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MU
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Nov 08, 2005
Posts: 33
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 Posted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 3:35 pm Post subject: Have some people achived perfection? |
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| Here's something that has really bothered me for over a year now. Many fellow students around school talk about their problems. Not getting homework done, a broken car, someone did something aggrivating to them, but a one person in particular seems to have it all. Tons of friends, a fun job, romance, a promising future, many other things that make me jealous. That's what they talk about (not to me directly) Every new person they face loves them. I don't think they know what a problem is. Everything comes up roses to them. What do you think? Have you ever seen or met someone who seems perfect? I don't think this person is the hardest working college student ever if they manage to keep so many friends. They seem to natually manufacture luck in their sweat. I just think you're a better human if you make your problems known. |
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Scoots5012
Senior Member
Joined: Jul 02, 2004
Age: 28
Posts: 2250
Location: Cheyenne Wyoming
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| Posted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 3:47 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Have you ever seen or met someone who seems perfect? |
Yes, I've created my own term to describe them, the "Super NT" - Someone who every one wants to be with and who every one wants to be like.
But don't despair though. I knew two of them at one of my jobs. They both hated the fact that they were so popular and wished they were not so visible, but kept up the facade anyways becasue they didn't want to let anyone down.
I can also tell you right now that Mommy and Daddy have their hands in things also.
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I live my life to prove wrong those who said I couldn't make it in life... |
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MsTriste
OTS
Joined: Dec 08, 2005
Age: 44
Posts: 3373
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| Posted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 3:54 pm Post subject: |
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| Yup - I've known a few people like that over the years, one of whom is my sister. I resent the heck out of them, and cannot have any kind of relationship with them partly because of this resentment but also partly because we have no common ground for respect or friendship. |
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MU
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Nov 08, 2005
Posts: 33
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| Posted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 3:59 pm Post subject: |
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| Got any ideas how to deal with them? |
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Tails
Sea Gull
Joined: Nov 01, 2005
Age: 24
Posts: 229
Location: Planet Mobius?
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| Posted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 4:11 pm Post subject: |
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The thing is, you just can't know if life truly is perfect for these people. It may seem that way, but often that's because their social life and school environment and partner are their whole life support system.
For example, a girl in my class at school was sickeningly perfect... she was pretty, popular, and an amazing gymnast. She had scores of friends and every boy wanted to date her. Always talking about how happy and good her life was, and where she was going with it. It turned out, though, that her brother was dying from a degenerative muscle condition. She never told anyone because she didn't want sympathy or for her friends to treat her differently or treat her 'carefully'. She just wanted normality.
From this, I learned that outer happiness and seeming perfection doesn't always mean an inwardly happy or lucky person.
_________________
~I wanna fly high, so I can reach the highest of all the heavens
Somebody will be waiting for me, so I've got to fly higher~ |
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pyraxis
Phoenix
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Joined: Mar 26, 2005
Posts: 1527
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| Posted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 6:34 pm Post subject: |
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I'm drawn pretty strongly to people like that because I want to find out how they do it. How it works on an emotional and psychological level. And actually, when I was younger people considered me one of the perfect ones, because I had almost spotless grades and talent at art and music.
I was genuinely asked "Is there anything you can't do??" to which I would say "Gym." and they would reply, "So what? Gym doesn't matter." I could just as well have said "make friends"... the point is that all they saw was the conventional definition of perfect, without realizing that I didn't have some of the things they took for granted. Since they already had something (like social skills or whatever) their tendency was to devaluate it.
Once when I was 13 I had someone say "I wish I was you," to which I said "No you don't." They predictably asked me why, and when I couldn't explain, they got upset at me. I guess they thought I didn't value what I had, that because they saw some things coming easy to me, everything must be just as easy. The truth was that I had no idea where to find any friends, I had all kinds of undiagnosed sensory issues that I was tearing myself apart trying to hide, I was routinely teased, and I was terrified of various simple everyday things like starting a conversation. But if I had said something like "You don't want to be me because then you wouldn't know how to talk to people" they'd have looked at me totally baffled and scornful of whining and say, "What's the big deal? You just walk up to someone and say what's up?"
