Mother with Narcissistic Personality

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This list is point for point how my grandmother treated my mother. She also picked "golden child" and "scapegoat" grandchildren - I know this because I was the "golden child" and my sister was the "scapegoat." This created a lot of tension as my psychopathic father did the same thing, only my sister was the golden child and I was the scapegoat.

Anyway, thank you for posting this.

There was a psychologist, a man on the web who had a whole blog about his own mother and BPD and NPD and had different stories of individuals who have suffered as children of those with BPD or NPD.
I can't remember the site, if i find it i will post the link, i keep looking.. yet i know he is based in the East Coast area (i think NC)

This description is my mother.

It is very difficult to prove this sort of behaviour. Strangely I ended up living with a roommate who's mother is like this too. The first day she moved in, her mother helped and that afternoon she immediately started displaying narcissistic behaviours. A slow dread spread over me because I recognised the warning signs and I felt trapped. I had signed a 6 month lease and couldn't get out of it and knew I had made a terrible mistake. I couldn't believe I had voluntarily let someone like that into my life again.

I actually felt angry with myself and very stupid for allowing myself to get caught up in someone else's web again.



I feel like the roommate's Mom did this to me because her only child was now living with me and she didn't want her to be happier living with me than she was at home. She made it clear that nothing I had was good enough for her daughter.



The only apology I got from my roommates mother was a put down. It was like, I'm sorry I said such and such, but if what you had to offer was better I would never have felt the need to say it.



My mother does this. If I ever try to talk to her about how something she has done makes me feel she denies it or twists it so that she remembers it differently to how it actually happened. I'm never sure if she knows that she is lying or if she is just crazy and actually believes it.

My heart goes out to you, namaste.

Like so many others in this thread, I recognise something of my own mother (and my father too) in all this. My mother's main schtick is sucking away my autonomy with suffocating "helpfulness," but she indulges in some of the others too. I had chronic fatigue syndrome for three years. I eventually found out I could push it into remission if I quit drinking coffee and some other things. When I moved to my own place, she gave me a coffee maker for a housewarming gift.

I am one of eight children: five alcoholics, one with a different drug dependency, six depressives, two with AvPD, two with NPD, one with an anxiety disorder. I have joked that the reason my parents had so many children was that they were hoping they'd eventually get one they liked.

There have been five marriages among us (one twice) and four divorces. One married a woman with an IQ about thirty points below his, who had an alcoholic father (I don't know much else about him) and whose sister was a prostitute with NPD. One married a woman with both Borderline PD and Aspergers. One married a woman with NPD. One married a very nice man who adores her even though she abuses him. One is alienated from his son.

My mother complains about not having more grandchildren (although there are eight). I don't want to put any more links in the chain of toxicity. One of my nieces grew up healthy. Two are getting professional help, and it's done both a world of good. It makes me happy to think of that.

My father complains about all his children being failures. Sometimes it sounds like gloating.

I know that my parents had their personality disorders handed down to them through their own parents' twisted behaviors. I try not to hate them, but much of the time I do.

I don't think "Schizoid" means much. It's been dropped from the latest DSM. If you're a loner and don't have any extra problems to go with it or ASD, that's not any kind of disorder. Before Asperger's was very well known, a lot of Aspies were diagnosed as Schizoid. So were people with AvPD. Psy workers missed them because most didn't know to look for it. That takes pretty nearly everybody out of the Schizoid category.

To my thinking, you don't need major talent to be an Aspie. All you need is a modest amount of autism. Classical autistics went through a long period of being nonverbal or nearly nonverbal (my criterion, not something the classifiers say). You might know that the latest DSM folded Aspergers into Autism Spectrum Disorder because people spread all the way through one to the other with lots of variations in both. They're probably the same thing or the same dozen things.

All the same, I'll go on using the term Aspergers. Aspergers Aspergers Aspergers.

And here I just thought mom acted the way she did because she had post-partum depression and we never bonded!

When really she's just a narcissistic b****. Well, I already knew the witch with a b part. All the stuff in the article makes sense to me. I can see those times now that mom would do something to hurt my self esteem just for her own benefit and I cringe. I was the scapegoat and my brother was the golden child, of course. He still can do no wrong.

I can barely stand to socialize with my mom but do so when I need because of my daughter. She's actually good to her and loves her like she never loved me.

Psychiatry is highly subjective, what to dx and when. Personality disorders just describe behaviour. There is no blood test or any other objective test to proof their validity.

The Narcissist parent is known to dote on one of his/her kids and treat that kid with "unconditional" love to the exclusion of the other kids.

This sounds like my mom AND my ex.

Thanks, Freud.

Same here. This gene pool ends with me.

Some times I wonder if I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome because of the stressful upbringing I've had and trying to cope with my Mother. I am always super alert and just on the edge ready for fight or flight. I find it very hard to unwind. I am always tense which tires me out I think.

My cruel mother died last summer. The chain of cruelty has ended. My children are being raised in love and contentment and acceptance. One sad thing about her death is that there is now no hope of her changing and becoming a good caring mother and grandmother. I try not to dwell on this.

I've cut contact with my mother, possibly permanantly. Part of it was because of ongoing and historic abuse directed towards myself. However a lot of it was the realization that she is just a cruel, callous, manipulative person to others as well - this may be directed towards people she hasn't even met and has no knowledge of - so it has nothing to do with me or my aspergers, my personality or anything else. Unfortunatly 2 of my sibs now do not want much to do with me. One is Golden Boy so no surprises there....

I'm not 100% certain if the gene pool has ended with me in my case. Sometimes I wonder if I'm a Narcissist in denial. My siblings look fine, though. They certainly have their heads screwed on straight.

Sigh..this is my mom to a t. I was the golden boy growing up, and my sister was the scapegoat. Many of my current issues are a result of her psychopathic manner of raising me. Analyzing it now she's just a narcissistic b**** who thinks she's better than everyone in my immediate family.

This is my mother, every word describes her.

I hate you carmen

my dad is the best at acting like an angel infront of guests but plays the tough guy act when you're alone .. whimps