Qualities you want in a guy/girl?

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AnonymousAnonymous
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04 Jul 2010, 6:16 pm

Has a job

Not obsessed with trends in fashion & music

Not needy or clingy

Is not overt about sexuality

Has a moderate to high sex drive


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MissPickwickian
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12 Jul 2010, 1:07 am

Deep:
Intelligence - I want to be with someone I can have serious discussions with. I want to have a two-person book club. I want to talk about any problems we might be having articulately.
Gentleness - who wants an abuser?
The ability to express love creatively - You send me a hallmark card or a rose = okay then. You write me a sonnet, spend an afternoon painting me, or write a song for me = ILOVEYOUILOVEYOUILOVEYOU.
Geniuneness - She is honest about who she is.
Loyalty - She don't cheat and she defends me in conflicts.
Inner strength - The ability to weather a storm with poise and gumption is something I lack, so I admire it greatly in others. Plus, there are practical benefits to having a strong partner.
A sense of what it means to make love - partners in lovemaking are kind, considerate, and gentle. They look at lovemaking as an opportunity to enhance a spiritual bond, not as an end in itself. They are not rough and do not ask strange things of one another. They understand the beauty of what they do.
Curiosity - I am interested in women who are always learning and teaching, whether they have teaching positions or not.

Superficial:
A cool and self-expressive sense of style - High-powered, confident businesswomen with short hair, pumps, and tailored suits. Brilliant scientists in lab coats and coke-bottle glasses. Funky artists with polka-dot skirts, messenger bags, hiking boots, and ironic pigtails. What do all these people have in common? They wear distinctive clothes that express who they are, and that's much sexier than jeans and a T-shirt.
A career that both of us can be proud of - I like to see a woman shine in her field (or be earning a degree that would allow her to do so), especially if that field is male-dominated and lucrative. This is because I am turned on by education, ambition, and the prospect of financial security.


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Borden88
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21 Aug 2014, 8:57 pm

Genuine, Sweet, Open, Supportive, Has Courage/Determination, Adventurous, Understanding, Goofy/Silly, Sometimes Mischievous, A Child at heart,
Doesn't cheat and sticks up for me.
Someone who doesn't judge quickly.
Like to try and learn new things.
Virgin, but with average to high sex drive.
Long dark hair. I have a thing for ponytails.
I want to be able to spend a lot of time with her.
I would like someone who is equally as romantic, but they don't have to be. I like doing romantic things, such as star gazing, candle light dinner, sitting by the fire, enjoying the outdoors.

Most of this is like me, too, except for having long hair.

I know the last post was 4 years ago, but I feel that it's silly to create another topic, that is the same when this one is here.



Last edited by Borden88 on 23 Aug 2014, 2:56 am, edited 9 times in total.

Virgofall
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23 Aug 2014, 2:12 am

I'm not available, but even so, I definitely do have traits I find attractive and unattractive in a person (I'll use male pronouns for this theoretical person, I don't really know myself, but I know I like males thus).
I need someone who can be both a friend and lover. This is pretty much a literal requirement because I've never fell for someone who I lacked a close emotional bond with beforehand, ever.

Personality and inner traits I like -
I like a man who doesn't act entirely "nice." I don't mean abusive behavior, mind! Yes, when the time calls for it, I do need someone to be kind/understanding/otherwise know I have their support - but I really like a person whom I can share battles of sarcasm, sardonicism and general friendly bickering/competition/what-have-you with.
Shared interests are a huge deal. I'm not one for small talk whatsoever, but I'm apt to bond with someone over shared interests. I quickly lose interest in friends if I find our interests divert (unless I've made a very close bond with someone, which is very rare).
Intelligence is huge (this somewhat ties into the first point). Your manner of speech is also very important. You don't have to be as articulate as I, but there's certain manners of speech that bug me to no end.
In the relationship proper, I need you to be able to tell me if you see something wrong with it/me. In turn, I do the same thing. I don't like to assume nor constantly question such matters. By extension, I need you to be honest about yourself too.
Trust is also a very big deal (and also likely ties into the first point for me, since I know I can joke without causing offense and vice versa). I'm going to give you a lot of it if I consider you a worthy partner; don't abuse it. This is probably the thing most likely to make me reconsider a relationship, because I've been hurt many times too many by people close to me. I'm not an easily jealous person, but it doesn't mean I'm okay with you doing things behind my back.
I'm layered. If you've managed to take my heart, you've likely seen at least three-four layers of me. I need you to accept them, as, rare as the sight some may be, I consider them all a part of me. In turn, I find similar layering attractive in others too. It's a good feeling to know that someone holds you in such a high regard that they show or make known sides of themselves that they've shown to nobody before. (Exception exists for abusiveness, obviously - on both sides. Though I do at least have a bit of restraint.) If you act the same towards me as you do towards everyone you meet, then how do I truly know if I'm close to you?
I'm generally very forward. I'll likely tell you outright if I find I've taken interest in you, and even if not, I'm told I make it more than obvious if I do. I have a more timid side, but it's not my public one, and my ideal wouldn't mind this. If anything he'd probably be the same.

