Kindertotenlieder79
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Apr 12, 2012
Age: 33
Posts: 175
|
 Posted: Mon May 14, 2012 6:07 pm Post subject: Hyperfocused on what other people think of you? |
 |
|
Does anyone else suffer from this? Ever since my teen years I have been obsessed with what other people think of me, obsessed with their hatred really. It's really scrambled my brain, I wish I was less aware of their disdain! I really didn't intend for that last part to rhyme . . .  |
|
| Back to top |
|
Tamsin
Deinonychus
Joined: Jun 19, 2011
Posts: 308
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow
|
| Posted: Mon May 14, 2012 9:08 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Usually I only care if they are angry or annoyed with me. If they think I'm weird or a geek or something...well I kinda am, so they are only realizing the truth and that doesn't bother me much. |
|
| Back to top |
|
lostgirl1986
There's a party in my head.
Joined: Feb 29, 2012
Age: 26
Posts: 6265
Location: Ontario, Canada
|
| Posted: Mon May 14, 2012 9:10 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Yes, big time. That's where I'm messed up socially, I care too much about what other people think of me, that and not knowing how to interact with people properly. |
|
| Back to top |
|
questor
Hermit
Joined: Apr 24, 2011
Posts: 1983
Location: Twilight Zone
|
| Posted: Mon May 14, 2012 9:11 pm Post subject: Hypersensitive to what others are thinking of one. |
|
|
I used to be like that when I was younger, and it really did bother me. Now that I am older, I know that people do still feel this way about me, but they are not spending every moment of every day thinking about me. People are too busy with their own lives, and their own issues to focus that much on other people. You are not the center of everyone else's universe, so get over it and get on with your life. Even when people do focus on you in a negative way, so what? They won't do so for long, as they will be going back to focusing on their own stuff. Also, who cares what other people think? If they are thinking nice thoughts about you, great! If they are thinking bad thoughts about you, then they are jerks you don't want anything to do with, anyway. If they are not thinking anything in particular about you, at least they are not thinking bad thoughts about you, and who knows, they may start thinking nice things about you at some point in time.
If you are spending that much time and energy focusing on what others are thinking of you, then you need to do stuff to occupy and distract your mind.
- Exercise. It generates mood boosting endorphins.
- Read funny stories and watch funny shows. That also generates endorphins.
- Eat healthy, and enough of it. This will improve your over all health. Not eating enough leads to being tired, cranky, not having enough energy, being depressed, and getting sick. Also, the skeleton look is hideous.
- Get plenty of rest. Not enough rest leads to the same things as not enough food.
- Volunteer. There are people worse off than we are, who would really appreciate the help. Also this is a good way to boost your mood and to meet people.
- Take courses, either in person, or online. Some of the online ones are free, and the in person ones are a good way to meet people. Also, you will have a better self image with academic success.
- Take up a hobby or join a club. It is a good way to keep yourself occupied, and to meet people who share your interests.
- Get a job if you don't have one. It's a good way to keep occupied, meet people, and improve your finances.
- Get involved in community activities. Attend town meetings, local events at the local libraries, sporting events, local fairs and art shows, attend and/or participate in local theater. This is a good way to keep occupied, meet people, and brush up on your social skills.
Now, stop dwelling on what others are thinking about you and get busy!  |
|
| Back to top |
|
cyberdad
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 22, 2011
Age: 45
Posts: 1622
|
| Posted: Mon May 14, 2012 10:15 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Yes I used to spend many hours a day wondering what person x thought of me. I also tended to over react to very minor comments.
If somebody said something that I perceived as insulting, I would stew over it for a few days. Serious bullying at school would often take over my thoughts, wonder how many valuable hours I wasted. |
|
| Back to top |
|
hyperlexian
loves the man who typed too much and ran outta spa
Joined: Jul 22, 2010
Age: 41
Posts: 21969
Location: with bucephalus
|
| Posted: Tue May 15, 2012 12:30 am Post subject: |
|
|
i think i don't care enough, in some ways. i have given up on being able to guess how people will react to me or my actions, because i always get it wrong.
_________________
on a break, so if you need assistance please contact another moderator from this list:
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp5043493.html#5043493 |
|
| Back to top |
|
Joe90
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 24, 2010
Posts: 8239
Location: Great Britain
|
| Posted: Tue May 15, 2012 7:52 am Post subject: |
|
|
I am hyperfocused and hypersensitive to what other's think of me, even if it's good. I can't explain how I feel about it really, it is a very illogical thing what nobody, including me, understands. I'm constantly thinking I'm in the spotlight all the time, that people (whether's it's strangers or not), are thinking about me and what I'm doing, and even if they're doing other things or thinking of other things I still might be in the back of their mind. It's horrible, and I don't know why I think like this for.
