It's not that there are too many turn-offs - it's more that there's barely any common ground left to share with someone. It's very unlikely that any given girl will not listen to music, like watching films or television, not like animals or have a pet of her own and have no interest in having a baby. People like a partner that they can share interests with, spend time with doing something that both parties enjoy, and ultimately plan a future with.
Perhaps it's just because you've only listed things that said person doesn't like or do, but it seems like there's not much scope for that. _________________
"I'd go further - I'd say 'Life is wasted on . . . people.'"
Joined: Jan 05, 2008 Posts: 3726 Location: The Landmass between N.O. and Mobile
Posted: Tue Feb 01, 2011 8:42 am Post subject:
I'm sure anything is POSSIBLE.
The only thing I think of that might really be a hurdle is the "hate babies" part. You might have to clarify what you mean by that: Hate babies in general? Or do you mean NEVER wants to have a baby?
In my experience, this is one of those things I've found to be unfair towards women, as far as men's attitudes go. My wife and I had a long history before we got married, to the effect of I wasn't willing to get married until we'd gotten certain things out of the way, and even then I didn't think it was a good idea to bring children into the equation without job stability. By the time we got married, she'd pretty much given up on kids and was bitter about it for a long time. It wasn't until her father died that something in her brain just clicked--so all of a sudden she started up with the whole "I want a baby" thing. I'm scared to death of children, myself, but being uncomfortable around kids is not really a reason not to have them. That may sound totally absurd, and I know that might be a stretch for someone who is "extremely skeptical to all claims," but it's just one of those things that defies all rationality. Anyway, my job was a little shaky and so I got her to agree with me to wait just a few more months to see how things were going to go before we tried. We have two children now. Whereas before I was uncomfortable with the idea of having kids, I actually feel I'd rather be with my own kids than with anyone else. They just grow on you like that. The youngest just turned 2, and wife is having "baby fever again." We'll see.
What you'll find is a lot of women will "say" they don't want babies, but as they get older the biological alarm clock will go off. Unlike men, women are on borrowed time when it comes to children, and it's easy to get to a certain age, see most of your life already behind you (so it seems), and wonder if denying yourself children was really worth it. Things start looking a lot different when you see you're running out of time.
I would rather suggest looking for someone who CAN'T have children--physically can't. Like, say, someone with Turner's syndrome. Good luck FINDING someone with Turner's AND who meets your other criteria, but I think you get the idea.
In addition to what Poppycocteau said: I'm assuming you wouldn't mind a girl who does those things as long as she doesn't drag you into it. You would need to show qualities that a girl COULD get into, and you would probably need someone who is very, VERY forgiving! Such is hard to come by, forgiving you for all that you are not for the one thing you are that she can get into.
It CAN be done. But it is a difficult task. If you posted that because you're looking, then I wish you the very best of luck!
Posted: Tue Feb 01, 2011 9:32 am Post subject: Re: Any girl would like a guy who...
01001011 wrote:
doesn't drink
doesn't smoke
doesn't listen to music
doesn't watch films, TV dramas, sports
doesn't read novels, only technical papers
doesn't like pets
hate babies
thinks any souvenir is a waste of the earth's resources
is an atheist and extremely skeptical to all claims
Or are there too many turn-offs?
So you're looking for a girl who doesn't drink or smoke, doesn't listen to music or watch movies or drama or participate in sports, and only reads technical papers. She has to be pet-free and child-free, not want any memorabilia for experiences, and must be atheist and disregard any differing beliefs. I'm sure there's someone out there like that, but what are the odds that she's not going to have a longer list of intolerance that does disqualify you?
I think a problem for young aspie men is that they can be far too discriminating and intolerant. One can claim to want any girl but, with a list like above, such harsh intolerance and prejudice is outlined in the personality. It's apparent that "any girl" wouldn't be good enough and would be subjected to scorn, ridicule and the same lack of acceptance that greets the rest of the world. Obviously this isn't an issue for all aspie men but you're certainly not the only one who has this issue.
Take some time, especially in counseling, to understand why you have this list and why these things are true of yourself. Learn how you can open up to be more tolerant of the world around you while still maintaining who you are. At a point where you can be secure in who you are without having such an intolerance toward the world, you'd be better able to market yourself to the romantic interests of your choice.
Posted: Tue Feb 01, 2011 9:59 am Post subject: Re: Any girl would like a guy who...
wefunction wrote:
So you're looking for a girl who doesn't drink or smoke, doesn't listen to music or watch movies or drama or participate in sports, and only reads technical papers. She has to be pet-free and child-free, not want any memorabilia for experiences, and must be atheist and disregard any differing beliefs. I'm sure there's someone out there like that, but what are the odds that she's not going to have a longer list of intolerance that does disqualify you?
