 
Support Wrong Planet Awareness!
| View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Do you think there are way more Aspie girls than they say there are? |
| yes |
|
89% |
[ 78 ] |
| no |
|
10% |
[ 9 ] |
|
| Total Votes : 87 |
|
| Author |
Message |
Laney2005
Raven
Joined: Oct 28, 2009
Age: 26
Posts: 108
Location: Missouri
|
 Posted: Sat Oct 31, 2009 7:40 pm Post subject: |
 |
|
| AmberEyes wrote: |
I did stand out when I was younger and I was severely bullied and punished for it.
Some socially adept people, who can initiate conversations, probably collect people to manipulate like objects to do their bidding. I don't have this luxury, so my best strategy is to accept people as they are; be kind to them to the best of my ability and to value them as individuals. |
I am sorry for the slight miscommunication, I meant "more" as a referent to supposed professionals (teachers, SLPs, my mother, psychologists). I know that we stood (stand) out more to peers. In the in-group and out-group of life, I have always been the out-group.
And yes, some people do "collect" others. Actually, one of my best friends admits to being a recovering "collector"... probably how we got to be friends in the first place-- he collected me! He's paying his pennance now. I have him explain what other people do so I can understand it. But all I have to work with is the fact that I accept others as well.
Last edited by Laney2005 on Sat Oct 31, 2009 9:53 pm; edited 1 time in total |
|
| Back to top |
|
buryuntime
oh comely
Joined: Dec 07, 2008
Posts: 1256
|
| Posted: Sat Oct 31, 2009 9:50 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| I don't think there are too many differences between female AS vs. male AS other than I think females tend to be more on the introverted side rather than the active-but-odd side. Also, interests being a bit more broader/diverse and perhaps not so technical. Otherwise, not that different. |
|
| Back to top |
|
AmberEyes
Not a label
Joined: Sep 27, 2008
Posts: 1430
Location: The Lands where the Jumblies live
|
| Posted: Sun Nov 01, 2009 7:33 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Laney2005 wrote: |
I am sorry for the slight miscommunication, I meant "more" as a referent to supposed professionals (teachers, SLPs, my mother, psychologists). |
Yes I stood out to them.
They didn't know what to do with me at all.
I thought that everyone else was behaving strangely, not me.
How were they socialising and why?
Who had explained these things to them?
It seemed bizarre that people kept wanting to try and shove me into a box or slap a label on me.
| Laney2005 wrote: | | And yes, some people do "collect" others. Actually, one of my best friends admits to being a recovering "collector"... probably how we got to be friends in the first place-- he collected me! He's paying his pennance now. I have him explain what other people do so I can understand it. But all I have to work with is the fact that I accept others as well. |
I'm generally more successful at manipulating the non-people than the people, so that'd what I've focussed on.
This is probably why I've tended collect things rather than people.
I've cared deeply about people, so I don't like to manipulate them.
I'd prefer to be able to manipulate ideas and things so I can give other people this knowledge to help them.
The thing is, in order to be able to help people, they have to either request help or you have to have the social savvy to persaude them that they need help (even if in some cases, they don't).
I usually just passively wait for the requests, but sometimes I have to wait a very long time.
I think that there are basically two different methods of learning:
-Learning by talking with people and manipulating how they respond socially (Thinking in People)
Thinking in spoken language
-Learning by manipulating ideas, symbols and physical objects, manipulating the non-people (Thinking in the physical surroundings/things)
Thinking in images/models/concepts
Two different mental pathways. These two styles can overlap, you could discuss how something works with another person. In general I prefer to work out how something works alone. I get satisfaction out of doing that.
Some people probably learn better by using social perspective taking during a discussion and exchanging information that way. You probably need a multitrack mind to be able to keep track of different people's motives and opinions. If you want to persuade another person to do something, you have to be able to manipulate that person's state of mind. This kind of thinking is useful for humanities subjects.
Others prefer to look at the system first hand, and try to figure it out alone that way. I think you need a single track mind to be able to do that. One that is just able to say 'this is the system' without distractions. This single track mind is especially good for conducting scientific investigations and looking at things in a detached way. I've found it very hard to work in groups and do a scientific investigation at the same time. It's as if my mind was being pulled in two opposing directions. I probably found it exhausting and confusing to try and multi and single track at the same time. I believe that some people can do both to some extent and switch between these two learning styles easily. These people will probably do very well with their knowledge of system processes and social savvy.
