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dosh
Raven
Joined: Jul 25, 2007
Posts: 112
Location: London, UK
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 Posted: Mon Aug 06, 2007 9:09 am Post subject: How to tell if someone fancies me (is hitting on me) |
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| I have a real problem knowing! In the past certain men have become really angry with me for not reacting. I only found out through other people that they were interested in me. I can't tell if they're just being friendly or if there's something more. Advice would be very welcome. |
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dawndeleon
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 14, 2007
Age: 32
Posts: 740
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| Posted: Mon Aug 06, 2007 1:08 pm Post subject: |
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man, i have had that problem too. Do they go out of their way to see you or do things for you? Do they physically light up when they see you? Have they made you a 'mix tape'? Believe me, i was pretty clueless about all that stuff. Its hard to tell.
do they call you a lot and seem like they hover around you? Its possible. |
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iamnotaparakeet
Alpha Parrot
Joined: Aug 01, 2007
Age: 23
Posts: 11779
Location: Domus Psittacorum
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| Posted: Mon Aug 06, 2007 1:14 pm Post subject: |
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If they're trying to be friendly to you, they're probably interested in you as a woman too. If they're subtle about it it's probably because they neither want to be rejected nor want to have a lawsuit. Your response probably qualified as a rejection of interest, but they have no right to be angry. If you're looking for a friend that's a guy, it wont be the one who gets angry for your not flirting with him.
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Pandora
Cat Lady
Joined: Jun 18, 2005
Age: 47
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Location: Townsville
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| Posted: Tue Aug 07, 2007 5:40 am Post subject: |
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If they stand close and touch you a lot then they are probably interested. I was quite hopeless at telling when a guy was interested in me. If they tease you eg. call you funny names (as long as they aren't nasty), they are very likely interested too. I also think if they offer to do you up a CD compilation they are interested.
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Yupa
Avatar of Evil
Joined: May 15, 2005
Age: 18
Posts: 1315
Location: Florida
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| Posted: Tue Aug 07, 2007 10:17 am Post subject: |
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| On the other hand, some guys may be overly afraid of rejection and thus will go out of their way to try to seem like they're not interested in you. |
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iamnotaparakeet
Alpha Parrot
Joined: Aug 01, 2007
Age: 23
Posts: 11779
Location: Domus Psittacorum
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| Posted: Tue Aug 07, 2007 11:45 am Post subject: |
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They're looking for you to show signs of interest in them, but don't show unless you really have any. People who flirt just to flirt are an annoyance.
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gwenevyn
asdf forever
Joined: May 07, 2007
Posts: 6179
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| Posted: Tue Aug 07, 2007 12:27 pm Post subject: |
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| iamnotaparakeet wrote: | | If they're trying to be friendly to you, they're probably interested in you as a woman too. If they're subtle about it it's probably because they neither want to be rejected nor want to have a lawsuit. Your response probably qualified as a rejection of interest, but they have no right to be angry. If you're looking for a friend that's a guy, it wont be the one who gets angry for your not flirting with him. |
It's hard though. Going both ways, it's hard (telling whether a guy likes you, or making him suspect that you might like him.)
Actually, I usually know when someone fancies me, if I am not interested, or if our interests are forming at a mutual pace. Though not always. The most difficult situation is when I form an attraction to a guy before I know whether or not he's attracted to me. My usual near-perfect "he likes me" radar just freezes up!
I don't know how a fellow is supposed to know that I like him in a different way from the other guys with whom I talk.  And I think flirting and happy, playful conversation often look very similar. One doesn't wish to appear too obvious, because the journey is as important as the destination when it comes to catching someone's eye and getting to know him. I've seen that when people jump straight to the point, it's often dooming. |
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Pugly
Man-child diligently becoming a Dude, man
Joined: Jan 10, 2005
Age: 26
Posts: 2567
Location: Wisonsin
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| Posted: Tue Aug 07, 2007 12:42 pm Post subject: |
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| gwenevyn wrote: | | I don't know how a fellow is supposed to know that I like him in a different way from the other guys with whom I talk. And I think flirting and happy, playful conversation often look very similar. One doesn't wish to appear too obvious, because the journey is as important as the destination when it comes to catching someone's eye and getting to know him. I've seen that when people jump straight to the point, it's often dooming. |
What's so wrong about being obvious? This isn't rhetorical... I really want to know.
And you are right on about the flirting issue... I don't think it's possible for guys with AS to understand it.
Flirting is always tricky... I wish people didn't have to do it.
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Last edited by Pugly on Tue Aug 07, 2007 1:01 pm; edited 2 times in total |
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gwenevyn
asdf forever
Joined: May 07, 2007
Posts: 6179
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| Posted: Tue Aug 07, 2007 12:47 pm Post subject: |
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| Pugly wrote: |
What's so wrong about being obvious? This isn't rhetorical... I really want to know.
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I've actually been thinking a great deal about this subject.
I'm going to let those thoughts simmer for a teensy bit longer and then reply. |
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dosh
Raven
Joined: Jul 25, 2007
Posts: 112
Location: London, UK
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| Posted: Thu Aug 09, 2007 8:20 am Post subject: How to tell if someone fancies me (is hitting on me) |
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| Thanks everyone for these really interesting comments -- really helpful. Obviously part of the problem is the fear of incorrectly thinking that someone is interested when they aren't! Life's bad enough for an aspie without adding problems. |
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sassyaspie
Blue Jay
Joined: Sep 21, 2007
Posts: 84
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SpaceStace
Sea Gull
Joined: Sep 23, 2007
Posts: 208
Location: New York City
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| Posted: Sun Sep 23, 2007 1:34 pm Post subject: |
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Touching you I find is a really good and clear sign.
I think him treating you differently than he treats other people is a good indicator, but I find it very difficult to tell if that's the case - I have to have a friend point it out to me. Someone posting teasing, that's a good example of that. Or if he's tongue-tied when you walk up. Or in my case, many men have told me they're afraid of me - I thought that was bad for years but have come to learn that's actually good.
As far as the reverse - flirting with men, I've only ever been able to try to hide my interest, or the complete opposite - to out-and-out hit on men. But that doesn't work so well when you want a boyfriend and not just a one-night stand. I'm really lost in that area. |
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Ticker
Come to the Dark Side; we have cookies...
Joined: Aug 26, 2006
Posts: 2408
Location: Cage Free at the moment
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| Posted: Sun Sep 23, 2007 5:10 pm Post subject: |
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Depending on the guy I think them following you around and always wanting to talk every time they see you is a good indicator. Whenever they tremble when they talk to you or get close to you is a definite sign. I've also heard when guy's voices suddenly get high pitched that means they like you. I think that was even mentioned on Seinfeld. I've noticed it's true especially among really shy guys that if they speak to a woman they like their voice will get so high they start squeaking.
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Graelwyn
Myrrdyn
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Joined: Dec 21, 2006
Posts: 8424
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| Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 5:58 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | I've noticed it's true especially among really shy guys that if they speak to a woman they like their voice will get so high they start squeaking. |
I am now curious as to the mechanics behind that... I know that wearing tight underwear can cause this phenomena, but I wonder why it goes high if they like someone |
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TheBladeRoden
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 11, 2005
Age: 24
Posts: 1271
Location: Wisconsin
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| Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 6:01 pm Post subject: |
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Muscle tension I imagine
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