Nonperson
Unbeatable Pterodactyl
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Joined: Jun 13, 2012
Posts: 1057
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 Posted: Wed Jun 13, 2012 7:11 pm Post subject: Fired for "lack of personality" |
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Hello, I'm new here: I've been reading these forums for a while, but this latest incident prompted me to finally join. It's one in a long string of similar incidents at pretty much every job I've had. I got an email from my boss today saying that coworkers "...have commented on your lack of affect- (personality)... “She is just very quiet, and does not talk to anyone. Even when she is spoken to, she doesn't respond.” and not to come back. Now, I try to be polite and I know ignoring someone is not, so I do respond, at least to nod or say "uh huh", or whatever, when people speak to me..
Now, the problem was not a failure to do the work correctly, just the fact that my coworkers disliked me, and this is what's happened at most of the jobs I've had (I would say all, but a couple times I saw the writing on the wall and quit before being fired): after a couple of months, my coworkers decide I'm the scum of the earth and either sabotage my work or badmouth me or both, and I get fired. I'm ready to give up now, and I'm extremely depressed and feel like simply stopping eating, since although I have a spouse who can support me I don't feel like I deserve to eat if I can't support myself. Just absolutely despairing now, since there is no way in hell I'm ever going to magically develop whatever these people consider to be a "personality" if I don't have one after my fairly interesting 33 years on this planet. I give up on life. I only wish I could have a job that didn't require social interaction, but there doesn't seem to be such a thing because although there's plenty of *work* that doesn't require it, society has decided that people who are bad at it don't deserve a chance to earn a living.  |
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thewhitrbbit
Phoenix
Joined: May 31, 2012
Age: 27
Posts: 2166
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| Posted: Wed Jun 13, 2012 7:22 pm Post subject: |
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I am really sorry to hear that.
I think that it is a bit of a stretch to fire someone for not being overly social. It sounds like your doing your job, and not toxic or anything.
I think out of every tragedy comes some good. I noticed you said you would respond to some people with just a nod or an uh-uh. Some NT's can interpret that as rude. |
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Nonperson
Unbeatable Pterodactyl
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Joined: Jun 13, 2012
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| Posted: Wed Jun 13, 2012 7:27 pm Post subject: |
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I'm not talking about a sarcastic "uh huh", I mean someone is giving me instructions, finishes part of them, pauses and looks at me, so I not and say "mm hmm". You know, acknowledging that I heard and understood or whatever.
But frankly, I don't care what they think is rude anymore. They want me dead. I will do them the courtesy of dying somewhere where my rotting corpse won't stink up their living space. I consider that pretty nice. |
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thewhitrbbit
Phoenix
Joined: May 31, 2012
Age: 27
Posts: 2166
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| Posted: Wed Jun 13, 2012 7:34 pm Post subject: |
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I doubt they want you dead.
I find phrases like "No problem" work great.
"Will do" "When would you like that by?" |
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Nonperson
Unbeatable Pterodactyl
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Joined: Jun 13, 2012
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| Posted: Wed Jun 13, 2012 7:48 pm Post subject: |
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| Yeah, I'm sure amending one response to one situation at the job I don't even have anymore will fix everything. |
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thewhitrbbit
Phoenix
Joined: May 31, 2012
Age: 27
Posts: 2166
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| Posted: Wed Jun 13, 2012 8:58 pm Post subject: |
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I didn't mean that, obviously what's done is done.
But I'm a contextual person, I look to the past for wisdom. Maybe in your next job, that will help. |
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Nonperson
Unbeatable Pterodactyl
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| Posted: Wed Jun 13, 2012 9:34 pm Post subject: |
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Not trying to be contrary, but I doubt it. I was told in as many words that I "lacked personality" - well, obviously, since I tried to be as neutral and bland as possible due to past experiences with people disliking me. Whatever personality I have is obviously unacceptable, suppressing it is unacceptable -or maybe something else about me is unacceptable and this is just an excuse, but in any case I doubt it's possible to pass for "normal" in all the interactions I have to have at work. I mean, it's not like I just react randomly: this is something I've been trying to figure out all my life. Every single word I say in public is already carefully calculated because it's the only way I can say anything at all. Yes, I know "uh huh" can be rude, it was just an example to show that if I need to simply acknowledge something I acknowledge it (at least I think I do - I don't even know what I do anymore after so many times thinking I did the right thing only to have it blow up in my face).
