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anna-banana
indifferent peapod
Joined: Aug 31, 2008
Age: 26
Posts: 5373
Location: Europe
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 Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 5:04 am Post subject: Re: Why do people... |
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| hale_bopp wrote: | | anna-banana wrote: | | Tim_Tex wrote: |
And for that matter, what is the main reason for people dropping regular friends of the opposite sex when they start dating someone? |
if they do that then they were never real friends to begin with. |
That opinion is absolutely ridiculous, Maybe they are under pressure form their spouse not to see these people so much because he/she feels threatened. Maybe they want to see them but it isn't their fault at all.
TBH, I would feel threatened if someone I was deeply mad on spent a lot of time with a single woman. |
I have no respect for people who do that, sorry. that's discrimination based on gender, and I can't imagine treating my friends differently because they happen to be of a certain gender and/or relationship status. if the partner/spouse feels threatened then they should deal with their jealousy/insecurity issues and not order you whom to be friends with. I can't imagine pressuring anyone to stop seeing a friend that they value, it's just cruel.
and btw you might wanna familiarise yourself with the savoir vivre of discussion and show some respect for opinions that you don't share instead of calling them "absolutely ridiculous".
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hale_bopp
All Kinds of Freak
Joined: Nov 03, 2004
Age: 24
Posts: 7126
Location: New Zealand
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| Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 5:16 am Post subject: |
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| Spokane_Girl wrote: | | I had emotional abuse from my ex. At the time I didn't even know what he was doing was abuse until I read an article about relationship abuse in Seventeen. I read the checklist for it and I saw I was abused. One of them was him being afraid of talking to my parents and wanting to know everything I said. He also was negative about me and didn't like what I did that was no big deal, also a form of abuse. Him acting like I was retarded and thinking I was at a low age level because of my childish interests, form of abuse. Even though the mag didn't say those last things, but they fell under making you feel bad about yourself and always saying negative things about you. |
That's terrible and thats wonderful that you got away from him in the end. You should be patting yourself on the back for that. It wouldn't have been easy if you were really into them.
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hale_bopp
All Kinds of Freak
Joined: Nov 03, 2004
Age: 24
Posts: 7126
Location: New Zealand
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| Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 5:25 am Post subject: Re: Why do people... |
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| anna-banana wrote: | | hale_bopp wrote: | | anna-banana wrote: | | Tim_Tex wrote: |
And for that matter, what is the main reason for people dropping regular friends of the opposite sex when they start dating someone? |
if they do that then they were never real friends to begin with. |
That opinion is absolutely ridiculous, Maybe they are under pressure form their spouse not to see these people so much because he/she feels threatened. Maybe they want to see them but it isn't their fault at all.
TBH, I would feel threatened if someone I was deeply mad on spent a lot of time with a single woman. |
I have no respect for people who do that, sorry. that's discrimination based on gender, and I can't imagine treating my friends differently because they happen to be of a certain gender and/or relationship status. if the partner/spouse feels threatened then they should deal with their jealousy/insecurity issues and not order you whom to be friends with. I can't imagine pressuring anyone to stop seeing a friend that they value, it's just cruel.
and btw you might wanna familiarise yourself with the savoir vivre of discussion and show some respect for opinions that you don't share instead of calling them "absolutely ridiculous". |
You misunderstood me.
What you are talking about is total control, and what im talking about is someone feeling threatened if they spend a ridiculous amount of time with a single person of the opposite sex.
You don't have to cut them off, and cutting someone off is absolutely wrong. But there is also an unhealthy amount of time to be seeing someone of the opposite sex whose single if you are in a relationship.
Sorry but it is ridiculous. Saying they're not real friends because you see less of them is often completely untrue. It's just the nature of being in an exclusive relationship with someone.
Just because they don't see you as much doesn't mean they drop you as a friend. Generally most people in relationships mainly spend time with their partner.
If someone feels jealous because their wife spends half her waking time with some single man, it's not an insecurity issue that is his fault, it's natural.
I'm not saying this is right or easy on the people who have to deal with seeing less of them, but its just the way things go. I have been given the bumsrush all my life when friends get into relationships and its not a nice feeling.
You're welcome to call my opinions ridiculous whenever you want, it's your opinion. its the nature of it, an opinion 
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anna-banana
indifferent peapod
Joined: Aug 31, 2008
Age: 26
Posts: 5373
Location: Europe
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| Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 5:40 am Post subject: |
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^^ ok well I don't see where Tim Tex was talking about spending less time with friends in favour of a partner so I obviously wasn't talking about that. surely you would see your friends less, that's the nature of days being 24-hr long I guess, there's just never enough time for everyone  I was talking about cutting people off completely which I find to be pure bastardry and a reason not to feel sorry about losing a friend who kicked you in the butt like that.
