Dragonfly_Dreams
Phoenix
Joined: May 19, 2008
Posts: 598
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 Posted: Sun Oct 11, 2009 8:11 pm Post subject: Just another reminder I was given today.. |
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that I have no friends at all. My sister in law gave me a baby shower. I begged her not to but she wouldn't listen. She wanted to make a cake, and party favors. It was important to HER! It makes her feel good.
Apparently she didn't remember the last time she gave me one. Or realize how hurt I was.
So we all sat there around the table today, my husband and kids, my sister in law, and my other sister in law.. waiting for people to show up. And as usual, no one comes. No one seems to have an explanation why and they act confused and bewildered. But I know why. People don't ever come to things where I am the guest of honor, or the host. No one cares enough. I knew no one would come. This time a bunch of people said they'd come, but then decided to just not even show up. There were party favors, but no one to give them to. Stupid baby games, but no one to play them. Prizes for winners, but the only loser was me.
It was a celebration of the baby I'm going to have in 2 weeks. Yay. And the crowd goes wild...
 Another day of humiliation to add onto the rest I suppose.
I'm going to go chew ice and cry.
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pschristmas
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 02, 2008
Age: 45
Posts: 1001
Location: Buda, TX
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| Posted: Sun Oct 11, 2009 8:27 pm Post subject: |
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That's really awful. I'm sorry it happened to you.
If it helps any, I didn't have a baby shower at all until after my baby was born and the only attendees were the ladies in my mother's church auxiliary, all my mother's and grandmother's peers. I suppose the worst thing about that is, I didn't really register it as odd that I had no one to invite.
edit: I think that didn't come out the way I intended. I meant it to be a criticism of myself, not anyone else. Sorry. I've deleted the possibly offensive bit and rewritten it. |
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SoulcakeDuck
Catoboros
Joined: Mar 04, 2009
Age: 27
Posts: 1708
Location: a bubble called Cognitive Entropy
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| Posted: Sun Oct 11, 2009 9:36 pm Post subject: |
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Hell is other people, and friends are self sacrificing entitys that are rare. You should know most people go through life surrounded by people they are forced to call friends because they are afraid to be alone. If i were you a family would be enough, friends made from flesh and blood that you can share mostly anything with... why would you like some half assed pretend for a cretin to show up at your doorstep giving you (the baby) gifts, they wouldn't *puff!* suddenly turn in to your friends either, real friends are hard to come by so don't go crying over breadcrumbs like that. + your sis in law watches way to much Sex and The City...
(I hope I do not appear all to rude, I'm really trying my best not to sound that way)
Grats by the way.
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Dragonfly_Dreams
Phoenix
Joined: May 19, 2008
Posts: 598
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| Posted: Sun Oct 11, 2009 9:49 pm Post subject: |
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If it were my own family it might have been better, but I don't have much family. The ones I do have didn't come either. LOL It literally was just two sister in laws, my husband and my kids.
I don't want fake friends. I just don't want parties that remind me I have no real ones either.
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CTBill
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 18, 2008
Age: 48
Posts: 657
Location: Connecticut, USA
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| Posted: Sun Oct 11, 2009 10:25 pm Post subject: |
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Parties "in your honor" generally suck. You didn't ask for it, but some do-gooders can't help but interfere in the lives of others.
My family decided to have an impromptu birthday party for me a couple years ago, and it was a disaster (I was in a foul mood as a result of a migraine that they'd triggered the day before, and ended up suggesting that everyone just leave).
I discovered that my sister arranged the whole mess, and chewed her ass out royally afterward--she couldn't fathom why I was so upset. She knows now that I have AS, and understands that I can't abide surprises or "people overload."
Maybe you should just ask you sis-in-law (via your brother, perhaps) to knock off the crap. |
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zen_mistress
~*~*~*~*~*~
Joined: Jun 12, 2007
Age: 35
Posts: 6320
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| Posted: Sun Oct 11, 2009 10:46 pm Post subject: |
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I would have come to it.
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Polgara
Deinonychus
Joined: Jun 27, 2008
Posts: 358
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| Posted: Sun Oct 11, 2009 11:58 pm Post subject: |
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I've never even been to a baby shower, or a bridal shower, even though I have 3 kids and have been married twice!  |
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i_wanna_blue
Within
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Joined: Aug 10, 2008
Age: 28
Posts: 7714
Location: Alone
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| Posted: Mon Oct 12, 2009 6:02 am Post subject: |
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That's really sad to hear Dragonfly_Dreams. I guess I'm in the same boat. That's why I never ask for any parties/celebrations etc to be done in my honour. It's not just the fact that I don't know anyone, but more the fact that no one knows me. Sometimes I think about the future, and I wonder, if I get married, who from my side will attend? And if I were to pass away, who would come to my funeral for me, and not out of respect for my parents? The answer is no one. At least if I'm dead I won't have to face the humiliation.
I hope you feel better soon. 
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Dragonfly_Dreams
Phoenix
Joined: May 19, 2008
Posts: 598
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| Posted: Thu Oct 15, 2009 2:03 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks guys. I know I'm not alone in how I feel, just sometimes the sadness is a bit overwhelming. And the humiliation.
When I got married, I saved myself from this embarrassment. My husband and I had a ceremony outside by a huge gigantic tree near the ocean, complete with priest and priestess wielding large swords through the air and the smell of incense and fresh flowers... but no family or friends because we chose not to invite them!  That way nothing could go wrong, and people couldn't not show up and I didn't have to worry about who to invite and who would or wouldn't come. The day was all about us, which is how it should be anyway.
Now if people would realize I don't want a baby shower, we'd be all set. LOL
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visagrunt
Polymath
Joined: Oct 17, 2009
Age: 45
Posts: 5754
Location: Vancouver, BC
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| Posted: Wed Oct 21, 2009 4:28 pm Post subject: Re: Just another reminder I was given today.. |
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What makes me mad is,
| Dragonfly_Dreams wrote: | | I begged her not to but she wouldn't listen... It was important to HER! It makes her feel good. |
I really only ask people to do two things: 1) respect my boundaries and, 2) don't be offended if those boundaries move around a lot. I am really uncertain about whether or not I could even go to a party given for me in a circumstance like that. Even if it was in my own living room, I might well retreat to the bedroom or go for a walk.
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SkittlesMcBingBing
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Aug 30, 2009
Posts: 192
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| Posted: Wed Oct 21, 2009 6:49 pm Post subject: |
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I want to know what kind of screwbucket guests promise to come to a baby shower, then don't.
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CleverKitten
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 07, 2008
Age: 22
Posts: 955
Location: Norfolk, Virginia, USA
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| Posted: Wed Oct 21, 2009 8:10 pm Post subject: |
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If someone planned a baby shower for me that I didn't want, I wouldn't go either.
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