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Gwenfloor
Butterfly
Joined: Oct 03, 2006
Posts: 16
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 Posted: Tue Oct 03, 2006 11:53 pm Post subject: My Mom hates my Aspergers |
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My mother thinks of my Aspergers as an anomaly, and she knew I had it ever since I was born. She scolds me when I display symptoms, whether in public or in the privacy of my own home. Sometimes she mocks my actions and makes herself look as mentally unbalanced as possible, in some vain attempt to teach me not to do it. She does not understand me and believes that I can control it. One time, she referred to it as though it were a separate being. "What is it doing?" she said. How can I show her that it cannot be controlled or suppressed? The doctors told her everything to know about it, but she pretends to not know a thing about it, and asks the same questions over and over. Personally, I believe that I cannot bring her to realize that it is inborn. If she keeps denying what I am in her mind, then that is her problem, not mine!
Anyone have any thoughts, comments, or suggestions? |
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tinky
Bob the Llama's wingman
Joined: Mar 25, 2006
Age: 18
Posts: 6376
Location: en la luna bailando con las vacas
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| Posted: Wed Oct 04, 2006 12:12 am Post subject: |
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i would try and find a problem with her(your mom). maybe you could relate your asperger's with the problem your mom has. That's what i would do, but maybe it depends on the mom. Is your mom ignorant of other things? (i'm going to bed, so i won't respond until tommorow.)
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Tinky is currently in la la land frolicking with fairies in sun painted daffodils whislt "I Like Birds" gently fills the air.
you may tire of the world but the world will never tire of you.
I'm a girl, people!
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krex
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 21, 2006
Age: 45
Posts: 5002
Location: Village of the Damned
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| Posted: Wed Oct 04, 2006 12:27 am Post subject: |
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When I was growing up...no one knew what AS was....my mom was pretty much the same but she at least had the excuse of "not knowing"....I dont know if I can offer any advice...Except that your mom acting like a "moron" is doing so because she doesnt want you to go through life dealing with being AS and she thinks she can change that....um...it's called denial,but a lot of moms have it....usually it is out of love,even if it feels the opposite.I think your mom should consider getting some counseling for herself...as you said...it is her problem,but she is making it your problem,not very helpful,given that you have enough issues of your own to deal with.
One thing I would disagree with,to some extent.....you can make some changes...with time,love,patience and support...you will be able to make more improvements then with constant criticism.A lot of adults with AS have learned to make positive changes,can even pass for NT for periods of time,some work and have familys....it is individual,so dont stop challenging yourself.
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lae
Phoenix
Joined: May 14, 2006
Posts: 786
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| Posted: Wed Oct 04, 2006 12:55 am Post subject: |
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| It sounds like she needs counseling. |
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hyperbolic
Top Secret Level Ultra
Joined: Aug 15, 2006
Posts: 1943
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| Posted: Wed Oct 04, 2006 12:59 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | "What is it doing?" she said. |
Yeah, she needs counseling. |
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Fraya
Demon with broken wings
Joined: Aug 22, 2006
Posts: 1459
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| Posted: Wed Oct 04, 2006 1:48 am Post subject: |
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Id tell her "sure Ill stop having aspergers syndrom when you show me how easy it is to change your own brains physical structure by making yourself have schizophrenic hallucinations on demand then change back to normal.. go ahead Im waiting".
But thats just me and Im notorious for being direct and blunt 
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Animals at least are honest. They are always true to their instincts. In natures eyes however, humans are completely insane. |
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Kamex
Raven
Joined: Sep 03, 2006
Age: 21
Posts: 119
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| Posted: Wed Oct 04, 2006 3:28 am Post subject: |
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I always find it amazing how when anyone has some kind of problem, particularly one that isn't easy to define, unlike, say, paralysis, they assume that the person is "choosing" to be that way. My Dad always told me to be normal as well. Turned out he felt bad for me, and he couldn't bear to accept that I had this problem. I also knew a girl who’s parents felt the solution to her anorexia was to start eating normally again (it's too late, that's why people die from it), and I've also been advised that the best way to cure my insomnia is to lie down and go to sleep. I think the most common reason people get like this is because they don't have the brainpower to empathize properly. THEY don't have that problem, and therefore, neither do you.
Anyone remember that quote mocking this attitude in the first X-Men movie? I believe it was something to the effect of "Have you tried, you know, NOT being a mutant?"
At any rate, whatever in her thought process has lead her to the belief you don't have any problem, it obviously isn't a logical one, given that doctors had told her otherwise. Exploit this. Explain to her you've been diagnosed with this. Print out info from reliable web sites describing the symptoms she makes fun of. Just be sure to be friendly about it. No need to get nasty. If you get nasty, you're making it harder for her to admit she's wrong. The idea is to make it easier to admit it, rather than simply convince her. She already knows you're right. |
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Litigious
Black Bart
Joined: Aug 24, 2006
Posts: 1472
Location: Nearest Wells Fargo trade
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| Posted: Wed Oct 04, 2006 3:41 am Post subject: |
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My father denies my Asperger's. He flatters me for my intelligence instead. Don't know if that's any better. At the same time he's overprotective and I'm 35 years old...
