Joined: Jun 18, 2012 Age: 31 Posts: 22 Location: In a state of Misery
Posted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 3:12 pm Post subject: Growing up and done with bad boys
I used to want a dark, brooding, exciting guy, someone who was free like me. I wanted someone misunderstood and someone wild I could tame. Then I got hurt. And hurt. And hurt again. I was naive, and these boys knew just what to say to make me feel understood and wanted. I was lied to and cheated on. I want a guy who won't go out partying with his friends and then cheat on me with some slut he met at the bar. I want a guy who rather just stay in and watch an intelligent movie or listen to interesting music. I'm tired of guys who just want to rush into something physical. Maybe I should just find a nice guy with Aspergers! _________________ "A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world." Oscar Wilde
Joined: Apr 06, 2012 Posts: 1145 Location: New York
Posted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 4:08 pm Post subject:
Right...getting lied to and cheated on by guys sounds like so much fun...young people don't always make perfect dating choices, big deal
Women who want a cozy "let's watch a movie" partnership certainly exist. Genuinely nice/sweet men exist. Women who want guys who put on a nice facade to make a direct play for the bedroom without having to deal with any risk of rejection (which is what a niceguytm does)...I've yet to meet any.
OP: I would just tell you the aspergers is a neurological difference. It doesn't guarantee better behavior/temperment (though less social bad behavior is likely). Autistic people aren't innocent angels.
Look for people who respect you, that'll cut down on the scumbag behavior you have to deal with a lot better than looking for a specific neurology. _________________ If your success is defined as being well adjusted to injustice and well adapted to indifference, then we don’t want successful leaders. We want great leaders- who are unbought, unbound, unafraid, and unintimidated to tell the truth.
There are definitely some aspie males who have attitudes towarrds women I find depressing/scary so it isn't a guarantee that because a person isn't a party-type that they will treat you well. I assume most people aren't like that, but it can still be easy to be drawn towards that minority that isn't good for you.
young people don't always make perfect dating choices, big deal
Women who want a cozy "let's watch a movie" partnership certainly exist. Genuinely nice/sweet men exist. Women who want guys who put on a nice facade to make a direct play for the bedroom without having to deal with any risk of rejection (which is what a niceguytm does)...I've yet to meet any.
Of course young people don't always make perfect dating choices, but I assure you it is a very big deal for those who are constantly overlooked. The reason the OP has had this problem is precisely because of girls like her feeding the problem in the first place.
She admits instead of simply going after the guys who more than likely would have been loyal, loving, and supportive in a relationship, she wanted bad boys she could "Fix". It didn't work out, she repeated the process numerous times, and now wants to change her mind. The problem is, the reason why none of those guys allowed her to 'Fix' them is that they had no incentive to do so. Since there a TON more women just like her out there who are willing to delude themselves into repeating the exact same mistake. Meanwhile legitimately nice guys (Not the people you are talking about) get overlooked.
I'm sure it's just as maddening to be a nice, caring, but overweight girl who consistently gets overlooked for pretty high maintenance girls who only care about status and money all the time... only to have the guys they are after suddenly start looking at them when they are ready to settle down and start a family.
Posted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 4:41 pm Post subject: Re: Growing up and done with bad boys
HipsterChick wrote:
I used to want a dark, brooding, exciting guy, someone who was free like me. I wanted someone misunderstood and someone wild I could tame. Then I got hurt. And hurt. And hurt again. I was naive, and these boys knew just what to say to make me feel understood and wanted. I was lied to and cheated on. I want a guy who won't go out partying with his friends and then cheat on me with some slut he met at the bar. I want a guy who rather just stay in and watch an intelligent movie or listen to interesting music. I'm tired of guys who just want to rush into something physical. Maybe I should just find a nice guy with Aspergers!
I am a dark, brooding, exciting yet nice guy who needs to be 'fixed' and probably tamed in some ways, so come and tame me, baby.
