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SpiritBlooms
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Joined: Nov 15, 2009
Posts: 1024
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 Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2012 4:47 pm Post subject: |
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| androbot2084 wrote: | | But what if it is the boss that is picking on you? |
Then you might have to look for another job. But first I'd sit down with the boss, calmly ask what it is you can do to improve his impression of your performance, because you get the feeling he has a problem with it. Make it about your work, not you. (Because frankly he shouldn't make things personally about you. His job is to facilitate your work, not judge your personality. But you can't tell him that, it will just make him angry if he really is being a jerk.)
I suggest this because maybe they're not aware they're treating you badly, but something you're doing that you're not even aware of is bothering them. Getting them to articulate it gives you a chance to improve or if it's something about you personally, to defend yourself or just let them know that's part of who you are and you weren't aware it would be a problem in this job, etc.
Some bosses are jerks. People get promoted all the time to supervisory positions they really can't handle. The task of a supervisor is to facilitate the job getting done, not to be a little dictator or tyrant. (This is especially unfortunate when the tyrant is the business owner.) If you have a boss that's a jerk, there's not much you can do but look for another job, unless he's doing something actionable that you can go to his superiors or file a grievance about - but that still will not really improve your situation. (I know, I've tried.) If you can manage to live with it, fine. But sometimes you just have to look for another situation.
I wouldn't up and quit unless it really is intolerable. But I'd start seriously looking for another job and when I find one give notice. |
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androbot2084
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Joined: Mar 24, 2011
Posts: 3076
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| Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2012 6:08 pm Post subject: |
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| My boss considers me a borderline retard because I am a slow learner. While this is true my learning is less superficial. That means in actuality my boss is the one who is a borderline retard retard. All of my bosses will never realize this and will continue to persecute and fire autistics without mercy thinking they are doing the company a favor by saving the company money. |
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SpiritBlooms
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Joined: Nov 15, 2009
Posts: 1024
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| Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2012 6:30 pm Post subject: |
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| androbot2084 wrote: | | My boss considers me a borderline retard because I am a slow learner. While this is true my learning is less superficial. That means in actuality my boss is the one who is a borderline retard retard. All of my bosses will never realize this and will continue to persecute and fire autistics without mercy thinking they are doing the company a favor by saving the company money. |
How do you know your boss thinks of you that way? Have they said as much? Or is that your interpretation of something else they've done or said? |
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androbot2084
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Joined: Mar 24, 2011
Posts: 3076
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| Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2012 7:57 pm Post subject: |
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| My coworkers say that I am mentally ill and my boss gave me a bad performance evaluation. |
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SpiritBlooms
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 15, 2009
Posts: 1024
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| Posted: Wed Jun 13, 2012 12:02 pm Post subject: |
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All I can suggest is what I did before, but you know your boss better than I. A bad performance evaluation can mean almost anything, from the boss picking on you to actual poor performance, to poor communication (by the boss or you). I don't know your situation, but maybe talking to the boss about the evaluation and what you can do to improve it in the future would be a good place to start. I hope it works out. |
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Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14828
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
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| Posted: Wed Jun 13, 2012 12:07 pm Post subject: |
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| SpiritBlooms wrote: | | androbot2084 wrote: | | But what if it is the boss that is picking on you? |
Then you might have to look for another job. But first I'd sit down with the boss, calmly ask what it is you can do to improve his impression of your performance, because you get the feeling he has a problem with it. Make it about your work, not you. (Because frankly he shouldn't make things personally about you. His job is to facilitate your work, not judge your personality. But you can't tell him that, it will just make him angry if he really is being a jerk.)
I suggest this because maybe they're not aware they're treating you badly, but something you're doing that you're not even aware of is bothering them. Getting them to articulate it gives you a chance to improve or if it's something about you personally, to defend yourself or just let them know that's part of who you are and you weren't aware it would be a problem in this job, etc.
Some bosses are jerks. People get promoted all the time to supervisory positions they really can't handle. The task of a supervisor is to facilitate the job getting done, not to be a little dictator or tyrant. (This is especially unfortunate when the tyrant is the business owner.) If you have a boss that's a jerk, there's not much you can do but look for another job, unless he's doing something actionable that you can go to his superiors or file a grievance about - but that still will not really improve your situation. (I know, I've tried.) If you can manage to live with it, fine. But sometimes you just have to look for another situation.
