Briana_Lopez
Deinonychus
Joined: Jan 07, 2012
Age: 16
Posts: 326
Location: Tyngsboro, MA
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 Posted: Sat Mar 03, 2012 9:01 pm Post subject: |
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| I get "You would look soo muc prettier if you would just stop covering up your natural beauty!" -_____- |
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Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14828
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
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| Posted: Sat Mar 03, 2012 9:21 pm Post subject: |
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little do they know, I have no desire to be pretty...so I don't care.
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It's like alice in wonderland except, my names not alice and this is the real world not a dream. |
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cozysweater
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 06, 2011
Posts: 570
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| Posted: Sun Mar 04, 2012 12:16 am Post subject: |
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My favorite Aunt recently called my hair "your one beauty". Seriously. Like she's Amy from Little Women. She's really the only person who says anything about the way I look. Some of the things she says can feel like intentionally hurtful barbs but after years of observation I've come to the conclusion that she's very insecure about her own looks and ends up foisting that insecurity onto me. Also, she's the first to admit she has a bit of a problem with empathy.
I've decided to just do what I want with myself. I'm going back to the really short hair that I've always liked best on me. I've discovered recently that I do actually like some girly things. I like my skin to look even and smooth, so I sometimes do put on a bit of makeup. On the whole I think I'm an average looking woman. A bit plump, but not unattractive. Forgettable by design. |
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Catarina
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Feb 26, 2012
Posts: 42
Location: Northern Europe
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| Posted: Sun Mar 04, 2012 1:44 pm Post subject: |
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First of all, I know that I was blessed with basic beauty, but have be advised many times that I haven't "emphasized my assets." I have one sister-in-law that actually tried to enact a homemade version of "What Not to Wear" on me using my brother's credit card!
I was always the girl in need of a "wardrobe makeover" My mom tried so hard to interest me in fashion and make-up. Took me shopping until I was exhausted. Sent me to "modeling/charm" school because she wanted to inspire me to do fashion, and learn to "walk" in a feminine, appealing way.
Looking back, I can see I was very lucky to have attended schools with uniforms and strict rules forbidding make-up. The only daily challenge was having clean, brushed hair. My mom made sure it was appropriately cut. Free dress days were always a trial, for me. I (secretly) never agreed with the girls who complained about the uniforms.
I began attending public school in 11th grade, and at first attributed my lack of fashion-interest to the uniforms. However, over the years, I now know I just do not care and work on dressing appropriate. Find a passable set of clothes for daily work and occasions.
When I met my husband, he like many men, thought I was hiding my beauty under big coats. He imagined that I just needed the right motivation to awaken my inner trophy girlfriend. What I learned is that I am quite okay with passable, not interested in all the effort to be outstanding, he just had to accept that, or move on. Once I was an at-home mom I natually fell back into the daily uniform of jeans and a sweater (t-shirt in summer). My mother continues to try to uplift my clothing choices.  |
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MusicMama
Raven
Joined: Feb 24, 2012
Posts: 104
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| Posted: Sun Mar 04, 2012 7:37 pm Post subject: |
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I'm pretty certain that all of my female relatives on my dad's side think this every time they see me... they don't say it out loud any more, but they certainly used to.
Whatever. As I get older (I'm 28 now) I might start wearing a bit of foundation, but I can't imagine ever doing any more than that. People already think that I'm 18. I don't know why I would want to make myself look even younger.
My aunt did tell me that I will never have to wear mascara (good! because I never planned on wearing it to begin with) and one of my parents' friend's daughters told me once that I was very lucky because I will never have to pluck my eyebrows (good! because I never planned on doing that to begin with).
