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Graelwyn
Myrrdyn
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Joined: Dec 21, 2006
Age: 34
Posts: 8667
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 Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 10:06 pm Post subject: |
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I have hardly had any real life friends over the last decade anyway... all mine were on the net, and drifted away or I simply lost interest.
I have hit a point where in spite of feeling acutely lonely, I have lost all interest in even trying to talk to other people, so it is instinct now to respond to others in a defensive and aggressive way if they show any sign of interest.
However, a man who goes in the same subway as me for coffee after shopping the same store as me, recently approached me to ask why I read my magazines so close to my face and if I need glasses. Then he came and sat nearby and started talking about random things that werent small talk.
I am pretty sure he is aspie as well, to be honest.
He said he had felt intrigued because on monday I stood up and turned to him and gave him a look of daggers, that could have frozen a person.
I tend to look at anyone like that now who I catch looking in my direction.
But, now we talk whenever we see one another, and it is nice really cos I have not had anyone to talk to in this city for a long time, and also because he talks to a man who I have liked for 3 and a half years, but who will not talk to me, lol.
It is funny how the world works.
But yes, it is odd, to be lonely and envy others for their families and friends, yet at the same time, to have no desire or motivation to even try. |
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SamwiseGamgee
Deinonychus
Joined: Jan 19, 2009
Age: 22
Posts: 305
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 10:08 pm Post subject: Re: Giving up on friendships |
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| elderwanda wrote: | One of my favorite movies is "Snow Cake", where Sigourney Weaver plays an autistic woman. A man, played by Alan Rickman, is a visitor in her house for a few days, and in one scene, she tries to change the frames of his glasses to make him look less "shifty" so people will like him better. She says, "I know how you neurotypical people are obsessed with having friends. I'm just trying to help you get some."
He says, "In my experience, friends are overrated."
Well, in my experience also, friends are overrated. |
Thank you for mentioning this movie! I just finished watching it and it's wonderful! |
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Aqua_Dragon
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Sep 12, 2009
Posts: 32
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| Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 10:18 pm Post subject: |
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I try to never give up on any friendships that I'm going to make. PERSERVERANCE!
Perhaps it's because I feel that 6 hours of boredom or mental torture is totally worth even the smallest amount of happiness, and to me, having friends and people you can talk to (not that I actually TALK to them) makes me really really happy. I will go to great lengths to have friends, and that means I shall try my best to keep the ones I currently have. |
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Min27
Butterfly
Joined: Nov 03, 2009
Age: 20
Posts: 17
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| Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 2:09 am Post subject: |
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I've been in this situation a few times. One thing to do is never give up on your friendships, and I know this is easier said than done.
Personally I find the internet to be a better way of communicating with my friends, using MSN and Facebook I've got my friends from high school in one network. If you have Facebook (or Myspace), see if any of your friends are on Facebook too, and set Facebook to e-mail you when your friends post a message on your page or send you a personal message. My friends have set up a "group thread" to post announcements to a select group of people on Facebook, and we all get e-mailed whenever somebody says something in that thread. On the internet I find it easier because you can post your message for everyone to see without being interrupted by someone else and silenced.
If you're looking to make new friends, start by having small conversations with them. Break the ice with a non-personal question about them (like whether they've seen any good movies, or if they went somewhere exciting over the holidays, or if you're both at school, how they're coping with assignments). They may respond by asking a question about you. This is fine, just don't get carried away with a long-winded speech about various topics (that happens to me a lot). Try to keep asking the person questions about them. The longer you can keep the conversation going, the better (unless you're in a hurry to be somewhere). If you're at school or college and you're on your break, don't sit by yourself. (I know I usually sit by myself because that's my comfort zone). It pays to put yourself out of your comfort zone and sit with a large group of people you know from your class (and know to be friendly, because I'm not saying you should attempt to sit with the "cool" people or the people who bully you).
If you show that you're interested in what another person wants to talk about, over time they will want to become your friend.
BTW, I'm not trying to be a know-it-all. This is just what my parents have taught me and to a small extent it has worked. Just try to keep using e-mail, IM's and Facebook to stay in contact with your friends, both old and new. |
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SamwiseGamgee
Deinonychus
Joined: Jan 19, 2009
Age: 22
Posts: 305
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 4:20 pm Post subject: |
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Was reminded last night of another reason I gave up on friendships in the first place. I decided to reach out to a friend last night and we had a short chat (<30 minutes) about nothing really special or important. Then when I was going to bed I could not get to sleep because I kept playing over everything that was said in the entire conversation, and then I got thinking about past conversations we've had and conversations I've had with other people years ago. I kept trying to stop myself or distract myself from thinking about it but I just couldn't. I do this after every interaction I have with other people, no wonder I've been so stress free since I stopped talking to people.  |
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BruceCM
Deinonychus
Joined: Nov 09, 2009
Age: 34
Posts: 313
Location: Exeter, England
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| Posted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 6:42 am Post subject: Friendships |
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I think I'm giving up on most 'friends' since they never were what I'd mean by that term & I can't get any guidance to develop the relationships with them. If I get any & it works, I'll try again. Otherwise, there's a couple of Aspies I know fairly well, offline & I'll try with them. Also, I'm in some of these forums, so I'll try online 'friends'.  |
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