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BeeBee
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 01, 2005
Posts: 2257
Location: Upper Midwest, USA
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 Posted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 7:07 pm Post subject: er...how about a cross between a whine and a rant. |
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I just need a hug.
My son had a melt-down mid-december at his school. He's in an autie/aspie self contained class room so its not like his teachers had never seen one before. The problem is it wasn't in the classroom...it was in the front lobby. The new principal wanted to make a point about being in control and he told the school cop to remove D to the classroom. Right. Grap an aspie with SID in the middle of a melt-down! Smooth move. D kicked the officer to get away, was then wrestled to the floor, and charged with assulting an officer. The school personal were shocked he was arrested...his doctors were shocked...my therapist was shocked. Who knows why. It just is.
I'll told that part before so I'm sorry that I'm repeting myself.
Anyway, we found out mid Feb that he would be charged with a gross misamenor. He's got an attorney. Lalalalalalala. The court dates been changed twice already for the attorney's convience.
My ex just called. He has the children overnight. Apperantly the court date has been moved again, per a letter he recieved. No biggie, other than he (the ex-) will be out of town that day. So? I suggest he let David's attorney know and have it re-scheduled again. No one seems to be in any hurry here.
The ex-, who has a history of abuse, starts in on me. I need to call since I'm the one who f**ked D up in the first place. (Background: Even though the school and TWO doctors has said ASD, my ex insists that there is no mental instability in his family---D's issues are due to my bad parenting. I'm more than ready to admit that ASDs seem to run in my family by even that's not good enough for the ex-.)
He gets himself so riled up he goes on about how D is now a f**k up who will never amount to anything and its all my fault. How D is a lazy, crabby, SOB because of me and all he needs is a good kick in the ass. On and on. And I heard D in the background.  His father was talking about him right in front of him. He's done this before...many times.
I tried to limit the ex's time with my sons during the divorce process but he still gets to see them. I just wish he could think past his needs and see what he's doing to his sons.
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vetivert
gagged, but never silent
Joined: Sep 18, 2004
Posts: 5768
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| Posted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 7:12 pm Post subject: |
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hughughughughughughughughughughughug...
and some for later, after i've gone:
hughughughughughughughughughughughug
oh, and this is entirely unilateral, but a poke in the eye for your ex. just had to do that. makes me feel better, anyway.
V xx |
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Beenthere
10 Miles South of Sanity
Joined: Dec 30, 2005
Age: 46
Posts: 2245
Location: Pa.
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| Posted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 7:53 pm Post subject: |
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..."there is no mental instability in his family"....I dunno...sounds like there's plenty to me.  {{{Hugs}}}...you've got your hands full.
I would have a long talk with my son when he came home...then I think I would pull up all I could on "emotional abuse" and talk it over with someone to see what steps I could take to put an end to this or prevent it from going on...it's bad enough for an adult to be degraded and striped of their self-worth...but to do this to a child, even one that doesn't have AS... is just plain sick. |
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Aspen
Deinonychus
Joined: Aug 23, 2005
Posts: 345
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| Posted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 10:06 pm Post subject: |
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((((((BeeBee))))))
I am so glad he is your ex-husband. Congratulations for being smart enough to get yourself and your sons away from an abusive situation and at least limiting the amount of time they are exposed to it. How long have you been divorced?
Have you considered convincing David's therapist to support further limiting the time he spends with his father and perhaps making the visits supervised visits because this abuse is hurting him? How would David feel about that? It must tear him up inside to have to listen to verbal abuse like his dad is spewing. Does his dad do the same thing to his brother?
I can't imagine a policeman charging an 11 year old child with assault for kicking him in the middle of a meltdown, but David is not the first child this has happened to. I hate the whole idea of policemen being in schools for this reason. I think they cause more problems than they prevent.
_________________
Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods. - Albert Einstein |
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Aspie1
Overman
Joined: Mar 08, 2005
Posts: 3686
Location: United States
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| Posted: Sat Mar 11, 2006 1:47 pm Post subject: |
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| As much as I don't condone it, you can take advantage of the legal system here. Since your son has Asperger's, you can have the attourney state that because of a meltdown, he was not fully responsible for his actions. Then you can sue the school for trying to use your son as an example in some stupid experiment. |
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ster
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 24, 2005
Posts: 2727
Location: new england
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| Posted: Sat Mar 11, 2006 4:09 pm Post subject: |
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hug hug hug hugh hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug..........hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug ..............hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug...........
i feel just so awful that you have to go through this. i agree with Aspie1~i'm not a very litigious person, but i'd sure make certain that i had some experts up there to testify about Aspergers and meltdowns~ the principal should've known about what a horrific situation he was putting D into by having the officer intercede. One of my greatest fears is that a similiar situation will happen to my son or hubby.
kudos also for getting out of an abusive relationship! i've heard from many others what a mess divorces can be~trying to get what's best for your kids and you....i will tell you , though, that my friend went back to court and had her ex's parental rights revoked for emotional abuse that he would inflict on their son each time the son visited.....the dad would make him sleep on the floor, and told him that now that he was having a new baby with his new wife~he didn't need the boy anymore.
do something nice for yourself and D.You'll get through it....the sooner it's over, the sooner you can move on with your lives. |
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aspiesmom1
Velociraptor
Joined: Jan 20, 2006
Posts: 495
Location: Texas
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| Posted: Sat Mar 11, 2006 4:18 pm Post subject: |
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I am so sorry to hear about everything you are going through BeeBee. It seems every which way you turn IRL there is no support.
Sadly we hear about kids being arrested, for such ridiculous stuff, and do the adults stop for one moment to consider the impact that has on the kids then, and for the rest of their lives? Nope. As a child with a known, documented neurological issue, there shouldn't be a problem with getting him cleared and the record expunged if his lawyer has a pulse.
It sounds like this principal has some issues and may need some training as well. Good grief, they can't even touch my son to change his position for picture day and they know it!
As for the ex, sadly I've btdt, years ago, and glad to be rid of him. I 2nd the vote to see if the psychologist will back you up on either limited or (preferably) supervised only visitations. It's hard enough to be the only parent in the house who understands your child's situations and can handle it, but to have to send him off alone to deal with a parent who doesn't even believe in his diagnosis has to be so difficult for him and you.
Wishing you all the very best {hugs}
_________________
Mean what you say, say what you mean -
The new golden rule in our household!
http://asdgestalt.com An Autism and psychology discussion forum.
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pink
Snowy Owl
Joined: Nov 03, 2005
Posts: 127
Location: Wausau, WI
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| Posted: Sun Apr 09, 2006 5:11 am Post subject: need a hug |
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A million hugs to you BeeBee. It is difficult enough to parent a special child and deal with the school without having ex-husband  being a pain in the ass. |
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