northbrbrain
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jan 25, 2012
Posts: 45
|
 Posted: Sun Feb 12, 2012 9:22 pm Post subject: Have you ever been excluded, banned or blacklisted? |
 |
|
| Have people or situations just blown up in your face due to a lack of allies and overall support? For example, ONE person doesn't like you and then they badmouth you to everyone else, causing you to be shunned (this happened to me in high school).....And, because of the social skills deficits that being on the Autism spectrum brings, you have zero friends or allies to buffer the situation. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Apple_in_my_Eye
I don't remember
Joined: May 08, 2008
Age: 44
Posts: 3941
Location: in my brain
|
| Posted: Sun Feb 12, 2012 9:39 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Sure, more times than I can remember. Most people have a lot of a social weaponry and little compunction against using it. If you don't have allies you're pretty well f***ed and it's going to bad for you. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Tuttle
Not a bird, a turtle.
Joined: Mar 27, 2006
Age: 24
Posts: 2591
Location: Massachusetts
|
| Posted: Sun Feb 12, 2012 9:59 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Absolutely  What hurts most is when the person who initiates it is someone who is actively manipulating the other people in the group too and they're not realizing it. |
|
| Back to top |
|
cathylynn
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 25, 2011
Posts: 2021
Location: northeastern US
|
| Posted: Sun Feb 12, 2012 10:06 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| it's how i lost my medical profession. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Trainbuff
Sea Gull
Joined: Feb 13, 2011
Posts: 235
Location: New York City
|
| Posted: Sun Feb 12, 2012 10:19 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Sadly, yes. |
|
| Back to top |
|
MindWithoutWalls
Aspie-Dyke
Joined: Oct 26, 2011
Posts: 1377
Location: In the Workshop, with the Toolbox
|
| Posted: Sun Feb 12, 2012 10:52 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Isn't that generally how bullying works?
I've both decided to leave groups on my own because I could tell I just didn't belong and been pushed out because others decided that very same thing.
_________________
The world is a classroom for a mind without walls.
Loitering is encouraged at The Wayshelter: http://wayshelter.com
Visit the Asperger's / Autism Toolbox: http://wayshelter.com/autasptoolbox.htm |
|
| Back to top |
|
daydreamer84
butterfly
Joined: Jul 09, 2009
Age: 28
Posts: 3283
Location: My own little world
|
| Posted: Sun Feb 12, 2012 11:05 pm Post subject: |
|
|
This happened to me several times actually .......I become a pariah at work or school. It happened to me in elementary and middle school.....and it happened to me recently at a job in a daycare center........I thought I'd escaped the bullies on the schoolyard....how wrong I was.  |
|
| Back to top |
|
glider18
Supporting Member
Joined: Nov 09, 2008
Posts: 6693
Location: Ohio
|
| Posted: Sun Feb 12, 2012 11:27 pm Post subject: left out |
|
|
Sometimes I feel left out of things because I am not part of so and so's inner circle. For example, being insulted by an organization because I was not a part of their inner circle. I do not socialize enough to get into people's inner circles. So I feel many times that I am excluded. But, I am a private person so that isn't such a bad thing.
_________________
"My journey has just begun." |
|
| Back to top |
|
169Kitty
Sea Gull
Joined: Dec 25, 2011
Posts: 214
Location: Minnesota
|
| Posted: Mon Feb 13, 2012 1:13 am Post subject: |
|
|
yep, many times and it sucks. I don't even try to get into any inner circles anymore because I just end up getting hurt. Or I end up seeing people for who they really are and it's usually not a good thing.
_________________
AQ: 42
EQ: 19 SQ: 58 Extreme Systemizing
Your Aspie score: 155 of 200
NT score: 51 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie |
|
| Back to top |
|
TheygoMew
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 04, 2010
Posts: 1024
|
| Posted: Mon Feb 13, 2012 2:36 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Yes. I have this happen alot and people choose the liars. It doesn't stop after high school. |
|
| Back to top |
|
The_Sleeper
Snowy Owl
Joined: Feb 01, 2012
Posts: 158
|
| Posted: Mon Feb 13, 2012 4:30 am Post subject: |
|
|
I've only ever really been excluded from one group that i actually wanted to become a member of and that hurt a lot. I never felt so abandoned and couldn't even talk about it. Otherwise....
I've got temp banned a load of times for silly things on this one set of forums i post on. Like calling someone a silly head. It's a really big set of forums and the mods never read the reports people make, some ridiculously petty things get through and people abuse it.
I got banned from a few servers when i used to play this fps game. Like i got banned for seeing which words ( along with a couple of other people, it was fun) could get through the swear filter. Another time i got banned because i was playing on a server that one of the enemy teams players owned, so he kicked and banned me for killing him.
One of the 3 times i ever had what i could describe as a meltdown happened when i was in this situation where i think i became the main focus of dislike to a lot of my workmates. I basically ignored it but then they went one worse and one of the guys of their group who was in a position to tell me what to do started making things difficult for me in a very subtle way that stopped me from reporting him. He started finding faults with my work to justify extra work for me in my own time, so that the very little free time i had (talking 16 hour days, 8 hour free per day) that i really really needed for sleep was going to be taken up with something pointless that i knew and he knew was going to fail no matter the quality of my work. He was just going to drag it out and i knew that anything i reported was going to be ignored because of how sly he was being with his way of attacking me, he was making it seem like he was just doing his job. I couldn't see any escape, I wasn't bringing it on myself and although i didn't care about the way people that i didn't particularly like were treating me(im a stronger person than that), they'd found a way to get to me that i couldn't ignore, add into that pressures from home and no sleep. So i just found a room to sit and just shutdown basically.
