| View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
Miyah
Toucan
Joined: Jul 27, 2007
Age: 28
Posts: 255
|
 Posted: Thu Jul 16, 2009 6:57 am Post subject: A friend being a little too controlling |
 |
|
Last night, I went to a chat room as usual and a friend on there came on later and said that he went to Barnes and Nobel to read. I asked him which location because I was curious as I knew of a location where I sometimes go. His response to me is that if he told me, I would agree not to attend that location where he went. I had gotten mad at him enough where I said,
"I'll go the f**** wherever I want. I wouldn't go anywhere near your a***." He then replied and said that if I ever disrespected him again that he would ban me from that chat room because he is one of the admin. He had actually talked for a while and I explained to him that he scares me with some of his weird behaviors that are inappropriate.
He, like myself has AS and has hypersensitivity. He also has the tendency to throw a hissy fit if people don't do things his way. In his case, things either have to be his way or the highway. He has even told me that he doesn't like my conversations.
I was pretty disturbed at his response like that and I sent him a PM telling him that I didn't appreciate his response and that I am entitled to go where I want. I also informed him that he doesn't own that Barnes & Nobel and that if he has the right to be there, so do I. Beyond that, I told that he doesn't have the right to control my life and where I do my shopping or even go to the movies. He actually shops in an area that I do and so I informed him that we don't have to talk. I just said to let me be independent and shop where I want and go where I want.
What does anyone think about his attitude? Do I have the right to go to that Barnes and Nobel without bothering him?
Do you think he's being a dictator? |
|
| Back to top |
|
Michjo
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 05, 2009
Age: 25
Posts: 1020
Location: Oxford, UK
|
| Posted: Thu Jul 16, 2009 7:13 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Miyah wrote: | | His response to me is that if he told me, I would agree not to attend that location where he went. |
There is nothing wrong with his reasoning here. If you do not wish to agree to it, then do not expect him to tell you which barnes and noble he goes to.
| Miyah wrote: | | "I'll go the f**** wherever I want. I wouldn't go anywhere near your a***." |
This is a complete over-reaction and i think he done well restraining himself from banning you.
| Miyah wrote: | | He then replied and said that if I ever disrespected him again that he would ban me from that chat room because he is one of the admin. |
He's coming across as very angry here, not surprising considering the vitriol that came from your own mouth previously.
| Miyah wrote: | | He had actually talked for a while and I explained to him that he scares me with some of his weird behaviors that are inappropriate. |
He doesn't want to bump into you in real life, why on earth would you be scared of him? And omg, an autist with inappropriate behaviours... burn the witch!
| Miyah wrote: | | I was pretty disturbed at his response like that and I sent him a PM telling him that I didn't appreciate his response and that I am entitled to go where I want. |
I don't understand why you are trying to make this sound like a commandment, he gave you a non-binding (obviously) choice.
| Miyah wrote: | | What does anyone think about his attitude? Do I have the right to go to that Barnes and Nobel without bothering him? |
Quite frankly i think his attitude is just fine, but yours kinda stinks to be honest. If you act like this all the time, then perhaps that is why he doesn't like you. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Miyah
Toucan
Joined: Jul 27, 2007
Age: 28
Posts: 255
|
| Posted: Thu Jul 16, 2009 7:39 am Post subject: |
|
|
| No he likes me but he is quite self absorbed. He goes around acting like he he owns me. As for me being scared of him, he does things like pick road kill of the road and then takes it home. He doesn't like things a certain way and that is what ticks me off. That is why I am raising the issue. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Michjo
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 05, 2009
Age: 25
Posts: 1020
Location: Oxford, UK
|
| Posted: Thu Jul 16, 2009 8:00 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Miyah wrote: | | As for me being scared of him, he does things like pick road kill of the road and then takes it home. |
Yeah, my uncle does this as well. It's not scary, although i wouldn't do it myself. It's just a cheap meal, what's scary about that?
| Miyah wrote: | | That is why I am raising the issue. |
Then explain a situation where you were not 100% at fault, and i'll make a new reply. But in the example you gave, he done nothing wrong, you were at fault. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Miyah
Toucan
Joined: Jul 27, 2007
Age: 28
Posts: 255
|
| Posted: Thu Jul 16, 2009 8:03 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Michjo wrote: | | Miyah wrote: | | As for me being scared of him, he does things like pick road kill of the road and then takes it home. |
Yeah, my uncle does this as well. It's not scary, although i wouldn't do it myself. It's just a cheap meal, what's scary about that?
| Miyah wrote: | | That is why I am raising the issue. |
Then explain a situation where you were not 100% at fault, and i'll make a new reply. But in the example you gave, he done nothing wrong, you were at fault. |
He wants to take it home and make hides out of it. He also wants to dissect the thing.
