but it sounds like if you were on a better footing with this lady you'd make a formidable team. Make sure she grasps that. Mutual aid beats bickering. |
You make a great point and that is what I am striving for but she is having trouble being a teammate to anyone right now. Our company just restructured and she just can't seem to adjust.
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Yvette (yealc)
"I never could get the hang of Thursdays" |
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julieme
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Jun 13, 2005
Posts: 184
Location: Wisconsin
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| Posted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 5:49 pm Post subject: |
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 Great.. Well done.
By the way there are a few good books on how to handle these and other awkward conversations. They are very useful.
Julie |
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