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MagicMike
Phoenix
Joined: May 30, 2005
Age: 21
Posts: 559
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 Posted: Fri Mar 24, 2006 7:13 pm Post subject: Jealousy, self-hatred, and other nasty emotions. |
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This is my new scenario. I meet a girl at a college Anime club; afterwards we spend the next few weeks hanging out, doing random stuff from videogames (she owns a PS2 and SCII&III) to watching anime from AnimeYume. Sometime later, I learn she has a boyfriend and this shocks me.
Apparently I grew attracted to her and I am feeling a mix of different emotions; first I am a bit upset (though I've suppressed it) as why is it that when I get attracted to someone, they always have a boyfriend EVERY SINGLE FREAKING TIME?!!? I hate myself for having this emotional anger and vent it out on myself (usually by beating myself up in private physically and mentally), and I worry that eventually I'm going to snap and do something to embarrass me and anger her.
What am I to do; I don't want to scare her away from me, and I also don't want to completely isolate myself from her and kill off any friendship. |
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ELLCIM
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 23, 2005
Posts: 513
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Fri Mar 24, 2006 9:45 pm Post subject: Re: Jealousy, self-hatred, and other nasty emotions. |
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| MagicMike wrote: | Apparently I grew attracted to her and I am feeling a mix of different emotions; first I am a bit upset (though I've suppressed it) as why is it that when I get attracted to someone, they always have a boyfriend EVERY SINGLE FREAKING TIME?!!? I hate myself for having this emotional anger and vent it out on myself (usually by beating myself up in private physically and mentally), and I worry that eventually I'm going to snap and do something to embarrass me and anger her.
What am I to do; I don't want to scare her away from me, and I also don't want to completely isolate myself from her and kill off any friendship. |
I'm going through the exact same thing. I'm having a very hard time finding anyone single around here. And I'm getting really, really f*cking sick of it. |
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Yupa
Avatar of Evil
Joined: May 15, 2005
Age: 18
Posts: 1318
Location: Florida
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| Posted: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:56 pm Post subject: |
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My advice:
Pay attention to her, but not too much attention. Try to figure out what she likes and win her over as a friend. Then, wait for her to break up with her current boyfriend. Get a little closer to her emotionally, but not too close. If she doesn't break up with her current boyfriend, she'll probably make a really good friend and you can leave it at that. If she does break up with her current boyfriend, try to find the right moment to ask her out yourself, and see what happens. Since you'd've known her for a while, there would be a good chance of her saying "yes."
If she doesn't, smile and say "let's just be friends." Then try to work out your feelings through some form of catharsis.
If she does, your life will go well and all will be settled. |
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ELLCIM
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 23, 2005
Posts: 513
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Sat Mar 25, 2006 9:11 am Post subject: |
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| Yupa wrote: | My advice:
Pay attention to her, but not too much attention. Try to figure out what she likes and win her over as a friend. Then, wait for her to break up with her current boyfriend. Get a little closer to her emotionally, but not too close. If she doesn't break up with her current boyfriend, she'll probably make a really good friend and you can leave it at that. If she does break up with her current boyfriend, try to find the right moment to ask her out yourself, and see what happens. Since you'd've known her for a while, there would be a good chance of her saying "yes."
If she doesn't, smile and say "let's just be friends." Then try to work out your feelings through some form of catharsis.
If she does, your life will go well and all will be settled. |
That is some very fine advice. |
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larsenjw92286
Your invitation to come on down!
Joined: Aug 31, 2004
Age: 22
Posts: 8858
Location: Seattle, Washington
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| Posted: Sat Mar 25, 2006 11:24 am Post subject: |
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I experience that a lot, and I don't know how to deal with it.
_________________
Jason Larsen
gameshowdude1986@yahoo.com |
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Jack_O_Lantern
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Mar 23, 2006
Posts: 27
Location: Boston, Massachussetts
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| Posted: Sat Mar 25, 2006 12:16 pm Post subject: |
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| My advice is to eat an apple every day, do a lot of exercise and just wait for someone to fall in love with you. If you give up, that's when people will start being attracted to you. Hardened people who just take each day as it comes and throw their weight around as much as they can for their own good without cross other people's paths almost always will end up attracting people's attention in a good way. |
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ELLCIM
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 23, 2005
Posts: 513
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Sat Mar 25, 2006 1:00 pm Post subject: |
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| Jack_O_Lantern wrote: | | My advice is to eat an apple every day, do a lot of exercise and just wait for someone to fall in love with you. If you give up, that's when people will start being attracted to you. Hardened people who just take each day as it comes and throw their weight around as much as they can for their own good without cross other people's paths almost always will end up attracting people's attention in a good way. |
I'll give up...eventually. But I see guys that are trying that are successful too. |
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MagicMike
Phoenix
Joined: May 30, 2005
Age: 21
Posts: 559
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| Posted: Sat Apr 01, 2006 5:30 pm Post subject: |
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| The thing about it is that resigning just feels so depressing. |
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Odda
Snowy Owl
Joined: Mar 29, 2006
Posts: 157
Location: Caught in the depths, and infinite vastness of cyberspace.
