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bdhkhsfgk
Un-graceful Assasin
Joined: May 23, 2009
Age: 17
Posts: 1856
Location: The most beautiful country in the world
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 Posted: Fri Sep 18, 2009 2:48 am Post subject: Eye-contact and touching |
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| I have no problems with eye-contact or someone touching me, but I do not enjoy looking someone I dislike, have done something bad too me in the eyes, and I don't like it when they touch me either, I don't mind it if some of the students or other people bump into me or something, I understand that they usually don't mean it. Isn't this signs of a NT-level of eye-contact and touching? NT's also dislike it if someone they do not like touches or tells them to look in their eyes, aren't I very similiar when it comes to those things with them? |
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whitetiger
Passionate Advocate
Joined: Feb 04, 2009
Age: 40
Posts: 1509
Location: Oregon
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| Posted: Fri Sep 18, 2009 4:12 am Post subject: |
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I'm capable of great eye contact when I'm really into what a person is saying or I just love the color of their eyes. Like with guys, I'm that way sometimes. The problem is that I get NO information from doing so. I don't know how to interpret nonverbal behavior. I don't know what all those thousands of facial muscles moving around mean. I also like to be touched by those I trust. I've just learned that recently. I didn't trust my last BF so I didn't like his touch.
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Aimless
the cat says "meh"
Joined: Apr 02, 2009
Posts: 2041
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| Posted: Fri Sep 18, 2009 5:48 am Post subject: |
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| I don't mind if someone touches my shoulder lightly as they're squeezing past me in a crowded situation; but if someone lays their hand on my shoulder and keeps it there I can't stop being acutely aware of it. bdhkhsfgk If someone has done something to me that makes me realize that I really can't trust that person, I am the same way, even feel fearful and anxious. |
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bdhkhsfgk
Un-graceful Assasin
Joined: May 23, 2009
Age: 17
Posts: 1856
Location: The most beautiful country in the world
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| Posted: Fri Sep 18, 2009 5:53 am Post subject: |
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Who does not (NT and Aspies) get angry when some strangers or someone you don't like do something like trying to hug you?  |
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poopylungstuffing
doh-skoh-bee-doh
Joined: Mar 09, 2007
Age: 34
Posts: 6406
Location: Super Happy Fun Land, TX
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b9
whatever..
Joined: Aug 15, 2008
Posts: 2072
Location: australia
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| Posted: Fri Sep 18, 2009 11:59 am Post subject: |
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| the only event that could result in eye contact and other forms of touching for me is in a head on accident at high speed. |
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EggDownUnder
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Feb 04, 2009
Age: 24
Posts: 61
Location: Melbourne, Australia, Earth, Sol Solarsystem, Milky Way, Universe
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| Posted: Sat Sep 19, 2009 9:17 pm Post subject: Re: Eye-contact and touching |
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I remember being taken to a school behavioural specialist because I wouldn't look at a person I was speaking to (this was back before i was diagnosed with AS). I figured I'm using my voice, what do eyes have to do with it? blind people speak too. Nowdays I look people in the eye when it's for something important, like a job interview.
As for touching, I love the sensations, but I need to know and like the person a little first. If I don't like the person, I don't even want them in the same room, so touching is miles out of the question.
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Tim_Tex
Bunnies!!!
Joined: Jul 03, 2004
Age: 29
Posts: 30819
Location: To Be Determined
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| Posted: Sat Sep 19, 2009 9:23 pm Post subject: |
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I don't have any problems with eye contact or touching.
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Sefirato
Butterfly
Joined: Aug 22, 2009
Age: 28
Posts: 14
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| Posted: Sun Sep 20, 2009 12:14 am Post subject: |
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I can tolerate some form of eye contact... I am not sure why, but I can look at some people in the eye for prolonged period of time, such as my wife, psychiatrist... myself. LOL. I usually like to look at other features as the eyes are usually the most intense part of the face that gives me many different mixed signals to me that I can't handle at the same time during a conversation with that person.
Tactile contact (touching, brushing next to me, stuff like that) - I am tolerable to an extent on that one. I will shake other people's hands if I allow them to... most of the times I don't do that. I also try my best to give a "hugshake" from time to time though I also am not nuts about it. It feels uncomfortable. I am deaf, so tapping me on my shoulder to call my attention is required in many circumstances, which is unfortunate for me because I have never come to terms of accepting that kind of contact. It is somewhat tolerable, but if someone repeately taps my shoulder for attention, I'd yell at the person to stop doing that. Some people just have no manners at all when it comes to that.
