Adolf
Blue Jay
Joined: Feb 10, 2010
Posts: 84
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 Posted: Wed Feb 10, 2010 6:13 pm Post subject: Why do so many autists turn into stalkers? |
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I've been discussing this with others and it turns out I'm far from the only one who's been stalked by others with AS.
What is it that drives these stalkers? Why won't they give up even when directly asked to go to hell or even threatened? Why do they obsess so immensely with other people?
A lot of heterosexual aspie males tend to stalk women. I've heard about countless examples of this. Personally I can't identify with it. |
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Shebakoby
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 06, 2009
Age: 40
Posts: 1566
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| Posted: Wed Feb 10, 2010 6:35 pm Post subject: Re: Why do so many autists turn into stalkers? |
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| Adolf wrote: | I've been discussing this with others and it turns out I'm far from the only one who's been stalked by others with AS.
What is it that drives these stalkers? Why won't they give up even when directly asked to go to hell or even threatened? Why do they obsess so immensely with other people?
A lot of heterosexual aspie males tend to stalk women. I've heard about countless examples of this. Personally I can't identify with it. |
I think it starts out innocently enough. After all, it makes sense for a person to want to know a great deal about a person before like say, asking them out. That way they can try to determine compatibility beforehand.
Where it would go off the rails is the fact that AS people get confused and mixed signals. For instance they interpret a smile in their general direction as 'proof' that the person is attracted to them, despite verbal protestations to the opposite.
Or they get so desparate that they think that x is the only person for them and they just HAVE to convince them that they're right for each other. Threats don't stop them because they have nothing to lose, in their minds. And they have no clue how to behave around women. |
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Laerrigan
Hummingbird
Joined: Feb 04, 2010
Posts: 24
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| Posted: Wed Feb 10, 2010 6:47 pm Post subject: |
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I can't identify with it either. Well, I guess I can at least understand the basis of feeling behind it, it's just not something I'm at all likely to get caught up in to that extent. I've only recently begun to look into details about AS, but I came across something saying "partner obsessions" are a common trait---it's kind of sweet when it's in moderation and is mutually appreciated/felt (people roll their eyes at me and my husband), but apparently it can blow up all out of proportion, from what you're saying. Maybe it's a matter of either not knowing or recognizing the proper boundaries for that sort of thing, or in some cases simply bulling through them because of the force of feeling and lack of concern for (or, somehow, awareness of) the object's view on it (you know, "No really means yes" sort of thing, especially when AS confuses the signals and the frustration/stress mounts)? And/or feeling one's own worth dependent on the "needed" love/affection/acceptance/attention of the object, which is a matter of self esteem (unless there are delusions involved, I'm guessing)....
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"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was not made for this world." (C.S. Lewis)
Last edited by Laerrigan on Wed Feb 10, 2010 6:49 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Miyah
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 27, 2007
Posts: 771
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| Posted: Wed Feb 10, 2010 6:49 pm Post subject: |
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| Lol, I know a female aspie who thinks that this guy with AS has feelings for her because they do a lot together since their mothers are really good friends. She doesn't stalk him but she jumps all over him and says things like, "Andrew's got a crush." However, he keeps trying to convince her that he doesn't have those kinds of feelings for her. |
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Laerrigan
Hummingbird
Joined: Feb 04, 2010
Posts: 24
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| Posted: Wed Feb 10, 2010 7:00 pm Post subject: |
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Miyah---That is really hilarious and kinda sad at the same time. I hope they can work out a friendship, lol. I've largely given up on trying to "read signals." What I speak is what I mean (and I'll be downright vicious with someone who doesn't believe it and tries to get pushy-touchy), and I deliberately take others at their word and let it go at that. It was heartbreaking when I got up the nerve to be open with a guy I liked in college (who probably had stronger AS than me, come to think of it) and he made it plain that he wasn't interested and didn't believe there was any compatability at all, but at least it was out and clear on both sides and I could move on. And him realizing that a girl had had that kind of interest in him seemed to open him up in some ways, which was cool 
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"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was not made for this world." (C.S. Lewis) |
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Willard
Nobody
Joined: Mar 24, 2008
Posts: 4077
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| Posted: Wed Feb 10, 2010 7:00 pm Post subject: |
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I can't believe you guys are responding to an anti-autistic thread started by a troll calling himself Adolph and using a Nazi photo as an avatar.  |
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Laerrigan
Hummingbird
Joined: Feb 04, 2010
Posts: 24
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| Posted: Wed Feb 10, 2010 7:06 pm Post subject: |
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I barely glance at SNs and avatars---I don't care what people call themselves in a largely anonymous forum, and a friend of my husband has a comical Hitler obsession (anti-obsession?) and would likely use such a SN and avatar. And I don't see anything inflammatory about the post. I'm going to respond if something catches my attention. If you don't want to, don't.