I wouldn't up and quit unless it really is intolerable. But I'd start seriously looking for another job and when I find one give notice. |
I don't know if I was actually being bullied I don't think I would degrade myself by asking the bully(employer or not) what I can do to change their impression of me so they wont treat me as badly. I'd certainly be more inclined to walk out then be ridiculed and degraded any further
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Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14828
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
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| Posted: Wed Jun 13, 2012 12:11 pm Post subject: |
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| androbot2084 wrote: | | My boss considers me a borderline retard because I am a slow learner. While this is true my learning is less superficial. That means in actuality my boss is the one who is a borderline retard retard. All of my bosses will never realize this and will continue to persecute and fire autistics without mercy thinking they are doing the company a favor by saving the company money. |
Maybe he doesn't like your holier than thou attitude towards anyone without autism...I mean with that much hate stuck inside you, it must come out somehow maybe rudeness or something like that.
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SpiritBlooms
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Joined: Nov 15, 2009
Posts: 1024
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| Posted: Wed Jun 13, 2012 12:11 pm Post subject: |
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| Sweetleaf wrote: | | SpiritBlooms wrote: | | androbot2084 wrote: | | But what if it is the boss that is picking on you? |
Then you might have to look for another job. But first I'd sit down with the boss, calmly ask what it is you can do to improve his impression of your performance, because you get the feeling he has a problem with it. Make it about your work, not you. (Because frankly he shouldn't make things personally about you. His job is to facilitate your work, not judge your personality. But you can't tell him that, it will just make him angry if he really is being a jerk.)
I suggest this because maybe they're not aware they're treating you badly, but something you're doing that you're not even aware of is bothering them. Getting them to articulate it gives you a chance to improve or if it's something about you personally, to defend yourself or just let them know that's part of who you are and you weren't aware it would be a problem in this job, etc.
Some bosses are jerks. People get promoted all the time to supervisory positions they really can't handle. The task of a supervisor is to facilitate the job getting done, not to be a little dictator or tyrant. (This is especially unfortunate when the tyrant is the business owner.) If you have a boss that's a jerk, there's not much you can do but look for another job, unless he's doing something actionable that you can go to his superiors or file a grievance about - but that still will not really improve your situation. (I know, I've tried.) If you can manage to live with it, fine. But sometimes you just have to look for another situation.
I wouldn't up and quit unless it really is intolerable. But I'd start seriously looking for another job and when I find one give notice. |
I don't know if I was actually being bullied I don't think I would degrade myself by asking the bully(employer or not) what I can do to change their impression of me so they wont treat me as badly. I'd certainly be more inclined to walk out then be ridiculed and degraded any further |
You misunderstood what I said. I only suggested that with the boss, and not how to improve their impression of the person, but of their performance. Again it's only a suggestion, because I have no idea what's going on in that person's situation. They have to decide for themselves based on what they know about what's going on. |
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Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14828
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
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| Posted: Wed Jun 13, 2012 12:14 pm Post subject: |
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| SpiritBlooms wrote: | | Sweetleaf wrote: | | SpiritBlooms wrote: | | androbot2084 wrote: | | But what if it is the boss that is picking on you? |
Then you might have to look for another job. But first I'd sit down with the boss, calmly ask what it is you can do to improve his impression of your performance, because you get the feeling he has a problem with it. Make it about your work, not you. (Because frankly he shouldn't make things personally about you. His job is to facilitate your work, not judge your personality. But you can't tell him that, it will just make him angry if he really is being a jerk.)
I suggest this because maybe they're not aware they're treating you badly, but something you're doing that you're not even aware of is bothering them. Getting them to articulate it gives you a chance to improve or if it's something about you personally, to defend yourself or just let them know that's part of who you are and you weren't aware it would be a problem in this job, etc.
Some bosses are jerks. People get promoted all the time to supervisory positions they really can't handle. The task of a supervisor is to facilitate the job getting done, not to be a little dictator or tyrant. (This is especially unfortunate when the tyrant is the business owner.) If you have a boss that's a jerk, there's not much you can do but look for another job, unless he's doing something actionable that you can go to his superiors or file a grievance about - but that still will not really improve your situation. (I know, I've tried.) If you can manage to live with it, fine. But sometimes you just have to look for another situation.