_________________
Real gender: Female
From: East UK
Age: 23 |
|
| Back to top |
|
zeldapsychology
Phoenix
Joined: May 05, 2008
Age: 27
Posts: 3200
Location: Florida
|
| Posted: Tue May 15, 2012 10:58 am Post subject: Re: Hypersensitive to what others are thinking of one. |
|
|
| questor wrote: | I used to be like that when I was younger, and it really did bother me. Now that I am older, I know that people do still feel this way about me, but they are not spending every moment of every day thinking about me. People are too busy with their own lives, and their own issues to focus that much on other people. You are not the center of everyone else's universe, so get over it and get on with your life. Even when people do focus on you in a negative way, so what? They won't do so for long, as they will be going back to focusing on their own stuff. Also, who cares what other people think? If they are thinking nice thoughts about you, great! If they are thinking bad thoughts about you, then they are jerks you don't want anything to do with, anyway. If they are not thinking anything in particular about you, at least they are not thinking bad thoughts about you, and who knows, they may start thinking nice things about you at some point in time.
If you are spending that much time and energy focusing on what others are thinking of you, then you need to do stuff to occupy and distract your mind.
- Exercise. It generates mood boosting endorphins.
- Read funny stories and watch funny shows. That also generates endorphins.
- Eat healthy, and enough of it. This will improve your over all health. Not eating enough leads to being tired, cranky, not having enough energy, being depressed, and getting sick. Also, the skeleton look is hideous.
- Get plenty of rest. Not enough rest leads to the same things as not enough food.
- Volunteer. There are people worse off than we are, who would really appreciate the help. Also this is a good way to boost your mood and to meet people.
- Take courses, either in person, or online. Some of the online ones are free, and the in person ones are a good way to meet people. Also, you will have a better self image with academic success.
- Take up a hobby or join a club. It is a good way to keep yourself occupied, and to meet people who share your interests.
- Get a job if you don't have one. It's a good way to keep occupied, meet people, and improve your finances.
- Get involved in community activities. Attend town meetings, local events at the local libraries, sporting events, local fairs and art shows, attend and/or participate in local theater. This is a good way to keep occupied, meet people, and brush up on your social skills.
Now, stop dwelling on what others are thinking about you and get busy! |
All great ideas! That I need to implement into my lifestyle. But I disagree that people forget. Me/mom/dad can get into an argument that day then that evening or even days later OMG! I'm still mad at you Brandy for doing X the other day. So your idea that people have there own lives and forget about you isn't always the case. I DO. IMO the argument was yesterday or a few days ago LET IT GO! It's DONE OVER let it be in the past, But "NO!" OMG! (lets bring up what you did last week Brandy that pissed us off!!!!)
Sad but true. That's just how my family is. I also worry how people think of me since IMO how people think of you is what leads to having friends or not having them or creating a relationship that other person "must" think you are nice etc. and interesting to be around etc. to want to be in a relationship with you so you HAVE to worry for future friendships and relationships.  Just my views. |
|
| Back to top |
|
ChangelingGirl
Brazilian Wandering Spider
Joined: Sep 19, 2007
Age: 26
Posts: 1612
Location: Netherlands
|
| Posted: Tue May 15, 2012 11:18 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Yes, I can relate tot his. However, is it really that you're more aware of their disdain fo ryou, or that you have a negative self-image and project that onto others? I mean, are you sure you know what people think of you, or is it just your gut feeling? |
|
| Back to top |
|
Fiz
The Outspoken
Joined: Jan 30, 2006
Posts: 1920
Location: Manchester, United Kingdom
|
| Posted: Tue May 15, 2012 11:29 am Post subject: |
|
|
I can very much relate to this topic. I have days when I don't really care what others think of me, but then there are days when it has a real impact on me. I naturally want people to like me and worry about whether or not I have caused anyone to feel any differently. If people choose to hate me then I believe them to be quite irrational as I don't think I am that offensive a person. However, I have been told that I can come across as being a bit 'cold' or emotionally detached and so I do try not to come across this way (although I don't always succeed).
_________________
The only person in the world that can truly make you happy is yourself. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14828
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
|
| Posted: Tue May 15, 2012 1:16 pm Post subject: Re: Hypersensitive to what others are thinking of one. |
|
|
| questor wrote: | I used to be like that when I was younger, and it really did bother me. Now that I am older, I know that people do still feel this way about me, but they are not spending every moment of every day thinking about me. People are too busy with their own lives, and their own issues to focus that much on other people. You are not the center of everyone else's universe, so get over it and get on with your life. Even when people do focus on you in a negative way, so what? They won't do so for long, as they will be going back to focusing on their own stuff. Also, who cares what other people think? If they are thinking nice thoughts about you, great! If they are thinking bad thoughts about you, then they are jerks you don't want anything to do with, anyway. If they are not thinking anything in particular about you, at least they are not thinking bad thoughts about you, and who knows, they may start thinking nice things about you at some point in time.
If you are spending that much time and energy focusing on what others are thinking of you, then you need to do stuff to occupy and distract your mind.
- Exercise. It generates mood boosting endorphins.
- Read funny stories and watch funny shows. That also generates endorphins.
