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mariiha
Toucan
Joined: Feb 12, 2007
Posts: 259
Location: WP
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 Posted: Sat Jul 07, 2007 11:13 pm Post subject: |
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| Aspie1 wrote: | | Izaak wrote: | | haha... this reminds me of an incident I had with the owner of a construction firm. I told him off and called him a dumbass for walking through our work (statement was along the lines of "Watch the wet paint dumbass" [he did duck under the tape and walk past a "caution: wet paint sign"]. He then told me that he owned the company and that was no way to talk to him. To which I reply... oh so that means you should have known better, so don't do it again. (story is still retold amongst my co-workers every now and then) |
isn't is totally amazing? it is so typical of these "higher" people that they don't even know what is going on in the work site and are too above to find out from the workers who know the job inside/out and then wonder why they don't get any respect...what a dumbass!
I think there would have been a better way to get your point across without being "rude". When your boss tried to walk past a "wet paint" sign, you could have told him, in a firm but polite voice: "Sir, please don't do that! The paint is wet. Do you need something from that area?" |
   , yah right (you are kidding, right?) |
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SilverProteus
The years, no doubt, have changed me.
Joined: Jul 21, 2007
Posts: 7154
Location: Fleet Street.
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| Posted: Sun Aug 05, 2007 8:49 pm Post subject: |
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Yeah, the unwritten rules of society are complicated. You have to observe and write them down for future reference.
I've had a few problems with teachers in the past because of the so-called 'pecking order'. Some, for some reason I don't know, actually believe they're better than you, just because they're your teacher. They demand your respect, expect it and will give you a hard time if you don't respect them.
I think people should be earning respect, not demanding it. And I don't even set my standards that high! 
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"How about a shave?"
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V001
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jul 28, 2007
Posts: 141
Location: -0700
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| Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 12:41 pm Post subject: This covo reminders me |
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This talking of staus reminders me. Lots of human who try to say we are not Animals are the ones who want to be treated like one ie having a leader of the pack in wolf terms. And that they can be leaders or follwers only or in more direct terms lower or higher and if lower feel that is their place and if higher that is thier place. Silly humans need to growup and past that simple minded trap  |
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Greentea
Bull in China Shop par Excellence!
Joined: Jun 15, 2007
Posts: 2211
Location: Middle East
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| Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 1:37 pm Post subject: |
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| so, so true V001 !!! |
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shopaholic
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 01, 2007
Posts: 619
Location: UK
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| Posted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 2:22 pm Post subject: |
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Surely these people only have power because others treat them as having power?
I choose not to. If they don't like it, that's their problem, not mine.
As others have posted, I give respect to those who have earned it, not those who demand it from me. |
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nomessiah
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Jul 03, 2007
Age: 24
Posts: 65
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| Posted: Thu Aug 30, 2007 12:28 am Post subject: |
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| Izaak wrote: | | An interesting phenomenon that I have found is that if you don't asskiss and you get called on it, don't apologise and grovel. For some reason people then seem to think that you are going to be the next leader of the group and they start kissing your arse. It can be downright annoying if you just want to be left alone to do your work. |
That's apparently what NTs refer to as "confidence". We call it "competence". It's probably just a pathological speech issue on one of our parts. |
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pi_woman
Sea Gull
Joined: May 16, 2006
Age: 48
Posts: 229
Location: In my own little world
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| Posted: Sun Sep 02, 2007 7:05 pm Post subject: |
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This has gotten me into more trouble at work than any other AS traits. Particularly with some narrow-minded, insecure, old farts crony of a boss who thinks he's finally a big shot now that he's been promoted to management, and feels entitled to be treated the way he resentfully treated his "superiors" when he was new. With no understanding of, or respect for, different perspectives. Which makes me wonder exactly what "qualifications" got him a managerial job in the first place.
I just don't "get it" when it comes to inter-office politics. I've always treated people based on their behavior with no consideration for (or, at times, awareness of) social hierarchy. |
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RedHanrahan
Sea Gull
Joined: Sep 02, 2007
Posts: 237
Location: Aotearoa/New Zealand
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| Posted: Sun Sep 09, 2007 5:29 pm Post subject: ... |
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Thanx everyone, I thought I was just a screwup but at least if I am I am not alone, lol.
I have never understood the ladder either, and I have certainly never been able to accept what I see as injustices borne from it.
At school I was friendless for the most part but I would tend to have one person in each of several different hierarchies that I had made some connection with, but because I never adhered to the conventions [usually because I was oblivious to them] I was always the freak the apologised to their friends for speaking to...
