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LePetitPrince
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 03, 2006
Age: 26
Posts: 2680
Location: Beirut , Lebanon
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 Posted: Wed Sep 20, 2006 4:27 pm Post subject: Help - Griefing |
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Last saturday was the funeral of my Grandpa after days of his death , I was close to my grandpa when I was child and he was a funny/wise person . But during the funeral I couldn't grief , I couldn't even drop a tear , his son grieved , my grandma , my mother as well my cousin even his close friends grieved but I couldn't grieve ....even when they uncovered his face for the last goodbye (shiite tradition) ...I didn't cry .
This bothered me tooooo much , same thing happened to me during the funeral of my cousine but I thought because she lived outside the country most of her life and so I barely knew her ...but my grandpa???! I mean wtf is wrong with me ??? I was shocked from myself this time ....and I can't stop my mind to thinking abt that! is this a part of my this sh** called HFA autism too ? Is that we are ? humans with less humanity?? |
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Litigious
Black Bart
Joined: Aug 24, 2006
Posts: 1472
Location: Nearest Wells Fargo trade
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| Posted: Wed Sep 20, 2006 4:40 pm Post subject: |
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My grandpa was great at was well. I didn't cry at his funeral. Yes, it's probably, or certainly, AS that does it...
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Beenthere
10 Miles South of Sanity
Joined: Dec 30, 2005
Age: 41
Posts: 2032
Location: Pa.
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| Posted: Wed Sep 20, 2006 5:19 pm Post subject: |
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I tend to avoid funerals for this reason...It's not that I don't feel anything or I'm cold or uncaring... as people seem to think at times when you don't follow that unwritten emotional code of conduct.
...with me I grieve...I just do it in solitude or in my own way by remembering someone the way I would like to be remembered... I find it impossible many times to "share" my emotions...especially grief.
Nothing is "wrong" with you...we all deal with things in our own way, the way we need to deal with them...I don't think it makes us any less human just because we can't cry at funerals. That doesn't mean we still don't feel a loss.
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CanyonWind
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 12, 2006
Posts: 1206
Location: West of the Great Divide
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| Posted: Wed Sep 20, 2006 5:52 pm Post subject: |
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Your post got me to wondering. If your grandfather's spirit came to see you, just as he was in life, and if he knew exactly how you felt about him when he was alive and how you felt at his funeral, would he be offended? Would he feel that you honored his memory with what was in your heart?
If he would think how you felt and acted was ok, maybe that counts for something.
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-traditional |
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CockneyRebel
Sid The Love Rat :O)
Joined: Jul 18, 2004
Age: 33
Posts: 20716
Location: Out in the evening, with me two best Rat Mates, somewhere in Canada :O)
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| Posted: Wed Sep 20, 2006 6:01 pm Post subject: |
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| I've never been able to grieve the loss of my close family members, however I'm grieving the loss of the Routemaster. I'm grieving the loss of a BUS! Could you imagine? A BUS. I must be a Robot in disquise to be grieving the loss of a BUS. Or, maybe those boys lined up outside of my Elementary School Gym were right. Maybe I am a Cockney. |
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DirtDawg
Old Bird-eater
Joined: Jul 28, 2006
Posts: 1136
Location: Indy Area
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| Posted: Wed Sep 20, 2006 7:07 pm Post subject: |
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I didn't show much emotion at either of my grandfather's funerals and I was especially close to one. I was re-living my memories of him about 2 weeks later, I had a really deep grief that would not go away for a long time. I past it off as shock and denial at the funeral, plus being a cynical teen, but it caught up to me later. Of course, I had no knowlege of autism at the time and I would not be able to comment on the cause of your inability to grieve as it may relate to AS.
I also believe that we all grieve in our own way. Your grandpa's memory will be honored as you live by the lessons he taught you. Nothing else is necessary.
I'm sorry for your loss.
