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CockneyRebel
Sid The Love Rat is a Sweet Pea :O)
Joined: Jul 18, 2004
Age: 34
Posts: 21116
Location: Out in the evening, with me two best Rat Mates :O)
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 Posted: Tue Oct 05, 2004 9:55 am Post subject: Do you keep your problems to yourself? |
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I tend to keep my problems to myself. If anybody asks me what's wrong, I just tell them that I'm tired. If I'm at home, I lie down for a short nap. If I'm at the Clubhouse, I read a book in the Library. I only talk to my problems to people that I really trust. I don't see the point in pouring my heart out to poeple if they're just going to tell me that my problems are all in my head. I tell all of you about my problems because this is a safe haven for me to go. I don't know what it is, but it's almost like you have to be NT for your problems to be taken seriously, and for most people to really want to listen to what you have to say. What do you think?  |
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monastic
Forum Moderator
Joined: Aug 14, 2004
Posts: 723
Location: Indiana
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| Posted: Tue Oct 05, 2004 10:20 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | I don't know what it is, but it's almost like you have to be NT for your problems to be taken seriously, and for most people to really want to listen to what you have to say. What do you think? |
Yes, I feel like this, too. I don't talk to anyone about my worries/problems because I usually hear, "You just worry too much" or I hear " You overanalyze everything" the worst things to hear is "Don't worry about it" or "It's all in your head." I'd just rather keep my troubles to myself as I am tired of being misunderstood and they are usually no help to me anyway.
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Civet
The Practical Cat
Joined: Jul 09, 2004
Posts: 1342
Location: In my head
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| Posted: Tue Oct 05, 2004 11:25 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | or I hear " You overanalyze everything" |
Agh! You have no idea how often my parents say that to me. It's so irritating, because they are just shrugging off things which to me, really matter. They don't understand that "overanalyzing" is my only way of comprehending things, and think I take everything too far.
I also keep my problems to myself, unless they are something tangible. Like, if I am having an issue with a roommate, or a teacher, or something like that. If they are internal issues, such as depression, I keep it to myself, or I share it here. As cockney rebel said, this place is also my outlet. |
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monastic
Forum Moderator
Joined: Aug 14, 2004
Posts: 723
Location: Indiana
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| Posted: Tue Oct 05, 2004 12:47 pm Post subject: |
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It seems when I have a problem to work out, I have to look at it from every angle (thus overanalyzing) and I create in my mind the worst possible scenario for every worrisome situation. I have been labled by some that do not care to understand my thought processes, as a "negative thinker" but it is very important for me to do this as I do not like situations where I am caught "off guard" because I tend (more times than not) to freeze up unable to react or even speak. If I look at a worry or problem with all it's possible outcomes, I am more prepared to take an appropriate action. It is a tiring task, though and not easily explainable to anyone other than those of you in this forum.
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vetivert
gagged, but never silent
Joined: Sep 18, 2004
Posts: 5768
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| Posted: Tue Oct 05, 2004 4:15 pm Post subject: |
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i find it hard to keep anything to myself - i'm always telling people (inappropriately) what difficulties i'm facing. partly, it's because i have only 1 or 2 people i can talk to, and they're quite often too busy to listen, or not interested in my obsessive worrying, so i take whatever chance presents itself to me.
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msmartie
Hummingbird
Joined: Aug 19, 2004
Posts: 18
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| Posted: Wed Oct 06, 2004 7:29 am Post subject: |
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Yes ! exactly like you ! I keep problems and worries to myself.
My wife is now accepting it, but it was very difficult for her, at the beginning, to understand my silences... my absence.
She doesn't know almost anything about my daily life at work..
It is like I consider a symptom of weakness the fact to open myself to others even if they love me (I know it is stupid...) |
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chamoisee
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 28, 2004
Age: 37
Posts: 922
Location: Idaho
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| Posted: Wed Oct 06, 2004 10:53 am Post subject: |
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It depends. I often am plagued by a problem or feeling/sensation and cannot express or explain it at all, so I might want to talk about it but am unable to. Sometimes it seems too....vague and overwhelming.
Generally I am like Vetivert- it is hard for me to contain myself. It is almost as though I am runnning a poll of sorts. When people ask me how I am doing, I have a tendency to tell them exactly that, whether it was what they wanted to hear or not. When they walk away, I tend to keep right on talking, or to trail off....because I do not know how to end the conversation in that circumstance.
But there have been many times when I had a serious problem on my hands and did not share it with anyone, such as when I was being bullied at work, or when my ex-husband told me (we were married at the time) that he would take his ex-wife back, as a wife, if she wanted him. I did not know how to talk to anyone about it, I did not think they would understand if I did.
