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alex
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29 Sep 2007, 8:53 am

pugly: Are you asking whether or not it's appropriate to ask a girl out to coffee if you tutor her? Is that your question?


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Pugly
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29 Sep 2007, 9:11 am

alex wrote:
pugly: Are you asking whether or not it's appropriate to ask a girl out to coffee if you tutor her? Is that your question?


No, I'm asking what to do to show interest in someone if I think they are showing interest in me... basically.

I should just ask them out, but that's a little inappropriate right when I am tutoring... I think. I mean it doesn't even have to be anything, just let's go to the cafeteria/library sometime... But I need to postpone that till after I'm tutoring I think...

Another example: that woman asked me if I like the show numbers, she came in a third day. Now all of you will probably tell me I'm reading too much into this, but she was wearing a really low cut thing. And her sitting style really um, seemed to emphasize that area.

What the heck am I supposed to do with that? I actually was put off by it, and was less attracted to her when she did it.... well not physically... but I can postpone that attraction for character attraction.

But if they were more modest, and did something similar... I don't know... it would be a deer caught in the headlights moment.


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29 Sep 2007, 1:54 pm

Lightly flirt.



gwenevyn
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29 Sep 2007, 1:58 pm

Pugly wrote:
But as I said, my like of women as a girlfriend, and my like of my general friends comes from the same place. It just happens that included with my desire to be with a woman as a friend includes the physical attraction as well. And the desire to build the friendship into a romantic relationship.


Is that actually different from what other guys are saying? I'm not quite certain. It sort of sounds like you're saying, "Well, my dog is just like my snake except that the dog has four legs and is furry and wags its tail and.."


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29 Sep 2007, 2:48 pm

gwenevyn wrote:
Is that actually different from what other guys are saying? I'm not quite certain. It sort of sounds like you're saying, "Well, my dog is just like my snake except that the dog has four legs and is furry and wags its tail and.."


I don't think I described it right. The physical attraction part of it is minuscule, if a woman is feminine I can be physically attracted to her.

If I am establishing a friendship with a woman, by default since she is a woman... I'll be somewhat attracted to her "in that way."

I'm trying to say, the bubbly "I think I am falling in love" feelings are exactly the same as my friend "I think he's a pretty cool person" feelings except for that she's a woman he's a man. The physical, sexual attraction part of it is very tiny.

In other words, the more of a friend a woman is to me the more I consider her as a potential mate to me... with very little consideration for physical features. Barring her availability and reciprocation of affection.

(Inside edit: I hope my point gets across, I explained it 3 times... :D )

Is this different from other guys? I believe so. Or it's the same as with me, but they end up putting greater emphasis on the physical/sexual side of things.

And I believe this is quite different from women, who are known to have guys who they consider potential friends and guys who are potential boyfriends... and the distinction is important. At least based on what people tell me, and some personal experience.


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calandale
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29 Sep 2007, 4:34 pm

Pugly wrote:

I'm trying to say, the bubbly "I think I am falling in love" feelings are exactly the same as my friend "I think he's a pretty cool person" feelings except for that she's a woman he's a man. The physical, sexual attraction part of it is very tiny.


YES! It's very much the same stuff.
But, for me the physical isn't tiny (hmm...
that could be taken wrongly) - if there's
an attraction on that plane as well, it's
difficult to displace that desire.



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29 Sep 2007, 4:58 pm

Pugly wrote:
No, I'm asking what to do to show interest in someone if I think they are showing interest in me... basically.

I should just ask them out, but that's a little inappropriate right when I am tutoring... I think. I mean it doesn't even have to be anything, just let's go to the cafeteria/library sometime... But I need to postpone that till after I'm tutoring I think...

I don't think it's a bad idea at all to have a general rule to not ask a girl out right in the middle of tutoring; if it were me, I'd probably have a similar rule. And, I'd also break it in a heartbeat if the moment called for it. This is not advice, just how I might handle things.

And there's not a darn thing wrong with a subtle talking date, cafeteria, library, or (Alex mentioned my favorite) a coffee date. And, if I felt like she was displaying any signs of being interested in me, I'd be rather direct.