- Eat healthy, and enough of it. This will improve your over all health. Not eating enough leads to being tired, cranky, not having enough energy, being depressed, and getting sick. Also, the skeleton look is hideous.
- Get plenty of rest. Not enough rest leads to the same things as not enough food.
- Volunteer. There are people worse off than we are, who would really appreciate the help. Also this is a good way to boost your mood and to meet people.
- Take courses, either in person, or online. Some of the online ones are free, and the in person ones are a good way to meet people. Also, you will have a better self image with academic success.
- Take up a hobby or join a club. It is a good way to keep yourself occupied, and to meet people who share your interests.
- Get a job if you don't have one. It's a good way to keep occupied, meet people, and improve your finances.
- Get involved in community activities. Attend town meetings, local events at the local libraries, sporting events, local fairs and art shows, attend and/or participate in local theater. This is a good way to keep occupied, meet people, and brush up on your social skills.
Now, stop dwelling on what others are thinking about you and get busy! |
Unfortunately that specific advice does not not actually work for all issues one might have to deal with. I mean does it occur to you that maybe those of us who struggle with this would 'get over it and move on.' if we could? I would love to just get over it but it doesn't work and I don't find constantly being told to 'get over it' helps. I can't speak for the OP or anyone else here but yeah I'm sure your trying to help....but sometimes being told to just 'get over it' does a lot more harm than good.
_________________
It's like alice in wonderland except, my names not alice and this is the real world not a dream. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14828
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
|
| Posted: Tue May 15, 2012 1:24 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I get quite worried of what people are thinking.......not really due to wanting to fit in or be more popular in society though. Its like I get worried of people looking down on me or maybe wanting to ridicule me or do worse. I think a lot of it has to do with growing up having to deal with all the bullying. I mean its not so much not wanting to be 'different' its more wanting those differences to be tolerated and not something for people to use to cause me some sort of harm.
I mean even right now I'm going to apply for SSI but I'm all worried about what my family would think, and how they would react and then as a result I end up afraid to bring it up even though I have to eventually...as for one my mom might need to give me a ride to the office to apply and I am sure my grandmothers dying to know what I'm going to do with my life. But yeah this would be easier if I wasn't so worried about how everyone will react.
_________________
It's like alice in wonderland except, my names not alice and this is the real world not a dream. |
|
| Back to top |
|
BuyerBeware
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 29, 2011
Age: 35
Posts: 1038
Location: PA, USA
|
| Posted: Tue May 15, 2012 1:53 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Oh, yeah. I obsess about it. I have obsessed about it to the point of agoraphobia before.
I didn't used to do that. It's a new thing, a result of being kicked and judged.
Which was a result of being an Aspie and deciding that it served me better to not really care what people think.
So, my protective mechanism is killing me.   Isn't that nice????
_________________
I'm tired. I do not have sufficient strength remaining to persevere in the face of adversity. I accept myself as broken and conformity/compliance as the only acceptable existence. I give up.
What's on TV tonight?? |
|
| Back to top |
|
Blownmind
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 19, 2012
Age: 33
Posts: 823
Location: Norway
|
| Posted: Tue May 15, 2012 2:13 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I'm hyperfocused, yes, but not hypersensitiv. I think alot about what others may think of me (my clothes, my hair, my facialexpressions, my sentences, even my groceries when I'm at the store). I know my weakness is "theory of mind" or the lack there of (what I think people think, are less likely to be accurate), but I still obsess about it. I know people usually have enough to think about, and couldn't care less about analyzing me, but that logic doesn't help, I still think about it.
I am working on it, trying to change my negative thought patterns. Brain plasticity in adults is a fact. Old dogs can learn new tricks. ...it just takes abit longer than for pups.
_________________
AQ: 42/50 || SQ: 32/80 || IQ(RPM): 138 || IRI-empathytest(PT/EC/FS/PD): 10(-7)/16(-3)/19(+3)/19(+10) || Alexithymia: 148/185 || Aspie-quiz: AS 133/200, NT 56/200 |
|
| Back to top |
|
tthporter
Emu Egg
Joined: May 15, 2012
Age: 27
Posts: 7
Location: Midwest - USA
|
| Posted: Tue May 15, 2012 2:19 pm Post subject: very much so. |
|
|
It's a hard thing to deal with for me.
I feel very similar to how some of you do(Joe90, cyberdad, and Sweetleaf especially)
Part of my mind says "It's foolish to think that way, others opinions don't matter that much and shouldn't effect your daily life." While another part of my mind says " other people's opinions do matter and you should take care to be the best person you can be, especially in front of people"
In public I constantly feel like everyone is staring daggers into me (even though I know they arent), I also constantly feel like im being judged by strangers and non-strangers alike, and that im being looked down on.
Alot of times in either public places or social situations with people I hardly know I tend to want to flee and feel like a huge knot has formed in my stomach. And desperately need to separate or isolate myself from my situation
_________________
Aspie score 150/200
NT score 53/200
Not diagnosed and I feel like it holds me back, im terrified of social situations with strangers. Afraid to seek help. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
