Ldub20Owl316
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Mar 19, 2012
Posts: 55
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 Posted: Sat May 19, 2012 8:15 am Post subject: I wish somebody's free will compelled her to love me |
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I've had with living without a girlfriend and would like to eliminate whatever keeps me from having one. Nobody is knocking at my door at match.com or pof.com, nor are many people responding. What can I do? Make another girl love me? Oh, that's right, I can't, because of their free will. So if free will will always keep me from having a GF, my suicide thoughts will remain. This song perfectly describes my situation:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ynqzdTBDXf8 |
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JanuaryMan
Aspierational
Joined: Jan 02, 2012
Age: 28
Posts: 2608
Location: Hants, UK
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| Posted: Sat May 19, 2012 8:20 am Post subject: |
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But if you die, how will you get a girlfriend? 
Sometimes, you gotta knock their door first. It can be nervewracking but message girls you like about stuff they like, and statistically speaking after so much time at least one's gonna like you back 
_________________
"A man is but the product of his thoughts - what he thinks, he becomes." - Mahatma Gandhi |
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Ldub20Owl316
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Mar 19, 2012
Posts: 55
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| Posted: Sat May 19, 2012 8:44 am Post subject: |
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| JanuaryMan wrote: | But if you die, how will you get a girlfriend?
Sometimes, you gotta knock their door first. It can be nervewracking but message girls you like about stuff they like, and statistically speaking after so much time at least one's gonna like you back |
I know but there is no guarantee that I'll find a GF. Do I need to message thousands of single ones to have success? There is one that's got so much in common with me but she seems to be unavailable. I wish I could show her (if she is single or were to become single) that I'd make a great BF or at least that we've got much in common.
And by the way, JanuaryMan, you are a good-looking guy (not saying that in a gay way because a 2 on the Kinsey Scale is as high as I go) so if a girl considered the way you look, you should've had some success and GFs in the past and are bound to have them later on. |
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JanuaryMan
Aspierational
Joined: Jan 02, 2012
Age: 28
Posts: 2608
Location: Hants, UK
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| Posted: Sat May 19, 2012 8:57 am Post subject: |
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Well, looks aren't everything. I talk professionally a lot and it can be really draining for me to pretend to be casual. It puts off a lot of women. Having said that, I've been speaking to a girl this week who brings out my casual side, and we exchanged numbers at the pub  hooray lol
About finding a girl on these sites. Don't want to sound cliché but in life there's no guarantees. You got nothing to lose in messaging them. Might be the next one you talk to might be the 1000th. I personally don't pin my hope on dating sites because they don't work for my type of personality (and by the sound of things many other aspies as well).
_________________
"A man is but the product of his thoughts - what he thinks, he becomes." - Mahatma Gandhi |
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ZX_SpectrumDisorder
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 25, 2012
Posts: 1608
Location: Ireland
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| Posted: Sat May 19, 2012 9:01 am Post subject: |
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| LDub, don't waste your time using dating sites. Get out there, volunteer, join groups, take classes... basically do anything where you can meet people and get to know them over time. |
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JanuaryMan
Aspierational
Joined: Jan 02, 2012
Age: 28
Posts: 2608
Location: Hants, UK
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| Posted: Sat May 19, 2012 9:10 am Post subject: |
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| ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote: | | LDub, don't waste your time using dating sites. Get out there, volunteer, join groups, take classes... basically do anything where you can meet people and get to know them over time. |
This. This. This.
_________________
"A man is but the product of his thoughts - what he thinks, he becomes." - Mahatma Gandhi |
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Ldub20Owl316
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Mar 19, 2012
Posts: 55
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| Posted: Sat May 19, 2012 9:32 am Post subject: |
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| JanuaryMan wrote: | | ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote: | | LDub, don't waste your time using dating sites. Get out there, volunteer, join groups, take classes... basically do anything where you can meet people and get to know them over time. |
This. This. This. |
I love this advice, but there are also dangers involving this advice. It may be just as hard for me to meet single girls doing those things as it is on my campus. I hate not knowing if a girl is single and willing to date me.
Dating sites have worked with some people, including those who seemed very unlikely to have partners (like a bed-ridden girl that I've known for a long time), but how have they not worked for you, JanuaryMan and ZX_SpectrumDisorder? |
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ZX_SpectrumDisorder
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 25, 2012
Posts: 1608
Location: Ireland
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| Posted: Sat May 19, 2012 9:41 am Post subject: |
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I can't really account for how they work or don't work for other people, I'm just not of the opinon that waiting for things to happen is the best approach. If you need milk for your coffee you go get it, this applies to pretty much everything. I have used Plenty of Fish and on my first time using it I messaged one girl, she replied and we saw each other for 6 months. I haven't messaged anyone since.
I do get messages and I get girls using that 'meet me' feature, I also found out I have been favourited twice, I check when I get an email, but I haven't seen anyone I like the look of or with an interesting profile and I haven't messaged anyone since the last girl.