His arrogance is what scares me and some of the things that he is into is scary as well. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Michjo
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 05, 2009
Age: 25
Posts: 1020
Location: Oxford, UK
|
| Posted: Thu Jul 16, 2009 8:07 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Miyah wrote: | | His arrogance is what scares me and some of the things that he is into is scary as well. |
Well can i have an example of his arrogence? Because i'm finding you hard to believe after your first example. Give justifications for verbally attacking this man... |
|
| Back to top |
|
LostAlien
Deinonychus
Joined: Feb 04, 2009
Posts: 373
|
| Posted: Thu Jul 16, 2009 9:47 am Post subject: |
|
|
| I think a person is allowed to shop where they want. Is he saying that you can't shop in these places? Or that he doesn't want to socialise with you at these places? He has a right to say about who he wants to socialise with but he has no right to say for you not to shop in a place unless he works there. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Michjo
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 05, 2009
Age: 25
Posts: 1020
Location: Oxford, UK
|
| Posted: Thu Jul 16, 2009 9:56 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Quote: | | He has a right to say about who he wants to socialise with but he has no right to say for you not to shop in a place unless he works there. |
He said he would tell her where he shops if she agree's not to shop there. This is perfectly reasonable, if she does not agree with it, then she can merely not find out where he shops and continue to shop where she does presently. She's actually being dictatorial herself, expecting him to tell her where he shops with no strings attached. If he wants to apply strings, that's his perogative and choice, not hers. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Miyah
Toucan
Joined: Jul 27, 2007
Age: 28
Posts: 255
|
| Posted: Thu Jul 16, 2009 9:57 am Post subject: |
|
|
He has sensitvity issues and it's hard for him to deal with me which is understandable. I have a very hard time dealing with him myself and I wouldn't care to do things with him one-on-one. His is one of those guys that gets upset everytime things aren't his way or if a situation is too annoying for him.
No, he doesn't want me at the specific Barnes and Nobel because he is afraid that I'll bother him to no end. I have had a history of doing that with him not realizing how sensetive his is. I think he is being cautious which is fine but I think it's a little too extreme. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Michjo
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 05, 2009
Age: 25
Posts: 1020
Location: Oxford, UK
|
| Posted: Thu Jul 16, 2009 10:03 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Unfortunately you can never be right with over-sensitive people. The only advice i can offer is to ignore/not interact with him and to not take anything he says seriously. |
|
| Back to top |
|
LostAlien
Deinonychus
Joined: Feb 04, 2009
Posts: 373
|
| Posted: Thu Jul 16, 2009 10:23 am Post subject: |
|
|
| I didn't mean any harm by my post. I couldn't read the original post very well. Sometimes I can't read computer text well for some reason. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Stinkypuppy
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 03, 2006
Age: 31
Posts: 1232
|
| Posted: Thu Jul 16, 2009 1:13 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Maybe that particular Barnes and Noble is one of his safe places where he can retreat to for "alone time" and to depressurize. That could explain why he doesn't want to see you there. I don't think he necessarily wants to restrict your movements (although it sounds like there might be precedent for it) in this case, but with such little information to go on about this particular relationship history, we can't draw many conclusions from it.
The best you can do at this point is not to go there with the intent on interacting with him, if you still wish to maintain your friendship with him.
_________________
Won't you help a poor little puppy? |
|
| Back to top |
|
FireMinstrel
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jun 06, 2008
Age: 26
Posts: 144
|
| Posted: Thu Jul 16, 2009 2:59 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Asking which specific Barnes & Noble store he shops at is kinda irrelevant and rather creepy/stalkerish to me, even if you don't intend for it to be.
Michael Jackson having sleepovers with kids was supposedly harmless, but even if he was innocent, it was taken completely the wrong way because of it's "creepy" factor, even though he saw nothing wrong with it.
I know we're detail-oriented, but it's when we are into the "wrong" details that we get burned quickly. |
|
| Back to top |
|
lelia
Pika
Joined: Apr 12, 2007
Age: 57
Posts: 2253
Location: Vancouver not BC, Washington not DC
|
| Posted: Thu Jul 16, 2009 4:19 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| To me it seems both of you were rude to each other and that you irritate each other to no end. It seems best to me for you not to interact with him anymore. Just ignore his emails and whereabouts and give both of you a rest. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Miyah
Toucan
Joined: Jul 27, 2007
Age: 28
Posts: 255
|
| Posted: Thu Jul 16, 2009 6:40 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| lelia wrote: | | To me it seems both of you were rude to each other and that you irritate each other to no end. It seems best to me for you not to interact with him anymore. Just ignore his emails and whereabouts and give both of you a rest. |
Yep, we were both rude to each other. It's just that he thinks he can control people. Not only that, this guy is extremely provocative and has even gotten jumped in a grocery store parking lot for cutting line inside. He has provoked a lot of my friends before who admit that he's not a lot of fun to be around. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
