I need your help

Trwn · Tufted Titmouse Joined: Aug 15, 2009 Posts: 39

I was born and I am living in a non-english speaking country, Spain.

My ex girlfriend has asperger’s, I was aware from it too late, and tried to tell her by e-mail (unfortunately our relationship finished too bad, I thought telling that to her, even that way, could help her go on with her life, spare her more problems, truly, even if it was difficult for me).
We had a nice relationship, how to explain it? Maybe sexually it could have been not that satisfactory, it was kind of beginning, both being nervous, but she was in love with me. I didn’t notice that, so after some problems and she being out of pique for nothing, I told her I thought to split up was the best option. I never told her the real reason: she not asking for me, not calling or she being shy of showing our relationship. I thought she wasn’t really loving me.

As soon as I did, I regretted it deeply. But personally, it was impossible for me to come back, because she insulted me seriously with words, and never apologized, till today. I told her the truth, I apologized for what I did several times. Never more would she like to hear of me.

She hurt me badly, by distance, the answers. O.k. let’s go shorter, I even told her I deeply loved her, it was too late. I’m afraid she’s with someone else: last answers were talking about respect. I remain that side: I never have crossed the line she once accused me to. I just don’t know about her personal life. Now any contact is over.

(Two years now) and I’m afraid I’m still in love with her (and I’m a guy!)

Now, I did the test for aspies, that one of Baron-Cohen, more than 2 times. And I’m always scoring circa 18. So I’m supposed not to be an aspie…

Tonight, after wandering out alone, I met a group of tourists and I was feeling comfortable with a girl for the first time in a long while (they already leave, today). And for the characteristics of the girl’s behavior, she was acting the way someone with asperger’s will do. That’s the thing, and it happened to me more than one time: It seems I can just fall in love or even feel that kind of sympathy for people having aspergers?. I don’t know how to explain it: is like communication without complex words (with humor sense, as for instance).

I’m not just able, but permormant at reading features, It seems to me I can even guess feelings (maybe I’m wrong), although I have rich imagery and a tendency of getting obsessed by particular things. Even if I hate some asperger’s traits like some of the faces of the rigidity, also, concerning asperger’s, I’ve read that one of the main traits is loneliness. I’m feeling so deeply devastated alone, how to explain it? And nothing to do with our ruined past relationship: it goes much more over that. Generally I feel always not understand, and alone. But I’m not asperger’s, Am I? It's not a tag question, but a real one. Thanks

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