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| Posted: Sat Apr 01, 2006 6:42 pm Post subject: |
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| I have the same problem, along with the fact that they're not interested. I also feel that I come off cold sense my emotions go down around a good number of people. Any advice with this? |
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ELLCIM
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 23, 2005
Posts: 513
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Sat Apr 01, 2006 9:13 pm Post subject: |
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| MagicMike wrote: | | The thing about it is that resigning just feels so depressing. |
That's the problem. That's why I'm not giving up. I'd rather feel like I'm making an effort and failing instead of just sitting around watching all the couples and failing. Sitting back won't get me anywhere since people aren't magnetically attracted to me. |
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jman
The Human GPS
Joined: Oct 24, 2004
Age: 25
Posts: 1247
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| Posted: Sat Apr 01, 2006 9:50 pm Post subject: |
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I don't know why you guys are focusing so much on trying to get into a relationship...
in my experience it usually when you least expect it.
Instead of using women to validate your life why don;t you find some new hobbies and interests to occupy your time and keep you happy.When you're happy and secure with yourself you become more confident in yourself. Women love confidnece BTW  |
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ELLCIM
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 23, 2005
Posts: 513
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Sat Apr 01, 2006 10:57 pm Post subject: |
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| jman wrote: | | Instead of using women to validate your life why don;t you find some new hobbies and interests to occupy your time and keep you happy.When you're happy and secure with yourself you become more confident in yourself. Women love confidnece BTW |
The reason I want someone so much is because it's an experience I want to have. I have so much affection bottled up in me that I need to release. Only so much confidence can come from within one's self. The rest has to be cultivated by someone else. Even if you are a confident person, the negative actions of others can do a lot of harm to your self-confidence, particularly if you're like me and have a tendency towards depression. I want to experience the thrills, kissing, cuddling, hand holding, touching of hair, and most importantly, the intense emotional love and respect between the two.
Also, getting a first boyfriend/girlfriend has a multiplier effect. If you're seen as single, others will wonder why you're single. A common and easy, although dumb conclusion is that you must be undesirable if you're single. Once you get someone, others notice, and then they think to themselves, "Hmm, if she sees something good in him, I'd like to experience that goodness and I want him!" |
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jman
The Human GPS
Joined: Oct 24, 2004
Age: 25
Posts: 1247
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| Posted: Sun Apr 02, 2006 9:50 am Post subject: |
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Just because you're single doesn't mean you're undesirable. i've met many girls on and offline that have fancied me when I was single.
See if their's nothing wrong with being single but happy with yourself. However if you're single and depserate like you are now, then thats unattractive.
Play it cool when it comes to women. You've got all the time in the world to meet one. Life's not a rat race. Once you digest this concept your confidence will improve. |
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Fiz
The Outspoken
Joined: Jan 30, 2006
Posts: 1373
Location: Manchester, United Kingdom
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| Posted: Sun Apr 02, 2006 2:52 pm Post subject: |
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| jman wrote: | Just because you're single doesn't mean you're undesirable. i've met many girls on and offline that have fancied me when I was single.
See if their's nothing wrong with being single but happy with yourself. However if you're single and depserate like you are now, then thats unattractive.
Play it cool when it comes to women. You've got all the time in the world to meet one. Life's not a rat race. Once you digest this concept your confidence will improve. |
YES!!!!!! Jman you speak my language. This is what I've been trying to tell a couple of my mates offline now for quite some time. |
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TheOrangeMage
Toucan
Joined: Oct 20, 2005
Posts: 271
Location: Vandalia Ohio, USA
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| Posted: Wed Apr 05, 2006 10:30 pm Post subject: |
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Really, the desperation is obvious. It sends a signal fire that this person is desperate because they can't get with anyone. Which of course == undesireable.
But oh how I sympathize with the "bottled up affection." thing. It's like...you're seen as weird by people, and you don't show affection muchanyways, so when you hug someone, it creates a real "WTF?" reaction, leading you to bottle it up even more.
"We're all sensitive people with so much to give."
We just gotta hope and/or pray that we can find someone we can share it with.
[Cool-hat point to anyone who knows where the quote is from.] |
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