 
Support Wrong Planet Awareness!
| View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
jaydog
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 30, 2007
Age: 28
Posts: 530
Location: california
|
 Posted: Wed Sep 26, 2007 6:37 pm Post subject: well |
 |
|
well i'm not a parent but an adult (27 yrs old) with aspergers and hoping my story to parents who have children with aspergers will help them.
I believe looking back that for me aspergers/anxiety disorder/somatization disorder/PTSD was cause of the tragedies and dramatic events in my life that has pretty much has shut my system down as the age of 27, and i'm on social security disability now.
I think the best advice i can give parents is to love your child, for who they are, and perhaps just understand that your child is in a overload mode and may be going though hard times, related to family deaths, friends passing away, etc
I just want to start this out by letting parents know that i was adopted at age 4, (my mom died) she was diabetic, my dad ran away before i was born (never seen him 27 yrs later) and my adopted family split up at around age 6. i can say school up to around elementary school was fine. jr high i was a popular basket ball player especially with 3 pointers. i think the hardest part of my school yrs was the pe classes (i was always picked last, except for basketball) which everyone knew that i was good at, so i was always picked first in basketball.
i took taekwondo for a long time in jr high and some high school (which i ended up being a red belt by then of course got bored of doing the same stuff..) also did alot of summer backpacking camps (unalayee.org) which i strongly suggest that parents check out) it meant alot for me. anyway i exceled in school got a 3.9 gpa, was a honor roll student all though school. even got a job at a amusement park for 8 months, and then grocery industry for almost 4 yrs, and self employment(internet based business) which really did well for me. since everyone has there opinions on what causes autism,aspergers, i believe what triggered it mainly for me is the anxiety disorders/ptsd and family deaths i had (mom dying at 4) uncle dying about 4 yrs ago) my grandma almost dying from heart congestion failure a yr ago. almost losing my brother cause of drugs 4-5 yrs ago. and now i'm on social security disability,
and i'm just happy that i know what aspergers is. Since i know that i cant work anymore, i just do computer stuff, video games, research on the computer. for those who have children who are young who have aspergers, your child has a better chance at a better future, then us who are adults with aspergers, cause aspergers wasnt even known 10 yrs ago, which by the time was to late for alot of us. thanks to IEP in my school i'm now getting the support i need though so, i strongly advise to get a IEP set up at your school. you may want the best for your child, but believe me dramatic events such as family deaths, drug abuse can cause alot of trouble for your child when there an adult. it happened to me it can happen to anyone. So i strongly suggest that parents do not give up on there child, even if you divorce, please let the childs father and mother have time with your child. it will help your child when hes an adult. just do not abandoned or just give up on your child it will save alot of heartbreak your child may endure, and get them a computer or tv or something to keep the happy and entertained. school was very boring for me, i strongly suggest that you give them a computer so they can actually research on the internet on there favorite hobbies, etc and just let them stay home from school and or find a school that had mainly study hall, not group activities, rallies, etc but pure quiet, if thats not available, do homeschooling, internet online courses, let him listen to music, or play educational games on the computer, such as scrabble, manopoly. etc
anyway i like this site alot, very good info on it ;0) |
|
| Back to top |
|
sjconner
Emu Egg
Joined: Oct 27, 2007
Posts: 3
|
| Posted: Sun Oct 28, 2007 12:32 am Post subject: It's a rollercoaster! |
|
|
My oldest is our aspie - he is 11 and in 5th grade. We have 3 bio kids and 2 foster kids. He was different starting at about 3. No one could define it. It was mostly sensory. People kept giving us advice and trying to diagnose him. Nothing fit all the quirks. We finally moved to a small town in Montana with an awesome OT. She started with him at 5. He started Kindergarten at 6. He was finally diagnosed at the end of 3rd grade. He doesn't do change at all (even changes to the grocery list). Our school district starts school before Labor Day - 3 days of school and then 5 days off. Next year we won't start school until after Labor Day - it is too hard on him. He still has sensory issues. He is the biggest kid in his class and the most bullied (I wish he would finally just beat the tar out of them). He can be extremely rude and obstinate. He picks fights with his siblings but is a coward at school. I love him so much. He is barely making it at school this year - last year was a good year. He receives services at school - OT, Speech, Behavior Specialist. He was diagnosed as being mild - some days I want to string him up. It is almost impossible "to get things on his agenda". He is on his own program.