I feel like a rat in a maze where electric shocks are given totally at random. I know you're saying this to be helpful but I'm convinced at this point there's not an easy fix. If it wasn't saying "uh huh" instead of "no problem" (which I do say as well) it would be something else. Unless NTs actually do judge you on the basis of one (non)word amid all those exchanged in two months, which is a daunting idea in its own right! |
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cathylynn
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 25, 2011
Posts: 2041
Location: northeastern US
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| Posted: Wed Jun 13, 2012 9:52 pm Post subject: |
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| the work housewives do has been estimated to be valued at about $30,000 per year. let your husband support you. support him back in the traditional way. you will have earned your food. |
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deltafunction
Cool cool cool
Joined: Jun 05, 2012
Age: 21
Posts: 1088
Location: Lost
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| Posted: Wed Jun 13, 2012 10:04 pm Post subject: |
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That's terrible that they fired you for something so vague and useless-in my opinion. Even in the service industry, if you're doing your job, and your social problems aren't interfering with your work, they should not fire you in my opinion. It may be a right, I don't know. But it sounds like it only interfered with your interactions with your superiors, and only in a miniscule way. If it didn't interfere with your ability to complete the job to standard, then big deal.
Bunch of nitwits if you ask me.
Btw, I would be fired many times over if I were fired any time a coworker didn't like me....
_________________
Your Aspie score: 93 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 109 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits |
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Nonperson
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Joined: Jun 13, 2012
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| Posted: Thu Jun 14, 2012 3:21 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks for the replies. I think I have to find a way to work with as little social interaction as possible somehow. I thought I could fake being NT, but obviously they still see right through it and at my age it's probably not going to get much better. I wonder if I'd be better off if I didn't work with other women, since they seem way more nitpicky about this sort of thing than men are - I don't know, though.
Aspies should band together and start some kind of business where everyone gets plenty of space at work and isn't expected to make small talk, and just hire a few NTs for PR.  |
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puddingmouse
exclamation mark!
Joined: Apr 25, 2010
Age: 26
Posts: 7074
Location: Mega City 3
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| Posted: Fri Jun 15, 2012 11:39 pm Post subject: |
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Their loss. You will get another job. There will be some place out there that values the work you do. Landing in the right job for anyone is about luck.
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I'm as ugly as sin and twice as sweet. |
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androbot2084
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 24, 2011
Posts: 3098
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| Posted: Sat Jun 16, 2012 12:48 am Post subject: |
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| it's the nuerotypicals who have the bad personality. After all what kind of sadistic being loves to fire good autistic workers? |
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OliveOilMom
Queen of cans and jars
Joined: Nov 12, 2011
Posts: 6783
Location: Living in Faulkner's nightmare
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| Posted: Sat Jun 16, 2012 7:26 am Post subject: |
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I am a housewife and certainly deserve to eat and live.
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Frances
I can be a little much sometimes. |
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Nonperson
Unbeatable Pterodactyl
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| Posted: Sat Jun 16, 2012 12:05 pm Post subject: |
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| I didn't say I was a housewife. I'm not. I am terrible at housework. At best, I'm a housepet with lots of student loan debt I can't pay off. |
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Nonperson
Unbeatable Pterodactyl
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Joined: Jun 13, 2012
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| Posted: Sat Jun 16, 2012 12:24 pm Post subject: |
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| Not that I think that about people who can't work. I think it of myself because I know what I could do, and how little I actually contribute, how much of a burden I am on everyone around me though I could actually be useful. I don't know or assume that about other people. |
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