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auntyjack
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Feb 03, 2006
Posts: 39
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 Posted: Sat Jan 12, 2008 8:20 am Post subject: |
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| I am a parent of an AS kid, although he grew up. I have AS myself. He was much easier to parent than the girl who always wanted friends over and nagged constantly for the latest fashion in everything. As I do not subscribe to the throwaway, materialism of many people, this was a source of conflict between us. As long as my son had a couple of friends and his beloved soccer, he was happy. Some of his years at school were crap, but in Grade 8 he won an award for Peer Support because he has a strong sense of justice. He had a great class teacher that year. He has always identified strongly with me. His father had a lot of problems with him because he tried to make my son into a competitive sports person, which was not in his nature. he had really good skills but did not inherit the competitive gene eg when he was in a soccer final, at the end of the game he passed the ball to a player on the opposite side because this guy hardly got the ball during the match. To my son's mind, that was not fair. I like that mentality and I like a person who will do what he thinks is right even if he knows other people will disagree. When my son was at school there was no dx and no information about AS, so I think if he had 2 nt parents, he would have been less likely to become a well adjusted adult who enjoys his strengths and accepts that all people have limitations. His just show up because they are atypical. |
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Mum
Emu Egg
Joined: Jan 12, 2008
Posts: 7
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| Posted: Sun Jan 13, 2008 10:42 am Post subject: I feel awful that I didn’t know |
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I didn’t know anything about Asperger’s syndrome until a few years ago and as I started to learn about it I immediately started making the connection. My daughter is 22 and she is a very good girl. She spoke her first word when she was 15 months old. All her life, everyone believed my daughter was shy. I knew it wasn’t shyness but I didn’t know what it was. I understood she was always very concerned about being correct. She gets very upset when plans change. Whenever I give her a suggestion or any feedback, she gets upset and says I am criticizing her. She doesn’t understand the subtleties of conversation. She had one friend all her life but since they left high school they are no longer close. When she talks it is difficult to tell when she is finished so many times she is hurt and thinks people are interrupting her.
I wish I had known because there were many times when I became frustrated with her and didn’t show any patience. She had difficulty getting and keeping jobs. I was brutally relentless about making her go on interviews and look for jobs. I thought she was trying to avoid being responsible.
She got her associates degree in early childhood development (I am very proud of her) and is currently working at walmart and seems to enjoy it and they seem to appreciate her. She has not been able to get a job in a day care center I think because she sees herself as a playmate and not as a caretaker.
As a parent, I feel awful that I didn’t know what she was dealing with. No doctor or teacher ever suggested that she might need any help of any kind.
Now, I want to understand what we can do to ensure that she can enjoy a full life.
Mum |
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heartmynoah
Emu Egg
Joined: Jan 13, 2008
Posts: 7
Location: California
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| Posted: Sun Jan 13, 2008 9:06 pm Post subject: |
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| I find it lonely and frustrating. I love and adore and cherish my son. We have our battles. Aspergers is like scaling the worlds tallest mountain. You know you are doing this awesome thing, but at times it seems impassable, others, its smooth sailing. |
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Icedragon
Butterfly
Joined: Jan 17, 2008
Posts: 9
Location: San Francisco, CA
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| Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2008 10:20 am Post subject: |
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As the parent of two school age Aspeis, I feel blessed that we got an early DX for them, although it has been a battle to get them the things they need at school.
it is hard for me, as the parent, not to overprotect my child, to let her go and face her battles...but sometimes I just want to go up to the "normal child" and go "why can't you be nice"
My children are a special blessing from the gods....from them I have learned patience, tolerance, acceptance of those diffently abled.........we laugh , we learn things, we fight, we love.........all the same as everyother family........we just have a few more things we have had to learn to deal with |
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Jenjen
Emu Egg
Joined: Dec 16, 2007
Posts: 1
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| Posted: Sat Jan 19, 2008 12:41 pm Post subject: |
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 Hi first I am new at this so I hope I am doing this right. What is it like to be a parent of a child that has autism. I think it is a joy to be parent no matter what! Being a parent in general has its good and hard times, but every moment is still a blessing. The hardest part for me is that my son is now 5 and still can't communicate what he is feeling, so it's up to me to try my best to figure it out. I have always been very protective of him, anything that upset him I tried to avoid. But now I am realizing that might not always be the best for him. I honestly believe that as his a mom I have to try to get him used to the way the world is as much as he can stand. To way out the Pro's and Con's of each situation for him. Figure out if it is something he can do and will adjust to, or if it is something he really not ready for and wait till he is. I think that with any child no matter the dx they need all the love you can give and all the patience you have. Everything I do for my son is out of love. I noticed that with my son you can not go by the age appropiate charts, you have to wait till he is ready. The biggest issues that I have are very rarely with my son they are with other people who are so quick to judge and think they know everything. I never realized how narrow minded people really were. It's sad. Well there's my answer hope it helped. Much love to all of you ! Take care. |
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runswithscissors
Butterfly
Joined: Jan 20, 2008
Posts: 9
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| Posted: Sun Jan 20, 2008 12:42 pm Post subject: being an aspie parent |
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My 17-year-old son is likely not a true Aspie (we believe lead poisoning caused his issues) but since we took on the dx, we have gotten more help from school, etc. He has many Aspie-like qualities (extremely high intelligence, intense interest in a particular area, lack of interest in doing well in school, hyperlexia, incredible vocabulary and factual comprehension coupled with lack of insight, foresight and inability to read emotions, etc., though that is improving) and now that we have him in a school geared to Aspies, he actually has friends!
