KevinLA
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 07, 2007
Posts: 606
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 Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2010 2:09 pm Post subject: How many people feel having children is not worth it? |
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***** This is a question regarding neurotypical people. This is not intended to be a discussion about whether people with AS should have children ******
In my mind, the negatives (i.e. time, aggravation, cost) of having children outweigh the positives.
Is there anyone else that feels this way?
I feel people are so programmed to have children that they do not weigh the negatives against the positives.
What other decision do people make without considering the negatives?
However, I do feel some obligation to populate the world.
Last edited by KevinLA on Thu Oct 07, 2010 4:10 pm; edited 3 times in total |
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CockneyRebel
Mick Avory, Sensitive brown-eyed Sweet Pea
Joined: Jul 18, 2004
Age: 38
Posts: 87148
Location: In a quiet and peaceful garden, where gentle Mick Avory-like Sweet Peas grow.
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Asp-Z
Clockwork Planet
Joined: Dec 07, 2009
Posts: 11016
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| Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2010 2:23 pm Post subject: Re: How many people feel having children is not worth it? |
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| KevinLA wrote: | In my mind, the negatives (i.e. time, aggravation, cost) of having children do not outweigh the positives.
Is there anyone else that feels this way?
I feel people are so programmed to have children that they do not weigh the negatives against the positives.
What other decision do people make without considering the negatives? |
I agree. Everyone has it hammered into them from a young age that you should have kids, but I don't think it's worth it and IMO the time and money I would waste could be better spent on other things.
However, at the same time, I'm glad that most people don't agree with me, else we wouldn't be here 
Last edited by Asp-Z on Thu Oct 07, 2010 2:32 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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menintights
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Joined: Aug 30, 2010
Posts: 895
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| Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2010 2:27 pm Post subject: |
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It's not about the cons outweighing the pros or vice versa, it's about WHY you want (or don't want) to have kids.
The majority of people, I feel, don't actually have good reasons to have kids. They either do it because the feel that they have to or they just have a dumb reason to do it (e.g., to feel loved, to keep busy, to save the marriage, to maximize their sources of income, to have someone to take care of them in the old age, to have someone to play with, etc.).
Last edited by menintights on Thu Oct 07, 2010 2:31 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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KevinLA
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 07, 2007
Posts: 606
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| Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2010 2:28 pm Post subject: |
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| menintights wrote: | It's not about the cons outweighing the pros or vice versa, it's about WHY you want (or don't want) to have kids.
The majority of people, I feel, don't actually have good reasons to have kids. |
As I mentioned, why wouldn't someone weigh the pros and cons of having children?
Name one decision in life people make without weighing the cons? |
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menintights
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Joined: Aug 30, 2010
Posts: 895
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| Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2010 2:34 pm Post subject: |
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| KevinLA wrote: | | The majority of people, I feel, don't actually have good reasons to have kids. |
As I mentioned, why wouldn't someone weigh the pros and cons of having children?[/quote]
I don't know, it's probably for the same reason you feel obligated to populate the world. It's assumed to be the default position that you just don't think about why you do what you do. |
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KevinLA
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 07, 2007
Posts: 606
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| Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2010 2:38 pm Post subject: |
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| menintights wrote: | | KevinLA wrote: | | The majority of people, I feel, don't actually have good reasons to have kids. |
As I mentioned, why wouldn't someone weigh the pros and cons of having children? |
I don't know, it's probably for the same reason you feel obligated to populate the world. It's assumed to be the default position that you just don't think about why you do what you do.[/quote]
Makes sense. I guess it is just something people do.
Maybe people feel pressured to do it . Although I feel parents pressure their own children to have children so they have to go through the suffering they did.
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nick007
old-skewl fan-boy
Joined: May 05, 2010
Age: 30
Posts: 9726
Location: was Louisiana but moved in with my girlfreind in Vermont
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| Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2010 3:08 pm Post subject: Re: How many people feel having children is not worth it? |
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I do not think many people are having kids because they are programed to. Lots of women have kids because they don't care or think about using birth control, they think that having a baby is cool, they want to get bigger welfare check, they are trying to trap a guy or get money from him. It's not that expensive or time consuming for people to have kids because the kids stay with other relatives most of the time. Least that's how it is in my area; very few people want kids for the rite rezones here.