"Listen... When we're in here, my job is to aid you in understanding mathematics, and I am obliged to focus on doing such; regardless of how you respond to what I say next, that doesn't change. But, if you don't mind my saying so, I like you. I'd really appreciate having a chance to chat with you in a less formal setting, to learn more about you and to get to know you better. Would you like to have coffee with me sometime? I can promise some top-notch conversation that'll stimulate your mind in ways that are sure to put a warm smile on your face - with no math involved. :wink: Whadda ya say?"

Of course being so direct will put certain people off, so it is certainly a risk to do so. But I have doubts as to if there is any more risk involved in other methods of courting. If a girl's really not interested in you, you'll find out pretty quickly, and time is saved; if her interest in you changes from not interested to interested (of course it happens), then you've granted her the benefit of already knowing that you're interested, relieving her from the burden of fear and uncertainty over your interest in her; speaking in terms of battle tactics, I believe this to be a strategically sound position. As long as you don't end up bothering her about it and fawning over her (and I believe you have the restraint), the difference between a girl who's not interested in you knowing you're attracted to her or not... is rather meaningless.

Personally I think the whole "chase" thing is just a big pile of time-wasting confusion. I've seen numerous entire sitcom episodes based on the premise of one character being unsure of and confused about another characters ambiguous signs of possible attraction. And, honestly, stuff like that drives me crazy; I'll spend the entire duration of such a sitcom episode yelling, "Just freaking ask her! Stop wallowing in uncertainty!" But, it would be wrong to say there are not those (maybe lots of them?) who place great value on the chase (some of them may even be on this thread, and want to speak up for a counter-case here).

Pugly wrote:
Another example: that woman asked me if I like the show numbers, she came in a third day. Now all of you will probably tell me I'm reading too much into this, but she was wearing a really low cut thing. And her sitting style really um, seemed to emphasize that area.

What the heck am I supposed to do with that? I actually was put off by it, and was less attracted to her when she did it.... well not physically... but I can postpone that attraction for character attraction.

I dunno... I really don't... But are women really that oblivious when they do things like this? I mean the low-cut cleavage show thing? Ladies, does this sort of thing tend to be more incidental or more on purpose? I tend to think it tends to be on purpose, but what do I know. And if it is on purpose, is she teasing or trying to seriously attract?

I'm so terribly crass. :oops: Wouldn't recommend doing this, potential big trouble involved, possible lawsuits and firings... But... IF I thought a girl was giving me a peep show in a fairly purposeful way, AND the moment seemed right... I'd probably just come out and say something to her about it. 8O

"So... I don't want this to come off at all like a complaint; in fact I hesitate to open my yap about this over fear of mucking up a lucky blessing that's happened my way, the highlight of my day, really... But, I just can't help myself from noticing, as I am tutoring you on the subtle mysteries of mathematics, here you are in turn tutoring me on the wondrous beauty of female anatomy. <I'd have been looking her in the eyes, and do slight glance down at that moment> I'm not meaning to be harassing or piggish; I happen to be endowed with functional eyes just as you are endowed with pleasing features for my eyes to see; it's just nature. In the case that you weren't realizing what you're doing there, I just thought I'd be gentlemanly and let ya know. And if you did happen to realize... well, I just wanted to say thanks, I appreciate it. :wink: Anyway, we were just going over integration by parts..."

8O 8O 8O Yep, I am crazy. But part of that craziness is honestly believing that fortune favours the bold...

Good fortune,

- Icarus is Dr. Phil's bastard child...


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29 Sep 2007, 6:30 pm

Icarus_Falling wrote:
And there's not a darn thing wrong with a subtle talking date, cafeteria, library, or (Alex mentioned my favorite) a coffee date. And, if I felt like she was displaying any signs of being interested in me, I'd be rather direct.


I'll just say let's go get some Crappy Overpriced Cafeteria food. University's kind of lame, it's mostly commuters. There is nothing within walking distance.

