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nb411
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 22, 2007
Posts: 802
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 Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 8:16 am Post subject: Why do NT's become resentful when you change your mind? |
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Why do neuro-typicals sometimes become resentful when you change your mind?
They seem to attach themselves to ideas so tightly sometimes that a change of plan is extremely painful to them and will even resist it strongly.
I post this from the point of view that I like to adapt and change my beliefs as new experiences and information come into my mind. In my experience the neuro-typicals I am referring to are quite intelligent so this is not a factor. |
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sinsboldly
Free Range Aspie
Joined: Nov 22, 2006
Age: 58
Posts: 8094
Location: Oregon, USA
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| Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 9:23 am Post subject: Re: Why do NT's become resentful when you change your mind? |
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| nb411 wrote: | Why do neuro-typicals sometimes become resentful when you change your mind?
They seem to attach themselves to ideas so tightly sometimes that a change of plan is extremely painful to them and will even resist it strongly.
I post this from the point of view that I like to adapt and change my beliefs as new experiences and information come into my mind. In my experience the neuro-typicals I am referring to are quite intelligent so this is not a factor. |
Any one can become resentful when you change your mind, just like you can become resentful when someone else changes their mind if you are invested in them staying with their original state of mind.
what they are like neurologically is incidental. |
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camphortree
Velociraptor
Joined: Jul 11, 2006
Age: 118
Posts: 437
Location: mars
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| Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 9:36 am Post subject: Re: Why do NT's become resentful when you change your mind? |
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| nb411 wrote: | | They seem to attach themselves to ideas so tightly sometimes that a change of plan is extremely painful to them and will even resist it strongly. |
That sounds alot like a description of someone with AS.  |
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unnamed
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 27, 2007
Posts: 622
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| Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 10:19 am Post subject: |
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| Yeah, I wonder if those people aren't reacting badly to us because we usually are the ones resisting so hard when they change their minds. So maybe they think we're being hypocritical or something. I'm learning that they really don't have a clue as to how hard it is for us to change, and most of them think we're pulling powerplays when we resist them. So when we do change, they may think it's just another game we're playing. I'm finding out that they really do read us wrong...in a zillion ways. |
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BlackWolf
Butterfly
Joined: Mar 18, 2007
Posts: 14
Location: In a daydream, apparantly.
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| Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 10:28 am Post subject: |
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It's because socialisation affects them so strongly and so deeply. They can't concieve of anything beyond what their parents, teachers etc have taught them. They cannot facilitate new evidence which is contradictory to their world-view, so they filter it out.
They get angry at us for changing because they percieve it as a threat to their world-view.
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Oddly coloured wolves are cut off from the pack as a liability in hunting - weak camoflage. Also, I'm a semi-sorta-goth. |
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Sopho
Emu Egg
Joined: Apr 04, 2007
Posts: 13905
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| Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 11:16 am Post subject: Re: Why do NT's become resentful when you change your mind? |
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| nb411 wrote: | Why do neuro-typicals sometimes become resentful when you change your mind?
They seem to attach themselves to ideas so tightly sometimes that a change of plan is extremely painful to them and will even resist it strongly.
I post this from the point of view that I like to adapt and change my beliefs as new experiences and information come into my mind. In my experience the neuro-typicals I am referring to are quite intelligent so this is not a factor. |
I think it depends what it is. If it's something that directly affects them then it bothers the because it messes up their plans etc. But I don't think it's just NTs. I hate change as well, in some ways it's an AS thing. |
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willem
Winner of 1 Aspiggie!!!
Joined: Apr 07, 2007
Posts: 1510
Location: Cascadia
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| Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 11:40 am Post subject: Re: Why do NT's become resentful when you change your mind? |
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| nb411 wrote: | Why do neuro-typicals sometimes become resentful when you change your mind?
They seem to attach themselves to ideas so tightly sometimes that a change of plan is extremely painful to them and will even resist it strongly.
I post this from the point of view that I like to adapt and change my beliefs as new experiences and information come into my mind. In my experience the neuro-typicals I am referring to are quite intelligent so this is not a factor. |
This is an interesting phenomenon. If the "change of plan" is about something concrete, say you're my friend and we've agreed to do something fun in the weekend and then you suddenly change your mind about this, then, like many Aspies, I'd be more upset about that than most NT's would be. It would mean a breach of trust.
So I'm guessing you're not talking about such a concrete situation, but about a change of opinion/interpretation/preference/behavior. NT's get upset about that, while we Aspies don't, because they attribute static identities to everyone and everything. In their minds, whatever you like to do or believe in right now is part of who you are, and by changing your beliefs you (1) betray your "identity" (which exists only in their minds but they think it's real), and (2) you are not behaving according to their expectations, and expectations overrule reality in the NT mind. (That is, if someone/something behaves differently from expected, NT's tend to conclude there's something wrong with the person or thing, while obviously there was something wrong with the expectation, as it failed to predict accurately what was going to happen.)
Many Aspies worry a lot about NT expectations. I think we should not do that, because we are not in any way responsible for the expectations others may have about us unless we created those expectations, for instance by making explicit promises.
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KaliMa
Velociraptor
Joined: Feb 09, 2007
Age: 47
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Location: Boston, Massachusetts, USA
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| Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 11:54 am Post subject: Re: Why do NT's become resentful when you change your mind? |
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| willem wrote: | (2) you are not behaving according to their expectations, and expectations overrule reality in the NT mind. (That is, if someone/something behaves differently from expected, NT's tend to conclude there's something wrong with the person or thing, while obviously there was something wrong with the expectation, as it failed to predict accurately what was going to happen.)