Not a trait I necessarily LIKE, but I don't mind if you're needy or clingy - I have some of these traits myself - but do have your own self outside of me. (A lesson I've had to learn myself, so...)

More superficial traits I like -
One of my deepest layers is fairly sexual, and highly submissive when compared to my typical self. My general outside layer comes off as very disinterested in those affairs. (I don't take sexual or even romantic interest in people I meet at first glance, ever. So why does it matter if I seem to care? More likely than not, it isn't relevant to my dealings with them.) The two who found it seemed intrigued by the contrast - and especially to my more forward personality - but I know this can pose issues with some, especially because orgasm has been one of my only consistent methods of destress.
I'm a virgin, and while I don't really care if you aren't one yourself, I do care with how many people you've been with - I know "romance" and "sex" are concepts people can separate, but I personally cannot. Promiscuity and polyamory are not a concept I am okay with for myself, the former because of my inability to disconnect romance and sex, the other because of my troubles with trust. I can trust YOU, can I trust your other partner(s) to the same standards?
I'm pretty "meh" on appearances. I like an attractive man's appearance too (though my definition of "attractive" is probably a little different than most, especially since I can't get... interest from anyone BUT romantic interests) but an appearance is easier to change than the traits within.
I'd much rather an introvert over an extrovert. But, if the latter understands that I'm not going to want to meet everyone they know or go to the big party they're going to, that's fine.

Things I dislike (from experience) -
Do NOT ignore me when I need you to give a bit of attention to me. I don't need to have your attention 24-7 and I know that there are things, such as working or sleeping, that take precedence. But if I know you're just, say, playing a game over and over and brushing me off, then I'll feel insulted and unwanted. We're not talking neediness as much as "hey can we have an actual conversation?" here. (I've never actually been in a relationship with someone on-spectrum that I know of, so please understand that I'm not trying to seem like I'm insulting. Just something I've experienced.)
Be sure in your decisions where I'm concerned. Don't consistently try to push me away and try to force me to give up on you while wanting me close. The only thing you get out of doing that is my heartbreak and anger at "why did you even initiate a relationship with me to begin with?!" (Having a firm grounding in life was an issue mentioned on his end fairly early on in the relationship and he started to push me away, but not outright break with me, a little after that point. He finally succeeded after 9 months and my being sick of the behavior.)



Moviefan2k4
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26 Aug 2014, 8:57 pm

Listing everything I'd like in a girlfriend and eventual wife would take far too long, so here's some highlights...

Character Traits

1) She must be a Christian, no exceptions. I don't mean some social churchgoer, either; a personal relationship with Christ is very important to me. I've been in a spiritually-divided relationship before, and it ended terribly. What we as individuals believe about life influences everything we think, feel, and do.

2) She must understand my desire to save sex for marriage, and be willing to do the same. This is one of the main reasons why my past relationship failed; we didn't place the same value on intimacy, both physical and emotional.

3) I don't want a woman who's aching for motherhood. I was raised around kids long after I stopped being one myself, to the point I've pretty much burned out on them. I can be sociable and kind to children, so long as I'm able to send them home.

4) No gold-diggers, period. I'm not a cheapskate, but I'm also not the type who spends $1000 on something really small, for myself or anyone else.

5) After marriage, I want to be both a blessing to my wife in the sexual arena on a regular basis, and receive the same in return. I want us both to be satisfied with our marital intimacy, so neither of us go looking elsewhere. This also means no porn at all, and no multiple partners.

Physical Traits

1) Height comparable to my own (I'm 5'11").

2) Semi-long hair (shoulder-length is very attractive to me).

3) No weird hair colors like green, orange, blue, or purple (unless its Halloween).

4) One of my favorite aspects of a woman's face is her eyes, and some women have this quality that just draws me in emotionally. I can't quite explain it, but I've seen it a few times, and it never fails to amaze me. I guess the best word for it would be "soulful".

5) Neither heavyset nor pencil-thin; I really like a balanced figure.

6) No disrespect intended, but I am most definitely a "breast man". I'm not talking comically large like Jessica Rabbit, but a C or D size looks nice to me. Anything over a DD would be too much, in my opinion.


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