Joined: Sep 10, 2011 Posts: 1970 Location: Los Angeles
Posted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 4:53 pm Post subject:
I think the problem a lot of guys have is that they don't want to be the logical rational choice. They want to feel wanted. A girl says something like this, and they hear "what I really wanted isn't working, so I guess I'll give you a shot." They fear that the girl, who has matured and changed her mind about the type of guy she wants, will never feel the same excitement and passion about him that she felt about the guys she used to go for. No one wants to feel their partner settled for them.
The way some guys word things here could stand to be a lot less confrontational. But is it really so awful to want to feel like someone's first choice, rather than their consolation prize?
Last edited by mds_02 on Mon Jun 18, 2012 5:05 pm; edited 1 time in total
Joined: Jan 02, 2012 Age: 28 Posts: 2621 Location: Hants, UK
Posted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 8:38 pm Post subject:
Hi, HipsterChick
Firstly, welcome to WrongPlanet if you haven't been welcomed yet!
Okay, congratulations on having some sort of epiphany on the whole "bad boy" thing. The thing about wanting to change someone (like bad boys), is that you don't really like them for who they are, just what they are. So when they don't change, and their problems end up being your problems, it hits home and the buzz is over or there is an emotional casualty.
Now, if you're looking for Aspie guys you have come to the right place no shortage of supply here. My advice would be before you pick any guy if from WP to check their posting history, ESPECIALLY in this section of the forum. Don't mind people being opportunistic to have a go at you, the newbie, because you didn't go for "special nice guys like them". This is quite a common mindset, and not representative of everybody here.
Some of these guys might even be a good start because a good woman in their life might actually give them a metaphorical brain transplant and bring out the REAL nice guy in them it would also be a middle ground for you given your history. These fellas are very misunderstood, have a lot of misunderstandings about things but are really nice guys.
Failing that, just do the human thing and go for the one you like happy hunting!
P.S. Also check out the Adult Autism Discussion board for a bit of fun. _________________ "A man is but the product of his thoughts - what he thinks, he becomes." - Mahatma Gandhi
Joined: Feb 01, 2012 Posts: 1364 Location: Planet Earth
Posted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 8:42 pm Post subject:
I'll be the unforgiving person in this thread. I'll fill in for the women who, had this been another one of those pathetic sycophants, would have been up in arms to tell them they had sinister motives and were therefore undeserving. Additionally, it seems people here are starting to accept what I'm saying, and that's scary. I'm not just letting this discussion go. This is clearly a troll, presumably one who doesn't know this is my turf, but this one is surprisingly literate. I say we give it a chance and turn this into one of those awesome battlefield threads. I'll start by being a bit more controversial, as you people and your scepticism so far aren't allowing for something interesting.
HipsterChick wrote:
I was lied to and cheated on. I want a guy who won't go out partying with his friends and then cheat on me with some slut he met at the bar. I want a guy who rather just stay in and watch an intelligent movie or listen to interesting music.
If you place a high bet, darling, don't complain if you lose. That's how the dating game works. It's gambling, only a bit more strategic. I'd rank it somewhere between poker and war. The more physically attractive you are, the more you can get away with, and the more you should get away with. It's not bad that you did these things, but accept the consequences. Don't expect the perfect man to want you now. You're 30 and previously popular - the old product on the front page. Similar to the old product on page fifteen by now, but worn out. You've been ordered, sent and returned too many times, and you'll have to settle for half your original price. You've lost your gamble.
HipsterChick wrote:
I want a guy who rather just stay in and watch an intelligent movie or listen to interesting music. I'm tired of guys who just want to rush into something physical.
What I'm going to say here might sound a bit rude, but it's just my way of replacing the standard regiment of women in regular Nice Guy Battlefield Threads™. You're tired of guys who just want to rush into something physical? There comes a point in your life - incidentally, that's 30 for a lot of people - when women cease to be the group dishing out the demands from a safe haven. You're at an age now when men have more of a choice, and the means to pursue that choice. The intelligent men with the peace of mind to stay at home for large amounts of time are not the type of men who'd expect demands from a woman over 30. Again, you'll have to settle for less.