I also get told that bit about overanalyzing, or "thinking too much". MY POV is that other people think too little!!  |
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CockneyRebel
Sid The Love Rat is a Sweet Pea :O)
Joined: Jul 18, 2004
Age: 34
Posts: 21116
Location: Out in the evening, with me two best Rat Mates :O)
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| Posted: Wed Oct 06, 2004 11:50 pm Post subject: |
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| I feel drained after I tell someone about an emotional problem. It feels as though my listener zaps the energy right out of me. I either get told that I bring my problems upon myself or what I'm feeling is all in my head. After that garbage, the person will ask me if I feel better. I feel like saying, "Actually, I feel even worse than I did before." I find that a good way for me to keep out of trouble is for me to keep a stiff upper lip. This garbage happens with family members. There are people who are willing to listen to me without judgement, but they are few and far between. I'm not talking about Shrinks either. |
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animallover
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 23, 2004
Posts: 759
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| Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2004 1:34 am Post subject: |
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I hate several things about discussing problems with NTs - first, they always ask how I feel, and I don't know how I feel about something - if I knew I wouldn't be talking to someone about it . . .
Generally, I'm trying to figure out how a normal person would feel about something or I'm looking for new ideas for a solution . . .
Also, if I've disclosed to them about my AS, bipolar disorder, and generalized anxiety disorder they usually use that as an excuse for however I'm feeling - which really irritates me . . .
The up side of this is that I can play mind games with the pharmacist assitants at my local pharmacy - I'm on so many medicaitons that they talk to me like a retarded 2 year old . . . one day I'm just going to scream really loud and make them all wet themselves . . . 
The other thing is that NTs tend not to get the problems I want to talk about - like my air conditoner making a strange noise and the minor meltdown I'm having about that or the fact that I'm getting to go get my new glasses next week and I'm wondering what it will be like to see in 3D - and if it will be better than the way I see now, or worse - stuff like that . . . they are just issues that NTs don't deal with . . . |
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gavrod
Raven
Joined: Jun 24, 2004
Posts: 109
Location: Melbourne,Victoria.,Australia
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| Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2004 7:52 am Post subject: |
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| I keep most of my worries and troubles to myself, and it usually results in me in throwing an aggressive tantrum. I don't see the point in confiding in most people because they will usually say something stupid and shallow like 'Snap out of it' or something like that, and they have no real understanding of what I go through most of the time. |
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NoMore
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 29, 2004
Posts: 919
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| Posted: Sat Oct 09, 2004 12:30 am Post subject: |
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| I tend to keep my problems to myself. I don't feel I have very many "safe" places to share problems, at least not in real life. I am more open on forum like this one than I ever am with people I know, even family. I guess it is because I just have too many unpleasant experiences with trying to share my feelings, problems, etc. with people in my everyday life. |
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aspergian_mutant
Learning to Walk
Joined: Oct 28, 2004
Posts: 1486
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| Posted: Fri Nov 05, 2004 4:23 am Post subject: |
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I have found that others want a shoulder to cry on and someone to listen, but as soon as I feel of wanting the same it drives the same and other peoples away, so i found it much better to just keep it all inside and quietly to my self.
Last edited by aspergian_mutant on Tue Feb 22, 2005 6:32 pm; edited 2 times in total |
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MishLuvsHer2Boys
Proud Mom to 2 boys
Joined: Oct 09, 2004
Posts: 2119
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Fri Nov 05, 2004 8:20 am Post subject: |
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| gavrod wrote: | | I keep most of my worries and troubles to myself, and it usually results in me in throwing an aggressive tantrum. I don't see the point in confiding in most people because they will usually say something stupid and shallow like 'Snap out of it' or something like that, and they have no real understanding of what I go through most of the time. |
Yep this is so familiar to me. I've tried to confide in others and only get told to get over it and move on and such. So I keep more things to myself than I'd share. |
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Civet
The Practical Cat
Joined: Jul 09, 2004
Posts: 1342
Location: In my head
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| Posted: Fri Nov 05, 2004 8:28 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Yep this is so familiar to me. I've tried to confide in others and only get told to get over it and move on and such. So I keep more things to myself than I'd share. |
That's horrible. It seems like you must be surrounded by rather callous people, Mish. Though it may just be that they do not know what to say.
The reason I keep things to myself is not because others tell me to get over it, but because I do not want to show my weakness. When I break down, I do not want anyone to know how low I can get, because it is very personal to me, and would feel rather humiliating if others were to find out. I know this is not a very healthy attitude, since I keep a lot of things bottled up, but talking about my problems often just makes me dwell on them more, and I am also uncertain how to act around people after I have revealed such personal information. I don't want them to pity me, nor do I want them to think I am a weak person.
I have been betrayed and manipulated too many times to be able to trust others with my personal problems. Essentially, I have learned that I can only really depend on myself. |
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animallover
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 23, 2004
Posts: 759
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| Posted: Fri Nov 05, 2004 1:54 pm Post subject: |
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MishLuvsHer2Boys - I've had that exact same experience about people saying 'What is the problem?' and then when I tell them they say 'Just get over it . . .'
I think that this goes back to us having much more variable moods in response to small stimuli - different from what NTs experience - but at the same time we seem to have a higher stress tolerance for big stimuli . . .
So when I say 'I haven't slept in two days because there is a pipe in my kitchen leaking . . .' it is just not possible for the NTs that I like to be around to understand why that is such a problem for me (remember, I am VERY territorial - something wrong with my house is a BIG problem) - whereas when they have a relationship break up I can, intellectually, say 'Yeah, I've read that can be a problem for people . . .' but having never experienced a close relationship with anyone I can't empathize with that feeling the way they want me to . . . |
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