I was the horrible Mom in Wal-Mart doing her grocery shopping with a "spoiled" kid in full meltdown. We lived in the sticks and the nearest decent grocery store was 90 miles away. I could not afford to take him home and go back later. I didn't know what his malfunction was and that Wal-Mart was Sensory Hell for him. Now I understand. I just wish I could help him get stuff done. He is very smart and affectionate.
The good days are terrific! On the bad days I doubt every decision I make.
Susan |
|
| Back to top |
|
beentheredonethat
Grouchy Old Man
Joined: Nov 01, 2005
Posts: 700
|
| Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2007 1:38 pm Post subject: Truth? |
|
|
Cockneyrebel:
It's hard. Very hard. But then your kid turns out to be smarter than you are, and it's worth it!
Beentheredonethat |
|
| Back to top |
|
mom2bax
Sea Gull
Joined: Oct 12, 2007
Posts: 218
Location: Winnipeg, Manitoba
|
| Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2007 7:19 pm Post subject: Re: It's a rollercoaster! |
|
|
| sjconner wrote: | I just wish I could help him get stuff done. He is very smart and affectionate.
The good days are terrific! On the bad days I doubt every decision I make. |
i totally relate, we are just starting school , i had to go back to work, p/t thankfully, but it's a bit of a mess with adjusting, plus his dad just left for 6 months.
i am thankful for this site, it is already helping me to figure him out
but i echo the sentiment that the good days are awesome, but the bad days i wonder about me and him, and how badly it is going to screw him up or what mistakes i am making that i can not help him to avoid his issues, but sometimes you have no choice, being a single parent, i have to take him oput with me shopping etc.. i am so greatful he has no real sensory issues.
i try to focus on the positive aspects. he tells me he loves me he laughs smiles and snuggles. he picks thingss up so quickly and is such a happy funny kid. his memory is amazing, i don't have to worry about phone numbers or addresses when he's around.
it is a challenge, it is going to continue to be a challenge, but with kids it always is. and unfortunately you don't often find out how you did untill the're older.
i guess we'll have to wait and see |
|
| Back to top |
|
mominator
Emu Egg
Joined: Nov 06, 2007
Posts: 8
|
| Posted: Tue Nov 06, 2007 9:47 pm Post subject: |
|
|
To my son Ryan,
Even though as a baby you cried endlessly and could not be comforted easly, I held you to my heart.
Why do you not like Junk food or candy? I cooked those eggs just the way you liked them and let you sprinkle ginger on them. I fed your soul.
I can't tell you how often I heard that I was spoiling you. Just make him wear it they would say. Before I purchased any clothing I would feel it with my eyes shut. I dressed you in mirror of comfort not style.
I really don't think I can tell you one more fact about road construction and we have read everthing in the library there is to read on the subject. So I dug up my rose bushes and helped you build your own construction site. For however long it takes I have encouraged your interest.
"Yes Ryan", mom's do have birthdays and there are special day's for all people not just you. I orderd me a pumpkin pie instead of my favorite chocolate birthday cake. My gift has always been to see you full.
What must it be like to be a parent of an Aspi child?
LOVE is what i'ts like!!!!! |
|
| Back to top |
|
MissyMom
Emu Egg
Joined: Nov 13, 2007
Posts: 1
|
| Posted: Tue Nov 13, 2007 5:43 pm Post subject: feeling like a bad Mom |
|
|
I am mom to a 12 year old AS son. My biggest difficulty has been critisism from family and friends and boyfriend about not being more proactive about my sons "issues". I am just now coming to reality that my son definitley has ausbergers and PPD-Nos. I feel guilty for not researching anything before today, and concerned about my sons lifelong happiness, but most of all, more face to face with a heartbreaking love I have for my son and appreciacion for everything that makes him uniqueley him. This is my first day of research and reaching out to others with similar issues. I am concerned about my boyfriends negativity and anger, and at the same time appreciative of the structure and insight and recources, commitment and support that he has brought forth and I see that it helps my son in ways that I have not been able to.
What I wonder is why it has been so difficult for me to awaken to this issue?
And I wonder if any other parents have had that difficulty, with being-in denial or something to that effect.
I beleive in my son and hope that things can continue to get better for us through proactivity and positivity.