At work I always seem to end up in conflict with bosses and the 'climbers' - the ones who have their eye on advancement. My failure to integrate into my place on the ladder and my refusal to sh** on anyone they choose to place below me marks me out as a rebel, a troublemaker, but all along all I have wanted is a little peace and quiet, and injustices and petty games tend to interfere with that...
Now I am trying to learn the codes and reprogram myself to honour them however bizarre they seem.
peace j |
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Greentea
Bull in China Shop par Excellence!
Joined: Jun 15, 2007
Posts: 2211
Location: Middle East
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| Posted: Mon Sep 10, 2007 12:52 am Post subject: |
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That's an accurate description of me and what I mean!
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"It is the wounded oyster that mends its shell with pearl" - Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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LKL
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 22, 2007
Age: 32
Posts: 874
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| Posted: Mon Sep 10, 2007 3:11 am Post subject: |
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Me too.
Men may be labeled as 'confident,' but women get labeled as 'bitchy.' |
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ignisfatuus
Raven
Joined: Feb 06, 2008
Posts: 116
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| Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 8:36 pm Post subject: |
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| My insouciant treatment of authority has been viewed as quaint or inappropriate, moreso the latter. Truth be told, it is much easier to just bend to convention than continually lock horns with those who expect deferment as befits their position. I guess this is part of developing an acceptable "social mask". Unfortunately, I tend to think in very black and white terms, and breaching certain beliefs within that mindset causes considerable mental turmoil. |
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Izaak
Squeeky Bathtime Companion
Joined: Jun 11, 2007
Posts: 1154
Location: Perth, Western Australia
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| Posted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 9:55 am Post subject: |
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The problem is, at least on my part, is that it's hard to bend to convention because when the specifics of the convention are unknown.
If you "bend" to the wrong convention, you'll probably be worse off than remaining aloof from the whole deal. |
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skeeterhawk
Raven
Joined: Feb 09, 2008
Age: 61
Posts: 115
Location: Southeast
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| Posted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 1:38 pm Post subject: ethical paradoxes |
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I have certainly found myself in this position, and I remain less than enthusiastic about working hard to change my behavior. The problem is the mix of ethics and social rules. I try to treat EVERYONE with respect and courtesy. This is how I understand the basic thrust of ethics. I am aware that people have repeatedly informed me that there is some sort of different behavior, different from bedrock respect and courtesy, that is expected around authority. I am largely clueless about what all this behavior is. I very clearly have no intuitive feel for it. Memorization has not worked well except in very limited interactions.
Beyond all that, this extra behavior set seems to be counter to the stated ethical structure of my society. I hear people say that they resent having to play the game and others who have stories of being emotionally hurt by this (not just autisitcs). Most of all I hear that we are all created equal and that we are all equally deserving of respect, peon and "authority person" alike. From Thomas Jefferson to Dr. Seuss, that message is everywhere.
So I have to wonder if these conflicting messages of the equality of all vs "yassuh, yassuh, you the man" affect others as much as they do me. I can try my best to be respectful, but I have a really hard time with finding the energy to play power politics. It's a double whammy of ethics and autism!
Anybody else feel this way? |
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sartresue
Radical Aspergian
Joined: Dec 19, 2007
Posts: 2147
Location: The Castle of Shock and Awe-tism
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| Posted: Tue Mar 25, 2008 5:35 pm Post subject: Re: Power relations unawareness - an aspie trait? |
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| Greentea wrote: | This may sound too weird but I didn't know till recently that you're supposed to behave differently towards someone depending if they're in a position of power in relation to you or not. Eg: if a person is highly influential in a group and you're not, you don't express an opinion that goes against their beliefs.
People were usually appalled at my lack of "sensitivity" in this respect, automatically thinking I was "rebellious" rather than unaware.
Has anyone else here experienced something like this? |
The power of certain people topic
Hello, Greentea, I just discovered this classic post and I just experienced this at work. I was trying to get my brain around this power imbalance thing and then I read what you have to say and what the other posters thought. Thanks.
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Radical Aspergian
Awe-Tistic Whirlwind
Phuture Phounder of the Philosophy Phactory |
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Whisperer
Velociraptor
Joined: Oct 14, 2007
Posts: 458
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| Posted: Sun Mar 30, 2008 4:21 am Post subject: |
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I didn't even known this existed. 
I've cut relationships that were unfair; I just don't ackowledge these things.
If I think some truth about a social leader cannot be said - then I don't say anything about anyone in the group. . . and if it gets too annoying, then again, I leave. . .
Now I remember my dad telling me about this when I was in primary school (and getting into fights everyday) - I wouldn't accept it as it's ridiculously unfair. . .
If then people only didn't act surprised or complained when they get shot - but instead they are like "How can someone do this to us?! We are honest educated people!".
They are all scum!!!!! |
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