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NOBS
Toucan
Joined: Apr 20, 2008
Age: 47
Posts: 257
Location: Alaska
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 Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 1:13 am Post subject: |
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Thing is, people don't tell YOU when they think your creepy. They tell everyone else.
I wonder if she knows about you, and thought she was somehow being polite. |
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beejay
Snowy Owl
Joined: Sep 12, 2009
Age: 29
Posts: 169
Location: Wilmington, North Carolina
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 1:16 am Post subject: |
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| Spokane_Girl wrote: | | Danielismyname wrote: | I can see how certain "normal" people could say that those with AS appear creepy to them; it's just their social system incorrectly reading the lack of nonverbal cues that a person with AS displays, in addition to talking about the intense interest over and over again. People with AS also tend to stare at people they like....
I find most normal people scary looking, so the door can swing both ways (I've been called creepy before). |
That is so me. I also stare at people if I think they are pretty. But I try to look away and then back so I am not staring. I don't think I have ever been called creepy. Maybe you have to be a guy for it. |
I do too...my sister always tells me that, when we go out to eat, I look at the waitress a little too long when I think she's pretty. I'm not going to wait outside and jump her after she gets off work (I don't have the nerve to say more than thank you); I just like what I see.
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My fellow Americans. As a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball, but tonight I say, we must move forward, not backward, upward, not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom. |
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sartresue
Radical Aspergian
Joined: Dec 19, 2007
Posts: 4606
Location: The Castle of Shock and Awe-tism
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 11:00 am Post subject: |
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Stares in your eyes topic
This is why I do not do the ye contact thing too much. I have to be conscious of the 5 second rule. (I use this in interviews). Otherwise, yes, I stare O_O, like the eyes in a Roman statue.  .
But looks do not really do any harm, as far as I know. 
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Radical Aspergian
Awe-Tistic Whirlwind
Phuture Phounder of the Philosophy Phactory
Last edited by sartresue on Thu Nov 05, 2009 1:32 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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MONKEY
Mermaid fanatic
Joined: Jan 04, 2009
Age: 16
Posts: 2314
Location: The moon
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 5:22 pm Post subject: |
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"Aspergers creepy" lol that's a new one
I do stare at people if I ifnd their looks interesting or they're talking about something I'm interested in, or sometimes I just stare anyway. I try not to because they always look back at me like "what are you looking at?" but then I end up staring again, it's a bad habit I can't seem to kick. I hope I don't seem too asperger's creepy 
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... Maybe he thought you were ugly |
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Maggiedoll
Loon
Joined: Jun 05, 2009
Age: 25
Posts: 1663
Location: Maryland
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 6:12 pm Post subject: |
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| Danielismyname wrote: | | I can see how certain "normal" people could say that those with AS appear creepy to them; it's just their social system incorrectly reading the lack of nonverbal cues that a person with AS displays, in addition to talking about the intense interest over and over again. People with AS also tend to stare at people they like.... |
I was trying to think of a good way of saying that, but you did first.
Two large parts of creepy are "hard to understand" and "doesn't seem like they'd take a hint." Both apply to most aspies. Especially in a guy, the "doesn't seem like they'd take a hint" is a big one.. like that they'd hit on you and never get when was completely unwelcome. That doesn't mean that it's something they'd purposely do, but if an NT girl is "sizing up" a guy, whether or not he'd understand her signals is a big issue.
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Envy, is admiration in denial. --DaWalker
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gramirez
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 10, 2008
Posts: 1019
Location: Illinois
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 6:14 pm Post subject: |
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| NOBS wrote: | | Thing is, people don't tell YOU when they think your creepy. They tell everyone else. |
It's true.
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IMForeman
Raven
Joined: Oct 05, 2009
Age: 27
Posts: 109
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 7:06 pm Post subject: |
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| I'd probably casually say "I have aspergers" and then just let them deal with that. I think it's kinda like someone making any kind of slur to be honest. My days of "taking it from the normal people" are behind me I'm afraid. I seriously doubt it would cost someone their job to speak up calmly and non confrontationally in a situation like that. It would make the person who said the original comment look silly. |
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BelindatheNobody
Oh, sweet insanity
Joined: Mar 24, 2008
Age: 19
Posts: 1316
Location: Westfield
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 7:40 pm Post subject: |
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Oh, is that why some people think I'm creepy? I thought that was because of my general goth-yness.
(Like this time a lady and what I assumed would be her kid were walking past me...
And all the sudden...
She gives me this -stare-.... and then she scrunches her kid up against her side and hustles away. I laughed; it was so.... silly.).
Though I haven't gotten any of that lately... then again, I don't really leave the house much. Heh.
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Depriving, isolating all that I feel; leaving me with images I know are not real.
Are those words of condemnation that I hear?
(I think I'm losin' my mind I think I'm losin' my...)
Flavors of: Nobody. Slytherin. Autistic. |
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Ebonwinter
Toucan
Joined: Apr 26, 2009
Age: 19
Posts: 287
Location: Draka, U.S
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 11:23 pm Post subject: |
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| BelindatheNobody wrote: | Oh, is that why some people think I'm creepy? I thought that was because of my general goth-yness.
(Like this time a lady and what I assumed would be her kid were walking past me...
And all the sudden...
She gives me this -stare-.... and then she scrunches her kid up against her side and hustles away. I laughed; it was so.... silly.).
Though I haven't gotten any of that lately... then again, I don't really leave the house much. Heh. |
Meh same here plus most of my high school years I had to remind new teachers/nurses that I'm normally this pale and not sick.
