sluice
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 16, 2007
Posts: 4560
Location: center of universe
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 Posted: Thu May 10, 2012 5:28 pm Post subject: Would you dump someone who got fat? |
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Would you continue dating someone who put on a bunch of weight after you got involved with them?
What about some other change like lost employment, committing a non-violent crime, crippled in
an accident?
Should you feel obligated to still stick with someone if that person dramatically changes from the person you first met? |
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Kurgan
I'm always right
Joined: Apr 07, 2012
Age: 24
Posts: 1681
Location: Norway
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| Posted: Thu May 10, 2012 5:34 pm Post subject: |
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| Depends on where the fat is distributed and how much there is of it. If a girl is slightly chubby, I like it. |
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mushroo
Velociraptor
Joined: Sep 15, 2011
Posts: 492
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| Posted: Thu May 10, 2012 5:40 pm Post subject: |
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To be blunt: If I am not married to someone, I consider myself free to break up with them at any time, for any reason. 
Is there a particular reason you're asking?
Last edited by mushroo on Thu May 10, 2012 5:47 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Homer_Bob
Bazinga!
Joined: Jan 06, 2009
Age: 24
Posts: 1287
Location: New England
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| Posted: Thu May 10, 2012 5:41 pm Post subject: |
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If she gained say, 60 to 100 pounds than yes. A little bit of weight wouldn't hurt but I'd at least want to know the reason why she gained the weight.
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I have to feel sorry for myself. I’m the only one who cares. Just like I’m the only one who’ll have sex with me.
Excuse me. I’m going to go wander the streets alone. Invisible, unwanted and unloved, a pathetic shadow in a city with no heart. -Raj |
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DogsWithoutHorses
mockingbyrd
Joined: Apr 06, 2012
Posts: 1145
Location: New York
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| Posted: Thu May 10, 2012 6:21 pm Post subject: |
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You're never obligated to stay in a relationship if it's not making you happy.
You might get some flak for being shallow if you dump someone for a change in physical appearance but unless you're married (in which case it's a little more complicated and possibly between you and your god) you're entitled to leave.
One exception might be if the physical change is pregnancy related, just because both partners are partially responsible for that.
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If your success is defined as being well adjusted to injustice and well adapted to indifference, then we don’t want successful leaders. We want great leaders- who are unbought, unbound, unafraid, and unintimidated to tell the truth. |
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JanuaryMan
Aspierational
Joined: Jan 02, 2012
Age: 28
Posts: 2542
Location: Hants, UK
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| Posted: Thu May 10, 2012 6:33 pm Post subject: |
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It really depends how it makes you feel. A few lb's, what's the difference, but when it gets too much approach them about it and just say you are concerned for them. If they come up with "would you love me no matter what?" just say you would love them no matter what but you wouldn't find them as attractive. It might not be what they want to hear but it will at least be honest and stop them from taking you for granted. There are other circumstances though that might make weight loss difficult like say if they have had a physical injury or are less mobile, or are going through depression / anxiety. In those cases try and stick things out a bit longer.
There's a golden thing to remember, though - don't expect from your partner what you cannot give in return. If you don't want them to put on weight that means you have to look after yourself, too. From a personal standpoint I don't like going out with someone only to find they get "comfortable" and take me for granted and begin to stop looking after themselves, having less of a buzz about them, and focusing on the relationship only. And because of that I try my best not to do the same.
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"A man is but the product of his thoughts - what he thinks, he becomes." - Mahatma Gandhi |
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lilbetta
Snowy Owl
Joined: Apr 10, 2012
Age: 22
Posts: 153
Location: my own lil world
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| Posted: Thu May 10, 2012 6:42 pm Post subject: |
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| nothing wrong with curves that is great! but like really obese that is different story... looks really dont matter as long as the person is making an effort to take car of themselves... an individual has to have enough love and respect for themsleves to make an effor to be healthy (as long as you are doing that wieght doesnt matter) |
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Bun
Bunnymen
Joined: Jan 09, 2012
Posts: 3250
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| Posted: Thu May 10, 2012 7:18 pm Post subject: |
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| No, because I didn't date or marry them or whatever for their weight. There's got to be something deeper than that in an ongoing relationship between people. |
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mds_02
Skank
Joined: Sep 10, 2011
Posts: 1943
Location: Los Angeles
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| Posted: Thu May 10, 2012 7:50 pm Post subject: |
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It may make you look like a dick but, if you're not happy in your relationship and don't think it can be fixed, then leave.