I wouldn't up and quit unless it really is intolerable. But I'd start seriously looking for another job and when I find one give notice. |
I don't know if I was actually being bullied I don't think I would degrade myself by asking the bully(employer or not) what I can do to change their impression of me so they wont treat me as badly. I'd certainly be more inclined to walk out then be ridiculed and degraded any further |
You misunderstood what I said. I only suggested that with the boss, and not how to improve their impression of the person, but of their performance. |
I got that but if the boss is the bully, then yeah I would walk out....asking them what I could do to improve their impression of my performance would do no good in that situation as they would find a way to humilate me most likely. But that is if the boss is a bully otherwise it is a good idea to try and communicate if there is a problem or some sort of misunderstanding.
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It's like alice in wonderland except, my names not alice and this is the real world not a dream. |
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SpiritBlooms
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 15, 2009
Posts: 1024
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| Posted: Wed Jun 13, 2012 12:19 pm Post subject: |
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| Sweetleaf wrote: | | SpiritBlooms wrote: | | Sweetleaf wrote: | | SpiritBlooms wrote: | | androbot2084 wrote: | | But what if it is the boss that is picking on you? |
Then you might have to look for another job. But first I'd sit down with the boss, calmly ask what it is you can do to improve his impression of your performance, because you get the feeling he has a problem with it. Make it about your work, not you. (Because frankly he shouldn't make things personally about you. His job is to facilitate your work, not judge your personality. But you can't tell him that, it will just make him angry if he really is being a jerk.)
I suggest this because maybe they're not aware they're treating you badly, but something you're doing that you're not even aware of is bothering them. Getting them to articulate it gives you a chance to improve or if it's something about you personally, to defend yourself or just let them know that's part of who you are and you weren't aware it would be a problem in this job, etc.
Some bosses are jerks. People get promoted all the time to supervisory positions they really can't handle. The task of a supervisor is to facilitate the job getting done, not to be a little dictator or tyrant. (This is especially unfortunate when the tyrant is the business owner.) If you have a boss that's a jerk, there's not much you can do but look for another job, unless he's doing something actionable that you can go to his superiors or file a grievance about - but that still will not really improve your situation. (I know, I've tried.) If you can manage to live with it, fine. But sometimes you just have to look for another situation.
I wouldn't up and quit unless it really is intolerable. But I'd start seriously looking for another job and when I find one give notice. |
I don't know if I was actually being bullied I don't think I would degrade myself by asking the bully(employer or not) what I can do to change their impression of me so they wont treat me as badly. I'd certainly be more inclined to walk out then be ridiculed and degraded any further |
You misunderstood what I said. I only suggested that with the boss, and not how to improve their impression of the person, but of their performance. |
I got that but if the boss is the bully, then yeah I would walk out....asking them what I could do to improve their impression of my performance would do no good in that situation as they would find a way to humilate me most likely. But that is if the boss is a bully otherwise it is a good idea to try and communicate if there is a problem or some sort of misunderstanding. |
From what the poster said, the "picking on" was a bad performance eval, and if that's all it was, then it's worth a discussion, IMO. |
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Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14828
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
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| Posted: Wed Jun 13, 2012 12:22 pm Post subject: |
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| SpiritBlooms wrote: | | Sweetleaf wrote: |
I got that but if the boss is the bully, then yeah I would walk out....asking them what I could do to improve their impression of my performance would do no good in that situation as they would find a way to humilate me most likely. But that is if the boss is a bully otherwise it is a good idea to try and communicate if there is a problem or some sort of misunderstanding. |
From what the poster said, the "picking on" was a bad performance eval, and if that's all it was, then it's worth a discussion, IMO. |
True, I admit I didn't follow it that far back.......but I just feel strongly about not sucking up to bullies even if they are your employer. But yeah something like a bad performance eval is not bullying unless they go out of their way to ridicule or insult you or something.