So I've figured out this much about the hazards of being "perfect": (some of these are examples from my life and some from others', so don't assume anything about me based on them)
Massive expectations of the people around you. Any slight mistake and people will jump all over you, "Ooh, look, he was 5 minutes late for school! Oooh, you're gonna get in trouble. Are you gonna get grounded?" because it feels like vindication to see a "perfect" person finally fail.
Loneliness and alienation (and this ain't just a spectrum thing, I've met popular NT's in far more pain from loneliness) because it doesn't feel like there's anyone you can relate to as an equal, everyone is trying to put you on a pedestal.
A sense of festering, not being able to apply your talents, because everyone is sick of seeing you do well, so further success only hurts them and drives them away. For example other students refusing to join a class contest because you are a part of it, or the other team in a game because they're sure they'll lose. |
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fahreeq
Phoenix
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Joined: Aug 16, 2005
Posts: 590
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| Posted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 7:02 pm Post subject: |
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| pyraxis wrote: | I'm drawn pretty strongly to people like that because I want to find out how they do it. How it works on an emotional and psychological level. And actually, when I was younger people considered me one of the perfect ones, because I had almost spotless grades and talent at art and music.
I was genuinely asked "Is there anything you can't do??" to which I would say "Gym." and they would reply, "So what? Gym doesn't matter." I could just as well have said "make friends"... the point is that all they saw was the conventional definition of perfect, without realizing that I didn't have some of the things they took for granted. Since they already had something (like social skills or whatever) their tendency was to devaluate it.
Once when I was 13 I had someone say "I wish I was you," to which I said "No you don't." They predictably asked me why, and when I couldn't explain, they got upset at me. I guess they thought I didn't value what I had, that because they saw some things coming easy to me, everything must be just as easy. The truth was that I had no idea where to find any friends, I had all kinds of undiagnosed sensory issues that I was tearing myself apart trying to hide, I was routinely teased, and I was terrified of various simple everyday things like starting a conversation. But if I had said something like "You don't want to be me because then you wouldn't know how to talk to people" they'd have looked at me totally baffled and scornful of whining and say, "What's the big deal? You just walk up to someone and say what's up?"
So I've figured out this much about the hazards of being "perfect": (some of these are examples from my life and some from others', so don't assume anything about me based on them)
Massive expectations of the people around you. Any slight mistake and people will jump all over you, "Ooh, look, he was 5 minutes late for school! Oooh, you're gonna get in trouble. Are you gonna get grounded?" because it feels like vindication to see a "perfect" person finally fail.
Loneliness and alienation (and this ain't just a spectrum thing, I've met popular NT's in far more pain from loneliness) because it doesn't feel like there's anyone you can relate to as an equal, everyone is trying to put you on a pedestal.
A sense of festering, not being able to apply your talents, because everyone is sick of seeing you do well, so further success only hurts them and drives them away. For example other students refusing to join a class contest because you are a part of it, or the other team in a game because they're sure they'll lose. |
Ohhhh, that is the STORY OF MY #@$#ING LIFE....
I was in gifted classes and won a few contests here and there. I got this reputation of being "little miss perfect" around age 9 and it was like I painted myself into a golden cage. The expectations of people around me were insane, and if I made the tiniest mistake, I'd hear about it for days or weeks. Everyone else could make mistakes except me. (And people wonder why I became a pathological perfectionist?) I got the same reaction of "oh, that's no big deal" when I told people that I wasn't any good at sports or making friends, yet those same people would bully me when I sucked in gym class or didn't get invited to prom. Even some teachers treated me like crap whenever I'd do something wrong or not understand.