I find nts creepy to be honest |
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BelindatheNobody
Oh, sweet insanity
Joined: Mar 24, 2008
Age: 19
Posts: 1316
Location: Westfield
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 11:43 pm Post subject: |
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| Ebonwinter wrote: | | BelindatheNobody wrote: | Oh, is that why some people think I'm creepy? I thought that was because of my general goth-yness.
(Like this time a lady and what I assumed would be her kid were walking past me...
And all the sudden...
She gives me this -stare-.... and then she scrunches her kid up against her side and hustles away. I laughed; it was so.... silly.).
Though I haven't gotten any of that lately... then again, I don't really leave the house much. Heh. |
Meh same here plus most of my high school years I had to remind new teachers/nurses that I'm normally this pale and not sick.
I find nts creepy to be honest |
Lol! Me, too! (fear the creepy "vampire" goth girl in all her pale glory.).
Meh. I find most people to be.... well, not creepy. "Unnerving", I suppose. Regardless of what sort of brain they hold.
_________________
Depriving, isolating all that I feel; leaving me with images I know are not real.
Are those words of condemnation that I hear?
(I think I'm losin' my mind I think I'm losin' my...)
Flavors of: Nobody. Slytherin. Autistic. |
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GoonSquad
Phoenix
Joined: May 12, 2007
Age: 39
Posts: 528
Location: The City of Townsville
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| Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 12:17 am Post subject: |
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| flamingshorts wrote: | | GoonSquad wrote: | ...
Yeah... the truth is aspies can be off putting to people. I tend to stare at attractive women and not be able to maintain eye contact with men at all. It's caused me probelms and I know it 'creeps' some people out... It doesn't help that, physically, I'm reasonably intimidating. 
Inability to read and or give off appropriate nonverbals is an impediment, and for some NTs it translates as creepy. |
Thing that surprised me is the conviction which these conclusions are made with. It is like some universal law "this guy is creepy" and there is no doubt in their minds. I have a small theory that one purpose of non-verbal communication is so that people are "never wrong". They can "save face" by not expressing in a way that can be factually examined. There is an expression "I never said anything." that is often made after a reaction to some non-verbal communication. Eg someone deliberately stares at you to intimidate and confront you. If you react they say "I never said anything".
Thing is that even if you explain to seemingly reasonable people about AS and non-verbal communication I find they will eventually gravitate to the same sub-conscious conclusions. |
I think it all boils down to evolution... Look at societies of higher primates (yes, they have culture too). Things like posture, eye contact, showing teeth are all important in chimp tribes. It seems reasonable that human ancestors would have similar modes of communication. I can't imagine the difficulties of an apsie Australopithecus!
So yeah, it's not surprising that even reasonable, intelligent, AS educated people still have a hard time relating.
If you asked people if it's reasonable to assume that beautiful people are good and ugly people are bad, most would say no. BUT all you have to do is look at the culture to see that appearance biases that convey that very message exist everywhere. It seems to me, people are just hardwired and conditioned to behave in specific ways that aren't necessarily determined by rationality.
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GoatOnFire
Greatest Of All Time
Joined: Feb 23, 2007
Posts: 3955
Location: Texas
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| Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 12:32 am Post subject: |
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| Danielismyname wrote: | I can see how certain "normal" people could say that those with AS appear creepy to them; it's just their social system incorrectly reading the lack of nonverbal cues that a person with AS displays, in addition to talking about the intense interest over and over again. People with AS also tend to stare at people they like....
I find most normal people scary looking, so the door can swing both ways (I've been called creepy before). |
Define normal, please.
Personally, I wouldn't be quick to label someone who comes up with the term 'Asperger's creepy' normal.
I'm wondering if all the Asperger's awareness is a good thing or not. The term seems to have entered the public lexicon. A couple weeks ago I was on a Dallas Cowboys (football team) chat board during a game, last place you'd expect to hear a mention of Asperger's, right?
Well, wrong. One of the Dallas players, Flozell Adams, who is noted for getting many penalties got a penalty. And the conversation went "Flozell Adams is so stupid." And then one of them said "Flozell Adams has Asperger's." And then there were many "lol, he does have asspergers" comments. They were pretty clearly using the term 'Asperger's' as an insult. The topic of conversation became "Flozell Adams' assburgers" for the next 5 minutes.
I think we need more education rather than awareness. All awareness does is get ignorant asshats to misunderstand it and then ridicule it.
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Oh say, can you see? Everyone is dumb but me. I'm never ever wrong, and that's all you'll ever be. |
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Ebonwinter
Toucan
Joined: Apr 26, 2009
Age: 19
Posts: 287
Location: Draka, U.S
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| Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 12:39 am Post subject: |
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| Normal to me is an oppressive word or a setting on a machine/program |
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GoonSquad
Phoenix
Joined: May 12, 2007
Age: 39
Posts: 528
Location: The City of Townsville
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| Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 12:58 am Post subject: |
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| GoatOnFire wrote: |
I think we need more education rather than awareness. All awareness does is get ignorant asshats to misunderstand it and then ridicule it. |
Dude NT=ignorant asshat and all the education in the world will never change that... The sooner you grasp that concept, the better off you'll be.
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Come on monsters, you don't have to cry... we can be HAPPY !!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZwfMstI3bpA |
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Danielismyname
Zombies ate my NT
Joined: Apr 03, 2007
Posts: 8276
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| Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 1:14 am Post subject: |
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Normal = socially normal
Socially normal people have an ingrained/innate "detection system" that interprets how someone appears by their nonverbal and verbal body language without conscious thought. Enter an ASD, and you have someone who "spoofs" this "detection system" by providing unreadable data.
You take one person with an ASD and have a dozen people try to interpret how said person with an ASD is feeling, and how does the person look to them, and you'll get various answers, like creepy, sad, serious, scary, etcetera and etcetera.
They can't help doing this like how "we" can't help how we are [for the most part]. |
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