Although there are many frustrations to being an Aspie parent (particularly when both parents are NT), there are compensations. My son does not know peer pressure, so I never worried about him doing drugs or drinking. His grandpa was an alcoholic and he takes literally the words "Drinking alcohol killed your grandpa" and has no desire to do so. My son does not need the fancy clothes, etc. that are the trappings of the "cool" boys that my NT 16-year-old girl hangs out with. He marches to his own beat and he is unique.
However, I fear for his future. He will go to community college with high enough SATs to opt out of placement but no concept of how to really write a paper.
Overall, while I would be lying if I said that I didn't prefer to be the parent waiting for the early admission response from Harvard, I would not change my son for anything. He is loving, funny, loyal and kind to his younger sibs (for the most part!)
He is also, to t/j off another thread, an excellent driver - better than me and I have been doing it for 30 years. |
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Icedragon
Butterfly
Joined: Jan 17, 2008
Posts: 9
Location: San Francisco, CA
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| Posted: Sun Jan 20, 2008 9:30 pm Post subject: |
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Had a very discuraging day.my 8 year old goes to a normally abled school with her 10 year old sister and 8 year old cousin, who in also in her class at school.....I hate to say it but my niece is a Barbie and is also a follower. she blew off my daughter in the park to go hang out with the popular girls .
this hurt my Apie child very deeply and shocked her sister who has been raised to see her sister as someone special and unique....not someone who is different in a bad way.
my daughter feels betrayed and wounded and how the hell do tell her that she will never fit in with the Barbies?? how to I shield her from the sheep people who will always look down on her for being different?? I try to stress how smart and pretty and funny she is....but how can she believe me when she is shunned at school and in public places by the kids she is trying to fit in with??
the above poster is right, it is comforting to know that our special kids will never feel the pressure to drink and act out in the ways that the Barbie and Ken kids do...........but there are other stresses and pressures that are uniquly thiers......... |
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Monica120969
Hummingbird
Joined: Jan 12, 2008
Posts: 18
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| Posted: Sun Jan 20, 2008 10:59 pm Post subject: |
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| flowermom wrote: | I am the NT mother of a five year old girl with AS. She is bright and sweet and loving. I really enjoy how inquisitive she is about everything. She loves all kinds of information. We go to the library and check out stacks of books about different subjects she is interested in - everything from mosquitos, to marine mammals to the human body, etc, etc, etc (lol). I learn along with her. She also likes to be out and about and trying new things. She tried snorkeling on a recent vacation and would fly across the pool on a rope swing with the other older kids. Everyone was amazed. She has a real zest for life! I am stunned by her vocabulary, conversation and insight into things, sometimes it is like having a conversation with an adult. She is KIND - to everyone - will play with any and all children who she meets, younger, older, boy or girl it does not matter.
The difficult part for me is watching her struggle when other children reject her. We hear, "stop following me" at the park a lot. She came home crying from preschool because the other girls would not play with her. She did learn that, "girls like princesses and barbies" and she changed and stopped talking about dinosaur bones and egyptian mummys. Eventually some other children accepted her, but I hated seeing her squash her own interests for this. But, I guess this is reality and she must. The other day when I dropped her off at camp and she ran up to another girl and started talking to her and tried to hold her hand - the other girl pulled her hand away and turned away from her. Ugh, I felt like someone punched me in the stomach watching this.
I also find it difficult figuring out what therapies are valuable, which are not. We do a variety of things designed to "help" her, but do they? I want her to have the best chance to have a happy life and so I do what the professionals tell me, but I wonder, as I drive from OT to social skills group to the psychologist, is all this really necessary?!
I worry about her future and if she will get teased at school, and if others will understand her and take the time to learn what an amazing, wonderful individual she is. I wonder if I am making the right choices for her. I know this will be a long journey and I hope every day I am doing an okay job preparing her for the world. |
I can relate totally to this. I think one of the most hurtful issues to parents is the social skills part. It is so incredibly painful to see your child rejected because of their strange behavior or strange conversation topics. My son came once from preschool and asked me: Mom why is it that when I try to talk to the other kids about the things that interest me the most, they always say blah, blah, blah and turn away from me? Or he would try to play with the other kids in the park and yell: follow me, like they were doing and nobody would follow him, like he didn't exist, wasn't even there.
