sXeZombie
Hummingbird
Joined: Oct 01, 2009
Posts: 18
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 Posted: Fri Oct 02, 2009 4:19 am Post subject: Faking Caring |
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I was wondering if anyone else as problems with pretending they care about something someone else is doing or is happening to them? I've lost a "good" friend over this, and now I want to know when I can tell when NT's don't really care about something I say and when they are.
I'm good at lie detection, but it's still hard to tell. |
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tweety_fan
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 03, 2007
Age: 28
Posts: 3572
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| Posted: Fri Oct 02, 2009 4:42 am Post subject: |
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| it is hard to tell. |
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Nightsun
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 24, 2009
Age: 31
Posts: 566
Location: Rome - Italy
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| Posted: Fri Oct 02, 2009 4:56 am Post subject: |
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Yes it's pretty hard. I usually use an over-care strategy. If I don't know If I should care, I just try to mimic that I care. That's only with short-date friends and girls. My wife / family / old friends know that I'm simply unable to care for a lot of things. Being unable to care for a lot of things is not only negative, I've saved a lot of situation in family and with friends because I'm usually more rational than other people and don't get scared/panic for the same things (when everybody is panicing I'm usually the one impassible who do the right thing, but many time is the opposite and they look at me like "Oh my good you didn't panic when our ship went down and you are panicing because we went to a supermarket?!  ) |
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Lene
born to lurk
Joined: Nov 28, 2007
Posts: 3543
Location: East China Sea
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| Posted: Fri Oct 02, 2009 10:32 am Post subject: |
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I do the over-care thing too. If you learn it youself, it's easier to tell when another person is doing it to you. In my experience, most NTs use this trick, unless the problem involves them too.
I don't think the over-caring is just an act; it shows that you want to care (after all, it would be easier to just go off and read a book) but that you are unable to put yourself in the other person's shoes at that moment in time.
I can't do the 'over-caring thing' unless I know someone well; it just feels weird to hug someone I'm not close to and I run out of reassuring stuff to say  |
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am_suomi
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Sep 24, 2009
Posts: 51
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Fri Oct 02, 2009 11:56 am Post subject: |
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I'm able to overcare about some stuff. For example, with my co-workers, I try to remember a few areas that each of them like to talk about that are safe for me to ask about (kids, kids sports, travelling). However, when something new comes up, and is especially emotional, I have no idea of what to do. I'm particularily bad dealing with death and babies. I have learned to get exicted for engagements/weddings. Sometimes when I don't know what to do I just don't do anything...and I think this is what gets me in trouble with NT friends. I feel so awkward and stiff when I go to comfort someone (say, friend crying about boyfriend breakup).
The funny thing is that my mother thought I was doing a great act of being exceptionally kind! |
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bonuspoints
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 24, 2009
Posts: 598
Location: Washington state - *Do I get bonus points if I act like I care?*
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| Posted: Fri Oct 02, 2009 5:06 pm Post subject: |
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I do the fake caring thing pretty well. I have done it most of my life because I know my family expects this display. Actually I have recently started weaning myself of this act because it was exhausting. Right now my family is concerned that I have become suddenly depressed because of my "sudden" lack of interest in things.
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Those who cannot tell what they desire or expect, still sigh and struggle with indefinite thoughts and vast wishes. - Emerson
Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. - Oscar Wilde |
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Uhura
Deinonychus
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Joined: Oct 28, 2006
Age: 40
Posts: 302
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| Posted: Fri Oct 02, 2009 7:23 pm Post subject: |
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| I do care but it's hard to show it so I wonder if people think I don't. |
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Mapler
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Oct 14, 2008
Age: 20
Posts: 195
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| Posted: Fri Oct 02, 2009 8:44 pm Post subject: |
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| This is REALLY hard for me. I gave up caring for stuff. You can't force anybody to care about anything. |
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fiddlerpianist
Unclassified and loving it!
Joined: May 01, 2009
Age: 35
Posts: 1821
Location: The Autistic Hinterlands
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| Posted: Fri Oct 02, 2009 11:02 pm Post subject: |
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| Mapler wrote: | | This is REALLY hard for me. I gave up caring for stuff. You can't force anybody to care about anything. |
Sometimes, for the sake of family harmony, it's simply easier and better to pretend to care.
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"That leap of logic should have broken his legs." - Janissy |
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tommyg
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Sep 02, 2009
Posts: 32
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| Posted: Sat Oct 03, 2009 12:45 am Post subject: |
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| I've got the same problem. I think I can fudge my way through making it look like I care, most of the time, but sometimes a person won't make it clear that what they're talking about is upsetting to them. I end up treating it lightly, or at least not-dead-serious, and get frustrated. *shrug* I guess you just live and learn. Try to memorize what's important to certain people and what others take for granted. |
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TheMidnightJudge
Ghost in the Shell
Joined: Mar 29, 2007
Posts: 1844
Location: New England
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| Posted: Sat Oct 03, 2009 2:06 am Post subject: |
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I would try to gauge how actively they participate in whatever thing is in question.
But who knows?
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Sleepless gliding |
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Mmmph
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Sep 30, 2009
Posts: 68
Location: Fantastica
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| Posted: Sun Oct 04, 2009 12:51 am Post subject: |
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| Uhura wrote: | | I do care but it's hard to show it so I wonder if people think I don't. |
That's kind of my situation. When I care, I don't know how to show it (mostly just blank), and when I don't care, I act. I pretend sooo many emotions depending on the situation. |
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DenvrDave
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 18, 2009
Age: 47
Posts: 788
Location: Where seldom is heard a discouraging word
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| Posted: Sun Oct 04, 2009 1:24 am Post subject: |
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| Lene wrote: | | I don't think the over-caring is just an act; it shows that you want to care |
I think this is what is important.
Sometimes I have to act like I care when I really don't, especially around people I don't know that well or people I am forced to get along with, like at work, or on an airplane, or when meeting a friend of a friend, etc. |
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