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FieryGatoh
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 22, 2007
Posts: 567
Location: Australia
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 Posted: Wed Jul 08, 2009 7:57 am Post subject: How can I put an end to this 'friendship'? |
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This girl used to be my best friend when we first entered high school, but now she has changed and is trying to act cool. She has started dressing 'emo', died her hair and started listening to 'emo' music (I'm not entirely sure what Emo is). Now she leaves me out of everything, barely ever acknowledges me, and the only times she ever seems to care about me is when she has no one else to talk to, since she hates to be alone. Because of my AS, because I am not considered cool, she has ditched me in favor of the other more popular people.
I don't want to be a part of this friendship. I don't want to be a back-up in case all of her cooler friends aren't around. I want to just end this friendship and walk away, but at the same time I keep hoping that she'll change back to who she was before. Because there are times when she seems to revert back to the way she used to be, and everything seems better. But then, the next day, she is back to she 'cool' self.
Does anyone have any advice on how I can end the friendship on my own terms? I don't want to cause a fight if it can be avoided, but I am tired of being treated this way. |
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whitetiger
Passionate Advocate
Joined: Feb 04, 2009
Age: 40
Posts: 1509
Location: Oregon
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| Posted: Wed Jul 08, 2009 8:38 am Post subject: |
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I once had two "friends" I could not get rid of. They were twins. They embarrassed me in public by singing loudly. They were so immature they would cry over the slightest provocation. Yet, they clung to me. So, evenutally, I told them we were "not compatible as friends" and I stood my ground with them. I had to. I just couldn't take it anymore.
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Aspiewordsmith
Raven
Joined: Nov 03, 2008
Age: 43
Posts: 113
Location: United Kingdom
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| Posted: Wed Jul 08, 2009 9:56 am Post subject: |
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A good way to get rid of so called friends is not to bother seeing them any more as from personal experience if this person is neurotypical then it is odds on that person is only out for what she can get and does not care about anyone.  |
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CleverKitten
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 07, 2008
Age: 19
Posts: 816
Location: Norfolk, Virginia, USA
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| Posted: Wed Jul 08, 2009 10:10 am Post subject: |
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The best way to rid yourself if this "Friend" is to just not talk to her anymore. Don't hang out with her, don't look at her, don't call her, don't answer her calls, don't message her, don't reply to her, no contact whatsoever.
If you MUST give a reason, just tell her, "We are no longer friends."
And leave it at that.
Find a new and better friend. Your old "Friend" will not miss you.
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Last edited by CleverKitten on Wed Jul 08, 2009 4:09 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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LostAlien
Deinonychus
Joined: Feb 04, 2009
Posts: 371
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| Posted: Wed Jul 08, 2009 3:55 pm Post subject: |
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I don't think I have much usefull advice here as I haven't been through this kind of thing myself. If you just ignored her, that may work, though that could cause some kind of fight depending on her nature. Another thing that may work is explaining gently about how you feel? It depends on your age, different ages react different ways in most cases.
Can you give more detail? It may help people better advise you? |
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pschristmas
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 02, 2008
Age: 42
Posts: 519
Location: Buda, TX
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| Posted: Wed Jul 08, 2009 3:57 pm Post subject: |
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What friendship?
The next time she calls, have other plans -- even if it's just sitting at home reading a good book -- and don't let her guilt you into changing them.
Regards,
Patricia |
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xalepax
Random Videomaker
Joined: Feb 25, 2009
Posts: 1498
Location: YouTube
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| Posted: Wed Jul 08, 2009 4:10 pm Post subject: |
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I got rid of a "friend" yesterday. I wrote my last email (emailing was our only communication, we never met and live in diffrent coutries)
I simply said "we cant be friends anymore as we have so much diffrent personalities" (and other reasons why so she would know and wont be bugged of "why")
FieryGatoh
The best would be to be pure honest and say why and after that a goodbye
choose the way she comunicates the best so you can feel you both can leave each other in piece
Choose a moment she has choosen you. Like she calls and want your company, you agree but emediately when you meet you say you need to talk to her about something
Just explain you both have started to walk on diffrent ways and are about to be too much apart from each other. Explain that you feel sad of not feeling valued enough to be in her front friendship
That you feeling hurt of beeing choosed as the last one. Say you are greatful for the good times and the good memories but now its over and cant come back
If doing it in this way then there will hopefully be no bad feeling and you both can move on...
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Lene
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 28, 2007
Age: 24
Posts: 833
Location: Manchester
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| Posted: Wed Jul 08, 2009 5:38 pm Post subject: |
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It might seem satisfying to go out on a 'bang', but you're probably better off letting the 'friendship' fade naturally, so that it can always be picked up later on if she decides to outgrow her emo/immature phase.
As Pschristmas said, your best tactic is to say you're busy, but most importantly, be busy. Have plans and carry them out. You'll become a lot more 'attractive' to her if suddenly, you seem to be moving on without her (she sounds a pretty needy person). Only meet up if you feel like it and aren't busy.
I don't think you should ignore her calls or texts; that's rude and will just cause friction. It will just drag on and become nasty. Be polite, but unavailable.
Find yourself some new friends and think of her as the 'back up). |
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