The trick for me would be finding something that doesn't make my face itch or feel dry, like a mask. I cannot handle those feelings. I also rub my eyes and I pick at the skin on my nose and both of those activities would wreck makeup anyhow. Maybe it's best just never to try except for really special occasions. I could probably control those behaviors for one dinner date with my husband every once in a while or something... |
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snpeden
Sea Gull
Joined: Aug 16, 2011
Posts: 214
Location: Nevada, US
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| Posted: Mon Mar 05, 2012 1:07 pm Post subject: |
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| I mix facial moisturizer and concealer/foundation and use that. Regular makeup is way too heavy for me, and I don't have the patience to put on a crapton and remove 90% of it. Just a little (super lightly!) "tinted moisturizer" and a dash of powder to set the makeup under the eye. |
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MissConstrue
~Meow Clawdius~
Joined: Feb 05, 2008
Age: 31
Posts: 19686
Location: Missouri
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| Posted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 6:17 pm Post subject: Re: "You'd be so pretty if you tried." |
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| aureolin wrote: | | I get variations of this quite frequently, and I'm never sure how to respond. Is it supposed to be a compliment or an insult? It might be something specific like suggesting I get contact lenses or groom my eyebrows, but often it's just something general. They usually comment on my "good features", though. It's usually other girls who say things like this, by the way. I don't put much effort into my appearance past cleanliness, but that has more to do with not wanting to feel sticky than a desire to look nice. I don't usually wear makeup, most of my clothes are at least several years old, and I practically live in over-sized sweaters. I like the way I am, and I'm fine with the way I look and dress. If I say this, however, it's almost always met with confusion, like I'm wasting my attractiveness because I'm not trying to make myself as beautiful as possible. I don't know. People are weird. Anyone else experience something similar? |
I've heard this too and I just tell them either I can't afford it or if they'd like to help me for free. I can only work with what I got. Years ago I use to worry about getting responses like that but now I don't worry. In fact it's much hurtful to be called names like retarded or stupid than it does when it's physical. Women as expected in our society, are suppose to look beautiful or at least like they've spent money on themselves. Don't get me wrong, do what makes you feel good. Buy a dress if you can afford one that boosts your confidence but don't fix yourself for people who can't fix themselves. I think sometimes it's a compliment but to be honest it sounds like, "You're ok, but you could at least do yourself up to attract a mate." Perhaps I perceive such "compliments" wrong although it depends on the person. Some people just like to tease or think that there might be potential for you....whatever that means. Anyway I just take it like anything else. I use to be one of those people who worried about how I looked. These days I realize if I'm that insecure with my looks which I use to be, then perhaps I need to work on my inner self. Not an easy thing to accept but it's helped.
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Belief in a cruel God makes a cruel man.
-Thomas Paine
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lostgirl1986
There's a party in my head.
Joined: Feb 29, 2012
Age: 26
Posts: 6284
Location: Ontario, Canada
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| Posted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 7:09 pm Post subject: |
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| mmm well, I used to not care what I looked like but now I do. I don't go out unles I'm wearing makeup and my hair looks half decent. I'm picky about my clothes as well. I have this complex about me where I know that I'm not the best looking person but if I actually try really hard, I can actually look pretty gorgeous. I honestly don't try my hardest everyday though, yes I spend a lot of time on my appearance but I'll spend double the time if I'm going to a party or something. I can go from ugly to pretty if I try hard enough. I'm not trying to sound superficial, I'm just tired of getting made fun of by how I look. When I was younger, I didn't care and people made fun of me. I honestly don't care how other people look or judge them, I've been there and I know how it feels. Everybody's beautiful in their own way...it just makes me feel better knowing that I spent some time trying to look half decent. |
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MissConstrue
~Meow Clawdius~
Joined: Feb 05, 2008
Age: 31
Posts: 19686
Location: Missouri
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| Posted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 7:54 pm Post subject: |
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| lovecholie wrote: | Sometimes, I have to admit, I think that I should care more. Just because I always look a mess in photos- while my sister and other girl cousins look impeccable. And it gets me down at times. It's just too much work. I care more about learning new things and cultivating creative hobbies, but most people don't get that.  |
I think this is my major "obstacle". I care but I don't care enough since it requires so much effort that it takes the focus of my other interests. And looking back at this thread, it's strange how most members brought up that females are more judgemental with each other or worry about how the other looks. Strange...  Normally I expect guys just to be ouright rude about it but with women it's usually low key and subtle yet more frequent. In high school it use to be much worse. I was called all kinds of names by other females and I wasn't even pretty so I don't see how I was a piece of competion.. Anyway intersting how people really judge each other by their cover. I usually have to go to thrift stores if I have to or Walmart to find something nice or that I need. I remember when I use to shop with these girls who I worked with. They'd go to these expensive places and buy like there was no tommorow. I'd come in empty handed or with something that was on clearance. Needless to say one of them was generous enough to offer some money as it was I guess her way of trying to make friends and do something social together. I never did feel quite comfortable with either them or the places they chose since I literally felt like a bum tagging on...at least that's how I perceived it.