Many Aspies worry a lot about NT expectations. I think we should not do that, because we are not in any way responsible for the expectations others may have about us unless we created those expectations, for instance by making explicit promises. |
I've noticed this too! People get pissy when you dont live up to their completely unsupported assumptions about you, and they will never consider that their assumption was incorrect. It must be that you're in the wrong, because they can NEVER be wrong. It's reallly bizzarre. |
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unnamed
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 27, 2007
Posts: 622
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| Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 12:32 pm Post subject: Re: Why do NT's become resentful when you change your mind? |
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| KaliMa wrote: | | willem wrote: | (2) you are not behaving according to their expectations, and expectations overrule reality in the NT mind. (That is, if someone/something behaves differently from expected, NT's tend to conclude there's something wrong with the person or thing, while obviously there was something wrong with the expectation, as it failed to predict accurately what was going to happen.)
Many Aspies worry a lot about NT expectations. I think we should not do that, because we are not in any way responsible for the expectations others may have about us unless we created those expectations, for instance by making explicit promises. |
I've noticed this too! People get pissy when you dont live up to their completely unsupported assumptions about you, and they will never consider that their assumption was incorrect. It must be that you're in the wrong, because they can NEVER be wrong. It's reallly bizzarre. |
KaliMa, you nailed it! NTs can never admit they're wrong the way we can. I think it freaks them out that we can have a strong opinion about something, and then later admit that we've modified our view based on new information we've learned or reflection we've done. I actually think they may subconsciously envy us this ego-flexibility! |
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cecilfienkelstien
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Joined: May 11, 2006
Posts: 790
Location: western ontario
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| Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 1:53 pm Post subject: |
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| If I hear someone give a rational for an opinion that makes sense to me, I will incorperate it into my thoughts. I don't mind getting new evidence. To me this kind of situation is a good example of how small minded people can be. |
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Fuzzy
Ack! Thbbbt!
Joined: Mar 31, 2006
Posts: 2095
Location: Alberta Canada
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| Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 11:25 pm Post subject: |
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Its the reason that I think NT is a particularly advantageous Aspergerian splinter skill that facilitated and enhanced reproduction/socialization/communication. It became so common place that the vast majority of people hold those genes.
Its become more and more evident to me that NTs lack a certain kind of theory of mind that we DO have. As well, their varying degree of narrow focus on social activity and gossip smack of an aspie obsession spread so wide that it encompasses most of humanity.
Who says I cannot turn things inside out?
This would explain a partial lack of genetic evidence of the autism spectrums; It is simply atavistic traits that are brought into play by unusual environmental conditions during gestation and early infancy. |
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Beenthere
10 Miles South of Sanity
Joined: Dec 30, 2005
Age: 41
Posts: 2121
Location: Pa.
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| Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 12:24 am Post subject: |
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Basically because independent thought is normally frowned upon. 
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*Normal* is just a setting on the dryer. |
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nb411
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 22, 2007
Posts: 802
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| Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 3:04 am Post subject: Re: Why do NT's become resentful when you change your mind? |
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| willem wrote: | | nb411 wrote: | Why do neuro-typicals sometimes become resentful when you change your mind?
They seem to attach themselves to ideas so tightly sometimes that a change of plan is extremely painful to them and will even resist it strongly.
I post this from the point of view that I like to adapt and change my beliefs as new experiences and information come into my mind. In my experience the neuro-typicals I am referring to are quite intelligent so this is not a factor. |
This is an interesting phenomenon. If the "change of plan" is about something concrete, say you're my friend and we've agreed to do something fun in the weekend and then you suddenly change your mind about this, then, like many Aspies, I'd be more upset about that than most NT's would be. It would mean a breach of trust.
So I'm guessing you're not talking about such a concrete situation, but about a change of opinion/interpretation/preference/behavior. NT's get upset about that, while we Aspies don't, because they attribute static identities to everyone and everything. In their minds, whatever you like to do or believe in right now is part of who you are, and by changing your beliefs you (1) betray your "identity" (which exists only in their minds but they think it's real), and (2) you are not behaving according to their expectations, and expectations overrule reality in the NT mind. (That is, if someone/something behaves differently from expected, NT's tend to conclude there's something wrong with the person or thing, while obviously there was something wrong with the expectation, as it failed to predict accurately what was going to happen.)
Many Aspies worry a lot about NT expectations. I think we should not do that, because we are not in any way responsible for the expectations others may have about us unless we created those expectations, for instance by making explicit promises. |
Thankyou for that. Of course I did not mean this in the sense of liability to the person, well maybe they could see it that way come to think of it now.
Anyways, this idea of projected identity is bang on. I find it very frustrating and limiting. |
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Triangular_Trees
What is right is sometimes found on the left.
Joined: Jul 18, 2007
Posts: 2053
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| Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 4:15 am Post subject: |
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| I wonder that too, especially when it comes to their opinions on politicians. They are like "Oh my god, Joe Black voted yes on this issue in 1986, but he voted no on it in 2006. He can't be trusted" Like nothing regarding the issue, or the politicians knowledge of the issue could have changed. Or even that his change in vote could have been teh result in the change of what the majority of his constituents wanted. |
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Fuzzy
Ack! Thbbbt!
Joined: Mar 31, 2006
Posts: 2095
Location: Alberta Canada
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| Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 7:22 am Post subject: |
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| Triangular_Trees wrote: | | I wonder that too, especially when it comes to their opinions on politicians. They are like "Oh my god, Joe Black voted yes on this issue in 1986, but he voted no on it in 2006. He can't be trusted" Like nothing regarding the issue, or the politicians knowledge of the issue could have changed. Or even that his change in vote could have been teh result in the change of what the majority of his constituents wanted. |
That exactly sums up their deficiency in theory of mind. Thanks. |
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