I don't want kids for lots of rezones. I have a lot of disabilities/issues that could be passed on; having a kid with my DNA/genetic-make-up would be reverse Darwinism. I'm on disability & haven't worked in a couple years because my employment options are extremely limited. Me having a kid would be extremely unfair to the government tax payer & to the kid because I would not be able to teach him/her the skills to survive because I do not have those skills either. I heard a study that 4 out of 5 parents of autistic children get divorced. Even if my kid was not made up on my DNA; I imagine that it would cause lots of stress in the relationship because of my AS & other issues. If I was with someone & something happened; I would not bail but planning a kid out seems like an extremely bad idea to me. Even if my partner was very independent & successful; the world is overpopulated enough. I'm a VHEMT supporter |
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Tomasu
A Wandering Pixie
Joined: Jun 20, 2008
Age: 23
Posts: 3198
Location: West Yorkshire, England
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| Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2010 3:30 pm Post subject: |
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^^Greetings everyone.
I believe that I would certainly frightened of creating a child, as I believe that there exists so many individuals already that require care and believe that if I was able to care for a child that I create, then I that this is best for me to care for one of these individuals in need. (These may be perhaps human or non-human).
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Skilpadde
Honorary Chelonian
Joined: Dec 08, 2008
Posts: 1649
Location: In my mind
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| Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2010 4:32 pm Post subject: |
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In short, there is absolutely nothing about having kids that appeal to me.
I don't want sex, getting pregnant, giving birth, wiping noses and behinds for years to come, follow up on everything from birthday parties and tantrums to security, and raising the kid and teach it values, needing to be there for the kid for at least 18-20 years, maybe more. Add to that that kids are monetary black holes, and that I generally can't stand them.
I am way too selfish, the very thought of it gives me something close to panic. the phrase ball and chains comes to mind, because that what it feels like to me. If you're gonna have a kid, the kid must be first priority for you in your life, and that's not something I wanna be stuck with for decades to come.
I need my freedom, be able to do what I want when I want. I am not willing to sacrifice it.
In addition, I couldn't imagine living with kids. When I was 12 (Twelve, meaning that I was used to noisy kids from school), I visited my relatives up north. During that vacation we lived 2 days with my aunt and her daughter and the rest of the time we lived with my grandmother where my other cousin lived. My cousin (7 years older than me) was very social and just seeing all the visits he got, made me feel tired. My younger cousin was 9 1/2 and she was very tiresome. Exuberant, vexing, hyper, very strenuous. I have never been happier about being a single child. A few weeks later I got home to my calm life with parents and pets, and it was wonderful. Having someone like her run in and out, playing, yelling, up and down like a yo-yo, or a kid always having lots of noisy friends over, all day, year after year, would've driven me nuts. Same with the social one, even though he was calmer.
Home-time is me-time, alone-time, relax-time. Not overwhelming nerve- grinding us-time.
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gramirez
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Joined: Nov 10, 2008
Posts: 1880
Location: Barrington, Illinois
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| Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2010 4:55 pm Post subject: |
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I want to have children so I can be a better parent to them than my parents were to me.
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Moog
Pussycat
Joined: Feb 26, 2010
Age: 34
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Location: Untied Kingdom
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| Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2010 5:04 pm Post subject: |
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| menintights wrote: | It's not about the cons outweighing the pros or vice versa, it's about WHY you want (or don't want) to have kids.
The majority of people, I feel, don't actually have good reasons to have kids. They either do it because the feel that they have to or they just have a dumb reason to do it (e.g., to feel loved, to keep busy, to save the marriage, to maximize their sources of income, to have someone to take care of them in the old age, to have someone to play with, etc.). |
I think a lot of people don't think about it at all. It just happens to them.
I don't feel the need to have any. I took care of my niece plenty, that'll do.
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Laz
You're mine now
Joined: Dec 09, 2005
Posts: 4531
Location: Dave's Toilet
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| Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2010 5:09 pm Post subject: |
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| In fairness a fair amount of the human race was concieved through moments of not well thought out actions of their parents |
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Sahmiam
Raven
Joined: Oct 07, 2010
Age: 33
Posts: 106
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| Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2010 5:23 pm Post subject: |
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We have lots of kids and all of them were on purpose. I never really thought of myself as being married with children. I won't bore you with explanations for each of them, but it has worked out quite well in the end. I think there is a distinction between people who wanted to have kids and those who either had them on accident or because they needed to check off some list.
As for the reasons stated for not having children, also consider the idea that your children would not likely be as annoying as others you've encountered. Our house is nearly silent the majority of the time. Technically, most of our kids are "disabled," but it is a serene atmosphere for the most part. A housefull of introverts with intense foci on their own interests doesn't lend itself to many headaches.  |
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League_Girl
Proud mamma
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Posts: 13482
Location: My house
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| Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2010 5:26 pm Post subject: |
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| Most kids are unplanned and the parents end up keeping them because they can't resist. I call it a parent thing. |
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