If your partner gained so much weight that you've lost your attraction, and they won't try to lose it, then leave.
If they lost their job, and won't get a new one, then leave.
If they're crippled in an accident, and taking care of them is leaving you drained and miserable, then leave.
You're doing neither yourself nor your partner any favors by staying in a relationship that makes you unhappy. You may come off as an as*hole, but is it really better to stick around for years and years letting the resentment build and build until one of you snaps and does something far more hurtful than leaving? |
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Ancalagon
Computer Geek
Joined: Dec 26, 2007
Posts: 2388
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| Posted: Thu May 10, 2012 8:04 pm Post subject: |
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| JanuaryMan wrote: | | There's a golden thing to remember, though - don't expect from your partner what you cannot give in return. If you don't want them to put on weight that means you have to look after yourself, too. |
I agree with this, but I'd add one little caveat: what they want and what you want aren't necessarily the same thing. Just because you're giving something that you would want if you were her doesn't mean that she likes it as much as you do.
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JanuaryMan
Aspierational
Joined: Jan 02, 2012
Age: 28
Posts: 2542
Location: Hants, UK
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| Posted: Thu May 10, 2012 8:45 pm Post subject: |
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Fair point, Ancalagon
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"A man is but the product of his thoughts - what he thinks, he becomes." - Mahatma Gandhi |
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CrazyCatLord
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 25, 2011
Posts: 2177
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| Posted: Thu May 10, 2012 9:05 pm Post subject: |
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| While I wouldn't blame people for breaking up with a partner who has become unattractive to them for whatever reason, and think that people in a relationship shouldn't let themselves go, I don't think that I would break up with a long-term partner for this reason. I'm a creature of habit. If I was used to having somebody around, I would value their company too much to leave them. Sexual attraction is important, but not quite as important as companionship. |
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techstepgenr8tion
that chatty American
Joined: Feb 07, 2005
Posts: 14830
Location: A beautiful vector among many
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| Posted: Thu May 10, 2012 9:41 pm Post subject: |
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Hmm....the human organism...
Depends what you want to call fat?
I really have no idea how to answer this as I'm.....phew......(bout to roll out the stinking adjectification on myself - never thought I would) pretty solidly in the 'demisexual' category so because of that it takes a lot to get me interested in someone to begin with; that also means that I don't really know how much more or less leniency their weight range would have on me before I tap out.
At pedestrian level - its a rare girl whose more than 20 pounds overweight and still fills it out well enough to look attractive to me. If I was ever with someone and had to break it off with her because she weight gained too much its not a 'fat people disgust me' thing, its a 'I'd love to keep this relationship going - I love who you are, but when I can't bring myself to f' you anymore and it boils down to once a month - done drunk or badly and the whole relationship starts tumbling straight down hill because you feel like I'm holding out, don't love you, am not interested, etc. etc. - I'm at the top of the hill looking down at that smouldering car wreck with us in it and would rather call a halt before we hate each other'.
Clearly if I'm really into a girl and I feel like she's within 5 or 10 lbs of turning my brainstem off and making sexual contact like pushing two strong positive magnets together - I'm going to do what I can to cook for her, swing her habits, work out with her, not overdo it but really try to say in so many nonverbal ways 'I hate to say it but you're hedging into dangerous territory - I want to bring you back from it, be positive peer pressure, and help you'. She'd have to be willing to go with me on that, if not....we'd be looking at the scenario above - ie. slow downhill progress, her hating me for not banging her, etc. etc.. I don't want to be in that kind of relationship, I don't want to wish it on another person, and I'd clearly rather be with the type of person where if she or I really start going astray in some direction where we're endanger of breaking it that we're both willing to let the other know what's not working or how it needs to be curbed. |
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abacacus
Rock 'N Roll Outlaw
Joined: Apr 16, 2007
Age: 21
Posts: 3315
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| Posted: Thu May 10, 2012 9:58 pm Post subject: |
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| mushroo wrote: | To be blunt: If I am not married to someone, I consider myself free to break up with them at any time, for any reason.
Is there a particular reason you're asking? |
This.
If I don't mind how she looks, I won't. If she becomes unattractive, I will. It's shallow of me, but I refuse to date someone I'm not attracted too.
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hyperlexian
loves the man who typed too much and ran outta spa
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Age: 41
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