_________________
MissyMom |
|
| Back to top |
|
IronMaiden
Emu Egg
Joined: Nov 24, 2007
Posts: 8
|
| Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2007 1:35 am Post subject: |
|
|
| It is a paradox. I want so much for life to be easier for him, but then again, I wouldn't change anything about him.... |
|
| Back to top |
|
RudolfsDad
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Nov 27, 2007
Age: 41
Posts: 71
|
| Posted: Tue Nov 27, 2007 10:13 am Post subject: |
|
|
I have a five year old son with Aspergers. I'm very proud of him. He has a lot of wonderful qualities: He's a very intelligent boy with an intense desire to learn. He also has a tremendous imagination and a great special interest in music. I could imagine him being an excellent singer/songwriter someday and I'm trying hard to help him develop that interest. He's also quite possibly the kindest and gentlest person I know.
As a neurotypical parent, I often have to remind myself of the differences between him and me that are related to his AS. For example, last week I had an incredibly busy week at work. So, last Saturday morning, I wanted some time to relax and just quietly read a book by myself. My son came in and wanted to talk to me. He started asking me questions about every topic imaginable. He must have asked me at least 100 questions in a row. Normally, I am delighted to answer all of his questions because I love his desire to learn. Right then, though, I just wanted to be alone to read. Like most neurotypicals, I didn't want to risk hurting his feelings by explicitly telling him that I wanted to be alone. So, I tried to communicate this nonverbally -- with facial expressions, body language, etc. That was dumb, of course. Since my son is a 5 year old Aspie, he missed every nonverbal "hint" I tried to send him. I started to get more and more annoyed and almost got mad at him.
I caught myself at the last minute and reminded myself of how bizarre that would have seemed from his perspective. From his perspective, it would have seemed like a perfectly normal conversation in which his dad suddenly and unpredictably yelled at him. I eventually told him that I love his curiosity but I wanted to read my book and not talk right then.
I've tried to learn everything that I can about Asperger syndrome so that I will be able to understand how my son thinks. It seems to me that this is the most important thing about parenting a child on the spectrum.
I think a lot about the problems he is likely to face in his life. He's probably going to bullied mercilessly in school and I spend a lot of time every day worrying about whether or not I will be able to successfully help him through it. I worry about whether he will be able to find employment, friends, and romantic relationships when he is an adult. Despite the problems he is likely to face, I am very proud of him and I wouldn't trade him for any other boy. I'm thankful that he is my son. |
|
| Back to top |
|
MomofBrandonlee
Emu Egg
Joined: Nov 20, 2007
Posts: 2
|
| Posted: Mon Dec 10, 2007 7:26 am Post subject: Well put! I could not have said it any better! |
|
|
| ryansjoy wrote: | I personally have done this all by trial and error and what I read. I get no input from the schools or therapist. My son does not see one. and I think its all about protecting our children. I find myself being over protective of him.. since they have little social skills and have little skills to tell if someone is a predator I find myself never giving him any space when he can play because I am so afraid of what could happen to him because he has no skills. its a battle of trying to make others understand what is really going on inside his head.. its the battle of getting his own family to understand he is not just a Little Boy and stop making those little boy excuses for his bizarre behavior. I have more than owned up to what is wrong with my son. now its time that others who know him take the time to understand him.. this includes all his teachers! it would have helped me to know that Drs would have taken me serious when i told them when he was 3 that there was something wrong with him.. only to get a baffon moron answer that I needed to be a stronger parent.. that I needed to basicaly brush up on my parenting skills.. i say to them now
 every day is a challange from sun up to sun down.. I wish that people would stop trying to push down my throat how a proper diet will help my son and that I need to try herbal things to control his ADD.. I know that my son has limits and know when the line should be drawn. stop trying to tell us where the line is.. we know this. we live with that child. listen to us as parents and see that we might not want to push our kids into all those social outings that you seem to think they need.. the child needs to know that their best friend is their parents. we shall protect and defend but that does not mean we won't make you do something like clean youir room that you don't like... each day is a battle... and we are prepared to fight tooth and nail to make you less stressed.. |
|
|
| Back to top |
|
kd
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Dec 12, 2007
Posts: 25
|
| Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 10:54 am Post subject: |
|
|
Somedays I wonder how anyone does this without weighing 300 lbs or becoming an alcoholic. I'm doing a pretty good job eating way to accomplishing one of those. 
I love my son. He has such a unique way of looking at the world and it is much easier most of the time now that I have learned to understand him better.
I'm tired of the stares and muttered comments when we are shopping and he is having a bad day. Lately that has been getting to me more than usual.
I dread getting him ready for school every morning. I lay out his clothes and get everything ready for him and it still takes at least an hour of nagging to get him in the clothes and down a glass of Instant Breakfast.