Don't get me wrong, I love girly stuff but the cost and effort can be too much for me. Unless I was going to some extremely important event or date which seldom happens, I would rather just be clean, comfortable and able to function on my daily routine called life.
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Belief in a cruel God makes a cruel man.
-Thomas Paine
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aussiebloke
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 15, 2009
Age: 37
Posts: 3878
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| Posted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 9:46 pm Post subject: |
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Id respond you'd be so polite if you kept you mouth shut how rude.
1/2 way decent would suit me just fine but that ain't pretty enough for most people (it seems)
What do clothes matter anyways it's the birthday suit that matters most (but I wont go their) that will only open up a can of worms .
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Theirs a subset of America, adult males who are forgoing ambition ,sex , money ,love ,adventure to sit in a darkened rooms mastering video games - Suicide Bob |
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Sarah81
Toucan
Joined: Feb 29, 2012
Posts: 256
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| Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 3:29 am Post subject: |
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| I think that all women, whether NT or Aspie, whether natural or made-up, are subject to intense criticism and judgement on their looks. I think you all have a great attitude. Stay strong, enjoy life, be beautiful, however that is to you. |
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jojobean
sacred clown
Joined: Aug 13, 2009
Posts: 3341
Location: In Georgia sipping a virgin pina' colada while the rest of the world is drunk
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| Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 2:09 pm Post subject: |
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actually I wore alot of make-up as a teen and was told often that I was hiding my natural beauty....go figure.
One male teacher told me "you are the prettiest girl to work sooo hard to look so ugly" That was during my goth phase. WTF!
But after high school I quit wearing make-up and ppl tell me that a liitle make up would make my features come out.
When I did wear make up on a rare occasion, one my friends said that I look like a china doll.
Either way, I cant please anyone, so why try.
Jojo
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All art is a kind of confession, more or less oblique. All artists, if they are to survive, are forced, at last, to tell the whole story; to vomit the anguish up.
-James Baldwin |
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Briana_Lopez
Deinonychus
Joined: Jan 07, 2012
Age: 16
Posts: 326
Location: Tyngsboro, MA
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| Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 5:50 pm Post subject: |
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This is me WITHOUT makeup. This is what happens when I don't try ( and I try my best to look pretty everyday, even on my "bumm" days). Surprisingly, only one of my friends noticed I wasn't wearing makeup right off the bat! My hair's a bit messy, too, but whatever haha.
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MissConstrue
~Meow Clawdius~
Joined: Feb 05, 2008
Age: 31
Posts: 19686
Location: Missouri
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| Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 6:53 pm Post subject: |
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| Briana_Lopez wrote: | This is me WITHOUT makeup. This is what happens when I don't try ( and I try my best to look pretty everyday, even on my "bumm" days). Surprisingly, only one of my friends noticed I wasn't wearing makeup right off the bat! My hair's a bit messy, too, but whatever haha.
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You look gorgeous and I'm not saying that to be nice. You must have good genes with skin like that and eyes that stand out. No joke. If someone tells you you need makeup tell em' to get a blind fold.
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Belief in a cruel God makes a cruel man.
-Thomas Paine
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conundrum
seeking harmony in an imbalanced world
Joined: May 26, 2010
Posts: 2109
Location: third rock from one of many suns
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| Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 9:19 pm Post subject: |
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| MissConstrue wrote: | | Briana_Lopez wrote: | This is me WITHOUT makeup. This is what happens when I don't try ( and I try my best to look pretty everyday, even on my "bumm" days). Surprisingly, only one of my friends noticed I wasn't wearing makeup right off the bat! My hair's a bit messy, too, but whatever haha.
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You look gorgeous and I'm not saying that to be nice. You must have good genes with skin like that and eyes that stand out. No joke. If someone tells you you need makeup tell em' to get a blind fold. |
^Seconded. You don't need makeup at all.
_________________
The existence of the leader who is wise
is barely known to those he leads.
He acts without unnecessary speech,
so that the people say,
'It happened of its own accord.' -Tao Te Ching, Verse 17 |
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