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jammie
Velociraptor
Joined: Apr 03, 2006
Posts: 490
Location: UK
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| Posted: Wed Sep 20, 2006 7:14 pm Post subject: |
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hiya,
i wouldent worry about it so much, i have been in a similar situation regarding my parents unabe to cry? didnt shed a tear, always very logical when inside i really miss them. they are not dead but i have nothing to do with them, and sometime i do wonder if that is realated to AS or not. Who knows, all i know is that you wouldent have posted on here unless you were greiveing there for wether ASD related or not, you are still greiveing and i think that the way you are doing it is just as valid as any oyther.
hope this helps
^licks^
jammie & lion
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$lion = "constant";
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$jamie = $lion.$lil_lion.$baby.$jammie;
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Raph522
Trapped Inside My Mind
Joined: May 05, 2006
Posts: 15936
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| Posted: Wed Sep 20, 2006 8:31 pm Post subject: |
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it doesn't make anyone less human not to cry at funerals. some people deal with sad thing in different ways. i don't think it is always just an AS/HFA thing because i know people without HFA and AS that don't cry when someone dies... just because you can't cry doesn't mean your not (or will not be) upset. for me it takes me a while to cry about something big.
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ster
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 24, 2005
Posts: 2211
Location: new england
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| Posted: Wed Sep 20, 2006 8:56 pm Post subject: |
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| everyone reacts to funerals differently ~ i remember one of my friends growing up reacted quite oddly when she had to go to her grandma's funeral ( they were very close).....my friend burst out laughing at the funeral home, and then on the processional ride encouraged us to sing "Another One Bites the Dust"....can you imagine ? LOL |
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Andy
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Apr 07, 2006
Posts: 27
Location: sandiego, california
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| Posted: Wed Sep 20, 2006 9:26 pm Post subject: |
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i can relate. i'm not sure if i greive over loss or not. at least i know i don't grieve in the manner that ordinary ppl do. my family thinks i'm cold and callous. i'm not cold and callous that is just how i seem to other ppl. ppl expect that if you have emotions you're supposed to show them in specific ways. just because you don't show emotions the way other ppl do does not mean you do not have these emotions.
sure, there has been many times when i was bummed out enough that i should have cried. alot of times it seems like i'd probably feel better if i did cry. doesn't happen.
sorry to hear about your loss. it sounds like you really liked your grandad and miss him. |
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CockneyRebel
Sid The Love Rat :O)
Joined: Jul 18, 2004
Age: 33
Posts: 20716
Location: Out in the evening, with me two best Rat Mates, somewhere in Canada :O)
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| Posted: Wed Sep 20, 2006 11:09 pm Post subject: |
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| I wonder if the Extreame Male Brain theory would explain this? |
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anandamide
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 24, 2006
Posts: 700
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| Posted: Wed Sep 20, 2006 11:20 pm Post subject: |
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I think it takes a while sometimes for the fact someone has passed away to sink in and that is why some people do not react right away at funerals.
I have seen NTs partying after a funeral, even a very sad funeral.
I've seen people go to a funeral, bawl their heads off dramatically, then never give the deceased barely a thought ever after. Tears don't necessarily mean anything.
And people don't grieve on cue, it is a process that sometimes takes time as the full and deeper recognition of the loss becomes apparent. |
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waterdogs
Phoenix
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Joined: Jul 27, 2006
Posts: 1085
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| Posted: Thu Sep 21, 2006 12:10 am Post subject: |
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| i can't go to funerals at all because i laugh. apperently funerals are no laughing matter, i think i only laugh because what else are you going to do? sit there and cry? why would you do that, i'm trying to feel good all the time see, i don't need that. |
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lae
Phoenix
Joined: May 14, 2006
Posts: 786
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| Posted: Thu Sep 21, 2006 1:24 am Post subject: |
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We may not always show it on the outside, but that doesn't always mean we don't feel it on the inside.
You know you loved your grandfather and I'm sure your grandfather knew this too.
My condolences. |
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LePetitPrince
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 03, 2006
Age: 26
Posts: 2680
Location: Beirut , Lebanon
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| Posted: Thu Sep 21, 2006 6:12 am Post subject: |
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| I am curious to post a similair question in a NT forum and compare the replies ....anyone likes to help? |
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