Mother with Narcissistic Personality

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my dad is the best at acting like an angel infront of guests but plays the tough guy act when you're alone .. whimps

I went no contact with my mother seven years ago. My mother and I never bonded. I remember no special attention or kindness from her, she always downplayed, ignored or just plain ruined anything good in my life. She was extremely jealous of my dad and I and always was trying to put a wedge between us. She shut me out of any family functions, would tell everyone she had invited me but I did not want to come,. in reality I had never been invited. She always managed to come between everyone and stir up trouble and then just back off and act innocent and amazed at the friction that she herself had caused. I never once remember my mother brushing my hair, dressing me up, or showing me any attention at all. She wanted me away from her and especially away from my dad. I never knew what personality or mood she would be in from one visit to the next. She treated my two older brothers like kings, They can do no wrong. She would always give me that smirk of hers when displeased with me, I knew for sure my payback was coming and I never knew when, just that it would. She could turn on the sweet Baptist mother like a switch and turn back to the mean hateful b***h just as fast, and do it so easily , it just depended on who was watching or listening. She put me down to all the other members of the family, always wanted me to be looked down on and she took great pleasure in seeing me hurt. When after 50 years of this my dad got sick, she shut me out of his hospital stay and sudden death. She shut me out of his funeral totally and just humiliated me at the most painful moment olf my life. This is when and why I went NC and I will never ever speak to her again, may she rot in hell!

This describes my mother to a tee. She was the meanest most hateful person I have ever known, I knew from childhood that she hated me and was so jealous of my relationship with my dad. She destroyed this relationship as well as my relationship with other family members, all so she would come out smelling like a rose. If I had a favorite doll or pet it would just magically disappear. She shut me out of all family functions and holidays which she herself would hold at her home, no way she would ever let anyone else have a holiday dinner so she could maintain control over the guest list. She would get so mad if I brought a dish that my dad liked and he commented on it. YOu could just see her do a slow boil, and I knew she would get me back later. I have such hatred for her now , there were no memories of her brushing my hair or teaching me how to take care of my body. She never showed up for school functions, never took me shopping, did not show up for my wedding or birth of my only daughter. She has never visited my home , called to see if we were ok , or even put pictures of me or my family in her home,. My two older brothers were treated like kings, she bought them anything they wanted, cars , new homes, property. etc. as long as they treated me like crap they were rewarded. Her home looks like a museum with pictures everywhere of their lives. She always managed to stir up something but then back off and play her sweet southern Baptist act , sitting in the front of the church and pretending to be a saint. I often question god as to why I was given to a mother who hated me, and not to the millions of mothers that truly wanted a daughter. I loved my dad so much but she managed to come between us and she finally shut me out of his death and funeral, we have not spoken since and I have no intention of ever seeing her again. It has been seven years and I replay the hurtful moments over and over in my head. I see the pleasure on her face and her smile smirk as she was destroying any happiness I ever had. She could ignore, downplay and just ruin all good moments in my life. I see now how much effort she put into destroying me , it was not a one time thing or just an occasional hurt as happens sometimes between mothers and daughters, it was cold calculated mean hatefulness that she relished. I hope she rots in hell and hopefully the same god that gave me to her will treat her with as much compassion and empathy as she showed me. I also have such hurt toward my dad now because I see now he allowed her to hurt me to keep peace in the family. She was more important than me and she let me know it. Anyone who has a mom like this should go no contact because she will hurt you until she takes her last breath, it brings her so much pleasure.

I wished a prayed for a new mommy growing up , I wished she had given me away to someone else instead of destroying me. She took great pleasure into hurting me and could not stand to see me around my dad whom I loved so much. She loved to backstab and belittle me to anyone who will listen. She finally destroyed my relationship with him and I see now her putting me down to people justified why she did not treat me like a mother should, of course it was my fault I was such a bad child . I hate her so much and when she shut me out of my dads death and funeral I decided to go No contact with her. I recommend this to anyone who has a bad mother to just cut and run. She will never change and I will not give her another opportunity to take please in my pain. She made sure I could not even tell my dad goodbye and I will definitely not be there for her funeral. She is like a snake to me, I always knew she would strike and bite when I let my guard down.

If you have had the extreme misfortune to grow up with NPD parent/parents, can I suggest that you read all you can about something called "traumatic bonding". One of the great tragedies is that even after Adult Children of Narcissists (ACONS) escape their personality disordered parents who are Malignant Narcissists, ere is a profound tendency to form relationships with partners and friends who are malignant narcissists, because subconsciously, this feels so familiar..

There are some great websites offering support, information and validation for ACONS

Oh I don't mean I'm 100% ok. I have all sorts of issues. I mean I will actively stop the gene pool by not having any children to pass these genes on to. It worries me that I might have a child with similar problems to my Mother. Not so much for my own sake, but for the sake of the child. How would it cope? What would be the impact of that child's life on others when it grew up? How would it treat its spouse and children? I don't feel like starting the chain all over again.