Not necessary, except on practical matters like sharing a house with a pet.
Posted: Tue Feb 01, 2011 10:18 am Post subject: Re: Any girl would like a guy who...
01001011 wrote:
wefunction wrote:
So you're looking for a girl who doesn't drink or smoke, doesn't listen to music or watch movies or drama or participate in sports, and only reads technical papers. She has to be pet-free and child-free, not want any memorabilia for experiences, and must be atheist and disregard any differing beliefs. I'm sure there's someone out there like that, but what are the odds that she's not going to have a longer list of intolerance that does disqualify you?
Not necessary, except on practical matters like sharing a house with a pet.
Look up. You'll spot my point sailing clear above your head.
The only thing I think of that might really be a hurdle is the "hate babies" part. You might have to clarify what you mean by that: Hate babies in general? Or do you mean NEVER wants to have a baby?
I find the noise, the waste product and the silly monkey play with a baby or a dog very annoying.
On the more practical side. Given the kind of person I am and the problem facing the world, it is unlikely for the child to become a happy satisfying person. Also Raising a child is extremely expensive. I would do better to invest the time and money on my own hobby and pension.
Being a little more serious this time, I am not sure what you are after really. You appear very self-absorbed and yet you want a relationship. But a relationship is about learning, and trying, to share. You cannot really have your cake and eat it. Are you sure you want a relationship?
Finding a relationship, if that is indeed what you want, might not be so much down to you as down to her. I was fortunate in that my ex-wife was quite happy to be plain and open about how she felt about me, and could tell that I felt the same way. But a lot of women are not like that at all. A lot of times they expect you to just know, read the signs etc., something that I am pretty blind to. A relationship with an Aspie is never easy at the best of times (from what I have been told, lol) and can be just as hard and difficult for the Aspie too.
With regards children, as AngelRho pointed out, women can say one thing but mean another (as I have found many times, to my own detriment ). But having a daughter changed my world around and she became the apple of my eye. Yes, my ex-wife had to write lists of things out for me. I couldn't understand how she knew what to do and when to do it, but throwing myself into fatherhood with gusto my daughter meant everything to me. Children understand you, and you understand them. They say what they mean with little or no subterfuge. For the first ten years of her life I didn't have a single pair of trousers that was not worn out at the knees from crawling around on the floor and playing together all the time. Luckily I got custody when the marriage broke up, and my daughter wanted to stay with me anyway, but that doesn't always happen either.
Think about what you really want, and how much you are willing to share, and how much you are willing to compromise.
Joined: Oct 16, 2009 Age: 46 Posts: 8333 Location: LA-ish
Posted: Tue Feb 01, 2011 1:43 pm Post subject:
I have to "third" what AngelRho and Ginro said about children, your views could change profoundly.
I was at least as bad as you: I was completely baffled/afraid/annoyed by children and I thought babies were borderline disgusting and certainly not "cute".
Then I had my own, and now I can't imagine life without them.
I've been told by more than one person that the only time they have ever seen me smile is when I am around them.
This is what the "baby-hater" looks like now:
_________________ "There's nothing sadder than an aging hipster." -- Lenny Bruce
Joined: Oct 16, 2009 Age: 46 Posts: 8333 Location: LA-ish
Posted: Tue Feb 01, 2011 2:03 pm Post subject: Re: Any girl would like a guy who...
Quote:
I think a problem for young aspie men is that they can be far too discriminating and intolerant. One can claim to want any girl but, with a list like above, such harsh intolerance and prejudice is outlined in the personality. It's apparent that "any girl" wouldn't be good enough and would be subjected to scorn, ridicule and the same lack of acceptance that greets the rest of the world.
This reminded me of one of my favorite Henry Rollins videos:
_________________ "There's nothing sadder than an aging hipster." -- Lenny Bruce
(On paper at least that is.)
). But having a daughter changed my world around and she became the apple of my eye. Yes, my ex-wife had to write lists of things out for me. I couldn't understand how she knew what to do and when to do it, but throwing myself into fatherhood with gusto my daughter meant everything to me. Children understand you, and you understand them. They say what they mean with little or no subterfuge. For the first ten years of her life I didn't have a single pair of trousers that was not worn out at the knees from crawling around on the floor and playing together all the time. Luckily I got custody when the marriage broke up, and my daughter wanted to stay with me anyway, but that doesn't always happen either.
