new and desperately need advice on AS hubby

ticktockpop · Tufted Titmouse Joined: Sep 29, 2009 Posts: 25

Hi there! Just one more person to say that the guy does not have Asperger's. He's just not a good person, and with a whole bucketfull of issues.

For the people who say he may have Asperger's plus another form of complication on top of it: this would be like saying he can breathe above water, but is also a fish.

Asperger's brains are WIRED different. You can't have a brain wired one way, but behaving another way. Sounds like a "miss" diagnosis if you ask me; after all, Asperger's is the new thing to have, and it is just so easy for some "doctors" to diagnose it. Splat! Asperger's! Our job is done!

Truth is, your husband having Asperger's or not means NOTHING to you. I lived with an abusive husband, who lied, cheated, was purely evil to me in all kinds of ways, but retracted his behavior so often, I did not know what to believe. I could not leave the house, have friends, work, diet, contact my family, and on and on.

This lasted nine years, when I finally realized he was not going to change; I was the one changing. And I really like myself, Asperger's and all.

So I left. It was so hard, and I still am amazed that I actually did it. I was in a different country, with no family to count on. I slept in one of my daughter's friend's mother's couch (does that make sense?) for a while with my daughter, and worked as a customer service, answering phones for cell phone companies. I got no money from the divorce, no alimony, and he kept everything -- including some of my belongings, which he destroyed. I just signed whatever he wanted to sign as long as I had my freedom.

It took me a while to rebuild my life. But I did it, for me and for my daughter. It should not take that long for you, since you do not have Asperger's. I realize life is usually easier for NT people.

Grab your humanity and RUN. Get someone to help you through the logistics of the divorce; get help, get alimony, get a better chance than I had to start over. But remember, nothing is worth more than your happiness.

You also won't be alone. I found someone to love me the way I am after all that happened; if you want someone, you will find someone as well.

You can have everything you want. Happiness, love, family, independence. You just won't have it if you stay.