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hale_bopp
All Kinds of Freak
Joined: Nov 03, 2004
Age: 24
Posts: 7126
Location: New Zealand
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| Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 6:00 am Post subject: |
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| anna-banana wrote: | | ^^ ok well I don't see where Tim Tex was talking about spending less time with friends in favour of a partner so I obviously wasn't talking about that. surely you would see your friends less, that's the nature of days being 24-hr long I guess, there's just never enough time for everyone I was talking about cutting people off completely which I find to be pure bastardry and a reason not to feel sorry about losing a friend who kicked you in the butt like that. |
Yeah I guess I was at fault there. I assumed he meant someone spending less time with their friends but he may literally mean that someone wants nothing to do with them at all. If thats the case you're right, if you can't find ANY time for your friends then you won't keep them and for good reason.
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Tim_Tex
Bunnies!!!
Joined: Jul 03, 2004
Age: 29
Posts: 30842
Location: To Be Determined
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| Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 2:40 am Post subject: |
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I was referring to people who block said friends from IM, and delete their e-mails without reading them.
In other words, if one of the friends tries to contact them out of concern, she will act if he is a stalker, rather than a concerned friend.
For the records, I have no problems with people having friends of the opposite sex when in relationships. If I were in a relationship, I would allow her to retain all her friends regardless of their gender/relationship status. I don't feel threatened at all. In fact, I have quite a few female friends, including an ex-girlfriend, who I would retain if I had a girlfriend.
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If he caught him, there wouldn't be any more Road Runner. You wouldn't like that, would you? |
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hale_bopp
All Kinds of Freak
Joined: Nov 03, 2004
Age: 24
Posts: 7126
Location: New Zealand
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| Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 3:06 am Post subject: |
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| Tim_Tex wrote: | I was referring to people who block said friends from IM, and delete their e-mails without reading them.
In other words, if one of the friends tries to contact them out of concern, she will act if he is a stalker, rather than a concerned friend.
For the records, I have no problems with people having friends of the opposite sex when in relationships. If I were in a relationship, I would allow her to retain all her friends regardless of their gender/relationship status. I don't feel threatened at all. In fact, I have quite a few female friends, including an ex-girlfriend, who I would retain if I had a girlfriend. |
Do they ignore you in real life? Or is it only some internet person?
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Tim_Tex
Bunnies!!!
Joined: Jul 03, 2004
Age: 29
Posts: 30842
Location: To Be Determined
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| Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 3:07 am Post subject: |
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Internet, but I have met said person IRL before, but we got separated due to distance.
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Sometimes I feel very sorry for the Coyote. Sometimes I wish he'd catch him.
If he caught him, there wouldn't be any more Road Runner. You wouldn't like that, would you? |
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Spokane_Girl
There's no crying in baseball
Joined: Jul 17, 2007
Age: 24
Posts: 8666
Location: Rockford (hometown Oregon)
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| Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 5:02 am Post subject: |
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| Tim_Tex wrote: | I was referring to people who block said friends from IM, and delete their e-mails without reading them.
In other words, if one of the friends tries to contact them out of concern, she will act if he is a stalker, rather than a concerned friend.
For the records, I have no problems with people having friends of the opposite sex when in relationships. If I were in a relationship, I would allow her to retain all her friends regardless of their gender/relationship status. I don't feel threatened at all. In fact, I have quite a few female friends, including an ex-girlfriend, who I would retain if I had a girlfriend. |
How do you know they even delete them without reading them?
The same thing happened with one of my internet friends. He was talking to this girl and then she all of a sudden disappeared and Katrina had occurred. Well he got worried that something maybe happened and she did live down south. He figured maybe she was effected by the hurricane so he emailed her, called her, and stuff like that. Then on a website he was seeing her saying he is a stalker and all. I could not believe she act that way. OMG, that's what happens when you block someone. Your friend you blocked can get very concerned about you and if you have given them your phone number, they will keep calling you to see if you are alright or to see how you are doing. But stalking? Give me a break. It's stalking if they have been informed they don't want them to talk to them or call them but they keep on doing it.
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KenM
Phoenix
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Joined: Oct 16, 2005
Age: 41
Posts: 1165
Location: Mass. USA
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| Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 6:06 am Post subject: |
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I heard that sometimes women stay in abusive relationships because they like the attention. They somehow think that the fact the guy is focusing on her and treating her badly and hurting her then they like them and are doing it to try and "fix" them.
Many years back my stepsister was seeing a guy that treated her like this. I asked her why she lets him do that to her and she told me that she liked it when guys treat her like crap. I thought that was messed up that someone would not only put up with abuse, but enjoy it.