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"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was not made for this world." (C.S. Lewis) |
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x_amount_of_words
Aspie
Joined: May 30, 2007
Age: 21
Posts: 1367
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| Posted: Wed Feb 10, 2010 7:11 pm Post subject: |
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| I don't think someone with AS would intentionally stalk someone. People with AS have difficulty understanding social boundaries. We also have difficulty understanding that someone may have a different opinion than what we have. People with severe AS especially males, might come off as creepy or stalkerish to NTs. |
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x_amount_of_words
Aspie
Joined: May 30, 2007
Age: 21
Posts: 1367
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| Posted: Wed Feb 10, 2010 7:17 pm Post subject: |
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| Willard wrote: | | I can't believe you guys are responding to an anti-autistic thread started by a troll calling himself Adolph and using a Nazi photo as an avatar. |
I don't think he's a troll. His posts seem to be legitimate. Plus anyone with a demented sense of humor would call themselves Adolph. Hitler was a disturbed person, but interesting nonetheless. |
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Lene
born to lurk
Joined: Nov 28, 2007
Posts: 3543
Location: East China Sea
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| Posted: Wed Feb 10, 2010 7:28 pm Post subject: |
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Interesting topic. I'm currently researching stalking at the moment. Apparently there are about 5 different types of stalking; http://www.stalkingbehavior.com/.
I think most aspie stalkers would fall into the 'incompetant' or 'rejected' category. My ex bf nearly ended up in the former. |
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Willard
Nobody
Joined: Mar 24, 2008
Posts: 4077
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| Posted: Wed Feb 10, 2010 7:57 pm Post subject: |
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| Laerrigan wrote: | | I barely glance at SNs and avatars---I don't care what people call themselves in a largely anonymous forum, and a friend of my husband has a comical Hitler obsession (anti-obsession?) and would likely use such a SN and avatar. And I don't see anything inflammatory about the post. I'm going to respond if something catches my attention. If you don't want to, don't. |
The very title of the thread is inflammatory, as it implies that this behavior is somehow linked with AS, which is preposterous. He's baiting you into agreeing that people with Asperger Syndrome are predisposed to criminal stalking, and you're jumping right in and agreeing with him.
"Duh, I don't know why we're all like that, maybe it's because...."
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TheOddGoat
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 20, 2009
Age: 21
Posts: 510
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| Posted: Wed Feb 10, 2010 8:14 pm Post subject: |
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| Willard wrote: | | Laerrigan wrote: | | I barely glance at SNs and avatars---I don't care what people call themselves in a largely anonymous forum, and a friend of my husband has a comical Hitler obsession (anti-obsession?) and would likely use such a SN and avatar. And I don't see anything inflammatory about the post. I'm going to respond if something catches my attention. If you don't want to, don't. |
The very title of the thread is inflammatory, as it implies that this behavior is somehow linked with AS, which is preposterous. He's baiting you into agreeing that people with Asperger Syndrome are predisposed to criminal stalking, and you're jumping right in and agreeing with him.
"Duh, I don't know why we're all like that, maybe it's because...."
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Shhhh....
They might stop replying. |
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Laerrigan
Hummingbird
Joined: Feb 04, 2010
Posts: 24
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| Posted: Wed Feb 10, 2010 8:29 pm Post subject: |
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Willard---"So many" is not "all," and not everyone thinks in clinical, logical detail about wording anyway, especially if they have actually had an unpleasant experience. If an individual and a friend/associate or two have had similar experiences and compare a certain common trait in those experiences, so what? I'm not going to say that hasn't or can't happen, just because I'm afraid of bad press. It might be worthwhile to note that no one who's replied has at all agreed with being a stalker type or knowing anyone who is, only noted theoretically how particular traits, if extreme, could potentially lead someone to it under certain unfavorable circumstances, and also that perception from outside could be very different from what is intended by someone with an obsession. We're simply considering an idea rather than reacting to its presentation. So far I find your posts more inflammatory than the original. [shrug]
And if I'm wrong about the whole trolling matter, I really don't care, lol. I've enjoyed the thought processes and perspectives generated---except for those that merely crack on people instead of putting forth and comparing ideas---and I'm not the dumb-a** loser that's clearly even less capable of social courtesy than the worst Aspie (meaning the troll, if he/she is one).
Lene---cool, thanks for the link. I'm a sucker for types/categories like that, lol, and I love psychology tidbits.
x_amount_of_words---Yes, "demented" is it exactly for the humor I'm talking about, and "yes" to the interesting quality (along with the "disturbed" quality).
_________________
"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was not made for this world." (C.S. Lewis)
Last edited by Laerrigan on Wed Feb 10, 2010 8:33 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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sgrannel
Just Vic
Joined: Feb 21, 2008
Posts: 2101
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| Posted: Wed Feb 10, 2010 8:32 pm Post subject: |
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I've never been a stalker. However, a stereotype might be derived from a tendency to stare and not talk to a new girl or someone with some unusual feature such as hairstyle. In high school there was this new girl in class, and I would stare at her or look at her often, and she told me she didn't like me. However, I found it difficult to avoid looking at her and I actually felt relieved when she was moved to a different part of the room. In graduate school there was this dark haired (Iranian?) woman in the lunchroom I would look at often, but try not to stare. She gave me a look of discomfort, and now I am glad I don't go there anymore. I don't really want to see her again.
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Tim_Tex
Professor Hineybottom
Joined: Jul 03, 2004
Age: 33
Posts: 41865
Location: Houston, Texas
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| Posted: Wed Feb 10, 2010 8:45 pm Post subject: |
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| Willard wrote: | | I can't believe you guys are responding to an anti-autistic thread started by a troll calling himself Adolph and using a Nazi photo as an avatar. |
It could also be an interest/obsession.
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