Last edited by ZX_SpectrumDisorder on Sat May 19, 2012 9:46 am; edited 3 times in total |
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Ldub20Owl316
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Mar 19, 2012
Posts: 55
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| Posted: Sat May 19, 2012 9:44 am Post subject: |
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| ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote: | | I can't really account for how they work or don't work for other people, I'm just not of the opinon that waiting for things to happen is the best approach. If you need milk for your coffee you go get it, this applies to pretty much everything. |
Thing is, that might be the only thing you can do. I mean, you can't make a girl (one you like) fall out of love with the guy she's dating or make her love you, can you? |
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ZX_SpectrumDisorder
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 25, 2012
Posts: 1608
Location: Ireland
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| Posted: Sat May 19, 2012 9:46 am Post subject: |
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| Sorry, I was probably editing while you were reading. |
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ZX_SpectrumDisorder
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 25, 2012
Posts: 1608
Location: Ireland
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| Posted: Sat May 19, 2012 9:49 am Post subject: |
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You're perfectly free to ask questions, just best not to be interrogation-like about it. There's lots of bullshit in chit chat. I'm not a Peter Kay fan, but he does point out certain idiocies in life that we all fall into. Like getting into a cab and asking the driver if he's been busy and what time he's working until. It's the same for everyone. When I meet girls in everyday life I just ask questions like 'Going out this weekend?' which then leaves things open to ask more, so if for instance she answers yes to the previous question, then you can say something like 'So you're out with your fella, then?' and you'll either get 'No I'm not seeing anyone', or 'No, he's away with his friends'. Leave everything open, don't just jump in with straight questions.
Last edited by ZX_SpectrumDisorder on Sat May 19, 2012 1:44 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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aarpar
Blue Jay
Joined: May 16, 2012
Posts: 86
Location: Winnipeg Manitoba
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| Posted: Sat May 19, 2012 10:44 am Post subject: |
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| ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote: | | You're perfectly free to ask questions, just best not to be interrogation-like about it. There's lot sof bullshit in chit chat. I'm not a Peter Kay fan, but he does point out certain idiocies in life that we all fall into. Like getting into a cab and asking the driver if he's been busy and what time he's working until. It's the same for everyone. When I meet girls in everyday life I just ask questions like 'Going out this weekend?' which then leaves things open to ask more, so if for instance she answers yes to the previous question, then you can say something like 'So you're out with your fella, then?' and you'll either get 'No I'm not seeing anyone', or 'No, he's away with his friends'. Leave everything open, don't just jump in with straight questions. |
Great advice, and I had a good laugh with the Peter Kay reference. Great job! When I was single, I'd talk to a girl and ask her little questions here and there. If she really likes to talk about herself and you listen, you've got an open window. Just lean in slightly (not too much, that looks creepy) toward her to show her that you want to know what she's about. Insert a few facts about yourself here and there (which pertain to the conversation of her interest).
Soon enough, if a girl likes you is if she asks questions to see you again, most likely, she wants to be your girl.
As for chat room advice, my girlfriend and I met at a private party I did a music performance in. We didn't really talk too much (and I thought she was so pretty and had a boyfriend already). Since we were both artists, I just added her on Facebook for networking purposes. Then we just started messaging back and forth, and then she started chasing me. For chat rooms, it's okay as long as you met the person you're chatting with in person first. Sometimes women are like onions. You have to peel the trust layers layer by layer (just don't have an agenda when doing it and be patient. This is a complex process. And by layers I do not mean clothing). She has to feel comfortable being with you. Women are turned on by emotions, not by looks or comeback lines.
I would suggest looking into researching methods of becoming an approachable person to attract women with your personality and not so much about what to say or how to dress (even though you will need to get a few basics down in that department as well to at least let women be around you). And even after saying this, I will echo the fact that if you want something, you have to hunt to get it.
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Thanks for reading,
A-Ron
http://www.youtube.com/user/thataaronguy204
Last edited by aarpar on Sat May 19, 2012 5:20 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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SluvsK
Raven
Joined: May 17, 2012
Posts: 107
Location: USA
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| Posted: Sat May 19, 2012 11:55 am Post subject: |
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((hugs)) Hang in there.
Last edited by SluvsK on Wed May 23, 2012 6:17 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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BlueMax
Phoenix
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Joined: Aug 28, 2007
Age: 39
Posts: 5284
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| Posted: Sat May 19, 2012 1:16 pm Post subject: |
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| ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote: | | LDub, don't waste your time using dating sites. Get out there, volunteer, join groups, take classes... basically do anything where you can meet people and get to know them over time. |
Definitely this... the "over time" portion is the critical factor. Little conversations over days/weeks/months are how you get to know people and vice-versa. If you find someone friend-worthy, you have someone date-worthy!  |
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rabbittss
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 30, 2011
Posts: 1348
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| Posted: Sat May 19, 2012 2:34 pm Post subject: |
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| BlueMax wrote: | | ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote: | | LDub, don't waste your time using dating sites. Get out there, volunteer, join groups, take classes... basically do anything where you can meet people and get to know them over time. |
Definitely this... the "over time" portion is the critical factor. Little conversations over days/weeks/months are how you get to know people and vice-versa. If you find someone friend-worthy, you have someone date-worthy! |
Yeah, but in the process of that days/weeks/months you some how got put into her "Friends only" column. Then you've wasted your time, and have another female friend for your eventual girlfriend to get jealous of. |
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