I worry about whether he will ever be able to live independantly as an adult. |
|
| Back to top |
|
mollyandbobsmom
Blue Jay
Joined: Jun 19, 2007
Posts: 97
Location: upper midwest
|
| Posted: Sun Dec 16, 2007 1:50 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| I love my son (ok--adore) but he has the greatest capacity to annoy the crap out of me. I agree with previous posts: it takes forever to get him ready, he can't focus to get anything done (even with meds), he doesn't seem to care about things around him unless they are his interests, he refuses to do chores, meltdowns are ever increasing in frequency, etc. I try to practice patience but it is so hard. There are days I feel like the worst parent in the world because I can't seem to keep it together. I don't want to coddle him but he has it so hard trying to fit in at school that I probably do baby him too much. I also worry about him being independent later in life. I worry constantly about him and his future.... |
|
| Back to top |
|
rachel46
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: May 07, 2007
Posts: 185
Location: Midwest US
|
| Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2007 8:54 am Post subject: |
|
|
It's me sitting on the couch feeling sad or depressed about something (nothing major- just life) and my 10 yr. old son worrying and asking me "are you happy?" I thought Asperger kids didn't "do" emotions? mine does
It's my son and I eating breakfast in the morning and talking about Calvin and Hobbes and my son wondering what the 4th and 5th dimension of time and space look like.
It is me trying to show my son how to cook a scrambled egg (or try to teach him nearly any new task) and he completely ignoring every one of my suggestions and me walking out the room in frustration.
It is my son talking to and asking questions of me from 7:30 a.m until 5:30 p.m. about every subject that pops into his head, every word he doesn't know the definition of, every thing that happens on tv or a movie that he doesn't understand and me saying "Just one more question and then no more talking for awhile" (because his insatiable curiousity sometimes sucks the life out of me)
It is my son stating emphatically "I don't care if I have a lot of friends - I don't want a lot of friends" So my worries about him having more friends are pointless?
It is never ever dull, always humbling, extremely frustrating and on a daily basis- educational (for me and my son). He is an amazing human being that I love with all my heart. |
|
| Back to top |
|
dadof2
Emu Egg
Joined: Dec 15, 2007
Posts: 3
Location: England
|
| Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2007 1:15 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| mollyandbobsmom wrote: | | I love my son (ok--adore) but he has the greatest capacity to annoy the crap out of me. I agree with previous posts: it takes forever to get him ready, he can't focus to get anything done (even with meds), he doesn't seem to care about things around him unless they are his interests, he refuses to do chores, meltdowns are ever increasing in frequency, etc. I try to practice patience but it is so hard. There are days I feel like the worst parent in the world because I can't seem to keep it together. I don't want to coddle him but he has it so hard trying to fit in at school that I probably do baby him too much. I also worry about him being independent later in life. I worry constantly about him and his future.... |
I think you could be me! same here, my son is not on meds though, but that is exactly what I would have said. |
|
| Back to top |
|
nicurn
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Oct 15, 2007
Posts: 59
|
| Posted: Sat Dec 29, 2007 11:30 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Right now, it's absolutely terrifying. I taught NT parenting for 4 years before becoming his mother, and I know all the "tricks" to make sure a child is comfortable in his skin and in society. Many parents who've taken my advice have wonderfully well-adapted and self-confident NT children now.
The Asperger's diagnosis changed all that for me. Suddenly, I'm sailing in a whole new ocean, and I feel like I have no sail, rudder, or even a rusty bucket to get me through.
I can't describe the fear I have of injuring my son's development; OK, of injuring my son. He is this precious, precious person and I so desperately want to be the mother he needs, but I have no idea how to do that.
Hopefully, in a few months or a year I'll revisit this thread and think, "I remember when I felt like that. I'm so glad it's all clear now." If I do, I'll be sure to post an update.  |
|
| Back to top |
|
corysmom
Emu Egg
Joined: Jan 09, 2008
Posts: 1
|
| Posted: Wed Jan 09, 2008 2:52 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Hi, I have just found the website, and I am really glad to have done so. I have a daughter with AS, diagnosed about 9 months ago, but we went through YEARS of trying to unravel what was going on with her. I am a social worker, and the diagnosis hit me like a rock...and then I felt guilty that I did not respond better, since I have been trained to do better. To make matters worse, our church (of all places) decided to reject our daughter from Confirmation. My heart was broken. Things are so much better now, we have found a new church that is reaching out to families with Autism spectrum children and families, and working with them to make church a safe place (what a radical idea). We have started medications, and she is flourishing in 7th grade finally! With the help of our doctors we are learning what this means for our family. I would love to talk with other families who are on this path, and share and support one another. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
|
|
|