I hate it when people brush up next to me to be "over my shoulder" when I'm doing something, or trying to give other people some space and invading mine... I get visibly irritated and the person invading my space feels that I am disrespecting them for doing that! It gets annoying after a while, and it takes a lot to keep it under control. |
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Uhura
Raven
Joined: Oct 28, 2006
Age: 37
Posts: 115
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| Posted: Sun Sep 20, 2009 8:33 pm Post subject: |
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I hate being touched. There are very few people in my life that can do it without it hurting me. Too light and it's like someone dragging their nails on me when I have a sunburn, too hard and it hurts. Either way it's invasive.
I don't do eye contact either. Too invasive. I rarely even look up to see someones face and if I do, it's just glancing because I can't figure out what they mean from only their words.
It's easier with kids. It doesn't bother me if they touch me. But I don't look at them in the eye either. I'm just better at looking nearer their faces, even if I can't look at them. With adults I can't look near their face, unless I'm just glancing to figure out what their words mean.
A few people can hug me though. Family, friends I don't see often. |
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dustintorch
Toucan
Joined: May 04, 2009
Age: 23
Posts: 275
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| Posted: Sun Sep 20, 2009 10:12 pm Post subject: |
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I'm similar to most people who have already responded. If I trust someone I like to be touched by them. If it's just a friend I can't tolerate prolonged touching like a hand resting on my shoulder for an extended period of time. I liked the term "acutely aware" I think that describes me pretty well too. If it's a romantic interest, I'll pretty much let them touch me all they want  .
As far as eye contact goes, I'm not good at that at all. The only time I force myself is if it's required, like in a job interview or when someone asks me to be truthful. If I want someone to know I'm telling the truth, I force myself to make eye contact. If I try to do it in a social situation I find it really hard to focus on what the person is saying. Luckily, nobody notices if I'm making eye contact or not, because I look at people's mouths most of the time anyways. |
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Ruchard
Deinonychus
Joined: Feb 27, 2008
Posts: 357
Location: South London
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| Posted: Mon Sep 21, 2009 9:19 pm Post subject: |
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| I don't being touched at all I have bad eye contact. |
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sarbear1987
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Aug 16, 2009
Age: 22
Posts: 64
Location: Alexandria, Virginia
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| Posted: Tue Sep 22, 2009 12:44 am Post subject: |
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If I don't know you, touching can be awkward and I might squirm away. If I know you and like you, I'm as cuddly as a kitten.
With eye contact, it's harder. If I don't know you, I can't make much contact at all. If I do know you and like you... I try my best. But I still look away a lot. My Communications professor in college hated me for not making eye contact very much during presentations. 
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pschristmas
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 02, 2008
Age: 42
Posts: 519
Location: Buda, TX
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| Posted: Tue Sep 22, 2009 3:10 am Post subject: |
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| I don't mind touching if I know it's coming and have a chance to decide whether or not to allow it. I do not like for someone to just walk up and put an arm around me. |
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Livia
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Sep 18, 2009
Posts: 31
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| Posted: Tue Sep 22, 2009 6:03 am Post subject: |
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I used to never make eye contact until it was pointed out by my psychologist (even then the thought that I might be an aspie didn’t cross their minds)when I was about seventeen and he gave me lessons on meeting peoples’ eyes. I hated it, but it was well worth learning (although now I can’t get away with reading the posters on the walls while a person is talking). I still don’t like making eye contact and find it very uncomfortable to do so. I always have to tell myself to do so otherwise I just don’t as a matter of course.
Touching...I’m not very good with that, and past abuse has made it worse. I only really ever let my mum touch me (and that’s on my terms. If I don’t see it coming, I freak, and have on occasion bit her when taken by surprise  .) and rarely anyone else. If I know I have to be touched, like when I’m in hospital for my eyes, I let it happen, but I’m extremely stiff and jumpy (the amount of times I’ve nearly knocked myself unconscious by flinching away...) I absolutely hate being greeted by a hug, as was the norm at school. |
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