That was years ago, my stepsister is no longer like that. |
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hale_bopp
All Kinds of Freak
Joined: Nov 03, 2004
Age: 24
Posts: 7126
Location: New Zealand
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| Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 8:21 am Post subject: |
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| KenM wrote: | | I heard that sometimes women stay in abusive relationships because they like the attention. They somehow think that the fact the guy is focusing on her and treating her badly and hurting her then they like them and are doing it to try and "fix" them. |
God you're really screwed up in your ideas, arent you? Always turn it around to make it the womans fault.
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KenM
Phoenix
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Joined: Oct 16, 2005
Age: 41
Posts: 1165
Location: Mass. USA
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| Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 7:05 pm Post subject: |
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| hale_bopp wrote: | | KenM wrote: | | I heard that sometimes women stay in abusive relationships because they like the attention. They somehow think that the fact the guy is focusing on her and treating her badly and hurting her then they like them and are doing it to try and "fix" them. |
God you're really screwed up in your ideas, arent you? Always turn it around to make it the womans fault. |
I NEVER said that it was the womens fault or condone abuse. But I have heard that in long term abusive reltionships, sometimes the women starts to think this way. It never makes it right or justifys abuse. But thats what I have heard and read about why some women stay in these type of reltionships. Many times the women feels they have no options. |
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PLA
Phoenix
Joined: May 11, 2007
Age: 20
Posts: 695
Location: Sweden
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| Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 2:55 pm Post subject: |
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| Spokane_Girl wrote: | | Tim_Tex wrote: | I was referring to people who block said friends from IM, and delete their e-mails without reading them.
In other words, if one of the friends tries to contact them out of concern, she will act if he is a stalker, rather than a concerned friend.
For the records, I have no problems with people having friends of the opposite sex when in relationships. If I were in a relationship, I would allow her to retain all her friends regardless of their gender/relationship status. I don't feel threatened at all. In fact, I have quite a few female friends, including an ex-girlfriend, who I would retain if I had a girlfriend. |
How do you know they even delete them without reading them?
The same thing happened with one of my internet friends. He was talking to this girl and then she all of a sudden disappeared and Katrina had occurred. Well he got worried that something maybe happened and she did live down south. He figured maybe she was effected by the hurricane so he emailed her, called her, and stuff like that. Then on a website he was seeing her saying he is a stalker and all. I could not believe she act that way. OMG, that's what happens when you block someone. Your friend you blocked can get very concerned about you and if you have given them your phone number, they will keep calling you to see if you are alright or to see how you are doing. But stalking? Give me a break. It's stalking if they have been informed they don't want them to talk to them or call them but they keep on doing it. |
That is horrible!
I've been in the situation of being concerned over a missing friend, and it was bad enough without that twist about stalking. I imagine it would be near impossible to cope with that.
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Tim_Tex
Bunnies!!!
Joined: Jul 03, 2004
Age: 29
Posts: 30842
Location: To Be Determined
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| Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 2:56 pm Post subject: |
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| Spokane_Girl wrote: | | Tim_Tex wrote: | I was referring to people who block said friends from IM, and delete their e-mails without reading them.
In other words, if one of the friends tries to contact them out of concern, she will act if he is a stalker, rather than a concerned friend.
For the records, I have no problems with people having friends of the opposite sex when in relationships. If I were in a relationship, I would allow her to retain all her friends regardless of their gender/relationship status. I don't feel threatened at all. In fact, I have quite a few female friends, including an ex-girlfriend, who I would retain if I had a girlfriend. |
How do you know they even delete them without reading them?
The same thing happened with one of my internet friends. He was talking to this girl and then she all of a sudden disappeared and Katrina had occurred. Well he got worried that something maybe happened and she did live down south. He figured maybe she was effected by the hurricane so he emailed her, called her, and stuff like that. Then on a website he was seeing her saying he is a stalker and all. I could not believe she act that way. OMG, that's what happens when you block someone. Your friend you blocked can get very concerned about you and if you have given them your phone number, they will keep calling you to see if you are alright or to see how you are doing. But stalking? Give me a break. It's stalking if they have been informed they don't want them to talk to them or call them but they keep on doing it. |
She accused me of not letting her know what's going on, when I most certainly did. I e-mailed her about what was going on, and if she actually read them, she would have known. In the couple of months prior to dating this guy, she was secretive about stuff herself.
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Sometimes I feel very sorry for the Coyote. Sometimes I wish he'd catch him.
If he caught him, there wouldn't be any more Road Runner. You wouldn't like that, would you? |
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Maggiedoll
Loon
Joined: Jun 05, 2009
Age: 25
Posts: 1676
Location: Maryland
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| Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 3:23 pm Post subject: |
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| Aspie1 wrote: | | That's what's responsible for the whole "nice guys vs. jerks" thing. |
Um, no, what's responsible for the "nice guys vs. jerks" thing is that "nice" is a generic term that doesn't actually mean much, so usually describing somebody as "nice" means that there's not much interesting to say about them. "Nice" is just not a very descriptive word. It's like "fine."
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