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DirtDawg
Old Bird-eater
Joined: Jul 28, 2006
Posts: 1136
Location: Indy Area
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| Posted: Wed Oct 04, 2006 4:06 am Post subject: |
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| Gwenfloor wrote: | | "What is it doing?" |
By making "it" separate she feels she can simply cut it out, kill it, or cage it away from you, or more directly, away from her. She is seriously in denial and needs to have some counseling. It could also be an early sign that her denial is weakening, by admitting that "there IS something", but that may just be wishful thinking on my part.
I feel for you, growing up without support. One of your best possible sources of compasson and aid has turned her back on you. I might be able to understand her if you were still two or three, but you're old enough to use keyboard and she STILL has a problem with reality.
I hate to give up on people, but YOU are the one who needs (deserves?) help, not so much her. I think you can be "saved". I hope you can learn to laugh at how ridiculous she has been treating you. Your courage is admirable.
You are definitely not alone. There's a little boy in a group I belong to who's mother is a jewel, but his dad is a total jerk. He says, everytime I see him, that this is an invented disease and we didn't have any of this crap when he was younger. I just want to deck him, but then I would be the "Bad Guy".
Hang in there the best you can. It will get better.
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It's just music for me. The other stims don't work. |
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MrMark
Abstract Data Type
Joined: Jul 04, 2006
Age: 50
Posts: 9867
Location: Tallahassee, FL
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| Posted: Wed Oct 04, 2006 6:47 am Post subject: |
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| MrMark wrote: | | I don't feel you have a "problem" to be "solved." You can't change your mother anymore than she can change you. In time, she may accept your condition. In the meantime, you'll have to accept her denial. |
Begin developing plans now for your independence. Putting some distance between you and your mother will help. While you're here, visit problem with parent.
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"As rain falls on the just and the unjust alike, let your heart be untroubled by judgments and let your kindness rain on all."
- from The Zhuang-zi (Chuang Tzu)
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hale_bopp
Ruffle some Feathers
Joined: Nov 03, 2004
Age: 23
Posts: 6333
Location: New Zealand
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| Posted: Wed Oct 04, 2006 8:35 am Post subject: |
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| I think that's horrible.. to be treated like that by your own mother.. .if it was me I would get out, never talk to her again, the stupid bitch might then realise how much she's lost. |
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Hovis
Deinonychus
Joined: Jul 10, 2006
Age: 34
Posts: 399
Location: Lincolnshire, England
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| Posted: Wed Oct 04, 2006 11:32 am Post subject: |
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| Kamex wrote: | | I always find it amazing how when anyone has some kind of problem, particularly one that isn't easy to define, unlike, say, paralysis, they assume that the person is "choosing" to be that way. |
This is exactly it. If people can't see a particular illness or condition, then to them, it therefore can't really exist, and the person in question must be doing it deliberately, or, at the very least, not trying hard enough to combat it. Think how many people you hear about who have suffered with even temporary mental conditions, and had trouble with their employers or their insurance because the organization basically refused to believe that there was anything wrong (as they would have done if the person was, say, in a wheelchair).
Gwenfloor, I hope this doesn't come over as insulting to your family in any way, but your mom sounds awful.  |
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legionnaire
Butterfly
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Joined: Jun 26, 2006
Posts: 16
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| Posted: Wed Oct 04, 2006 11:38 am Post subject: |
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your mom is an anti as
you have as and as is you as well as me and every one else here
ingnor it
yet more pros to my anti nt movement
nts are ignorent and counterprducktive
so down with them
so up with the as
pm me if you have something to say or to help me in my plit |
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larsenjw92286
Your invitation to come on down!
Joined: Aug 31, 2004
Age: 22
Posts: 8858
Location: Seattle, Washington
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| Posted: Wed Oct 04, 2006 12:55 pm Post subject: |
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I'm sorry to hear that!
How can your mother be mocking your AS?
Why is she calling it a separate being?
It is part of you, and it is what makes you unusual.
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Jason Larsen
gameshowdude1986@yahoo.com |
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Fraya
Demon with broken wings
Joined: Aug 22, 2006
Posts: 1459
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| Posted: Wed Oct 04, 2006 1:01 pm Post subject: |
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I really dislike people like your mother.. you didnt ask to be the way you are its the result of the choices your mother made before you were born and yet she'd rather blame you than take responsibility for the consequences of her actions.
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Animals at least are honest. They are always true to their instincts. In natures eyes however, humans are completely insane. |
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