I think that I'm weaker at multi-tracking my mind, but can do this to some extent with sustained effort.
I can appreciate another person's perspective if I put the hard work in. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Blindspot149
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 08, 2009
Posts: 534
Location: Aspergers
|
| Posted: Sun Nov 01, 2009 8:53 am Post subject: |
|
|
If you wear glasses.......
_________________
Now then, tell me. What did Miggs say to you? Multiple Miggs in the next cell. He hissed at you. What did he say?
|
|
| Back to top |
|
AmberEyes
Not a label
Joined: Sep 27, 2008
Posts: 1430
Location: The Lands where the Jumblies live
|
| Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 10:08 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Laney2005 wrote: |
That makes me feel better, though I must say I wish I had the ability to go and talk to other people. It's not that I didn't want to, I always wanted to, I just didn't know how. Still don't. |
The inability to initiate conversation can be turned into a strength, if handled correctly.
It's a shame that many don't realise this.
If people always run away when you approach them socially, it basically forces you to become a 'super-responder' or a 'super-helper'.
You can learn to respond in a friendly way without scaring them away, if you let them approach you first.
I had to learn all of this by myself from scratch.
That is to respond to their questions and their requests for help, when they approach you.
It basically forces you to become an expert in whatever people need help or guidance with.
It means that you can pick-up or help anyone who's feeling left out that others might have overlooked.
If you keep doing that in the right environment, you can gain a positive and helpful reputation, as long as you watch out for people trying to take advantage of you.
So basically, in the right, understanding (fairly uncrowded) environment, you can adopt a life-style of someone who offers advice on request and relies on the 'kindness of strangers'.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/somerset/content/articles/2008/05/21/homeless_hare_krishna_feature.shtml
Replace the book of Krishna with a Science or Maths Textbook and that was me wandering around during my school years. I befriended people who wanted to be befriended and they were grateful for it. I also mentored a lot of people as requested by the teachers.
So in a sense, acquiring a lot of knowledge that others will find useful, and an accepting personality makes up for the social deficit. I believe that this is the niche that Aspies are meant to occupy. The Aspie can become an asset to the entire community, if it's handled in the right way. A sort of 'community technician' not tied down to one particular social group, giving specialist knowledge to those that want it.
Also, I've found that the people I helped and befriended tended to stick up for me when I was in trouble. |
|
| Back to top |
|
MsBehaviour
Deinonychus
Joined: Oct 27, 2007
Age: 36
Posts: 340
Location: West Auckland, New Zealand
|
| Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 6:47 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| AmberEyes wrote: |
So in a sense, acquiring a lot of knowledge that others will find useful, and an accepting personality makes up for the social deficit. I believe that this is the niche that Aspies are meant to occupy. The Aspie can become an asset to the entire community, if it's handled in the right way. A sort of 'community technician' not tied down to one particular social group, giving specialist knowledge to those that want it.
Also, I've found that the people I helped and befriended tended to stick up for me when I was in trouble. |
Wise words and exactly how I see my role in life after years of befriending misfits and sticking up for other people less able than myself. I feel lucky to be able to be a teacher, mentor and supporter to those who cannot protect or speak out for themselves. My internet career led me to becoming an online community manager, and an international business mentor and I feel blessed to have such a wonderful network of friends worldwide.
_________________
the g33k show |
|
| Back to top |
|
anxiety25
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 05, 2009
Posts: 524
|
| Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 7:08 pm Post subject: Re: You might be an Aspie Girl if... |
|
|
| thecutevegan wrote: | | What do you think are the main differences? What about as you get older? Any Aspie moms out there? |
Yes. I think that (some) females express their frustrations very emotionally with things, and since being emotional is a stereotyped thing for females (as well as likely true), when we become emotional when young, we are "drama queens".
But I think that teachers and parents both overlook our outbursts and automatically view it that way, rather than looking for the actual cause of our outbursts.
Being shy isn't enough to make someone look at a child and think something is going on with them. Having emotional outbursts isn't enough to make someone think different for girls. Being quirky doesn't do it either, as when we're doing something silly, adults look at it as we are having fun and being a kid.
I remember my teachers ALWAYS knew there was something going on with me... they just couldn't place it. I was the kiddo they wanted to make sure had a lot of people around to protect her, lol... the one they watched out for at all times, but they never directly said anything at all.