Then there is the therapy and the diets, what is useful, what is not. There is so much information out there and nothing really proven, that you just choose a couple of things that you think might work, but you are leaving so much out, because there are simply not enough hours in a day to try everything out, or money, or will. And you can't help but wonder: Am I choosing the right therapies, am I choosing the right diets, am I just torturing my son with all this stuff, or maybe I am not doing enough? it is crazy, and tiring and overwhelming. And you just love them so much and just want them to be happy... |
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ParkersMom
Emu Egg
Joined: Feb 04, 2008
Posts: 1
Location: Tiverton, RI - USA
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| Posted: Mon Feb 04, 2008 9:27 pm Post subject: |
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My son, my life.... That sums it up. He is my motivation. He is 8 years old, was dx'd with AS at 6. I always knew he was different, but Oh so funny! He is my comic-relief. I count on him to make me laugh at least once a day. I wish the kids could see how funny he is. But his jokes come out at the wrong times and he just gets weird looks. It kills me.
A horrific dentist appt is what prompted me to get him tested. I had no clue of where to go. I didn't even know anythig about Asperger's. I thought he had some kind of high functioning autism, but when I asked his principal where I could get him tested, she asked me to look up Asperger's.
When I did....! I thought they were writing about my son! Amazing.
I wouldn't change him for the whole world. I am lucky to have him. He is the most caring, brutaly honest, and inquisitive person I have ever met. He challenges me daily and I love him so much for it.
Just like the psychiatrist said after the 2 hour interview with my son and I... "I have good news and bad news. Bad news: Your son has Asperger's. Good news: Your son has Asperger's"
Becky |
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DeansMom
Butterfly
Joined: Feb 15, 2008
Posts: 11
Location: Boron, CA
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| Posted: Sat Feb 16, 2008 7:32 pm Post subject: |
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my son is almost 13 years old, and I've raised him and his brother (16) by myself. I can tell you being his mom has been both a test of my patience and brightness to my days. He gets extremely moody sometimes, which is difficult to handle because I hate to see my boy in pain. He literally will cry over spilt milk. But on the flip side, he has the best sense of humor, great artistic abilities, and writes his own books. School has been quite a challenge because he doesn't make friends easily, but he is getting better at that. His big problem there is that he doesn't understand why other kids don't think the same way he does and he gets frustrated. It's hard to explain to him that he can't negotiate or rationalize with people who aren't at his level of intelligence. As I said, it has been, and probably will continue to be, a struggle, But I wouldn't change that boy for anything.  |
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ASDad
Emu Egg
Joined: Feb 17, 2008
Posts: 1
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| Posted: Sun Feb 17, 2008 3:13 pm Post subject: |
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I just learned about my 14 yo son being an aspie. It would have been easier if I had known a long time ago since it explains a lot of behavior.
I find it exhausting and exasperating when you don't know about the diagnosis but now that I know its liberating.
Now, I can enjoy my tremendously talented son (he is gifted in art and writing) without getting frustrated about the challenges in math, keeping schedules and his social oddities. |
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Nan
Phoenix
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Joined: Mar 02, 2006
Posts: 2790
Location: left coast
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| Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 2:16 am Post subject: |
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| having only been the parent of an aspie, and an aspie, it's been just fine. |
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DW_a_mom
Velociraptor
Joined: Feb 23, 2008
Posts: 467
Location: Northern California
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| Posted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 2:29 pm Post subject: |
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Now that we have some insights into our son, overall, I love having an Aspie child. Before diagnosis, without the insight that followed, it was more confusing and difficult. Understanding is such a key.
My son is a mix of amazing abilities, and surprising inabilities. He can blow you out of the water with his sophisticated/creative ideas, his ability to suck it up and perform when it's most critical, all the while frustrating you because he can't remember so many basic every day hygenic things.
He can make me so very, very proud. Someday he may do great things.
For the rest, we're learning just to shake our heads and laugh it off. It's just who he is. |
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DomesticAdvocate
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Feb 26, 2008
Posts: 26
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| Posted: Thu Feb 28, 2008 11:25 am Post subject: My 12 year old son has taught me |
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how much I don't really know and how visceral parenting a child can be.
I love deeper because of him. I laugh at life more because he does and while it's a myriad of circumstances having a child with aspberger's it has also been a blessing!
My life has more dimension because of him.
I see him as both a student and a teacher.  |
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AspergersGamer
Raven
Joined: Feb 05, 2007
Posts: 115
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| Posted: Thu Feb 28, 2008 7:15 pm Post subject: |
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| Challenging but rewarding. |
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