The silly thing is that I can see what they do. They all sit together, their little group. New guy shows up, the odd behavior of not really being interested in socialising gets reported. Maybe over a period of time one or two of the group interacts with me and i say something which is taken the wrong way. Add that to my maybe cold manner. That gets reported to the group and they just start building up in their head this image that's completely influenced by this really negative way of seeing the world that nts seem to have where they want to see the worst in people.
I think a big part of my problem is that i can't talk to groups of people. I can make the group like me individually by getting to know each person one at a time, 1on1, but i ALWAYS have to go through this period of people being rude to me because i don't know how to interact in a group and getting to know everyone individually takes a while.
Last edited by The_Sleeper on Mon Feb 13, 2012 4:44 am; edited 2 times in total |
|
| Back to top |
|
fragileclover
Velociraptor
Joined: May 22, 2009
Posts: 496
|
| Posted: Mon Feb 13, 2012 4:42 am Post subject: |
|
|
Yes. When I was on my Senior week with friends from school, I suffered second degree burns from being out on the beach for approximately 1 hour (with 75spf sunblock on), so I spent most of the time inside watching TV. I was bummed that I hadn't had the opportunity to take many pictures, so one night when they all wanted to go bowling, I decided I would tag along and take pictures of them, despite being in a lot pain. They kept asking if I was sure, and I said yes, that I just needed to use the bathroom and change my shirt. When I got out of the bathroom, the condo was empty, and when I stepped out on the balcony, I saw their car driving away.
I assumed initially that they hadn't heard me say I wanted to go, so I sat down and turned the TV on. However, after a couple of minutes I noticed a folded piece of paper, and opened it to read: "Wait until she goes in the bathroom, then we'll all leave."
I was absolutely devastated. I tried to call my family to come get me, but no one would. I finally found another friend who was also on Senior week who came to pick me up...but then people back at home got involved and begged me to go back, that my friends felt really bad, etc, etc. I went back, and there was no discussion about what happened (one friend did get smashed that night and kept crying and apologizing)...but when they dropped me off at home after our trip, it was the last time I ever saw any of them. 
I have no idea what happened or what I could have done that would have made them want to leave, and it still bothers me to this day; mostly because I've had other similar experiences (I sat home alone all day on my 21st birthday waiting for a friend to call who had asked if we could hang out on my birthday...he never called, and he's never contacted me since), and have extreme abandonment issues as a result.
_________________
Aspie Quiz: AS - 141/200, NT - 77/200 (Very likely an Aspie)
AQ: 34/50 (Aspie range)
EQ: 32 / SQ: 68 (Extreme Systemizing / AS or HFA)
Diagnosed with AS and Anxiety Disorder - NOS on 03/21/2012 |
|
| Back to top |
|
OliveOilMom
Queen of cans and jars
Joined: Nov 12, 2011
Posts: 6775
Location: Living in Faulkner's nightmare
|
| Posted: Mon Feb 13, 2012 5:35 am Post subject: |
|
|
| fragileclover wrote: | Yes. When I was on my Senior week with friends from school, I suffered second degree burns from being out on the beach for approximately 1 hour (with 75spf sunblock on), so I spent most of the time inside watching TV. I was bummed that I hadn't had the opportunity to take many pictures, so one night when they all wanted to go bowling, I decided I would tag along and take pictures of them, despite being in a lot pain. They kept asking if I was sure, and I said yes, that I just needed to use the bathroom and change my shirt. When I got out of the bathroom, the condo was empty, and when I stepped out on the balcony, I saw their car driving away.
I assumed initially that they hadn't heard me say I wanted to go, so I sat down and turned the TV on. However, after a couple of minutes I noticed a folded piece of paper, and opened it to read: "Wait until she goes in the bathroom, then we'll all leave."
I was absolutely devastated. I tried to call my family to come get me, but no one would. I finally found another friend who was also on Senior week who came to pick me up...but then people back at home got involved and begged me to go back, that my friends felt really bad, etc, etc. I went back, and there was no discussion about what happened (one friend did get smashed that night and kept crying and apologizing)...but when they dropped me off at home after our trip, it was the last time I ever saw any of them.
I have no idea what happened or what I could have done that would have made them want to leave, and it still bothers me to this day; mostly because I've had other similar experiences (I sat home alone all day on my 21st birthday waiting for a friend to call who had asked if we could hang out on my birthday...he never called, and he's never contacted me since), and have extreme abandonment issues as a result. |
You should have taken all of their clothes and hygeine products home with you when you went.
_________________
Frances
What if Jessie's girl was Stacy's mom and her number was 867-5309? |
|
| Back to top |
|
Bun
Bunnymen
Joined: Jan 09, 2012
Posts: 3250
|
| Posted: Mon Feb 13, 2012 5:52 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Some idiotic blogger tried to slander me, her main argument was that *I* don't know her... I always get 'you don't know me' (as in, well enough) from people who lie about me, badmouth me, or misinterpret me after seeing them for a short while. This sentence is just meant to bring attention to the person who says it, clearly - just who the f**k do you think you are? |
|
| Back to top |
|
OJani
a brat
Joined: Feb 24, 2011
Age: 40
Posts: 2320
Location: Budapest, Hungary, Europe
|
| Posted: Mon Feb 13, 2012 7:02 am Post subject: |
|
|
Once, not long ago, I tried to be a member of the circle of a blogger who claims she has Asperger's and writes one of the most recognized AS blogs in my country. I wrote something childishly stupid to her privately, and as a consequence I've got no reply from her when they (the regular members) have gone private from the blog and I asked for admittance to the group. It's ironic that while I have an official ASD dx only a few of them have a dx at most (if any) as far as I know...
_________________
Another non-English speaking - DX'd at age 38
"Aut viam inveniam aut faciam." (Hannibal) - Latin for "I'll either find a way or make one." |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