The other problem was I was an only child, so my mom didn't really have any other normal kids to compare me to on a regular basis. I think she just took my shyness, silliness, preference to be alone and all to be just because I was an only child and had to entertain myself at home.
As I've gotten older, I've had many misdiagnoses such as bipolar and borderline personality disorder... but in those cases as well, the REASONS for my reactions were never looked into. It was just that I'd go from happy to upset over things, so they pinned it to that... but they didn't care that it was me going from happy to upset because of a plan change, because my things were moved around, because I couldn't find something I was looking for, etc.
I'm now a mom, and my son is... well, we are similar in a lot of ways, but different as well. He gets mad and yells or hits things, whereas when I was younger I would get mad and just start crying.
He has a few friends, but still sticks to himself a lot of the time despite that... I had 2 friends I clung to for dear life, lol... but they also started out being my friends by "taking me under their wings".
He's also a lot more blunt and direct about things, whereas a lot of the time I just wouldn't speak up a whole lot (mainly because I didn't really know what to say or just never felt it necessary really), so it was seen as shy.
My son doesn't really worry about please and thank you, sticks to schedules, but not to rules... I was VERY polite as a child. Family friends still talk about how I was the only 3 year old that would walk into their house and stand in one spot, not touching anything, until I was told that I could... and after that, I would ONLY play with the item that I was told I could play with.
All was passed off as good parenting, but I was just doing what I was told basically-when I went to this person's house, I could play with this or that only... when I went to grandma's house, I could only touch this or that... never strayed from that. My son, however, will walk into someone's house and say, "Hey, I see you aren't using that playstation over there in the corner. Maybe you could give it to me," during the first visit, lol.
_________________
Sorry about the incredibly long post...
"I enjoyed the meetings, too. It was like having friends." -Luna Lovegood |
|
| Back to top |
|
rainbowbutterfly
Snowy Owl
Joined: May 05, 2009
Age: 26
Posts: 146
Location: California
|
| Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 9:26 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| MsBehaviour wrote: | | AmberEyes wrote: |
So in a sense, acquiring a lot of knowledge that others will find useful, and an accepting personality makes up for the social deficit. I believe that this is the niche that Aspies are meant to occupy. The Aspie can become an asset to the entire community, if it's handled in the right way. A sort of 'community technician' not tied down to one particular social group, giving specialist knowledge to those that want it.
Also, I've found that the people I helped and befriended tended to stick up for me when I was in trouble. |
Wise words and exactly how I see my role in life after years of befriending misfits and sticking up for other people less able than myself. I feel lucky to be able to be a teacher, mentor and supporter to those who cannot protect or speak out for themselves. My internet career led me to becoming an online community manager, and an international business mentor and I feel blessed to have such a wonderful network of friends worldwide. |
That's cool how you're able to stand up for yourself, and others. Unfortunately, I barely have the capability to stand up for myself or others. One reason has to do with me being passive, and another reason has to do with me taking a while to figure out that me or someone else isn't being treated right.
So anyway, I voted yes. I agree with Tony Attwood that AS is harder to spot in females because I can relate the information to my own experiences. I have been unexpectedly diagnosed off and on with autism from different psychologists throughout my life. All of my friends and family members think I'm weird, but not a lot of them think I'm autistic.
Once I was taken outside of special education I had a hard time making friends. In elementary school I was made fun of, in Jr. High I was bullied, and in High School I was ignored. Finally, before College, with the help of a psychotherapist, I overcame my shyness and became better with meeting friends. |
|
| Back to top |
|
theOtherSide
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Jun 18, 2009
Age: 41
Posts: 62
Location: wish i knew
|
| Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 10:35 pm Post subject: Re: You might be an Aspie Girl if... |
|
|
| anxiety25 wrote: | | I was VERY polite as a child. Family friends still talk about how I was the only 3 year old that would walk into their house and stand in one spot, not touching anything, until I was told that I could... and after that, I would ONLY play with the item that I was told I could play with. |
I was that kind of model child too. I lived in fear for the good part of my school years. Becoming invisible was a survival technique. Result: perfect girl child. |
|
| Back to top |
|
heliocopters
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Aug 21, 2009
Age: 21
Posts: 63
|
| Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 10:49 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Special interests in girls seem to be a lot broader and conceptual than boys, where the special interests are very specific and concrete. I also feel like we need to collect information for some suitable purpose (like how I'm almost done memorizing the DSM-IV and "Prescription for Nutritional Healing"), where as boys seem to like to collect information just because.