I signed up for a program where I could take college courses for both high school and college credit during for my senior year of high school because carrying around that "little miss perfect" reputation (and the bullying) was too much to bear. I was either worshiped for being perfect or demonized for making a mistake, when all I wanted to do was be human. But after my first semester of college, when I got a 4.0 and my parents bragged to everyone who would listen, I knew it wasn't going to stop. They would introduce me to people as their "4.0 daughter." AAAARRRRRRGH. |
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pyraxis
Phoenix
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Joined: Mar 26, 2005
Posts: 1527
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| Posted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 7:20 pm Post subject: |
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| fahreeq wrote: | | I signed up for a program where I could take college courses for both high school and college credit during for my senior year of high school because carrying around that "little miss perfect" reputation (and the bullying) was too much to bear. I was either worshiped for being perfect or demonized for making a mistake, when all I wanted to do was be human. But after my first semester of college, when I got a 4.0 and my parents bragged to everyone who would listen, I knew it wasn't going to stop. They would introduce me to people as their "4.0 daughter." AAAARRRRRRGH. |
Yeah... I tried that junior year of high school, but I still ended up top of the class. So I still couldn't escape the "little genius freak kid" role. I was small for my age and my lack of social skills made me seem younger. When I graduated high school, I finally threw it all to hell and made myself indifferent to grades at college. Dove into personal and social issues instead, so that all my energy was channeled into fixing them, and so the grades dropped and I rarely made a splash in classes. Now I'm finally working in an environment where everybody is equally driven/ambitious/excelling (animated film production) and it's very nice  because when I'm running as hard as I can, I keep up at a moderate level. |
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alex
Developer
Joined: Jun 14, 2004
Age: 22
Posts: 6314
Location: DC Metro Area (No. VA)
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| Posted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 7:30 pm Post subject: |
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| Interesting topic. I am truly perfect, so I don't have to worry about letting people down. But it's interesting to read about the people who are merely perceived as perfect. Thoughts? |
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pyraxis
Phoenix
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Joined: Mar 26, 2005
Posts: 1527
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| Posted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 7:34 pm Post subject: |
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| alex wrote: | | Interesting topic. I am truly perfect, so I don't have to worry about letting people down. But it's interesting to read about the people who are merely perceived as perfect. Thoughts? |
 Yeah, I've got thoughts on that - you should meet a good friend of mine, he says the same thing, and with the same intentions. |
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hale_bopp
Ruffle some Feathers
Joined: Nov 03, 2004
Age: 23
Posts: 6327
Location: New Zealand
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| Posted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 7:43 pm Post subject: |
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Oh yeah.
I've seen people that come across as perfect. I know though, people aren't perfect. |
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North
Raven
Joined: Nov 06, 2005
Posts: 118
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| Posted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 8:13 pm Post subject: |
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I'm glad this topic got brought up, because in the past I've looked at certain people around me and thought that they really had everything together. But virtually every person I've gotten to know has like a "zero sum" in terms of personality traits. In other words, every positive trait is balanced out by a negative trait. One guy I know is extremely talkative and outgoing, and can easily make friends, but is completely clueless when it comes to romantic relationships. Another guy I graduated high school with was ranked second in our class and aspired to become a commercial airline pilot. But he also had trouble being responsible with alcohol, and the summer following graduation he crashed his car and was arrested for DUI, destroying his chance to ever be a pilot.
Or even consider public figures. Bill Clinton was an incredibly intelligent man who couldn't keep his penis under control and ended up hurting his legacy and public perception as a result. George W. Bush, by all accounts, is a very kind and compassionate man, but a terrible manager and administrator. The more someone gives the appearance of being perfect, the more likely it is that they have a very severe, fundamental flaw. |
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Sarcastic_Name
Don't look.
Joined: Mar 27, 2005
Age: 20
Posts: 3582
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| Posted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 8:40 pm Post subject: |
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Perfect-seeming people are usually assholes in my experience.
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(Currently undergoing personality reboot) |
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venom
Blue Jay
Joined: Jul 23, 2004
Posts: 92
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| Posted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 9:09 pm Post subject: |
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here's something I came up with through trying to deal with my own perfectionism:
Perfection is something you strive for asymptotically- no matter how close you get, you can never quite reach it. (but paradoxically its a worthy and laudable goal)
For you non-maths types, an asymptote is a line that a curve gets arbitrarily close to, but never reaches. By arbitrarily, I mean that no matter how small an increment you propose, the curve will get that close and closer to the line.
http://mathworld.wolfram.com/Asymptote.html |
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NeantHumain
Phoenix
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Joined: Jun 25, 2004
Posts: 3723
Location: St. Louis, Missouri
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| Posted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 10:52 pm Post subject: |
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| Very few people perceive me as "perfect," so I've never felt the external push to be perfect. Occasionally, people think I've really "got it together" after short conversations with them because I don't worry about the same things that they do. A lot of people worry about getting straight A's; but, since I don't, some people think I'm so prepared and realized what's really important. What really bothers me is my complete lack of success with women; things I don't care much about or am confident I will do well in (academics is a good example of this), I have no need to worry about. |
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