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It's like alice in wonderland except, my names not alice and this is the real world not a dream. |
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SpiritBlooms
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 15, 2009
Posts: 1024
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| Posted: Wed Jun 13, 2012 2:57 pm Post subject: |
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| Sweetleaf wrote: | | SpiritBlooms wrote: | | Sweetleaf wrote: |
I got that but if the boss is the bully, then yeah I would walk out....asking them what I could do to improve their impression of my performance would do no good in that situation as they would find a way to humilate me most likely. But that is if the boss is a bully otherwise it is a good idea to try and communicate if there is a problem or some sort of misunderstanding. |
From what the poster said, the "picking on" was a bad performance eval, and if that's all it was, then it's worth a discussion, IMO. |
True, I admit I didn't follow it that far back.......but I just feel strongly about not sucking up to bullies even if they are your employer. But yeah something like a bad performance eval is not bullying unless they go out of their way to ridicule or insult you or something. |
I agree with you about not sucking up, but talking to the boss shouldn't be seen as sucking up and doesn't need to be done with an attitude of submissiveness - nor with one of defensiveness. Just talk to them. Ask why.
It's possible they already explained why, but for myself I don't take criticism well all the time, so in the instance of the evaluation I might have been too upset to understand what was said. Once I've calmed down about it I might need the boss to repeat or clarify why I got the bad mark. Maybe it's something I can change, maybe not. But I'd want to ensure I understand what it is before I decide whether I can stay and work things out or need to look for another job.
Communication is the key, not sucking up, not being defensive. Just talking. This isn't high school, where once a grade is given that's it and you move on to the next class. Doing a job requires communication. Maybe the boss isn't doing their part. But at least do your part. Communicate, make sure you understand. Then decide what to do about it. Stay and work things out or look for another job. But without communication, few jobs are likely to work out well. Assuming the boss is just being mean, without bothering to find out what the problem really is, well that's a problem you can take with you to a lot of jobs and wind up not happy or well employed for a long time. |
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Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14828
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
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| Posted: Wed Jun 13, 2012 3:18 pm Post subject: |
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| SpiritBlooms wrote: | | Sweetleaf wrote: | | SpiritBlooms wrote: | | Sweetleaf wrote: |
I got that but if the boss is the bully, then yeah I would walk out....asking them what I could do to improve their impression of my performance would do no good in that situation as they would find a way to humilate me most likely. But that is if the boss is a bully otherwise it is a good idea to try and communicate if there is a problem or some sort of misunderstanding. |
From what the poster said, the "picking on" was a bad performance eval, and if that's all it was, then it's worth a discussion, IMO. |
True, I admit I didn't follow it that far back.......but I just feel strongly about not sucking up to bullies even if they are your employer. But yeah something like a bad performance eval is not bullying unless they go out of their way to ridicule or insult you or something. |
I agree with you about not sucking up, but talking to the boss shouldn't be seen as sucking up and doesn't need to be done with an attitude of submissiveness - nor with one of defensiveness. Just talk to them. Ask why.
Maybe its just why even give them more of an oppurtunity to continue the bullying? I mean its hard enough for me to keep my cool if I am just thinking someone has a problem with me let alone trying to talk to them without getting defensive or agressive if they do any obvious bullying that sets me off. I mean I guess I am thinking if the boss is indeed a bully trying to reason with them probably wont work...like trying to convince a serial murderer not to murder you by talking your way out of it.......wouldn't work because you're already the prey.
It's possible they already explained why, but for myself I don't take criticism well all the time, so in the instance of the evaluation I might have been too upset to understand what was said. Once I've calmed down about it I might need the boss to repeat or clarify why I got the bad mark. Maybe it's something I can change, maybe not. But I'd want to ensure I understand what it is before I decide whether I can stay and work things out or need to look for another job.
Well if they are a generally decent person then they may be willing to repeat things once you've calmed down and try to be understanding to some extent. If they are a bully I'd imagine they would see it as an oppurtunity to kick you while you're down.
Communication is the key, not sucking up, not being defensive. Just talking. This isn't high school, where once a grade is given that's it and you move on to the next class. Doing a job requires communication. Maybe the boss isn't doing their part. But at least do your part. Communicate, make sure you understand. Then decide what to do about it. Stay and work things out or look for another job. But without communication, few jobs are likely to work out well. Assuming the boss is just being mean, without bothering to find out what the problem really is, well that's a problem you can take with you to a lot of jobs and wind up not happy or well employed for a long time. |
Well I do agree, just not when it comes to bullies...people like that like to cause me pain, so I think for me the best thing is to get away from them if they start rather then trying to talk to them about it. I mean I know if I was being bullied there is no way I could not be defensive. I am not really talking about assuming the boss is mean I am talking about if they where bullying me I am not going to stick around to give them further oppurtunity to continue I would be lucky if I could pull off walking out calmly, or I might have an anxiety attack and rush out in a panic and it only gets worse from there.