What points at you being a troll most - and I'm completely certain of that, so don't waste time denying it - is that you've stayed too true to one of the archetypes featured in one-dimensional fiction. You see, everything you've said here can be traced back to the archetypes in nice guy lore since the beginning of time. I could ship a copypasta from /b/ and make an equally-convincing thread.
Finally, on this topic, the opinion of a man I respect for being extremely alpha.
Starting at at 29:55: "You know what - by the time they're 38, we will have had them ten years ago - at least. They will be somebody else's problem. Some other man will pluck them out of the recycle bin, and then, uh, they'll be happy to get what they got - a used car."
Joined: Jan 02, 2012 Age: 28 Posts: 2621 Location: Hants, UK
Posted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 8:48 pm Post subject:
HisDivineMajesty, I'm afraid you've been beaten to the punch several times already on being the biggest sore loser to take out their shortcomings on a person that has more romantic and social success than you. They are a newbie, they've made no offensive remarks, have come to some conclusion about their life and are willing to change and admit to mistakes. You on the other hand just behaved like a tool. You should be ashamed.
HipsterChick, I retract my statement about giving idiots like this guy a chance. But I will definitely stick to my guns on screen testing a guy's posts in this section if you are looking to meet guys on WP.
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
OP: I would just tell you the aspergers is a neurological difference. It doesn't guarantee better behavior/temperment (though less social bad behavior is likely). Autistic people aren't innocent angels.
Look for people who respect you, that'll cut down on the scumbag behavior you have to deal with a lot better than looking for a specific neurology.
Yes. Definitely this. _________________ "A man is but the product of his thoughts - what he thinks, he becomes." - Mahatma Gandhi
Surely this is a troll post... Since according to all the women at this forum people like you don't exist, and all 'Nice guys' are actually just evil, manipulative pricks who try to use flattery and false sincerity to ingratiate themselves to women in the hopes of getting sex.
If it's not a troll post, it's nice that you waited till after you'd had your fun to come to this conclusion.. it reads a bit like you're saying "Well, I've had my fun, time to settle & settle down before my looks go completely and gravity makes it's final push on my front lines"..
Right...getting lied to and cheated on by guys sounds like so much fun...young people don't always make perfect dating choices, big deal
Women who want a cozy "let's watch a movie" partnership certainly exist. Genuinely nice/sweet men exist. Women who want guys who put on a nice facade to make a direct play for the bedroom without having to deal with any risk of rejection (which is what a niceguytm does)...I've yet to meet any.
OP: I would just tell you the aspergers is a neurological difference. It doesn't guarantee better behavior/temperment (though less social bad behavior is likely). Autistic people aren't innocent angels.
Look for people who respect you, that'll cut down on the scumbag behavior you have to deal with a lot better than looking for a specific neurology.
You say you have yet to meet a nice guy. I say that then you're not looking for them, or if you are, then you have a much larger set of criteria than just "a nice guy," such as "a nice guy... who's hot, has lots of money, etc." Because surely, plenty of nice guys exist out there. I'm one of them, which you'll probably say is a lie, but whatever. I'm still a nice guy, as I always was, but the difference now is after having my heart broken and being sh** on and seen others get the same kind of treatment, I'm not as accepting of bullshit. And I'm not nice to those who aren't nice to me. So there are times when some of the things I say make me sound like a bitter as*hole, but that's really not the case.
Also, there are the nice guys who became assholes because that's who they see getting girls all the time, despite the fact that almost every girl on the planet will say she wants a nice guy. So that tells me that either their idea of a nice guy is someone who blows them off to go do other stuff and just generally hurts them all the time(because that's who they tend to stay with), OR they're lying about wanting nice guys.
Thankfully I've found this weird purgatory between "nice guy" and douchebag girls for some unknown reason go out with. Oh well. Yay for NVLD/Aspergers giving me crappy emotional reciprocity. _________________ Too kawaii to live...
Too sugoi to die!
no shortage of supply here. My advice would be before you pick any guy if from WP to check their posting history, ESPECIALLY in this section of the forum. Don't mind people being opportunistic to have a go at you, the newbie, because you didn't go for "special nice guys like them". This is quite a common mindset, and not representative of everybody here.