Icarus_Falling wrote:
"So... I don't want this to come off at all like a complaint; in fact I hesitate to open my yap about this over fear of mucking up a lucky blessing that's happened my way, the highlight of my day, really... But, I just can't help myself from noticing, as I am tutoring you on the subtle mysteries of mathematics, here you are in turn tutoring me on the wondrous beauty of female anatomy. <I'd have been looking her in the eyes, and do slight glance down at that moment> I'm not meaning to be harassing or piggish; I happen to be endowed with functional eyes just as you are endowed with pleasing features for my eyes to see; it's just nature. In the case that you weren't realizing what you're doing there, I just thought I'd be gentlemanly and let ya know. And if you did happen to realize... well, I just wanted to say thanks, I appreciate it. :wink: Anyway, we were just going over integration by parts..."


Woah, I'm not nearly as bold as your are. If I were to think of anything, I'd say something much more subtle. Along the lines of "where did the rest of your shirt go?" Or if I was really aware at the time, "you don't have to tip me by wearing that... I make the big bucks working here."

Everything would have to be set up just right to think up this, say it at the right time, and deliver it all properly. This is something I think is funny, if I were to watch it on TV... to actually do it... it's something else completely.

Icarus_Falling wrote:
Personally I think the whole "chase" thing is just a big pile of time-wasting confusion. I've seen numerous entire sitcom episodes based on the premise of one character being unsure of and confused about another characters ambiguous signs of possible attraction. And, honestly, stuff like that drives me crazy; I'll spend the entire duration of such a sitcom episode yelling, "Just freaking ask her! Stop wallowing in uncertainty!" But, it would be wrong to say there are not those (maybe lots of them?) who place great value on the chase (some of them may even be on this thread, and want to speak up for a counter-case here).


I hate the chase. I like subtle, dry humor. I like figuring things out, but not in matters of my heart.

My emotions are just too simple to really appreciate it all. It's not romantic... just annoying.


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Wonder what it feels like to be in love?
How would you describe it, like a push or shove?
Guess I could pretend that this is all I need
Wanting more than what I have might appear as greed.


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29 Sep 2007, 6:42 pm

Pugly wrote:
Everything would have to be set up just right to think up this, say it at the right time, and deliver it all properly. This is something I think is funny, if I were to watch it on TV... to actually do it... it's something else completely.

I hope not to make it sound too easy for me, sitting here in the comfort and safety of my den, having the luxury of time and no pressure to think up such stories. Real time/real life are of course much harder, and I'm certainly not except from that. T'was meant more as a fanciful little fun to fill what I meant by actually saying something about it; it was all me saying that, but chances are it would not have flowed quite so well in real life; it depends on the flow of the moment...

Anyway, happy hunting.

- Icarus is Rico Suave (well, not really...)


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29 Sep 2007, 8:02 pm

Pugly wrote:
I'll just say let's go get some Crappy Overpriced Cafeteria food. University's kind of lame, it's mostly commuters. There is nothing within walking distance.


What do you have against commuters? :P



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29 Sep 2007, 8:06 pm

Icarus_Falling wrote:
Anyway, we were just going over integration by parts...

<raises eyebrow>



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29 Sep 2007, 8:09 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
What do you have against commuters? :P


Uh oh, looks like I'm inadvertently offending those who drives car... I'm starting my hippy metamorphosis...

Nah, I'm a commuter. The school just is in the middle of nowhere.


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Wonder what it feels like to be in love?
How would you describe it, like a push or shove?
Guess I could pretend that this is all I need
Wanting more than what I have might appear as greed.


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29 Sep 2007, 8:14 pm

Also means that there's less of a school
community.



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29 Sep 2007, 8:20 pm

calandale wrote:
Also means that there's less of a school
community.


Yeah the school sucks.

But I'm picking up scraps of knowledge, and it's cheap...


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Wonder what it feels like to be in love?
How would you describe it, like a push or shove?
Guess I could pretend that this is all I need
Wanting more than what I have might appear as greed.


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29 Sep 2007, 8:54 pm

What school do you go to?



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29 Sep 2007, 8:57 pm

affengeil wrote:
Icarus_Falling wrote:
Anyway, we were just going over integration by parts...

<raises eyebrow>

Insufficient data. Please select the closest fascimile of what you are trying to convey:

A) Image
B) Image
C) Image
D) Image
E) Image

Or, if you prefer, provide one of your own. [Spock would normally raise his eyebrow to indicate fascination, no?]

Good fortune,

- Icarus got 31/36 on the eye-reading test


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