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SpiritBlooms
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Joined: Nov 15, 2009
Posts: 1024
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| Posted: Wed Jun 13, 2012 3:52 pm Post subject: |
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| Sweetleaf wrote: | | SpiritBlooms wrote: | | Sweetleaf wrote: | | SpiritBlooms wrote: | | Sweetleaf wrote: |
I got that but if the boss is the bully, then yeah I would walk out....asking them what I could do to improve their impression of my performance would do no good in that situation as they would find a way to humilate me most likely. But that is if the boss is a bully otherwise it is a good idea to try and communicate if there is a problem or some sort of misunderstanding. |
From what the poster said, the "picking on" was a bad performance eval, and if that's all it was, then it's worth a discussion, IMO. |
True, I admit I didn't follow it that far back.......but I just feel strongly about not sucking up to bullies even if they are your employer. But yeah something like a bad performance eval is not bullying unless they go out of their way to ridicule or insult you or something. |
I agree with you about not sucking up, but talking to the boss shouldn't be seen as sucking up and doesn't need to be done with an attitude of submissiveness - nor with one of defensiveness. Just talk to them. Ask why.
Maybe its just why even give them more of an oppurtunity to continue the bullying? I mean its hard enough for me to keep my cool if I am just thinking someone has a problem with me let alone trying to talk to them without getting defensive or agressive if they do any obvious bullying that sets me off. I mean I guess I am thinking if the boss is indeed a bully trying to reason with them probably wont work...like trying to convince a serial murderer not to murder you by talking your way out of it.......wouldn't work because you're already the prey.
It's possible they already explained why, but for myself I don't take criticism well all the time, so in the instance of the evaluation I might have been too upset to understand what was said. Once I've calmed down about it I might need the boss to repeat or clarify why I got the bad mark. Maybe it's something I can change, maybe not. But I'd want to ensure I understand what it is before I decide whether I can stay and work things out or need to look for another job.
Well if they are a generally decent person then they may be willing to repeat things once you've calmed down and try to be understanding to some extent. If they are a bully I'd imagine they would see it as an oppurtunity to kick you while you're down.
Communication is the key, not sucking up, not being defensive. Just talking. This isn't high school, where once a grade is given that's it and you move on to the next class. Doing a job requires communication. Maybe the boss isn't doing their part. But at least do your part. Communicate, make sure you understand. Then decide what to do about it. Stay and work things out or look for another job. But without communication, few jobs are likely to work out well. Assuming the boss is just being mean, without bothering to find out what the problem really is, well that's a problem you can take with you to a lot of jobs and wind up not happy or well employed for a long time. |
Well I do agree, just not when it comes to bullies...people like that like to cause me pain, so I think for me the best thing is to get away from them if they start rather then trying to talk to them about it. I mean I know if I was being bullied there is no way I could not be defensive. I am not really talking about assuming the boss is mean I am talking about if they where bullying me I am not going to stick around to give them further oppurtunity to continue I would be lucky if I could pull off walking out calmly, or I might have an anxiety attack and rush out in a panic and it only gets worse from there. |
I absolutely agree with everything you've said. I hope though that before or after anyone leaves a job due to bullying they make a point of letting others know why. If the boss is the bully, let his boss know. If coworkers are bullying, let the boss know. It needs to be dealt with by someone at some level, if possible. I would hate, if I were an employer, to learn that I'd lost good workers because some moron was bullying them. I'd much rather lose the bully. |
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Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14828
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
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| Posted: Wed Jun 13, 2012 3:56 pm Post subject: |
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| SpiritBlooms wrote: |
I absolutely agree with everything you've said. I hope though that before or after anyone leaves a job due to bullying they make a point of letting others know why. If the boss is the bully, let his boss know. If coworkers are bullying, let the boss know. It needs to be dealt with by someone at some level, if possible. I would hate, if I were an employers, to learn that I'd lost good workers because some moron was bullying them. I'd much rather lose the bully. |
Well yeah it probably would be a good idea to make a point of letting others know, but in reality I know its more likely I would get very anxious and leave without saying much to anyone unless they ask what's wrong but I doubt they would care that much that I am walking out...I mean I am a slow worker who can't really keep up with most jobs anyways.
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