_________________
Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc: We gladly feast on those who would subdue us.
Not just pretty words.
- The Addams Family |
|
| Back to top |
|
AmberEyes
Not a label
Joined: Sep 27, 2008
Posts: 1430
Location: The Lands where the Jumblies live
|
| Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 6:09 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Bluefins wrote: | | Being quiet makes no problems for the teacher, yeah. I'd have gone undiagnosed if it wasn't for breaking down in the end. |
When I got brilliant grades I was told:
'Whatever you're doing keep doing it.'
They also said that I had 'brilliant study skills' and that I should keep using those techniques to help me succeed.
So basically, I kept doing exactly what I was doing, isolating myself and reading for alone hours on end through breaktime and lunch. I hardly talked to anyone during this time. I didn't have time. The course schedule was demanding for everyone and the teachers said this.
I rationalised my behaviour by saying that the academic courses were demanding (and they were). I got grades higher than the majority. I also rationalised that people were being deliberately unfriendly by not talking to me during break.
Moreover, I was rewarded for isolating myself particularly by those who loved and cared about me.
I was given treats by my family for doing extra work at home.
There was all sorts of bribery and questions such as:
'What happened to the other 2%?'
When I got 98% on a school test.
When I got better grades, the teachers also gave me boys to 'baby-sit' and mentor.
People also approached me for advice, so essentially I was rewarded with friends.
So basically I was being conditioned to isolate myself and study like mad in order to get approval, praise. I reasoned (incorrectly) that the harder I worked and the higher grades I got the more friendly attention I'd get.
So when I eventually grew up and went away to study full time, I worked really hard and then wondered why no-one was paying any attention to me. Where were all the chocolates, rewards, friends and praise to reward me for all my hard work? Surely, they should all have been banging on my door to get in given how hard I worked.
They weren't forth coming, so I had a nervous breakdown. |
|
| Back to top |
|
princesseli
Velociraptor
Joined: Jan 08, 2008
Age: 21
Posts: 428
Location: Honolulu HI/ Los Angeles CA
|
| Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 8:06 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Laney2005 wrote: | | zeichner wrote: | | (I feel it is my "mission" to watch out for the kids I think might be on the Spectrum & make sure they get the support & understanding they need.) |
Thank you. I wish there had been someone like you for me when I was a child. All I ever got was, "She paces around the playground talking to herself. That's not normal". And yes, that is a direct quote from my 4th grade teacher. Of course, that was a couple of years before AS showed up in the DSM, but still... It would have made adolescence a bit easier to get through! Thanks to all those out there watching out for all the rest of us. |
When I was elementary school I used to pace around the playground by myself. Even one time, one of the students said that I was good at walking. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Booyakasha
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Oct 07, 2009
Age: 28
Posts: 44
|
| Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 9:44 am Post subject: |
|
|
Here where I live (the Balkans) is almost impossible to get a proper diagnosis 'cause not even medical personnel is acquainted with it. Once I was misdiagnosed for BPD, the other time it was "social phobia". They wanted to pump me with expensive anaxiolitics as if that's the solution. The second psychiatrist had to look up in the manual to see what the ASD really is.  Then I have up trying. I sure do not have "abandonment issues" and yes it may look like social phobia, but it's much more than that.
There are many of us out there, labelled as "shy" and "introverted", "weird" and in best case "unique".  |
|
| Back to top |
|
prism_tail_rainbows
Butterfly
Joined: Oct 29, 2009
Age: 18
Posts: 16
|
| Posted: Tue Nov 10, 2009 1:50 am Post subject: |
|
|
| CockneyRebel wrote: | | You're a masculine woman |
is this actually common? i'm a girl with a lot of masculine features and mannerisms. i hate it, but i don't know why i'm like that. |
|
| Back to top |
|
CockneyRebel
Mick Avory
Joined: Jul 18, 2004
Age: 35
Posts: 22529
Location: 1965 London with Ruby the Routemaster by my side
|
| Posted: Tue Nov 10, 2009 4:11 am Post subject: |
|
|
You don't like to wear make-up.
_________________
Mick Avory is my favourite Kink. He always has been and he always will be. Him and I are two peas in a pod. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
|
|
|
